Rambling 158: Gatekeeper Penguins

How does Martin Luther King Jr. Relate to Penguins? How do penguins relate to Flat Earth? Was Malcolm X more right than Doctor King? And where do penguins come from? Are they fairies? The upcoming Penguin Day and MLK Day get the duo excited to discuss the connection between the two and how both Penguins and Martin Luther King Jr. affected the world for the better or the worse.

+Episode Details

Topics Discussed:

  • MLK Day
  • Hitler Day
  • War Reenactment
  • Everyone Rapes
  • Flat Earth vs Round Earth
  • Lyndon Johnson
  • Arctic
  • Penguin Fairies
  • Climate Change
  • Spacetime Portal
  • MLK vs Malcolm X

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+Transcript

Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Cristina: What does live mean?

Jack: welcome to the Rambling Podcast, the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I'm your host, Jack.

Cristina: And I'm your host, Christina.

Jack: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notified to since I released.

Cristina: Also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner to share opinions and ideas on topics we discuss.

Jack: Yes. So be sure to find somebody to talk to while you listen for the second time, because on the first time, you're gonna be nice and quiet and paying attention because you're a good boy, and that's what you do. And if you're female, you're still a good boy, because that's what you do.

Cristina: They're all good boys.

Jack: They're all good boys. Also, a good boy is what you tell somebody who's fat or something. Who's fat? Like a. Like a fat dog is a good boy.

Cristina: Really? Not a regular dog.

Jack: No, it's just a fat dog is a good boy.

Cristina: Why?

Jack: I don't know. I don't make up the rules.

Cristina: How. Where did this rule come from?

Jack: The Internet.

Cristina: The Internet? You read that on the Internet?

Jack: I see it consistently. If you see a fat dog, they'll be, oh, it's a good boy.

Cristina: It's a good boy.

Jack: Yeah, they'll say, it's a good boy.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Good boy.

Cristina: I thought they were just saying that to all dogs.

Jack: Boy. It's a good boy. Yeah, it's a good boy. Anyways, Martin Luther King Day is coming soon. That's in two days. It's Monday. It's coming Monday and celebrating Happy Martin Luther King Day.

Cristina: How do you celebrate.

Jack: How do you celebrate Martin Luther King Day?

Cristina: Yeah. You read his speeches?

Jack: No.

Cristina: Are you supposed to have them memorized by heart and then just, like, read aligned? I mean, tell a line to everyone you see on that day. You say, happy Martin Luther King and a random cult.

Jack: You reinforce segregation for that day so that people have to fight against it in honor of Martin Luther King's fight against segregation. So you have to be extra racist so that black people get extra civil rightsy and as a result, celebrate. You're trying to make black people celebrate Martin Luther King by being very racist to them and forcing segregation casually so they don't even realize it's a celebration you're doing, but you're being a good celebrity.

Cristina: They don't know how everyone else is supposed to celebrate it. They just think people are just being racist.

Jack: So for that one day, civil rights jumps way up.

Cristina: That sounds awful.

Jack: What do you mean? But then at the end of the day, they feel like we fought back and we got this and they feel so accomplished because they, they made it to the other side and segregation ends. They feel like Martin Luther King, except he never saw that happen because he died. So the. I guess in theory the most accurate way that this happens is you get really, really racist to anybody who's dark or like more than caramel. And then you force segregation.

Cristina: That's horrible. That's even worse.

Jack: What do you. This is the best way to do it.

Jack: So that the day is celebrated. It's. Hey, I don't.

Cristina: I don't think so. Right, because we're celebrating his death. What are we doing?

Jack: We're celebrating his. Him. Everything is involving him. But no, this is crazy, right? Because this means, like, I hope nobody celebrates Hitler Day, you know, because based on that logic, it's going to be dark.

Cristina: There is no Hitler Day.

Jack: Why isn't there, man? Is there Hitler Day in Germany?

Cristina: No.

Jack: No, they can't just like Jewish Survival day or something. Can you imagine Hitler Day? Should we start Hitler Day?

Cristina: And what would Hitler baby.

Jack: Oh man, you know. Do you know what Hitler Day is based on what I told you Martin Luther King day is? No, it's two plus two equals four, bro. It's going to be a dark day. But we can only celebrate that in Germany anyways. Which means for one day a year, Germany is empty of Jews. Because they're like, no, we're not going to be here for that day. We all take a vacation on Hitler Day.

Cristina: Is it like the purge?

Jack: Yeah, I guess. So Germany still has Hitler Day.

Cristina: No, it doesn't.

Jack: Yeah, it does.

Cristina: It still has Hitler Day. I mean, it made Hitler Day.

Jack: Well, I guess Hitler Day happened after Hitler's death. So once a year a mass extinction happens. Or not extinction, but you know, pretty severe moment on Jews.

Cristina: Or should it be on Nazis?

Jack: I guess. I don't know, man, because we gotta talk about everything that the Jews go through on. No, that's Hitler. Everything Hitler. Yeah, I guess so. So the first Reich has to rise and fall within that day.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: But on N*** Day you go through the murder of Jews and then all the Nazis get arrested by Americans. So on day one, I guess, I guess you could say that N*** day is a week long. It's not N*** Day, it's N*** Week. Right. And so the Beginning of the week starts with a bunch of people rallying together. The second day is them, like, going and capturing a bunch of Jews. The third day is them starting to take Jew lives. The fourth day is the middle of the week, Right. Seven days of the week. The very middle. So here is. This is the peak. Right. This is the top. This climax point. So here you take. Yeah. Deaths. But also, it's the one day, is the first day that Americans show up to celebrate.

Cristina: And why are they celebrating?

Jack: Because they claim they stopped the war.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Although everybody else and their mother was already there waiting.

Cristina: So they're there to stop it.

Jack: Yeah, yeah. So on the fourth day, Americans are like, oh, yeah, it's our first day of Nazis Day, of N*** Week. So then it's. We go. We take trips, and they take trips to Germany, where then they start, for the next three days, purge, hunting the Germans.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And the ones that they can't kill before the last day, they have to arrest on the last day.

Cristina: They're supposed to be killing them. Yeah, well, they're killing, too.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cristina: You're trying to kill them, and they're just not killing this whole time, too. Like, they're killing even after day four.

Jack: Yeah, yeah. They keep killing. They don't stop killing until day seven.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: When whoever takes the place of Hitler, it's kind of like. Which is weird, bro. Like, all jokes aside, you know how strange it is that we have, like, reenactments of the Confederate War?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: This weird is a weird.

Cristina: I don't know. That's for history lovers, I guess. I guess, like, there's reenactment of many different. I'm assuming. I'm assuming. I can't imagine that that's the only thing people want to reenact.

Jack: Like, do people go around reenacting World War II?

Cristina: Possibly.

Jack: But look, there's video games about the worst day of many people's lives. There's so Many World War II video games and movies.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Some are just based on real s*** that happened. And it's like, you just. You know, for entertainment's sake, we're gonna go to the theater and watch somebody's actual misery unfold.

Cristina: Yes. But we love stuff like that. We love stuff like that, so why not reenact?

Jack: It's like that Ted Bundy show, right? It's like, here, watch something that did happen to people who are real and was totally horrible in every possible way. And we're gonna make money off it, and you're gonna enjoy it.

Cristina: Yeah. One day there'll be a VR version where you get to play as Ted Bundy.

Jack: It's gonna be great. People are gonna love it. You get to rape all the women and then kill them all.

Cristina: Yep.

Jack: I can't wait. It's gonna be great.

Cristina: How far? It's so horrible.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: I mean, maybe no one will want to play the VR. Maybe they want to just watch him do it. They don to be him.

Jack: On the flip side, I'm sure there's some people who fantasize about being seduced by him and then raped and then murdered.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Or murdered and raped, regardless of what order he decided to do things in any given moment.

Cristina: I guess there's different versions of this game. You can play as him. You can play just watching him. You can play as the victim.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cristina: Whoever you want to be in his story.

Jack: It's capitalism, bro. If it sells, it tells.

Cristina: Oh, that's so horrible.

Jack: Anything is fair game. That's why I'm still kind of shocked we don't have petal dolls. Like, that's a market that is. I mean, let's be fair. Some places have pedal dolls, but, like, this is America. Why don't we have pedo dolls?

Cristina: I feel like if you have dolls that are made from anime characters, that's good enough, Right?

Jack: You think, like, what about guys who only fantasize about. I say guys, but I guess women do it too. Who only fantasize about. Like, that's sexism right there, right?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Like, that's a double standard. I'm like, guys rape children. Was like, no. There's probably women doing it too.

Cristina: Yeah. How dare you? What about those women rapists?

Jack: Yeah. No, it's crazy because the logic is that women get raped but don't rape, and men can't get raped but do rape. But it's like, that doesn't make any f****** sense. Of course. Both sides rape and both sides get raped.

Cristina: Yes. Yes.

Jack: That is the only thing that makes sense.

Cristina: Yes. As far as I know, only female teachers rape. Oh, no, actually, both sides rape. They both rape students. It sucks. Yeah.

Jack: Yeah. Who the f***. It's not like the craziest part about. If you're male and your teacher, quote, rapes you, unquote, and you're suped. Don't. Don't f*** that person's life up because you're f******. Bro, Are you kidding me?

Cristina: If you're a male teacher.

Jack: No, if you're male student and a female teacher rapes you allegedly. But you enjoyed it and you just kind of want to Brat and share with the homies. Don't. You're telling them not to wait till you're 18. If it was up and they forced you to do. Tell everybody. Yeah, you tell everyone that, bro. You rat on her, you find her family, send her them photos of the rape. I don't give a.

Cristina: But if there's someone who enjoyed it.

Jack: And wanted it, you enjoyed it. They enjoyed it. It was consensual, even if illegal, because we made up laws around that. Just shut the f*** up. You're gonna get somebody in trouble when you don't want to.

Cristina: Oh, it's weird.

Jack: But look, we made up the idea of a child that happened in 1960s that we legislated in England. First, the concept of a child.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And then we built laws around that, not giving a f*** because our grandparents were still like 12 year olds having children. S***. You know, like whatever. If you feel you gave consent, don't f*** somebody up. If you feel it was f***** up and wrong, do whatever you got.

Cristina: These are all horrible holidays. If Ted Bundy holiday and Peto. Boto Day.

Jack: Pedo day. What? No, it has to be based around somebody. I wonder if there's a Pedo Day.

Cristina: Why not?

Jack: Why not?

Cristina: I don't know. There's a Penguin Day.

Jack: There's a Penguin Day. That's this week too.

Cristina: That's this week too.

Jack: It's funny because that's actually related to Martin Luther King.

Cristina: How is it related to Martha Luther King?

Jack: Well, there's a. The idea of penguins, not of penguins. Everything surrounding the Flat Earth Coalition has to do a lot with Martin Luther King and penguins.

Cristina: He has something to do with what?

Jack: The Flat Earth Coalition.

Cristina: What's that?

Jack: Us. Everything.

Cristina: Everything.

Jack: Reality.

Cristina: Reality.

Jack: Not reality really, but like the. Okay, I'll explain. Let's paint the picture. So people who don't understand flat Earth believe that the Flat Earthers believe, which a lot of people who are Flat Earthers and are idiots because they themselves didn't go check the facts or whatever. They believe that there is a wall of ice surrounding Earth region of.

Cristina: Yeah, yeah.

Jack: And that on the other side, it goes on forever. And that is reality just goes on more land forever. And that there's rich people out there or other civilizations or whatever, blah, blah, blah, blizzards, whatever. Lizards come from the universe too, but whatever. We don't f****** ask questions. So in the case of Earth, Earth is a. Is a. Both round and flat. You could say is both round and flat.

Cristina: But the part we're on is the flat part.

Jack: It's not really flat. But the curvature is so minimal. But to get a good visual of what we're talking about here, the best idea I have of interpreting it is if you look at a globe and you see the size of Puerto Rico on the globe, and then you draw a circle around Puerto Rico on the globe.

Cristina: Yes. And then you be a very small circle.

Jack: Very small circle. And then you take a map, a world map, but not on a globe. A flat world map, and then you shrink that world map till everything fits inside the circle. You drew where Puerto Rico was, and you put it inside the circle, and then you back up from the globe.

Cristina: And then that's the real Earth.

Jack: That's what we. What we call Earth is really just the flat part of Earth. We call that one region Earth, when in reality that's flat. Yeah. We're so small. That's flatter. Flat Earth is inside that. Now we're still on a sphere.

Cristina: That's humongous.

Jack: That's humongous. But we are not accessing any of that. We're not allowed to. There's no point in doing it. We work for people who easily come in and out, and we're allowed in and out. But the outside of the wall isn't allowed. The commoners.

Cristina: Yeah, we're not really allowed to investigate any of that.

Jack: Exactly. As you know. We're not really. Because our jurisdiction is inside the flat earth circle.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Anything outside the flat earth circle that is not our business. What's happening out there, we don't discuss. It doesn't matter. We don't know. We're not supposed to know. It doesn't matter. Now, Martin Luther King had to get certain things legislated, but because the powers that be in land, rich people with a lot of ignorance behind them refused to do things properly. So Martin Luther King had to get in contact with their higher ups.

Cristina: So outside the people, outside the wall.

Jack: No. Yeah. He actually had to get in contact with the President of the United States from that time, which was Lyndon Johnson, I believe. And so he got in contact with, like, I could be botching his name. I'm not sure. But Lyndon Johnson. He got in touch with Lyndon Johnson. They had many secret meetings that have been. Some of them were secretly recorded. There's conversations that have proof of. And in those conversations, he got Lyndon to agree because Martin Luther King is not allowed outside a circle. But as a world leader, world leaders can go outside. World leaders can go outside if they have reason to.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And so he got Lyndon Johnson to agree. And Lyndon Johnson now World leaders themselves have to go. You can't send somebody who works for you. You have to go yourself. Your people can escort you to the barrier. Yeah, but they are not allowed out. No, only you as a leader. Because now you enter in your the bottom of the barrel. Outside, you might be the top of the s*** inside flat earth, but outside flat earth, in round earth, you're nothing. You're nothing. You're just the bottom you entered at the bottom.

Cristina: But you can go there to ask for help.

Jack: Yes. So basically, Lyndon Johnson goes to the overlords that are outside the flat earth ring and asks for help, because the people with money within the flat earth ring are lobbying to keep laws the way they are and to allow segregation to continue and to allow s***** housing conditions. And so he needed to jump over money with power. So he got in contact with the overlords. Overlords agreed to help and they got people to go in and make the people with money completely obsolete, thus easily legislating the end of legal segregation, allowing for better housing conditions for people of color and just things like that.

Cristina: And what do the penguins have to do with that?

Jack: Well, the penguins are. Well, I guess this is a different explanation. But the ice wall surrounding all of flat earth is guarded by a possibly chimera of some sort, which is a penguin. We're not sure if it's a human combined with some other creature, but a penguin, as you know, we have no birds. That's not a thing. They never evolved from dinosaurs or anything. But we do have penguins, which are biological.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So there's some made up invention that's happened over here. And so penguins are absurdly overpowered, absurdly fast, kind of like a hippo, you know, just really strong, really fast, really intelligent. And they guard the wall.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: If you were to try to cross without permission, they'll kill you. They can easily dispose of you. It would be so effortless.

Cristina: What? Yeah, they have powers. Well, not any, like superpowers.

Jack: Not necessarily superpowers, but astound abilities. For example, you know, penguins are very quick swimmers. Well, quick is an understatement. We see, you know, Discovery Channel telling us about penguins, and those are in inland penguins. We're not looking at penguins guarding the border. When we go to those penguins, we're talking about things that move, you know, 100 miles per hour in the water. What, like you couldn't get away on a boat if you wanted to? Yeah, things with skin as thick as elephant skin.

Cristina: That's ridiculous.

Jack: A torpedo in the water, basically.

Cristina: Interesting.

Jack: They're kind of overpowered.

Cristina: They're torpedoes in the water.

Jack: What, and they can walk inland way to the other side. They are.

Cristina: Who escorts you to the other side?

Jack: To the other side. And it's not an easy walk. It is far and they will take. Luckily they have villages set up and they can. The penguins can take you to their villages. There are probably. There's several stops. Several stops between the entrance of the wall on our side and the exit of the wall on their side. Miles and miles and miles.

Cristina: We don't know how long exactly.

Jack: I don't know. Ex. What was the last time we went there? You know, it's. Yeah, I don't know, but. Yeah. So those penguins, you know, they stop at villages, many pit stops. We can have machinery. So we gotta kind of get a shortcut. We pass all that s***. We don't really. But like these people don't.

Cristina: No.

Jack: So the president had to go and go through this whole trail.

Cristina: Penguin people. Penguin people or whatever we want to call them. We call them penguins. But they're not really what people think of as penguins.

Jack: Yeah, my. My thing is that perhaps there was some creature that existed ahead of time. And when the overlords decided that we should cut off the flat earth section of the planet and let them develop on their own, that around this time is when penguins were made. And we know that things like adrenochrome exist. I'm thinking that penguins are an entire other creature that was maybe given adrenochrome and resulted in the penguin happening.

Cristina: Okay. Of course, of course, of course.

Jack: That's how it would play.

Cristina: That's how.

Jack: Yeah, that's how it would play. I didn't just figure that out now as I was talking. That's exactly what would happen. Right, so the penguins, obviously, I've known this this whole time.

Cristina: Something else.

Jack: Yeah, they were something else. And then they got a dream come. We don't know what they were. So maybe some creature from the other side of the wall.

Cristina: Oh, I thought they were fairies, actually.

Jack: Yes, yes, you're actually right. You're actually right. They are actually fairies which don't really need adrenochrome. Adrenochrome.

Cristina: I mean, if a fairy is addicted to adrenochrome level, that's probably the reward, to be fair.

Jack: Yeah, because they. Well, fairies are already overpowered. Next to like a regular human.

Cristina: Yeah. Why would they be doing this? You said it's some type of chimera. So maybe it's somehow a hybrid fairy, non fairy culture.

Jack: Well, here's what's interesting interesting about this? We know they can shapeshift as well.

Cristina: No way.

Jack: Yeah, we know penguins can shapeshift. I'm assuming that that form that we call penguin is their default form. But like, I don't know, maybe could be wrong. They could look like some whole other.

Cristina: Yeah, but. it's so weird. They can transform. They can.

Jack: They shapeshift?

Cristina: Shapeshift?

Jack: Yeah, they can shapeshift.

Cristina: What? Yeah, they're shape shifting into bullets.

Jack: They could, I mean, I guess, but now they move so fast in the water, they could probably alter their shape to be really sharp and pierce through a boat that's trying to go through. Hence all the boats that get lost out there.

Cristina: But aren't there other animals that live up there? Are those actual animals?

Jack: No, they live way into the no life zone.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: It's the wall. Not just a place with Arctic conditions. They are in the depths of the Arctic. It's the actual everything dies here zone.

Cristina: So no bears or anything?

Jack: No, they need to be where there's trees and they need to be where there are other animals to eat.

Cristina: Okay. And this spot is just.

Jack: This is way away from dead snow. Dead snow? Technically not even like ground.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because there's no land up there. It's ice. It's just if the ice melted, there would be nowhere to stand. That's what it is up there. The fear that the people on the other side, you know, the Illuminati headquarters and like the Freemasons and just everybody on the other side, you know.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Their fear is that the planet is getting hotter and the wall is slowly dissipating.

Cristina: Is it the whole planet or just our part of the planet that we're burning up?

Jack: It's our part of the planet. Our emissions from inside of our ring.

Cristina: In Flat Earth, it's breaking the ice wall.

Jack: It's melting the ice wall. The ice wall. The problem is that it's not dispersing because the ice wall is pretty big and so the heat is trapped inside. If it could just go up enough and leave, that'd be fine. Just roll evenly spread out evenly across the rest of round Earth. But no, it's trapped inside the flat Earth region. So it's melting the walls, trying to get out.

Cristina: Is there a way we can stop that from happening?

Jack: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We're still waiting on reports for that to find out what we could do.

Cristina: We can't figure it out.

Jack: It's not a job. It's not our job.

Cristina: Should do something.

Jack: We do things about flat Earth and we deal with outer space. We don't deal with round Earth. It is not our job.

Cristina: What? That's so part of our job? Sort of.

Jack: I mean, everything that we'd do to fix a planet is already sort of in our wheelhouse. But there are other people for that and that's their job. And when they. I get that we're the top and we should like, have dibs on what jobs. But we don't have dibs on what jobs.

Cristina: But we've solved so many things.

Jack: Okay, but we also have a bunch of s*** that's pending.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: So we kind of. They need us to stay focused.

Cristina: Yeah. Because.

Jack: Yeah. Okay, what happens? We successfully figure out the wall problem and we sleep on the f****** cat people. Next thing you know, they've made crazy advancements and show up on our doorstep. How? How do we win that fight?

Cristina: That's true.

Jack: We can't.

Cristina: No.

Jack: Does. Does stupid global heating bullshit compete with an overpowered, scientifically advanced creature so far ahead of us that it's basically a God?

Cristina: We should just send them some zombies. That's all we need to do.

Jack: Kind of genius. We should just send some zombies through the pyramids and just poof, they're over there and see what happens. But they're so advanced they could cure that. Again, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We're too primitive. We need to figure out kidnapping one of them and getting them talking. We need to separate them from.

Cristina: You wanna. From space.

Jack: They told us where their gods are. Yeah, we kidnapped the ones from the bottom of Lake Loch Ness.

Cristina: Oh yeah.

Jack: And they told us about the ones up there in the Great Void. Yeah, we need the ones from the Great Void. The ones in Loch Ness were an independent group. Once we have the one, at least one from the Great Void, we can ask about the technology that allows the Great Void to exist. And chances are that's enough to also solve the. The heat problem.

Cristina: The heat problem. Yeah, I guess so. We can get back to it eventually.

Jack: Well, we're gonna give that data. They have all our information.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: They'll apply. They'll give it that data to the team working on the heating problem.

Cristina: I still feel like that portal we should be worried about because somehow time is messed up.

Jack: Yeah, this is exactly my point. You see, like we have things that trump the h*** out of slightly warm, you know, I guess, godlike cats that probably angry that we've captured, tortured and murdered some of their people. And probably Plotting some s***. F****** a whole rift through space time that leads to an entirely different universe that we should probably pay attention to. We got problems.

Cristina: Yeah, I'm starting to think they were trying to stop us somehow. Like they knew we were gonna ruin space time.

Jack: Who? The cat people?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: You know what you just said that I find really interesting?

Cristina: What?

Jack: And we'll come back to the f******. The wall in a second. But like, it's actually pretty interesting. But going off the idea that the cat people are in fact trying to stop us. Right.

Cristina: Yes, right, right.

Jack: Just. Just curiously following that train of thought. There was a version of me with a time machine.

Cristina: Exactly.

Jack: Actively went forward in time to completely dismantle Earth.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And assuming that they're so advanced they also have time machines, they know this happened and they're probably actively trying to come up with a plan to stop it.

Cristina: Huh? Oh, crap.

Jack: And that's probably what we stumbled upon.

Cristina: Then we have to get to them before they get to us. Us? Well, you specifically.

Jack: Well, they need to get to the past version of me that got to the machine.

Cristina: Yes. So we gotta do something before that happens.

Jack: Well, yeah, that happened in the past. There's nothing we could do. We would need to use the machine to go back in time. But we know the rule.

Cristina: That past you knew about the future. So is that past you even a past you or a future you that we haven't met yet or like the whole time thing is all messed up? Everything is messed up already. We don't know the order of anything.

Jack: Yeah, we don't know the order of anything because simply the fact that. Simply the fact that this hole exists is a f****** problem in time. Because chances are it exists before the time that causes rift that made it exist. So. Okay, that's f*****.

Cristina: Yes. I think this all started, though, because we stole the time machine. Maybe this not the time machine. Did we destroy it?

Jack: No, we have the time machine. We just don't use it because.

Cristina: No. Destroying the one in the middle of the Earth, I think might have messed up everything.

Jack: Oh, but that wasn't a time machine. That was a portal.

Cristina: That was a portal.

Jack: That was the reptilian portal to Universe two.

Cristina: Yes. Then the portal in my backyard. I think the portals, like, messed with time somehow.

Jack: I mean, yeah, they're crossing space. Yeah, we destroyed it. And space time is one thing.

Cristina: So. Yeah, I think that really has something to do with why everything's screwed up.

Jack: Yeah, but it's funny because we've had the portal in your backyard since before we destroyed the Portal that was connecting Earth 1 and 2.

Cristina: Yeah, but. I know it doesn't make sense, but you were stopping cat people before we knew cat people were in danger.

Jack: Before you and I knew cat people.

Cristina: Exactly.

Jack: But I didn't. We didn't exist yet. Yeah, we were cloned afterwards.

Cristina: Yeah, it's weird still, but we don't know if that. That was another clone of you or that was just you in the future, because it's a time machine. We don't know which version of you that really is.

Jack: Yeah, we do, because he was sending people. He wasn't going there himself. He took one trip and came back and then started sending people out.

Cristina: But we don't know where he came.

Jack: Yeah, we do.

Cristina: We do know.

Jack: Yeah, we know that he was from this time sending people forward to prevent the cat peoples.

Cristina: But how did he know about that unless he was.

Jack: Because he went to the future with the time machine and saw it. He saw the cat people had taken over the world and went back in time to his time, and then would charge people to go to the future and would send them to random periods of time so they'd repopulate and overthrow the capipultimate. I remember that vividly.

Cristina: You don't think he was just from the future?

Jack: No, no, no, no, no. That wouldn't make sense because that's too far in the future. If it was repopulated.

Cristina: Yeah. Okay.

Jack: He had to have been from here because that's hundreds of years in the future. I'm not immortal. No, it's just me. But he took a time machine to the future, was like, no, this ain't happening. Came back and tried to f*** it up. Yeah, apparently successfully.

Cristina: Well, we don't know how successful, I guess. I don't know.

Jack: Fair enough. It could be that his attempt at stopping the future then force the cat people to advance dramatically in our own time.

Cristina: Oh, so that's the case.

Jack: Can you imagine? Just trying to stop them made it worse so that it happened sooner.

Cristina: Exactly. Should we be worried about that?

Jack: Well, we should be with. This is why we're focusing on these things.

Cristina: Okay?

Jack: This is why we're not bothering with stopping global warming.

Cristina: All right?

Jack: Or it's not even global warming, it's climate change.

Cristina: And just in this area.

Jack: And just in this area, it's not global.

Cristina: Yeah. All right.

Jack: Yeah. So that's pretty much what's happening there. And actually how Martin Luther King relates to the penguins in the first place.

Cristina: And that's why those holidays are so close. No, it has nothing to do with.

Jack: Holidays are so close.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Just coincidence.

Cristina: And that's why it said Bundy should have his own holiday.

Jack: Something like that.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Yeah. But yeah. Kind of interesting, right? So the road that. Because everything has that kind of seven degrees of separation or whatever.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: At least that existed back then. Now I believe it's two degrees of separation.

Cristina: What?

Jack: Or no, three. You and two other people connect to everyone in the world.

Cristina: Why? What does it never jump up so quick?

Jack: Internet.

Cristina: The Internet? Oh.

Jack: I guarantee you that on some social platform, you follow one person who's followed by billions. Maybe not billions, but millions and millions and millions.

Cristina: I follow someone who follows my. A Martin Luther King fake account.

Jack: Yeah. You at least follow one person who follows some body who knows who is following a million people.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Or you follow someone who follows a million people and by default, that person connected to everybody is then connected all the people. That's how it goes. So everybody's connected in that way. It's like 2 degrees or 3 degrees now.

Cristina: Wow.

Jack: It was greater when that movie came out. Seven degrees of separation.

Cristina: Yeah, it was exactly seven.

Jack: I believe on average calculation was six to seven people.

Cristina: Wow.

Jack: About two to three years after that movie came out. It was already five.

Cristina: Wow. And soon it'll be one. No, that's impossible. That's so impossible.

Jack: What do you mean? Of course soon it's gonna be one with VR.

Cristina: Is that how it's gonna be one? No, it's.

Jack: What. What would be. It could be in an isolated bubble in VR.

Cristina: So how are you gonna know everybody?

Jack: Because the connection gap is what's closing. Do you personally know, like, Eminem?

Cristina: No.

Jack: Do you follow him?

Cristina: Probably.

Jack: So like, what the fu. Of course, it's not like you're. You don't need any additional anything for.

Cristina: So you don't really need to know anyone.

Jack: You don't need to know anybody. You're just connected to everybody.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Okay, I see.

Jack: It's about how many moves you have to do to send somebody. Like a message.

Cristina: Mm. You know, all right, I guess I see how that works.

Jack: Yeah. That's the degrees of separation. You need to know everybody.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: But I guarantee you there's only two people between you and the President of the United States.

Cristina: Probably.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: See how fascinating how penguins relate, right? Yeah, they kind of relate to everything. Because you always have to go through penguins to get anywhere.

Cristina: To get anywhere? What do you mean? Or you just mean outside?

Jack: Outside. To get anywhere outside of flat earth.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: The ring where they are the obvious place where I said they were.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: To get through there. They're related to that.

Cristina: Yes. And they're related to Michael. Wow. I think I keep saying Michael Martin. And they're related to Martin.

Jack: Martin Luther King. Well, they're related to everything. Anybody who needs to get out.

Cristina: Anyone who needs to get out. Yes. And that's just the people on top.

Jack: He said, well, we don't know. We know the people on top are out there.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: We don't know what else. Again, none of our business.

Cristina: None of our business.

Jack: It would be crazy if everything out there is way the f*** bigger and it's just two corporations out there. I guess not corporations, but organizations out there and nothing else. Everything else is just empty. Let's assume that's wrong.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And there's probably other crap out there, but nothing that concerns us, man.

Cristina: How do we know that there aren't cat people out there?

Jack: Doesn't matter.

Cristina: Doesn't matter.

Jack: Nothing outside of that matters. Nothing you say will make it matter. We have no answers for anything outside of that.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And we probably never will. No, because it doesn't matter to us. There's somebody who's in charge of dealing with that, and I hope they're good.

Cristina: At their job, and they could always promote us to be working there.

Jack: I feel like that would be a downgrade.

Cristina: You think so?

Jack: Working on round Earth as opposed to working with everything else in the universe.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: I like the reach and power I have. They don't have subhumans just doing everything they want because of humans. Subhumans are a flat earth thing.

Cristina: Oh, okay. Really?

Jack: Yes. China is a flat earth thing?

Cristina: Yeah. They have to have things similar, though.

Jack: Why?

Cristina: I don't know. Well, we don't know, I guess. No.

Jack: Yeah. Like, I don't know.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: They don't have china. I know that much. We have china.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And because of that, I believe that a hundred percent. Like, yeah, they don't have what we have. But there's more stuff out there.

Cristina: But what else do you know about penguins as, like.

Jack: Well, how do you mean?

Cristina: Like their history or anything?

Jack: I don't know crap about penguins. I know that penguins are from the other side. I don't know what creature is that. It's. If it's a fairy. If it's factually a fairy. I believe it is a fairy of some sort. I don't know which side of the shadow realm it comes from. I don't know what benefits it gets for being on this side. Because fairies are the only creatures we know who can travel all the Planes without needing adrenochrome or fear in order to manifest.

Cristina: But there aren't any stories about them.

Jack: Not that I know. They've never been a problem to us, so we have no reason to, like, deep dive into them. We've not trying to stop anything. We're not trying to understand how they function. Because they're not a problem to us. They're guardians of the rules we already follow.

Cristina: Interesting. Lame.

Jack: Yeah. I'm sure there's interesting things about them, but they're peaceful creatures.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: They're not really out here trolling. In fact, they work for the good guys. There's no reason to like.

Cristina: But we researched chimeras before we knew that they were somehow involved with us.

Jack: Yeah, but chimeras have been known to do a bunch of bad s***, so it's useful information to know how to stop it.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: You know, the more we know, the better in the case of a penguin, like, what has a penguin ever really done other than protect the outside? And probably rightfully so, considering we destroy everything within the flat earth ring.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So, like, it makes sense that they're not letting us get through unless they think they're not gonna destroy everything over there. That's fair.

Cristina: Okay. How do people celebrate Penguin Day?

Jack: That is a fascinating question. I have no clue. Dressed like penguins. Everybody wears a suit.

Cristina: Everyone wears a suit. I don't know. A suit. What?

Jack: Suit and tie for Work Day.

Cristina: That is horrible.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Why is it horrible to celebrate penguins? I don't know. It doesn't relate at all.

Jack: All right. How would you celebrate Penguin Day?

Cristina: Eat fish whole? I don't know.

Jack: Do penguins eat fish whole?

Cristina: I have no idea what the penguins eat. Eat fish? I'm assuming that they do, man.

Jack: I actually have no f****** clue what penguins eat.

Cristina: It has to be fish.

Jack: What else is there? Right? Like, it has to be smaller than fish.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Whatever it's eating has to be fish size or smaller. The end.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because, like, what the f***, right? How does it. I don't know. How does it feel?

Cristina: You think they eat the seals? No. The seals.

Jack: I know seals eat penguins.

Cristina: Yeah. Huh?

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that much. Seals eat penguins.

Cristina: How are they doing that?

Jack: How are they doing what?

Cristina: Eating penguins if penguins are so strong?

Jack: Well, based on what they eat, we can assume we're talking about the weak ones in land, like, closer to us, rather than the ones guarding the wall.

Cristina: Because guarding the wall, ones are like soldiers.

Jack: They're soldiers?

Cristina: Yeah. And the rest are more like villagers.

Jack: Rest are more like retarded. Animals.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Yeah, you know, like the, the low budget, low IQ ones.

Cristina: Oh, okay. Those are the failed experiments.

Jack: They're not experiments.

Cristina: Well, we don't know what they are.

Jack: I thought they're fairies.

Cristina: Aren't they fairies? I don't know. They're chimeras, maybe. I don't know.

Jack: Yeah, like I'm pretty sure they're fairies. Okay, like there's a good 90, like 5% chance of fairies.

Cristina: What are the chances that they're just robots?

Jack: I don't know. Separate that other 5% into everything else and you have the answer to your question. Whatever that 5% is. How many things could they be? It's one fraction of that 5%. So smaller than 5% the chance of them being robots? Yes. If 95% of them being a fairy.

Cristina: All right.

Jack: And then being a robot. Well, it has to be less than 95%.

Cristina: And you're saying Chimeras is also less than 95%?

Jack: It's less than 5%.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Because if it's a chimera, then it has to fit with that 5% chance it's lingered. That means 2.5 for robot, 2.5 for chimera. Alright, you got some third option? Okay, then it's less.

Jack: So less than 5%. If 95 is the alternative, what about.

Cristina: The penguins at the zoos? What are those?

Jack: Those are the dumb penguins.

Cristina: Those are more dumb penguins.

Jack: This is just the average dumb penguins that didn't make the military.

Cristina: But aren't birds.

Jack: They're not birds. Have you ever seen a flying penguin?

Cristina: So you're saying birds are.

Jack: Do penguins have hollow bones and are they extremely light or are they heavy like mammals?

Cristina: Wait, they don't have hollow bones.

Jack: That's why they don't fly.

Cristina: Oh. What about other birds that can't fly?

Jack: Like an ostrich? Yeah, no, it's really f****** big. There's a different problem going on there. And its wings are not proportionate to its body.

Cristina: What about flamingos?

Jack: Flamingos fly.

Cristina: They do. Oh, okay.

Jack: Flamingos are great flyers, but also their body's structured in such a way that they're particularly thin and crazy light.

Cristina: Yeah. Okay, so they're.

Jack: An adult flamingo will be like £20 max.

Cristina: What? How tall can they get?

Jack: Like 5ft or something.

Cristina: What? That's crazy looking in the sky.

Jack: I mean, they're really skinny.

Cristina: Yeah, I don't know, it looks, it feels like it would be very alien to look at a giant, skinny pink thing in the sky.

Jack: Yeah, like gracefully flying.

Cristina: Yeah. Like we look like a worm in space or something. Like, what would we be looking up at?

Jack: I don't know. It's actually really interesting.

Cristina: That's so weird. So penguins, though, are special or the ones in the zoos. Yeah, that's sad. Okay, Special how? You said they're not like the. They're just the rejects of the.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's. You're thinking of it the wrong way, maybe.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Like there are. The ones at the wall are the elites.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Versus assuming that the other ones are the crappy ones. Mm, no, those are the normal ones.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: The crappy ones are the normal ones. They're not crappy, they're just normal.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: While the other ones are just better than normal.

Cristina: All right, so there's normal penguins and super penguins. Super penguins. Okay.

Jack: The super penguins guard the wall, okay.

Cristina: Like the humans and superhumans. Alright?

Jack: Subhumans.

Cristina: Oh, subhumans. They're like superhumans. That's weird that we name them subhumans, okay?

Jack: They have no freedom. That's the one thing that makes humans human.

Cristina: But they're superhuman.

Jack: What's the super part? With no freedom, you're just garbage.

Jack: I say what you do when you do it, that makes you garbage.

Cristina: Is that the same with these penguins, though?

Jack: I guess. But we don't tell them what to do.

Cristina: Yeah, we don't. Yeah, someone's telling them what to do.

Jack: Someone's telling them what to do. And it's probably the leaders of the Freemasons or the Illuminati or the, you know, the top chain of command. They're the ones out there making those choices. Yeah, completely interesting though, how the penguins are part of everything.

Cristina: Then we should have a weekly celebration, not just a day. How do we decide What's a day celebration? What's week? What's month?

Jack: I do not know. Why is it Black History Month and not Black History Year? Why isn't every day Black History Day? When black history did not happen all in one day? When black people came to exist and ceased to exist, all in February, the shortest month. No, that's not how that happened, but okay, yes.

Cristina: A whole month, though. Penguins deserve a month.

Jack: Why?

Cristina: They protect us 100%.

Jack: You interact with black people more than penguins.

Cristina: You want that to have two months?

Jack: I don't know who black people. No, I'm saying, like, way less than penguins is. I mean, the penguins should have way less than black people because we interact with black people. Maybe outside the wall there's penguin year or some s***.

Cristina: Yeah, I Don't know. So we should have Black Year. What would that be?

Jack: No, I think it's fine the way it is.

Cristina: Oh, okay. Just Penguins get a day. That's fine.

Jack: Yeah. In fact, there shouldn't be black history. There should just be history that encompasses all. Everyone's version of everything.

Cristina: Isn't that what history is?

Jack: No, it just tells you the history of the people telling you a story.

Cristina: Oh.

Jack: American history as told by Americans.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: World history as told by Americans. Like. No, tell me everybody else's version of this series of events so that I can take what I believe.

Cristina: Yeah. Like, what is the British version of America during the World Wars?

Jack: Exactly. Well, I know what the British version of America is during the World War, which is that the Americans only came after they knew it was safe enough.

Cristina: In both ways, though.

Jack: World War II.

Cristina: Yeah, but what happened in World War I? I don't know.

Jack: The British were involved in that.

Cristina: I don't know. I'm assuming it's a world war.

Jack: It was against Germany, too. I remember that.

Cristina: Yeah. You're saying they weren't involved. They should have been involved.

Jack: I'm sure they weren't involved. I asked if they were involved. I that don't know anything about World.

Cristina: War I. Oh, okay.

Jack: But in World War II, I am very aware that everyone else in the world except the United states agrees that 1. The United States were a bunch of p****** that waited till all the problems were dealt with to come in and basically deal with stragglers and then say, we ended the war. Everybody has that same story except the United States. That is like, we got there at the worst and we did the most work and we stopped the war. We won World War II.

Cristina: And their story is we came last minute.

Jack: Everybody else's story is the United States popped up last second, did the least amount of anything, and then took all the credit and told every. It's like the dude who showed up last second, there was only a button. There was only a button left to press. And the United States showed up as England is about to press the button that closes that last gate, and the United States pressed the button ahead, and he's like, I did it. That's basically everybody's story. The United States showed up, did what was already done. It's like, I did it.

Cristina: But did they blow things up probably.

Jack: After everybody's been blowing things up for, like, 20 years?

Cristina: Oh, yeah.

Jack: Actually, it's like 10 years, but you get the point.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: United States showed up all late and what blew up? Two, three, Things, and they're like, we did it. We stopped the war. No, you came as the war had already been established to end soon, and then that's when you popped up.

Cristina: Hey, we scared them to end it. I don't know.

Jack: Scared who to end what?

Cristina: I don't know. Whoever we were against the literal exact.

Jack: Same time frame was meant.

Cristina: Oh, not even like a day faster.

Jack: No, it was predicted that it would take, what, like seven months or something?

Cristina: Oh. And it's like, exactly.

Jack: Took about seven and a half months from the point that that prediction was made before the actual decline began. And around that period of time is when the United States. About the.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: That's sad.

Jack: Just tragic. Tragic. Pathetic sadness. And then the United States being like, we did it. Like, you didn't do anything. We're out here for the last 10 years fixing the problem you were staying away from, and you came in last year.

Cristina: That's what a history should be from everyone's point of view.

Jack: Yeah, it should be from everybody's point of view. Like, I'm definitely sure that England has a different story on what the f*** happened when people came to the United States in the first place.

Cristina: Mmm.

Jack: You know, and it's like, well, they were a bunch of p******. Well, I'm actually interested in why the Americans left versus your version of trying to suppress people in the first place. So, like, you tell me. Well, we were suppressing our s*** and they were making it hard. And we came over here because we wanted to not be under their rule. Yes, versus. They were a bunch of delinquent, criminal rogues that were on the run and they decided to leave the country in order to not get arrested. Sounds like you were just angry they weren't doing what you said.

Cristina: But they left and they were still with them. They were still partners, weren't they? For a while. Like, they didn't, like, run away and say goodbye to Britain at the same time when they came to America.

Jack: Yeah, they did.

Cristina: They did.

Jack: Yeah. They actually came and started a whole new country.

Cristina: I know that, but I thought they were still working together.

Jack: How?

Cristina: How?

Jack: Yeah, like, in what scope are they working together? For what? To what end? If it was religious oppression and rights that they were being violated over there, they left the crap out of that. Why stay in contact with them to survive?

Cristina: Because they had nothing here until, like, they learned from the Indians, I guess.

Jack: Realize how long of a trip you're talking about to come here in a wooden boat across the ocean? What help could they send? And if you could make it back. Why would you come back here?

Cristina: But wasn't there a huge thing of like they had a war against the British while here, while they already settled down?

Jack: Yes. Wasn't that the British invading to reclaim the people who are theirs?

Cristina: I don't know what the timeline. Okay. I don't know.

Jack: Yeah. The British American war was essentially trying to reclaim so that the Americans don't get their independence.

Cristina: Oh, all right.

Jack: Which then led to Independence Day where we did get our independence from the British.

Cristina: Alright.

Jack: Yeah. It wasn't that they were in cahoots.

Cristina: Why isn't that a month long? How do we decide?

Jack: I guess the end of the war is what we mark for wars.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So Independence Day happened on the day we got independence from England.

Cristina: When we have a day for a person, is that the day they were born or the day they died?

Jack: Usually neither.

Cristina: Neither.

Jack: No.

Cristina: It's an important day in their life.

Jack: I actually haven't the slightest clue. If we go back like Martin Luther King. I'm not sure what significance Martin Luther King Day has because I don't think it was his birthday. And I'm. He wasn't alive when civil rights things got done and that got done in many different parts at many different times. I'm not sure like what.

Cristina: What they chose.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: It was just like, this day is empty. Let's put it here.

Jack: Yeah. Well, it's close enough to Black month. Can you imagine? I mean, it's in January. Black History month is February. Like it's close enough to black moon throws. You know, white people being racist. Martin Luther King is the same as the rest of the black people. You know, put them in the same section of the year.

Cristina: Is there a day for other people though? Like, that were as important as him during that time. There's plenty of.

Jack: You mean everyone?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: You mean everyone. Martin Luther King is the least important guy in the civil rights movement. He was the kindest.

Cristina: So all those other people deserve a day.

Jack: They do. Where the f*** is Rosa Parks Day? There might be a Rosa Parks Day.

Cristina: I don't f****** know. There might be.

Jack: There might be. There might be Malcolm X Day. Those are people who were acted like, I don't like Martin Luther King, man. And I know that's controversial. People just freak the f*** out. Any lefty listening to this had a heart attack. But like, why would you support a guy whose initial move isn't to make white people accept black culture, but rather kill black culture by having black people assimilate to white culture? Get the f*** out of Here. Shut the f*** up.

Cristina: He's.

Jack: He's a racist. He's a black guy who's racist to black people. And it's like, well, if you're tired of being treated like s***, act like the white people. It's like, what the f***, dude? Shut the f*** up. Malcolm X had it right. He's like, we're gonna take the rights that belong to us, not beg them to let us be one of them. The f*** are you talking about, dude? That's why that movement f****** failed, because it's not gonna work. You're not gonna ask people to treat you like a person. And they're the ones with the power. They're just gonna do it. That's why today is still a struggle, because people worship the ground. The guy who was worshipping black people walks on. I mean, worshiping white people. He's a black guy who worshipped white people and wanted black people to assimilate to white people. And the people worship that ground, which then empowers the white people in the first place to continue the oppression. Because the leader of the black civil rights movement was on their side. Like, that's not right. Martin Luther King. Malcolm X is the right guy. He was like, they either treat us right or we f****** kill them until they do. We burn their buildings until they do. We kidnap. We still. We. We do whatever the f***.

Cristina: It was that violent?

Jack: It wasn't that violent. He was pretty aggressive. It was very confrontational. I'm exaggerating, obviously, but he was definitely like, we'll take it. We will take it. And that's where Martin Luther King and Malcolm X disagreed heavily.

Cristina: So for Martin Luther King Day, people should be celebrating Malcolm X.

Jack: Because he wanted black culture and values to survive the death of segregation.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He wanted black culture to stand on its own.

Cristina: Well, Martin wanted to.

Jack: He was like, whatever we need to do to survive, and if it means suppress our culture and assimilate to theirs, then we'll do that. But he preaches peace.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And he is a minister. And people follow God, follow Martin Luther King, because Malcolm X is too radical and extreme. And, like, so he's abusing his perception. Martin Luther King abuses perception to rally people behind him, which is powerful. Don't get me wrong. It's powerful. You can rally people.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Behind ultimately a good thing, which is, let's stop the violence against black people. But your approach is also the death of black culture. Dude.

Cristina: But did he see it like that?

Jack: I don't know. That's a hard question. Right. Because we're not in his head.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But his wording is ultimately. Yeah, let's assimilate.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Whether he believes that to be the idea versus the fact that that's what's coming out of his mouth, I don't know.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Like, it could have just been a means to an end to, like, hey, why people will accept the message if they hear us say, let's be like them.

Cristina: Like, the goal was more important than how we get to that goal.

Jack: Yeah. It was just like, let's stop the violence. Let's stop the abuse regardless of how we get there.

Cristina: Yeah. As long as we can end this segregation.

Jack: Yeah. As long as we get to live beyond this point, like, it's fine.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Which. I get it. Yeah, totally. But, like, I rather die for what I believe in, you know? F*** your s***.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: F*** your s***. F*** your entire belief system. F*** all of it. Go kiss a**, bro. Not happening. Nope. I rather die and retain my identity, then live pretending to be somebody else.

Cristina: That's. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. I feel like most people would feel.

Jack: That way, too, except most people won't say that about Martin Luther King, even if that's what he represented, which were his primary disagreements with Malcolm X. Like, vocal disagreements that, no, we should. We shouldn't be becoming them. They either accept us as we are, or we will force them out of their places and take their seats.

Cristina: That would have been awesome.

Jack: That would have been awesome. But that didn't happen because the guy who ended up with the spotlight was the guy with the loudest microphone, who happened to be Martin Luther King. Who can get in a room with Lyndon Johnson to then get things accomplished in the first place.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Get voices from over the wall to hear him talking and then them coming in again. There's power behind this man's approach. You get to the penguins and you tell them, okay, this is the goal.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: This is why I need to cross. And they're like, well, it's a peaceful message. No violence is happening. You're not bringing any violence to this side. In fact, you're coming over here to ask for assistance with peace. Could Malcolm X have accomplished that?

Cristina: Probably not.

Jack: Probably not.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: But Martin Luther King managed to accomplish it because every angle is peace.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: The problem is an entire hope that.

Cristina: He'S a pastor, though.

Jack: Yeah. A lot of things help the fact that he's a pastor and that he.

Cristina: Died for the peace.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: He does help that someone murdered him.

Jack: Yeah. It's the visual.

Cristina: Horrible.

Jack: It's the visual we get from Gandhi. It's a person who literally died preaching peace and didn't raise a hand at anyone the entire course.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: On the flip side, Gandhi was a bit of a racist and a slave owner, so whatever. But, like, you get my point.

Cristina: It's the image that we see.

Jack: It's the image you see that then conveys, like, people don't understand that Gandhi was a scumbag that was garbage to a lot of people, primarily his own people, and would support the idea that God is going to liberate you, so you must endure the hard times. Meanwhile, he's filthy rich and not enduring the hard times, but he also doesn't want them to come and take his riches. So they're like, you know, fear God, and so stay in your situation because he will save you. It's brainwashing. It's tactics.

Cristina: It's beautiful. I mean, it's wrong, But Martin Luther.

Jack: King, black man, 1960s, who owns a home and a car and gets to walk freely on the streets, usually without any trouble, because he's one of the white guys. Oh, he's to the guy who's trying to merge. Let him. And he says what to the people? Be peaceful. Be calm. Don't you raise a hand, because why? Well, I'm the leader of this movement. I'm reaping the benefits, not you. You're just the illusion that I'm building so that I can reap the benefits. Now, is he trying to get these benefits? I'm not saying he was. I don't know. I can tell you he had them.

Cristina: He had.

Jack: He factually, undoubtedly, unquestionably had the benefits. Now, was the gold the benefits? Probably not. I don't know. I wasn't in his head.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: If somebody offers you a nice car and you're trying to make peace with them in the first place, are you gonna be like, nah, you're racist. You're like, it's a nice car, and I'm trying to make you happy, too. I'm gonna take your car and be like, thank you very much.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And you're like, well, you the one who could buy a house. Oh, s***. I wouldn't mind leaving a house to my children. Yeah, but, like, what about all the other black people who couldn't do any of that? You got a car. Your car's tires are popped immediately. Oh, stop being black in my neighborhood.

Cristina: Ow.

Jack: You got a house. Ooh. Crosses on fire on your lawn. Ooh. Ooh. Be scared. Get the f*** out of my neighborhood. But Martin. No, no, no. He could stay. He's one of us. He's just a white guy who's dark skinned.

Cristina: Burning crosses is a weird thing. Where does that idea come from? Having the slightest clue, I wonder, because it just seems like an evil thing. But these people who are doing it are very churchy people. I'm assuming they're religious, aren't they?

Jack: Yeah. They think it's not evil. They think this makes sense. I think black people are inherently evil.

Cristina: Okay. Because it's just like the imagery is horrifying.

Jack: Yeah, yeah. It seems so dark and twisted.

Cristina: Right? Yeah.

Jack: I don't know, man.

Cristina: They live in a world where that's fine. You should do that.

Jack: Yeah, I mean, I guess. Different times, right? But that's why I don't like it's complicated situation. Martin Luther King could get a lot done because of his message of peace. But also he has so many benefits that he takes away from that that nobody else has access to. The flip side is you end up following him through ignorance. You preach unity and equality. When he was preaching assimilation, who was preaching equality? Malcolm X, who was preaching unity, not assimilation? Malcolm X, who was preaching. They treat us as equal or we force them to Malcolm X. And then we have Martin Luther King who's like, shut the f*** up, put your head down, do what they say, don't be violent. And they will accept us. They're just scared of us. Look, once they're not scared of us, they'll be fine. We'll be fine. But we have to show them that we are just like them. We are just. I had a dream that little white girls, little black boys can be the same.

Cristina: Oh, when is that gonna happen?

Jack: But his dream was kind of, you know, it was very assimilated.

Cristina: People like it, I guess, because they're.

Jack: Not thinking about it. No, they think it means equality. They think Martin Luther King was preaching equality. And so they talk about Martin Luther King when they're talking about equality. But he was not the equality guy. He was the assimilation guy. Malcolm X was the equality guy. People do not understand that fact. Just because he had a louder microphone and he said, don't harm people. But the people who he's telling you not to harm are the people who are harming you. Well, Malcolm X is. They come and kill one of ours, then they better sleep with a f****** eye open. Because this night we're coming for one of theirs. That balance is beautiful. Atheos. Oh, Atheos loves Malcolm X. Oh, Atheos. So does Baphomet. God of balance, God of honesty and God of Balance both of them. Atheos and Baphomet on the side of Malcolm X. And chances are Atheos also supports Martin.

Cristina: Luther King because he's still being himself. He's still being honest.

Jack: He's being honest.

Cristina: Yeah, maybe, Maybe, maybe. We don't know.

Jack: There's a coin flip.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So knows.

Cristina: Like, maybe he was just ignoring the fact that he was getting all these benefits.

Jack: Yeah. There's no way Malcolm X preaching violence and aggression could have gotten the penguins to let him through. This could not have happened. Yeah, it is impossible. He would have never been heard out by the Illuminati. He would have never been heard out by the Freemasons or whoever f*** he talked to over there. And the help would have never arrived, and the laws would have never gotten passed, and nothing would have gotten done. On the flip side, nothing got f****** done. As it is, they sent the help. We got the laws through. And racism persists.

Cristina: Yes. But the segregation ends.

Jack: The segregation ended, okay, but then redlining became a m***********.

Cristina: What's redlining?

Jack: Redlining is when you district areas. Oh, so like, your area funds that school.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And so because your area is poor, that school is poor, and all of you got s***** education. Okay, so they stop segregation. But they just said, well, that neighborhood is filled with black people. Make them all go to that one school. Say that if you live in this area code, you got to go to that school, and then make that area the only funding for the school. And then they got no funding. They stay stupid. We keep all the power anyways. Thanks, Martin Luther King. You did it. I don't know what the f*** you did, but it's worse now. Now we're stupid? Legally, yes. Yay. When it's like, at least before you were in, you had black people teaching you f****** things to survive. Now you got a white person who's also broke as h*** and went to a s***** f****** school teaching you broke s*** under TOR Lack of resources. So we're actively dumber than we were before Martin Luther King's s*** got done.

Cristina: We are dumber.

Jack: We are dumber because of the results.

Cristina: Because of him.

Jack: It's because of him. Yeah, you got your whole. Segregate segregation was literally better than the result of Martin Luther King's outcome. While had it been Malcolm X's outcome, we wouldn't have gotten the penguins to let him through. And definitely when he gets the other side, they're like, we're not helping you do violent s*** over there. Do it on your own. But if his way Led to any form of success.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Redlining wouldn't be a problem, because we would have dealt with that, too. Exactly.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Who dealt with that, too?

Cristina: Wow. Okay.

Jack: So we picked the wrong guy to stand behind.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: We're like, oh, peace over violence. But it's like, maybe that was the moment for a little bit of war. Because now if you are colored and not in a position of privilege to begin with, you're staying under.

Cristina: Yeah. Every once in a while, there's gonna be a white race war. Because they're like, we're gonna. There is gonna be a civil war, so we got to start it.

Jack: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cristina: I don't know what these white people are doing, but every once in a while, they group up together and, like, we got to stop the civil war. And then they start attacking people, and it's like, what?

Jack: I don't get people.

Cristina: That's happened quite a few times.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, that happens pretty often.

Cristina: The fear of black people is very strong with them. And the Civil War, that never happened.

Jack: Yes. Because it was going to happen.

Cristina: They always start it, but no one fights back.

Jack: We're just watching them murder a bunch of black people.

Cristina: Yes. It's pretty horrible.

Jack: The lack of violence has resulted in white people understanding that in the 60s and 70s, they were extremely violent to black people. And their leader said, let it happen and show them that peace is the way. So they're. What they learned from that is, well, if we hurt them, they're gonna hurt us back. They never got that lesson. The lesson that they're passed forward is, well, if we hurt them, they're gonna shut the f*** up and take it. And our children can learn this fact and do whatever f*** they want. And their children can learn this fact and do whatever the f*** they want. Because if we hurt them, they're gonna go march. They're not gonna show up with guns on our d*** and go march. We got guns. What is their marching gonna do?

Cristina: Yeah, they got gun.

Jack: We got guns. We can stop them whenever we want, whenever we feel like it. Their solution to us raping, murdering, and pillaging is, they're gonna go march. Let the march. Let's kill them whenever we want. Who gives a s***?

Cristina: Yes, that's exactly.

Jack: That's the lesson anyways.

Cristina: Wow.

Jack: That's how Martin Luther King connects to the penguins.

Cristina: If you didn't know.

Jack: If you didn't know. But yeah, Martin Luther King Day coming. Go celebrate that. However you know. However you celebrate, if you do.

Cristina: Dress up like a penguin.

Jack: Dress up like a penguin. Hey, none of these civil rights laws would have been passed if not for the penguins.

Cristina: Yes, that's what you should remember from.

Jack: Yeah, that's what you should take. Martin Luther King's laws to help stop segregation legally and to help housing and all those benefits for black people. That all happened because the penguins at the border of flat Earth let President Lyndon Johnson into round Earth on behalf of Martin Luther King to gain help to then overthrow the financial powers on this end and legislate successfully without a lot of resistance.

Cristina: Oh, that all makes sense.

Jack: That all makes perfect sense.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Anyways, if you guys want to find out more things about, I guess, holidays. Holidays. Because there isn't really anything about Martin Luther King or penguins going on, you can find all that stuff on. On the official website greatthoughts.info or on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

Cristina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok @JustConvopod.

Jack: Yes, and remember to subscribe. That's very important, especially if you are from Universe three, where nothing I just said sounds realistic. You can subscribe. So you get new episodes and make sure to rate and review. Tell us how Martin Luther King functions on your side of reality in your universe. What's happening over there with Martin Luther King? What are the penguins on the wall of your flat Earth? And have any of you. Are you guys allowed into the rounder section of your planet? How does that work? Tell us all about these things that we do not have the data on.

Cristina: Oh, that will be awesome. Yeah.

Jack: So leave us a rate and in the reviews or in comments, leave us that information.

Cristina: Yes. And that someone who might like this show know about it.

Jack: Yes. Very important that you do that. Share it with everybody and anyone. Anybody who's curious about the other universes that exist, they can come and listen to us talking about Universal One, which I guess in theory to you guys might be Universe two, if you didn't know that there's other universes. But whatever.

Cristina: Or if they somehow knew about two before they knew about us, then this.

Jack: Is three to them.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But whatever the case is, this is one to us.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And yeah, let people know that this place is real, that they can learn about it.

Cristina: And this has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening. Bye.

Jack: Yeah, it's alive. It's a cell that functions without blood, meaning it's exactly what would need to be in poop, because there's no circulatory system. And it's exactly what could survive in that environment.

Cristina: Poop is alive is not alive. Poop is just made out of stuff.

Jack: So are we.

Cristina: It's not connected in any way. It doesn't have a real body.

Jack: The poop is the body.

Cristina: But once you touch, it breaks apart. I would think. I don't know, you know, like it's not a real solid body.

Jack: What are you talking about? Of course the poop is alive. Poop is living. We've, we've, we've brought that to a conclusion. There's not a debate here. It's made of living bacteria and living cells.

Cristina: That's enough.

Jack: That's enough. We're made of living cells. Tells as well.

Cristina: Good morning. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by Great Thoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McAllister with social media managed by Amber Black.

Rambling 124: Jesus the Easter Vampire

Vampire Jesus, Zero Lupo, Sketch, JustConvoPod, The Just Conversation Podcast, Podcasting, Comedy, Discussion, Radio, Easter Special, New Episode, Religion, Faith, Politically Incorrect

Did Jesus really come back to life? Was he really the son of God? Was he performing miracles? The life of Jesus and the meaning of Easter dissected on this Easter Special!

The duo dust off the original biblical scriptures and comb through searching for the truth behind who and what Jesus Christ was. In doing so they come across what seems like similarities between the story of Christ and Bram Stoker’s Dracula. What they discover as they dive deeper will forever change what we think of Jesus Christ forever!

+Episode Details

Art by IG @Zero_Lupo

Topics Discussed:

  • Egg Stealing
  • Criminal Organization
  • Con Artist
  • Holy Sperm
  • Mary’s Rape
  • Vampirism
  • Vampire Blood
  • Search for Immortality
  • Illusionist
  • Vampiric Powers
  • Seth, the Ancient Vampire
  • Vampire Hunters

Our Links:

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

Twitter - https://twitter.com/JustConvoPod

Facebook - https://facebook.com/justconvopod

Instagram - https://instagram.com/justconvopod


+Transcript

Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Cristina: What does live mean?

Jack: Welcome to the Just Conversation podcast. The show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas. I am your host, Jack.

Cristina: And I am your host, Christina.

Jack: And if you haven't. Not yet. Not done it, you should its goats to the subscribit button to click its and get notify. It's the moment new episodes are released.

Cristina: That's horrible.

Jack: That's how they talked in the olden days.

Cristina: No, I don't know. They did talk horribly. Also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner to share opinions. Any views on topics we discuss.

Jack: Yes. So be sure that since the holidays are coming, the great hot. Is it a holiday? Whatever. Easter is on its way to find a loved one and get chocolate. Cuz Jesus is gonna steal your eggs and rabbits. Yes, something like that.

Cristina: That's how you sum up Easter?

Jack: That's how I sum up Easter. There's nothing wrong there. Think about it. Think about it. That makes total sense.

Cristina: Jesus was a rabbit.

Jack: Jesus. When's Easter tomorrow?

Cristina: I don't know. It's very soon. Could be tomorrow. I don't know. I don't know. Easter's on a Sunday, isn't it? Easters are always on Sunday.

Jack: Easter's on the fourth.

Cristina: Fourth. Yeah. Oh, it's called Easter Sunday.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, got it, got it, got it. So Easter's tomorrow. I mean, I knew it was coming up. I didn't know exactly when it was coming up. I just knew it was coming up manana tomorrow.

Cristina: The great Easter bunny.

Jack: But yeah, so I'll summarize. For anybody who doesn't know, we've talked about Easter quite a bunch on show. This is sort. It's an Easter show.

Cristina: That's what it. It's an Easter show.

Jack: Yeah. The whole podcast is centered on Easter.

Cristina: Specifically.

Jack: Specifically, all we do.

Cristina: It's a Christian show.

Jack: It's a. It is a Christian show.

Cristina: Talk about Christ a lot.

Jack: Like we talk about Christ a lot. People, if you don't believe this is a Christian show, then you're out of your mind. Because we talk about God all the time. It's crazy how much we talk about Satan all the time.

Cristina: I didn't mean to say Satan. I meant saints.

Jack: We talk about saints and Satan, Lucifer.

Cristina: I guess we'll talk about all of them.

Jack: God, I don't know. Anyways, I'll summarize. I'll summarize what Easter is so the people understand. Once upon a Time there was a man who used to steal all of the eggs. And in the past, if you are familiar with history, eggs were valuable. Owning a chicken meant a lot. So you had chickens and that was a valuable commodity because you could produce eggs, which means you had eggs to eat. But there was this carpenter who used to hang out with a bunch of thieves and killers, liars and schemes.

Cristina: He was one of them.

Jack: He was one of them. He was part of a band. There were 13 of them, sometimes 14 if you count the woman that used to chill with them. The w****. If you count the w**** that used to chill with them.

Cristina: She wasn't a w****. I read that she wasn't a w****.

Jack: People don't know that. People, people swear she was a w****. Anyways. People used to hang out with a.

Cristina: Bunch with a different w****.

Jack: He used to hang out with a bunch of criminals, murderers, liars, cheaters, stealers, and a w**** and a f****** w****. And he, he was the con artist of the bunch.

Cristina: He was a magician.

Jack: A magician. He used to con people, trick people, steal their watches off of their wrists while showing them a magic trick and then show it to them. And when he returned their watches, he robbed their wallet. He was a genius at what he did.

Jack: This man was known, Jesus and Jesus as his side hustle because he was such a slick guy. He would go to farms where people had chickens and it would be like, yo, I show you a magic trick.

Cristina: But he, he's a carpenter.

Jack: He's a carpenter. That's his cover.

Cristina: Oh.

Jack: So he would use that as a cover. Like, I'm gonna build you a farmhouse.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Build your farmhouse. And that farmhouse you can keep your chickens. Let me see the size of your chickens and I'll know the size of the coop that I built for all your chickens in the farmhouse.

Cristina: All right? And then what does he do?

Jack: He' I'm gonna need the keys for your chicken coop so I can build you a bigger chicken coop and move your chickens and you're not around so you don't have to do the hard work. I do all the work. And then they're like, yeah, here, just come when I'm, I'm at work on Sunday. You can come on Sunday and you can, you can take the chickens and put them in the other thing. After you build me the new coop, bro, I'll pay you. He's like, I take money in advance. He's like, I got you, bro. Use some money in advance. I expect that job done. And then he's like, yeah, I'll do it.

Cristina: And he doesn't do it.

Jack: He does not do it. He just shows up and he steals all the eggs that that man was gonna sell to make money. And he got the money from the man who paid them to do the job. He doesn't really do carpenter s***, so he just got the money, didn't buy any materials. But he got the eggs too. Eggs. Cuz the guy wasn't there. He gave me keys for Sunday. He was at work.

Cristina: Oh, he was on work. Okay.

Jack: Yeah. Jesus just got all the eggs. Con artist.

Cristina: Con artist. Okay.

Jack: So eventually Jesus got killed for the egg stealing. He got super murdered for stealing all the eggs all the time.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But some chemist somewhere made a concoction and gave it to him. And he's like, look, they can crucify you. You take this, it's gonna look like you're already crazy, unenergetic. They're not gonna kill you themselves. They want the suffering to happen. So you take this, you're gonna look more hurt than you really are. Then you're gonna. Your heartbeat is gonna be undetectable. They use this in the future all the time to hide, you know, like a guy named James Bond is going to have. And they're going to think he's dead. So you use this and they'll think you're dead while you're on the cross. And then we come down, take you, take you to a hole somewhere. And then when you recover.

Cristina: Why are they doing that for him?

Jack: You come. Because they're the homies.

Cristina: Oh, they're one of the tall.

Jack: And then he comes out of the thing. And then he started stealing eggs again. And people were like, no, he's been resurrected to steal eggs. His. His spirit has unfinished egg.

Cristina: That's when they decorated. Because they were hiding it from him.

Jack: Then they decorated all their eggs as colorful stuff. And then they also made chocolate shaped like eggs.

Cristina: They were like, to confuse him even.

Jack: More, use them so that if he did find the eggs, it was 50, 50 chance he would just open chocolate and be like, these aren't even eggs. These are just.

Cristina: And he's allergic to chocolate.

Jack: Yeah, exactly. So that's the truth about Easter.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And from then forward, every Easter, we hide our eggs and try to confuse people by also hiding chocolate so that if Jesus hits our place, there's a. Like, what are the odds he doesn't want to anymore? Because he knows there's a 50, 50 chance he opens that and dies.

Cristina: Is he showing up as a rabbit, like, dressed up in a Rabbit suit.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Yeah. That's where the rabbit comes in. Totally.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: That's his disguise he used because as soon as after the resurrection he got caught, he needed a disguise. So he would pretend to be. Yeah, he would show up in a giant rabbit suit and try to steal it.

Cristina: Because everyone has to think he's dead for good.

Jack: Yeah. He needs to keep that. The lie sold.

Cristina: Yeah. So he can still steal eggs. Okay.

Jack: But since he's allergic to chocolate, that's gone way down. And there's only one Jesus. He can't be everywhere at once. It's not like he's good or something. So, you know, that's why we celebrate the comedic nature of that one time in history that some dude named Jesus was stealing all the eggs.

Cristina: Crazy F A X facts. Yeah. True story.

Jack: True story, man. Nothing but wokeness going on there.

Cristina: Did you get that story from the Bible?

Jack: No, the Bible lies.

Cristina: The Bible lies.

Jack: I was filled with lies.

Cristina: What kind of lies?

Jack: All of them.

Cristina: What is the main lie? Is there a main lie? I guess they have too many.

Jack: No, no, no. There is a main lie.

Cristina: There is a main lie.

Jack: There was a God. And then the whole Bible is centered around that one lie.

Cristina: What if there was a God?

Jack: It wasn't the God they're talking about. Or I guess the main lie is God was the good guy. Right.

Cristina: God, who was the person.

Jack: Like we just saw that thing earlier about how God killed 2 million people but Satan only killed 10.

Cristina: 10.

Jack: Like I feel like this clear measure here of who's the bad guy. What?

Cristina: I guess killing people is alright.

Jack: Destroyed towns with fire, the firstborn of many. An entire flood that just wiped out all existence.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Lucifer 10, God 2 million.

Cristina: Yes. Well, the Bible didn't lie about that.

Jack: No, it totally didn't. This is saying God is like we, this is the good guy. Oh, he's the good guy.

Cristina: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jack: Try to confuse us and trick us about who? Right is wrong, left is blue, you know?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Try to f*** it all up.

Cristina: What if we're supposed to think killing is good?

Jack: What?

Cristina: What if we're supposed to. To believe that killing was good?

Jack: I mean, then why can't we kill? Why can't we go out and pop some mofos? He made himself in our image. What, he's copying us.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: You know, it's funny that that statement in general just totally lends itself to the fact that. Or he made us in his image. Right?

Cristina: He made us in his image. Yeah.

Jack: Then he made Jesus in our image.

Cristina: No, he Made Jesus in his image too.

Jack: Yeah, I guess.

Cristina: No, I don't know how Jesus was made.

Jack: Jesus was a poop.

Cristina: Magic.

Jack: A magic poop.

Cristina: He's a. He was made without a semen. He's just.

Jack: No, there was. It was holy semen.

Cristina: Holy semen.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: How?

Jack: He's God. He could be everywhere at once, including inside you.

Cristina: He had like a magic semen floating inside Mary. Yeah, yeah. He or many his.

Jack: Let's. Let's be real. On top of the number of deaths he has committed, like the murders he's done, he's kind of guilty of raping Mary, right?

Cristina: I guess. She doesn't say that it's rape though. She's happy about it.

Jack: She said I was impregnated by the Lord.

Cristina: Maybe he asked for it. Maybe.

Jack: Nope. No, she was shocked.

Cristina: She was shocked by it. Oh, no.

Jack: Sorry. If Jesus. Mary was an alcoholic or a drug addict or some s***. And she blacked out. She was consistently wasted and she blacked out because even Joseph was like, I didn't f****** pregnant her.

Cristina: Oh crap.

Jack: Yeah, she was some sort of drug addict. Which kind of fits a suit that he would grow up in the slums being just an architect or what the was he carpenter. And that he would hang out with a bunch of criminals because that's the environment he was raised in. His mom was like a drug addict.

Cristina: What was his dad. He was still around, wasn't he?

Jack: He was trying to support his family, but it was probably an alcoholic. Oh, they didn't own s***. That's why they slept in a barn.

Cristina: It was her cousin's barn or something. I forgot it was like a family.

Jack: Yeah, they didn't own crap. They were. They couldn't even go to a stranger because they couldn't even buy a place or like rent a room or something like, here's some coin, let me stay here. They can go to a motel. They had nothing.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: So they were like, okay, just cuz your family, go sleep with the animals. I'll give you at least a roof.

Cristina: That's where they lived.

Jack: I don't know where the f*** they lived. I know that's where they had Jesus. Jesus of Nazareth. Which means he was in Nazareth. That was Nazareth. Is Nazareth in Jerusalem. Whatever. Anyway, so yeah, Easter. All of this is related to Easter.

Cristina: Related to Easter history.

Jack: History. Informing of Easter is coming. Informing of Easter is coming and. Nah. But all jokes aside, Easter is about the resurrection.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Are we sure about that? Easter is the day he came back.

Cristina: Yes. Wow. Probably not sure. Probably not 100% sure. Because no one's 100% sure about anything in the Bible.

Jack: Yeah, like he was actually born in the summer.

Cristina: Yes. So none of it's for sure.

Jack: So he died three days before Easter. What a coincidence that he'd come to life on Easter.

Cristina: Yes. Wait, he died three days before.

Jack: I mean, he was resurrected on Easter? Yeah, three days after he was crucified. So, yes, he died.

Cristina: I don't know. I thought for some reason Lent was when he died and that was like a month earlier. I could be wrong about that then. I don't know.

Jack: Yeah, look, look, I don't know how religion works, okay?

Cristina: How long can you stay dead and then come back to life? How long is it okay for a dead body? Like, after a year, it's gotta be too long, right?

Jack: After a couple of hours, it's too late. If you're dead 10 minutes, it might have been too long.

Cristina: Oh, really?

Jack: Yeah, you come back with brain damage.

Cristina: Oh, do you think he came back with brain damage?

Jack: H***, yes.

Cristina: That's why he died immediately after.

Jack: Yeah, he just came back to life, screamed his lungs out and then just died again. He screamed like a severe r***** scream and then just died again.

Cristina: Oh, my gosh.

Jack: Yeah, luckily there was nobody there to see him. They just thought he moved and were like his soul left his body.

Cristina: But they saw him go to heaven, his body disappears or something. I don't know.

Jack: I'll explain that. The truth is, that dude was a vampire. That's why he could levitate.

Cristina: That's why he can levitate. Who says he can levitate?

Jack: Vampire logic says he could levitate.

Cristina: But did he levitate?

Jack: Yes, that's how he walked on water and that's how they saw him go up to heaven.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: He was levitating. You're literally talking about him going up to heaven. I'm like, he levitates and you're like, what?

Cristina: Well, I feel like levitating is, like a few inches from the floor and going up to heaven is, like, much higher.

Jack: Why?

Cristina: It's an extreme.

Jack: Why did you put a cap on levitation?

Cristina: Because that's how magicians, they don't go very high up.

Jack: Oh, I feel you. You're equating him to a magician.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: That's fair.

Cristina: Well, I guess for him, with his.

Jack: Vampire powers, he's a super mega, ultra vampire.

Cristina: Super. Wait, say that.

Jack: No, in reality, he's the first vampire.

Cristina: He's the first one.

Jack: He's the first vampire. I don't know how the h*** it happened.

Cristina: It wasn't God related.

Jack: No, it was. I mean, he could have. He could have been. I mean, this. He could be Dracula, like the real Dracula, what Dracula was based on. And so we know he was a man of faith or whatever. In the original story of Dracula, Dracula screams at the sky is like, his wife died or something. I don't remember how the story was. Something like that. Right. He was asking for her to come back or like, I'll sacrifice me or whatever. And the curse he was given was. D***, I don't remember his story at all. Whatever. Dracula yelled at the sky as a God or something. And he was given vampirism. Vampirism. He was turned to vampire.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And so Jesus known notoriously for being a very God centric man, in fact, so God centric, they were like, you're the most God centric man. And that definitely lends itself to him having been screaming at the skies, a God, God, please help me. And then he got given abilities which began to show themselves around the age of 30, not his entire life.

Cristina: What? That's why it starts there.

Jack: Yep. It begins when he was baptized by John Baptist.

Cristina: Mm. That was one of his friends or whatever.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Or becomes his friend after. I don't know.

Jack: Everybody's. His friend is Jesus.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: And after he. He goes through the baptism where he accepts God and whatever, weird things start to happen. Weird things start to happen.

Cristina: Like what?

Jack: Well, at the beginning, he starts to be. He seems way too charming to people. Absurdly charming and beautiful. Beautiful man. A beautiful man. He's perfect. He's immaculate. He's gorgeous. He's perfect.

Cristina: Yes, like a vampire type of transformation.

Jack: And over the time, over time, he just kept, you know, talking to people. And now again, this lends itself to the fact that he was already some sort of con artist and knew a couple of tricks. But now he has this absorbent charm that people can't even control themselves around. They'll cry just by looking at him. So beautiful. It's phenomenal. And then he would also perform nifty tricks. And then people just started, you know, he's the most entertaining, funnest, greatest, kindest man ever. And he's beautiful and gorgeous. And his following just kept growing and growing. And he started actually building two different types of followings. One, the mass following of the general information that would float around. People would keep passing the knowledge of this man. Oh, he's so exciting. Oh, he's so interesting. Oh, he's so awesome. I would say. You would say? You tell them, they tell him so Far, So far. But then he had the personal net group of people, convicts and murders and thieves and whores that he already hung out with, and they became even more integral to his group. It's possible that at this point, he was already a vampire. It was, like, immediately after the baptism that he was given these powers that we start to see more and more of as time goes by. And his homies, assuming they're really his homies to that degree, and they weren't all so convinced by him.

Cristina: But they weren't vampires.

Jack: No, I don't think they were vampires. I think they were just ride or die as h***. They're like, you know, the code of the criminal. It's always together. And so he was like, if I figure out how this works, I'll just try to turn you guys too.

Cristina: Was he drinking blood?

Jack: Not yet.

Cristina: Not yet.

Jack: He does eventually tell them, like, you guys, you know, you do things right. I suppose we can all be this. We can all be immortal. Which he tells him consistently. There's immortality. There's immortality. I'm immortal. There's immortality. And we get told the story that the commoner on the street gets told. Oh, give yourself to the sky, and after you die, there's immortality. Yeah, this is a weird little tale you get told so that if he shows up at your house and says, I'm gonna kill you so that you can reach your immortality.

Cristina: Oh, my gosh. Okay.

Jack: So I'm gonna consume you within me. As you've heard from everybody else, within me is the immortality. Through me.

Cristina: There is immortality through him eating you.

Jack: Well, he doesn't use those words specifically, but when he gets there, you're like, do whatever you have to want immortality. And then he could do whatever. And he also establishes very vampiric rules he didn't establish, but for whatever reason, he needs you to accept them first. Before he can come in, you need to welcome this man inside. Otherwise, he can't. And he's already a criminal. He steals eggs, bro. He breaks into wherever he needs to.

Cristina: Well, he. Maybe he doesn't break in because in your example, the egg stealing, the.

Jack: He had to trick a guy. Well, no, before he was a. Oh.

Cristina: The egg ste was.

Jack: Before the sag ceiling was. Before he was still using his carpenter skills to do stuff.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: But after the baptism, he needs to use his conning skills to get into the house in the first place by getting you to agree to let him in. And that's how he would get into your home.

Cristina: Amazing. What? But he no longer needs eggs. Though, Right.

Jack: He no longer needs eggs.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: His castle in Transylvania has all the chicken coops he could ever imagine.

Cristina: He also has a. Okay.

Jack: But in this time of him doing this, occasionally not everybody gets killed or drained raw of blood. Sometimes. Occasionally somebody survives and they come back with the story of. And then he cut his wrist and told me to drink his blood.

Cristina: What? That's not a story. That's a story.

Jack: And in. No, that's not a real story. Obviously some parts of this are made up.

Cristina: That'd be really interesting if that was in the Bible.

Jack: S***. Maybe. You know what? Yeah, no. Yes, totally. So eventually some people started coming back with the story. He would cut his wrist and drip into their mouth. Because drinking the blood of Christ is the way to immortality. And these people really did become immortal.

Cristina: While they were alive.

Jack: While they were alive because they became vampires. If you drink his blood, you get immortality. Keep in mind through the beginning he had to experiment and find out how things work.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And he was doing that effectively.

Cristina: So his buddies might be vampires.

Jack: So his buddies eventually became vampires. When he figured that out, then they would preach that you need the blood of Christ.

Cristina: So they were just selling his blood.

Jack: Well, now they're mortal. They no longer need to scrap for anything and they got crazy powers. But then this becomes another problem is face here. The apostles were also seen as incredibly charming and lovable to the point that some of them continued to commit crimes even after they were with Jesus. And that's an interesting little duality that's there. That they would preach the holiness and then go and openly crimes and s***. Yeah.

Cristina: How many of them were still committing crime?

Jack: Two of them.

Cristina: Oh yeah.

Jack: Peter and John. No, it's not. John was another one. Peter's another guy. And yeah. So there is definitely a. An interesting narrative that forms there. And it became kind of dangerous when the two different groups there was again the apostle group, the Titanic group.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And then the bigger group of just the fans. And there were. So I guess a third division of groups happened where it was really close. Then the like other ones he personally interacted with but wasn't in his circle. And then the people who've heard of him, the people who've heard of him became a danger.

Cristina: Why?

Jack: Because they heard about people really achieving immortality. And so now they need to convince everybody so that if, if everybody around me is on board, then it's more likely it's going to reach me. And I want the immortality. So by any means we gotta force everybody to believe it so that he's More prone come our way. And that's where violence begins to happen and religious warfare breaks out.

Cristina: For this Jesus blood. For this Jesus.

Jack: That's where the Jews versus the Christians happen. Except the Christians didn't have a name yet.

Cristina: That was during his time though. Like he was alive while they were fighting or like they knew.

Jack: Yeah, there was definitely a left and right going on. And they wanted immortality. They didn't know what it really meant. Only as closest of homies understood the true depth of where this went. They were all already monsters of different, different sorts. All vampires. Twisted contorted minds. Because of their abilities, they could just con anybody at any moment. They could charm anybody, convince anybody to do anything. But they also had unique abilities that came with that.

Cristina: Like what?

Jack: Like the way vampires do, man. All vampire abilities.

Cristina: Do they have any non related vampire ability like ability that vampires don't have? But still you can see it as maybe some type of vampire power that just never has been mentioned in other stories.

Jack: Not entirely sure. Perhaps. It's definitely a possibility. They did have eccentric abilities that kind of varied in different ways. For example, the thing Jesus did in turning the water to wine.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: That wasn't like a vampire thing. But also as a con artist he could have understood that red dirt underwater shooken up in clear water would turn the water red. You could just claim it as whatever it's like, oh, there's still worms and s*** in there. Don't drink the wine. I was just proving a point. You know there were tricks. And as he was a con artist, he had a little more trick, a few more tricks in his bag than his homies did.

Cristina: Yes. So you talk about his first in.

Jack: General abilities that they had. First of all that crazy superficial charm they have that catches everybody's attention. Hypnosis.

Cristina: Hypnosis.

Jack: The well known vampire hypnosis. If he stares into your eyes, he's caught you. Well, you are a victim. That's it. You are caught. There's nothing you could do. You will find him beautiful, gorgeous. Interesting enough. The people who were most against him were the people who never stared him in the eyes.

Cristina: What?

Jack: Political figures who were angered by what he was saying, that weren't in contact with him, that were at a distance from him.

Cristina: Yes, they just heard about him.

Jack: Then when they managed to successfully get him on the cross, the only times they saw him is when his eyes were already down and weak and all these things so they could look at him and to not be caught. It wasn't just looking at Jesus.

Cristina: He has to be looking Back looking.

Jack: Back, which creates an interesting dynamic there that kind of lends itself to the fact that he was probably a f****** vampire.

Cristina: Okay, did you find anything related to the sun?

Jack: What do you mean?

Cristina: Like weakening him or hurting him or.

Jack: Oh, yeah, definitely. That leads to the crucifixion. He also had healing abilities, which is his most common trick.

Cristina: He was healing people.

Jack: He was healing people left and right now. There are two different kinds of healing abilities that vampires possess. One is the typical. You know, I hold my hand over your body or whatever, and poof, like magic, it's gone, which Jesus did do. But also his blood.

Cristina: Oh, his blood.

Jack: The notorious one. Not only was it healing, but it provided immortality.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And then small traces of his blood are healing, which is why you get fed that crap in church.

Cristina: What about his skin? Did it have healing properties, too?

Jack: His skin contains his blood. You know, it's just a dry version of his healing DNA that you can carry around. It's harder to do that with the blood. It's just a carryable version of him.

Cristina: That's so creepy.

Jack: But, yeah, he can regenerate because he's a vampire. So he can cut it off as much as he wants and then always be back.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: It's just a logical exchange. He was the original. So if he dies, all his homies lose their powers. You know, the vampire Elijah Kill the king.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Everybody else is reverted.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: So his flesh is the only flesh that could turn others.

Cristina: What?

Jack: Okay, so they needed his flesh and they needed his blood. He could make his home his vampires. But they can't make others, all right? Only he can.

Cristina: That's why they were promoting his.

Jack: They were promoting his blood. And he probably donated some of his blood so that they can spread it out amongst people to prove the power of his blood. Not enough to turn them into anything.

Cristina: Just to heal them, but to heal.

Jack: Them and prove the strength of his blood. They also had healing powers, but they didn't have something that they can just give. You walk away, you take it, everything is gone for you. You can see now. You drank some of that. Now you can see. You've never seen a day of your life. You were bor. Born blind. Now you have sight. That kind of crap.

Cristina: That's crazy.

Jack: So that's the healing, obviously. The vampire, immortality. So long as you have the nutrients and thing you need, you cannot die of natural causes. You have to be killed.

Cristina: Probably.

Jack: Self healing, which is how he, you know, cuts his skin off and then gives it. He'll heal that right back and the more he feeds, the more he heals. And through hard times, he could do that repeatedly.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: With the exception of when he was on the cross. Because they bound him, he couldn't heal. He also has pyrokinosis, which is well known. The vampires could do that. Is controlling fire.

Cristina: He's controlled fire.

Jack: There's two instances in which this happened. One in which he used fire to telepathically communicate. Moses.

Cristina: That was him.

Jack: That was him through the fire. And the other one in which he teleported into a furnace to speak to some men who were being burned alive. Yes.

Cristina: Yeah. Okay.

Jack: Chances are they did get burned, but he gave them his blood while they.

Cristina: Were there so that they wouldn't die.

Jack: So they wouldn't die. He was always true to the homies.

Cristina: Okay, and those are some homies.

Jack: Those are some homies. We don't know how exactly, but they were his followers and he was loyal to them. He made sure his army stayed strong as well as there was Saddam and Gomorrah, the two cities that he successfully wielded enough power. Now, this takes place in the past from him. But assuming his powers bridge the gap of time somehow because he was predicted to be born or be created at some point.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: This creature of immense power would come to be. It's possible that his abilities stretch far and beyond that he could rip fire from the skies and slam it right into a city. Unless, that is signs that there were vampires before him.

Cristina: Then he wouldn't be the first.

Jack: Then he wouldn't be the first. But he is an original, just like whatever other vampire.

Cristina: Yeah, that's a really powerful vampire.

Jack: Yes. And the possibility there lies that it's one of the original children of Adam and Eve or Enoch himself. So Adam and Eve's children featured three individuals, one of which. Well, there were a bunch of others, but out of the boys, there's Cain, Abel and Seth. We hear a lot about Cain and Abel, but we don't hear a lot about Seth. He's brushed aside, other than being mentioned, but mentioned enough to wonder why. Why was. Why. Why did you mention this child at all? The theory is that he was retracted, like many of the other books from the Bible.

Cristina: Yeah, his character was retracted.

Jack: His character was retracted. He was removed from the text. It's possible Seth was the first vampire, then Enoch and then Jesus.

Cristina: What were they around these. The time with the cities. Or they would have been ancient vampires by then.

Jack: They would have been ancient vampires by then, allowing them to perform these duties. They would be so overpowered at that point we're looking at Jesus in from when he was 30 to when he was 33. So his powers are three years old at max. He was still learning how to use them.

Cristina: Oh, that's so sad.

Jack: If we see Enoch or Seth, we're talking some of the first living things ever.

Cristina: So thousand.

Jack: Well, Seth would be. Enoch would be closer to the time of those cities being attacked.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: While Seth would be the ancient one here.

Cristina: So he would probably have the power.

Jack: He would probably have the power to just rip fire from the sky and land it on top of these cities. So it's possible that he was the first. Additionally, there is levitation, which allowed Jesus to levitate when they saw him, quote, go to heaven, unquote. And when he walked on water, his most fantastic miracle.

Cristina: Walking on water.

Jack: Walking on water. And additionally, there was also dream manipulation.

Cristina: Like he'd be in other people's dreams or he could.

Jack: Yes, he would be in other people's dreams and he would show himself in visions to people. So he would communicate and they would dream about him and they would think of him at random moments and he would talk to them through these almost telepathic dreams, dream like states. And they would know about him before he even presented himself.

Cristina: Cool. I didn't know about this. In the Messiah, he was in their dreams. So if he's Jesus in that show, does that mean he's talking to them in the dream?

Jack: Yes. He could have really been doing that. He would. In the Bible, he would send them.

Cristina: Cryptic messages related somehow.

Jack: Yeah, in the Bible, he would send them cryptic messages. Sometimes it was direct, but sometimes it was weird imagery that made no sense to the viewer until they were explained by either Jesus himself or they heard a story about something that happened that happened in their dream that kind of pieced it together for them.

Cristina: So that was a Jesus thing. Oh, my God.

Jack: That was a Jesus thing. And additionally, he had animal control.

Cristina: Animal Control. Can he turn into animals too?

Jack: We have no proof of that. But he did have the ability to get animals to behave as he wanted.

Cristina: And people saw him talk to these animals or something. He.

Jack: Animals that would just behave around him.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: As if he was thinking for them and going back to situations in which we have weird scenarios. Assuming there are ancient vampires at the time of, like Moses, we can see every animal in the world suddenly start moving towards a singular ship ahead of a fantastic flood. Because it's gonna start. Start raining endlessly.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Which could have also still been a vampire doing this.

Cristina: Moses, Seth or Seth. Okay.

Jack: And so he got into the head of every single creature and started moving them to the ship so that whatever we can get on board, we do get on board.

Cristina: Yes. Okay. Because he knew that the flood was coming too.

Jack: He was probably the one who warned Moses.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Of course, Moses attributed to God, but it was just Seth. Like, there's crap's about to hit the fans. My fault. Seth probably did it himself.

Cristina: He flooded the world.

Jack: He flooded the world at this point, Such an ancient being seeing such heavy corruptions. Like, I can cleanse this in one shot.

Cristina: That's why burning the town could be him and drowning the world. Okay. That's.

Jack: So a lot of the events we've seen could definitely be Seth creating the very extremely godlike things of giant floods and fire from the sky.

Cristina: Then eventually he goes up because there's no.

Jack: I'm not saying he gave up.

Cristina: What?

Jack: He could have been killed. What?

Cristina: I mean, I guess that's a possibility, huh?

Jack: Weaknesses. Following everything that Jesus went through, there is the possibility that the church was familiar with stories of vampires and hadn't seen one in a long time. Maybe they knew of somebody who once killed a vampire. The possibility that that was Seth, incredibly high at this point. So they're out there and they've done it, and they record the history of how they did it, and they store it somewhere in case we've never seen another vampire. The only one we knew about was Seth. He converted a couple of people. We got rid of them, but the ones we didn't disappeared. Once we killed Seth, we stored the information on how to do it. We have that safe. Guy pops up, starts doing very familiar things. I've read about something like this before. I'll go to library. I'll check to see what we have stored in there. This kind of thing. And then they come across the things Jesus was doing. And they're like, a lot of this. A lot of this measures up to what we saw with this other guy.

Cristina: With the other vampire.

Jack: With the other vampire. And so they start trying to convince people this isn't who you think it is. Just like, don't buy the crappy selling. Let it be. Don't buy what he's selling.

Cristina: Are these are the same people that end up killing him?

Jack: Yes. These are the Jews that are like, this isn't like. Right. You people don't understand what you're playing with here. You don't see how wrong it is that he wants you to drink his blood or eat his flesh. You don't see how that's problematic? People were brainwashed. They didn't know the difference. They were already charmed. So they didn't understand the charm part. You didn't get that that was a factor in there until somebody read about it and they're like, we can't even break these people out of it. There's one way to break this spell. There's one way to break the spell.

Cristina: Which is to kill Jesus.

Jack: Which is to kill Jesus. So now they gotta look into how they killed Jesus. And that's how we get to his weaknesses. In the book of whatever ancestors they had that successfully killed Seth, the first vampire, or Enoch, if it was him, they came across some basic details. One, stakes can weaken a vampire. They're crazy strong. You're gonna need a freaking army. But if you can get stakes into them, you will weaken them.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Also sunlight. Sunlight is definitely their enemy. Which tells us we've probably seen as a con, as a natural con artist. He was already a person who relied on shadows and darkness to create illusions.

Cristina: So you might have been like.

Jack: We might have been seeing most of his activities at night, which is why it was hard to just see him walking on the street. He would show up.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Common trope of coming to drink blood in the middle of the night is when you do that. But who are the people who need to ask permission to come into your house? The vampire. Which means he was doing this at night. Because vampires do these things at night. We already have similar behaviors connected to Jesus that all happen in nighttime. Being a con artist, hanging out with criminals, and the typical vampire. Bullcrap. This man was just behaving at night.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Sleeps in the day, behaves at night. When he was a carpenter, he could work in the daylight, but when he was doing his other things, he would do it at night, hanging out with his criminal buddies. So he was used to it. And then he becomes a vampire and develops the weakness of sunlight. And so it was already normal. Nothing seemed to change in the perception of others. He was already a interesting, elusive guy who would just hang out in the shadows most of the time with criminals of different sorts of. So that didn't affect him too much. The other weakness he had is he needs to be invited into your home. He can't actually recover from anything if he can't get to you.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: There is a vampire rule that he cannot break even if he wanted to. Some force stops him from being able to just violate the rule of going in.

Cristina: Yeah. And the church knew all that.

Jack: And the church knew these three key details. So the Church started making moves. They set traps with stakes so that they can get stakes into him. And they disguise these stakes. The stakes he was crucified with were a mixture of bone and wood.

Cristina: What?

Jack: They look like bone, but they had the wood that he needed in his body to weaken him.

Cristina: Okay. So we thought they had. Why did he need bone?

Jack: To disguise the steak.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And they set up armies in nearby proximity to Jesus when they were trying to catch him. It wasn't just two, three people came and arrested Jesus. They had to stage in case he tries to flee. We can get him.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And with the help of some people, some whips laced with the stakes merged with the wood and the bone. They had shackles with spikes made of the wood and bone that they could put on him. He didn't know these shackles were like that. So they come in to arrest him, and he's in front of people. That was part of the problem. We need an audience so that he can't do his thing. And everybody's spell is broken because they realize he's some freak of nature.

Cristina: Yes. Okay.

Jack: So then he willingly is like, sure, yeah, okay. Thinking I'm gonna escape tomorrow, whatever.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And then they put it on him, and he's like, holy crap, what just happened? And he feels his powers just drain from his body.

Cristina: From the stakes.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: They put some on his legs as well. They give him the cross. They beat the crap out of him. They know he's not gonna die. None of this is gonna kill him. What is the sunlight?

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: They make him continuously get weaker and weaker by dragging his own cross the field where they're gonna crucify him. Then they put him up and they nail. Because somebody could just come and remove those stake. Those stake shackles.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So they. They put nails made of the same material right through his hand, nailing him to the cross through his hands and through his feet so there's no way he can get out. And they leave him there so that the sun will rise eventually and kill him. It's the only way we could get rid of it. That's it. The only way.

Cristina: But it doesn't.

Jack: It doesn't get rid of him because he's dying when they take him off of it. We don't see that part. But then they take him to the best place where somebody can reward a vampire can recover. He needs to be on dirt.

Cristina: His friends did that, though.

Jack: His friends did that. His friends took him down. These are also lose their powers. Yeah, they're gonna. They take him down they take him to a tomb, dirt and rock all around him. And they bring him some blood covers there. They bring him some blood. They give him some blood. They close it so nobody could go in there. They just say, he's dead in there. He's dead. He's died. He's died over.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And he recovers while he's in there. They give him some blood he needs to regenerate his normal vampire regeneration rate as he rests. Three days later, today on Easter, he's fully recovered.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And people just start seeing him walking around. They're like, what the h***? We saw this guy die.

Cristina: And then he does the levitation to heaven thing. Or.

Jack: No, he.

Cristina: That's not part of the story.

Jack: Yes, but they see him walking around and they witness his presence. And then he tells them, knowing that now the church is going to be informed that they failed, they're going to do it again. But now he knows, he knows they know. So he's like, nah, this ain't good.

Cristina: So he has a plan to get.

Jack: The h*** out of there.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Now, as he's established his plan, he tells all the homies to plan. Look like, as long as I'm alive, you guys can retain your abilities, but I can't be here anymore, try to kill me. So you guys just need to be under the radar, be normal people. Do your miracles or whatever, but don't. Don't exceed your reach. They know how to take us down. There's more of them than there are of us. Okay, so I'm gonna do a nifty. My final con. The final cut. The final score, guys, the final score. They're like, yeah, the final score. And then we have the montage of Ocean's Eleven where we see all the characters start to set it up. Yeah. First they're gonna get an audience done. Then they show, like, f****** Peter. Getting people together. Yeah. Like, we're gonna bring people in and we're gonna. You gotta pass flyers to get everybody coming. Look, Jesus gonna be leaving or whatever and share all this information anyways. Eventually, people witness him levitate into the skies. His goal was, I'm gonna go over the clouds and then fly the h*** out of there.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: So they see him go up and they're like, oh, he went to the heaven. Seems like obviously there's space up there, but they're idiots and they don't know that. So I'm just go high enough so they can't see me. I. Mm. And that's how he landed in Transylvania and changed his Name to Dracula.

Cristina: Ah, so he's Dracula.

Jack: He's Dracula.

Cristina: But Dracula, is he still alive?

Jack: Probably could be. Maybe.

Cristina: Because in the story he dies.

Jack: We don't know.

Cristina: That's the story. Yeah.

Jack: Jesus also died.

Cristina: Oh, yeah. That's just a story.

Jack: Jesus also died in a story. What a coincidence.

Cristina: You don't know what parts of the story is true or not. Okay, so.

Jack: Yeah, but that's kind of interesting, right? The people were so severely brainwashed by this man that they couldn't sort of break away even as there were other people. Like, you're crazy as h***. This is clearly not what he's claiming to be, brainwashed. Yes, they are. But also whatever. The church that formed around these apostles made sure to sling this forward. And they managed to create some sort of concoction out of his blood by finding alchemists that could replicate the exact composition of his blood and then pass that forward to use it to keep people both brainwashed and heal people with the blood of Christ. And they can also. They no longer have the access to his flesh, but they can take little breads, drip his blood onto it, and preserve that successfully without the fear of blood coagulating inside of a container and becoming useless.

Cristina: And that's the bread that they're feeding in people.

Jack: That bread.

Cristina: So people are going into the church to get brainwashed.

Jack: Optimized the system so that it could function without Jesus's involvement. I don't know what happened to the apostles. I don't know if they're dead, if they're alive. We can't trust the Bible because the Bible has a bunch of. They need him to be dead in the Bible. That's his narrative.

Cristina: Yes. And they probably need the apostles to be dead because that's. They're gonna live forever. So.

Jack: So we don't know really what's happening. And I still don't know which of the two was the older vampire if that's the case. Unless, again, Jesus power is so exaggerated, he can reach backwards in time. I guess it's kind of a stretch.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: But if that's not the case, then either Enoch or Seth.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Were vampires. And it makes more sense that it would be Seth because of the magnitude in which the events were happening with the flood and the fire from the skies and the firstborn of people dying. Like he could just do the crazy things.

Cristina: He was killed. That's crazy.

Jack: And once Jesus pieced that together, he's like, there's no way I'm winning.

Cristina: Yes. So now he's hiding.

Jack: He's hiding. He's like, I'm not dealing with this crap. Which explains the need to quote, resurrect, quote, unquote, fly up to the sky or whatever the h***.

Cristina: Yes. And that's where Thanksgiving comes from.

Jack: Not Thanksgiving, Easter.

Cristina: Easter. Oh, Easter. That's where Easter comes from.

Jack: Yeah. And so there's a bunch of crap like that. The Bible is filled with a bunch of individuals that could have potentially have been following Jesus. Have been individuals.

Cristina: That makes sense. The church is making monsters. Why not?

Jack: Yeah, we've already established that the church makes monsters pretty regularly just to get.

Cristina: Rid of the monsters. They know how to create and destroy monsters. That's what they do.

Jack: Yeah. Church is crazy. Now, it's possible that Muhammad was also a vampire because he went through a lot of the same events. It's also possible that Jesus didn't immediately go to Transylvania.

Cristina: Oh, crap. He was trying to do the same thing somewhere else.

Jack: Yeah, he was trying to make different movements in different places. He would start get the ball rolling and go somewhere else. And it didn't even need to be the same religion so long as he had a following of people who would continue to consume.

Cristina: And it's just easy to get really, just people on board or something.

Jack: Yeah. And it's not that he was doing anything malicious. It's just he's a monster. And if you think of like Dean's mentality from Supernatural, it's like, if it's a monster, you f****** kill it. It might even be good. Doesn't matter. You kill it.

Cristina: Kill it.

Jack: And so he wasn't like doing anything horrible. He was doing nifty magic tricks and giving people health, like, okay, whatever.

Cristina: But he was probably drinking people's blood.

Jack: He was totally drinking people's blood.

Cristina: We don't know if he actually killed people in the process.

Jack: I think he probably did, so. Yeah, they probably did. So fair enough. Fair enough. I guess the trade off is he would eat people who weren't his followers. But give those who were probably blame.

Cristina: It on demons or something.

Jack: Probably did. So that's probably the whole story behind Lucifer.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Like it was some other evil thing.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Probably talked about himself third person and called him Lucifer. Some thing is drinking your blood in the middle of the night. You got marks on your body. Check your body. I bet you do. They do. It's like, yeah, you see, you're letting demons into your home. You should let me into your home. Crazy little do they know, they already let him into you. But it's like you, you haven't Been hit by demons yet? Give it time. Unless you let me save you.

Cristina: That's so crazy. But where else has he been?

Jack: A bunch of places. But it's just the same story over and over. It's the same story over. Anytime you see the same story of a creature being revived or whatever, he's probably coming with the stories from his land. It's not that the events happened again, but rather he comes and tells us, you know, casually talking with somebody, you know, suave or whatever, and he just lets it slip and he's like, oh yeah, this happened. Like, holy crap, you're some kind of God or something. It's like, I guess I am. And now you got a whole. Hey, man, this Muhammad guy said he was like crucified or. So he died, came back three days later. You mean the guy who healed Bob just by waving his hand? Yeah, man, I think he's God or something. And so just that crap happens all time. Because Jesus as a con artist, he's kind of a narcissist. You can't help but keep talking about himself. So everybody eventually finds out and then whole new God. So it comes to be.

Cristina: Yes, but he doesn't mind having a different character that he's playing because he likes it. Because he.

Jack: Okay, little by little he kept fading away. Until now he's known as Dracula. Hiding in some castle where nobody could disturb him anymore.

Cristina: Cool.

Jack: And those are just woke facts right there. The truth about what this glorious day named Easter is.

Cristina: It's beautiful.

Jack: Yes. And he has his giant castle filled with chicken coops where he has all the eggs.

Cristina: I guess he drinks their blood now.

Jack: Chicken blood.

Cristina: Chicken blood, probably. Yeah. Maybe that's how he survives now. Chicken blood.

Jack: Why not? It's the true woke truth behind all of it. Yes, and I know that's just. So now you guys are all informed on how this works, I'm sure that it's very interesting to think that Seth might have been the original vampire. He was mentioned and ignored afterwards. Same thing with Enoch, who's briefly mentioned and ignored. But we can find the whole book of Enoch. And there was an original book of Christ, allegedly written by Christ called the book of Emmanuel, which was his original name. And they his name is mentioned, but the book can't be found. We could find the book of Enoch and his references to the book of Emmanuel, but there is no book of Emmanuel, which is an interesting problem that the church at no moment addresses.

Cristina: No, they say it's lost or something.

Jack: No, never existed.

Cristina: It never existed.

Jack: It never existed. It's mentioned. Like they missed removing that part.

Cristina: Huh?

Jack: It's mentioned as existing in the Bible.

Cristina: Yes. Well, not the Bible, the Enoch.

Jack: Oh well here's the problem. The Book of Enoch is mentioned as existing and you can find the Book of Enoch.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Now in some of the books that were removed from the Bible, of which there are 60 something different books completely retracted.

Cristina: In those books you can find mention.

Jack: Mention of the Book of Emmanuel.

Cristina: Why didn't they at least edit those?

Jack: I don't know. So you can find the mention of the book but you can't find the Book of Emmanuel. As if it doesn't exist. Exist. Like it was perfectly erased from all of existence.

Cristina: Interesting.

Jack: Interesting.

Cristina: They did that on purpose. Come on.

Jack: They did that on purpose.

Cristina: What could be in his book, the Book of Emmanuel? What? What kind of crazy stories does he have?

Jack: That's nuts, right?

Cristina: Yes. Oh man. There's nothing for sure.

Jack: Nothing for sure. I've extensively tried to find this lame and I can't find any of it.

Cristina: What do the other books say about his book though? Do they give any hint to they.

Jack: Reference having read the Book of Immanuel? People held and people read the Book of Emmanuel. There was a true text written by Jesus Christ himself, Immanuel. And it's gone.

Cristina: But we have proof that people did read this text.

Jack: Yes. Obviously we got to assume if everything written in the Bible is bullshit to begin with. But if there was truth to any of it, there has to be truth to all of it. In which case there was a book by Jesus and that book has been completely destroyed and removed from existence by the church. So no matter what, there's a suppression effort that predates our current time.

Cristina: Of course. That's so crazy. Like the whole aliens might have written the Bible or inspire the Bible.

Jack: You mean like what's his name, Michael Horn was talking about?

Cristina: No, the thing we heard from mysterious Universe.

Jack: I don't remember. Anyways, I hope this has excited you all for Easter. That's tomorrow. I hope you guys have Russian buy some eggs and make sure some of them are chocolate. Jesus gonna come and steal your eggs. You don't want him to eat your chocolate eggs.

Cristina: But if you find Jesus though, can you ask him to turn into a vampire?

Jack: Maybe. He'd probably be down. He's not. He's a cool a** dude. He doesn't give a crap. Whatever.

Cristina: That'd be pretty cool.

Jack: It's just a sort of game you play.

Cristina: There's also a chance that he might just suck all the blood out of you and you die.

Jack: Also a problem.

Cristina: There's a little risk in that too.

Jack: But the whole thing is just a game you play because of the days that Jesus was stealing eggs. It's in honor of Jesus stealing all the eggs. And you hide them so he doesn't.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Anyways, if you guys want to hear more lovely things about Jesus Christ, of which we only have nice things to say, an infinite number of episodes that all include us talking about religion in depth and many other type of topics of many different sorts.

Cristina: Related.

Jack: Yeah, we're definitely way more informed than the church. The church listens to us.

Cristina: Yep.

Jack: Anyways, if you want some of that stuff, you can find all of that on the official website, grey thoughts.info or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you get your podcasts.

Cristina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok at just convopod.

Jack: Yes, send us some nifty messages. Talk to us. Well, not. Not us. We're not even on that. But, you know, talk to people who work with us and they'll tell us stuff or whatever the crap. I don't know. Just.

Cristina: We'll talk to you through this.

Jack: Yes, we'll. They'll tell us what you said and we'll come and talk crap about it on this end. And remember to subscribe and rate the show. And if you feel so inclined, review.

Cristina: It and let someone who might like this show know about it.

Jack: Yes. If you have friends that love holidays and religion and they love God and they show them they love the true history of God, we speak woke truth.

Cristina: See?

Jack: So you tell them about this episode and they're gonna be like, thanks, man. I knew you were a cool one. I know you were real one. This whole time, bro, you never questioned my faith. You never mocked me. I know you don't believe in God, but I respect that you respect that I do believe in God. And I appreciate you giving me this Christian, this very Christian episode, talking about God and Easter. I. I appreciate you, man. They're gonna love you way more for it.

Cristina: Yes. And this has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal, and thanks for listening.

Jack: Bye. First in the welders come. Anyways, in my weird searches through the Internet, I came across a. An ad. And the ad had no words. It had two cups on each side. And then somebody started pouring white fluids into one, into both of them. And then one of them stopped, like, halfway. And then the other one kept filling up, up, kept filling up, kept filling up. And then on the screen, it showed up got c**. And then they showed a bottle of some pills you can take to increase your sperm count. And it said more come more fun.

Cristina: Is more come more fun?

Jack: I mean, I don't know if somebody likes to be glazed the up. I guess I like to be treated like a donut. Like a glazed donut.

Cristina: Okay, so they're not selling don't come though?

Jack: No, no, no, they're not. They're selling the pills that make you produce more c**.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: So you can shoot milky loads at people.

Cristina: And this is advertised?

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cristina: What was it like through YouTube?

Jack: No, no, no, no. Just searching the Internet. You click on weird things and eventually occasionally they spam you, you know, in the little side things, which is like, well, this is some f***** up ad or some s***. And so, yeah, there was a c** production ad.

Cristina: Was that the weirdest thing you've seen.

Jack: When it comes to that? Yeah, that's probably. It was an ad for pornhub.

Cristina: Good morning. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by Great Thoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McAllister with social media managed by Amber Black.

Rambling 114: 2020 Apocalypse Review pt 1

Just conversation, Podcast, Review, 2020 Review, New Year, Special, Police Brutality, Corruption, Election Fraud

What the hell happened in 2020? Well we do a recap of the events and where we went wrong!

 

The duo decides to dust off ancient books of the year 2020 and discover what the elders of that era were doing in their younger days and how they were dealing with the events. Going month by month and event by event, our two heroes revisit the highlights of this time before the flying cars and immortality were a thing.

(This episode contains a transcript to make it accessible to Deaf and Hard of Hearing Audiences #DeafPodcast)

+Episode Details

Topics Discussed

  • Bushfires
  • World War III
  • The Who
  • Umbrella Corp.
  • Trump is the Best
  • Toilet Paper Crisis
  • Global Lockdown
  • Aliens Confirmed
  • Murder Hornets

Listen on: Apple Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-just-conversation-podcast/id1281855507?mt=2

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/4fWXn9Ku4iLvHGH27DEIlB

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

Or anywhere you listen to podcasts!


+Transcript

Nick: Hi, my name is Nick.

Jack: I'm Brandon.

Nick: We are the hosts of the tennis podcast where every week we cover a different top 10 ish list. We cover lists such as the highest grossing films of all time, the best selling musicians of all time, the the.

Jack: Sexiest mogwais, the richest leprechauns, the all.

Nick: This and more we cover on the tennis podcast.

Jack: I had more.

Nick: You can find us on all podcast players including Apple podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher. All you gotta do is search for 10ish podcast. You can also find us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. And Brandon, what will we do if the listeners don't check out our podcast?

Jack: Well, cut your head off.

Nick: Don't make us cut your head off. Listen to the tennis podcast.

Jack: Bye.

Christina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Christina: What does live mean?

Jack: Huh? Welcome to the Just Conversation podcast, the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I am your host, Jack.

Christina: And I'm your host, Christina.

Jack: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notified the second new episodes are released.

Christina: Also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner to share opinions and ideas on topics we discuss. Discuss.

Jack: Yes. So be sure to ask somebody nicely to listen to the show, please.

Christina: Really?

Jack: Yeah.

Jack: Totally.

Christina: For this episode.

Jack: For this episode.

Christina: What if they already did everything you told them to do in the last episode and now they're like, what?

Jack: Well, they.

Christina: How was that work?

Jack: No, they already got the work done. If they already listened and did it once and they got somebody to listen to the show.

Christina: But they assume like this episode would start the same though, and they would have prepared the same way.

Jack: Do you think they're just going out and doing this every episode?

Christina: Yes. After you said you gotta do it or else your memories erase. Actually, your memories always erase.

Jack: That's the craziest part.

Christina: I'm not really sure what their punishment was. Or. You kill their child.

Jack: Yeah. Their children are in danger and they gotta pay tax.

Christina: Yeah. In this episode, they did it for nothing.

Jack: No, this is a new, fresh year. What are you talking about?

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: This is different. We changed individuals. The only instance something bad would happen is if they don't ask somebody nicely, in which case their children are still in danger. And even if they're listening, it's outside of our power, they're gonna lose their memory. So all of that is sort of out of our control and they're still gonna get taxed.

Christina: Where does the memory loss. Where does that come from?

Jack: There's subliminal messaging in every episode.

Christina: Oh, okay, so the episodes. Doing it to them.

Jack: Yeah, yeah. We have our engineers encoded into the background.

Christina: Why do we do that?

Jack: To erase their memories.

Christina: Why?

Jack: Because we're like that.

Christina: We're like that. Okay?

Jack: That's who we are as people.

Christina: Yes. That's how we are.

Jack: Yeah.

Christina: Anyways, Happy New Year.

Jack: Happy New Year.

Christina: It's not too late to say that. Like, how long after New Year is it? Like, stop saying Happy New Year.

Jack: I don't know.

Christina: Is it like the first time you see a person through the year? That time is the time you say it and then after that, no more.

Jack: It's a new year. Yeah, I guess.

Christina: But you just say it once and that's it.

Jack: Yeah, I don't.

Christina: You don't have to greet each other until the end of January or something.

Jack: Look, you say Happy new year until December 31st, and then there's a new year.

Christina: No, that's too much. At a point, you gotta stop. I think just say one time.

Jack: Says who? Who? Where's.

Christina: You just say one time.

Jack: Where's it written down? Point, point at the rule.

Christina: Right there. Right where I'm pointing.

Jack: That's not the rule.

Christina: Yes, it is.

Jack: I can see what you're saying. It's not that.

Christina: It's that.

Jack: That's a bottle.

Christina: It's the rule. You can't prove it's a bottle.

Jack: You can't prove it's the rule. Based on that same logic.

Christina: Well, the listeners will have to just believe me.

Jack: Fair enough.

Christina: I'm pointing out the rules anyways.

Jack: So, yeah, the. It's 2021. We're in the future. We have flying cars, flying skateboards. Our sneakers fly. So I don't know. I would need any of those other two options. There's tubes that teleport us immediately where we need to be.

Christina: Who uses those tubes?

Jack: We've been living on Mars for the past. How many days has it been since New Year's? For like three days. We got colonies set up.

Christina: We have for the tubes. I don't get it.

Jack: I don't get it.

Christina: And also, if you're going through the tubes, when you go to the end, are you upside down?

Jack: That's an interesting question. Right?

Christina: Yeah. How does that work?

Jack: I mean, I guess it would have to be like a tube that then loops up and then drops you down.

Christina: Oh, okay. Just. I never got that. But okay.

Jack: I don't understand either, because they get sucked in straight up. But Then they land straight up, which is like somewhere something sketchy happened.

Christina: Yes. I don't know. They were murdered. That's a clone.

Jack: Could be. So 2020.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: We're on the moon. We're on Mars. We have a Dyson sphere around the sun.

Christina: Wait, you're talking about 2020.

Jack: 2021.

Christina: Oh, 2021. Okay.

Jack: 2010 just happened and we proved there's no God. What other achievements have happened this year? Things that have totally opposite from 2020, where the first f****** four days we dropped a bomb on somebody. But outside the point.

Christina: That was in December. In January.

Jack: January, man. That was January 4th or 3rd.

Christina: What?

Jack: Something like that.

Christina: Oh, I forgot about that.

Jack: Yeah, yeah. Trump was like, I ain't starting this year on no easy route. He was the. The foreshadowing about the year ago. And so totally counter to that. We've cured cancer, all of them. Cured diabetes, we cured obesity.

Christina: All of this happened in the first.

Jack: Week, a couple of days. Days or some s***. Yeah. So all of this has happened since then. We've found the cure to death. We no longer die.

Christina: No longer die.

Jack: The breakthrough for telepathy happened yesterday. I believe so. Yeah. The year's going really good. Way better. Yes, way better.

Christina: What was your favorite part of last year, though? It was a really great year. I don't know what you're talking about.

Jack: It wasn't a bad year. I didn't say it was a bad year.

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: I said it's just opposite. Last year it was more about tearing things down. This year is about building things up.

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Science last year was like flat earth and conspiracy theories. This year, science, nothing but science.

Christina: This year was about conspiracy theories. It was a very conspiracy theory heavy year.

Jack: It was. It was. Anyways, I figured we could catch up on all the things that happened since January.

Christina: Oh, since January. January.

Jack: So that's what this episode is. This is a recap of the amazing. This is a 2020 recap.

Christina: If you forgot anything that happened last year or you just. There's so much things that happened, you probably don't know every single thing that happened.

Jack: Look, she might be trying to be nice about it, but in reality, if you're blackout drunk or a guy who was just strung out straight through 2020, because, f***, this year we're gonna tell you all the things you missed because you were in some sort of black cloud of nothingness.

Christina: Yes. We're here to help you out.

Jack: Yeah. Exactly how it's gonna happen. So. So let us begin by going way to the beginning. First There was nothing.

Christina: No, no. Well, what I remember. I would like to start before January, actually, because.

Jack: Before the first day.

Christina: Yes, before the first day. Because in December, something was happening in China and we didn't know what it was. And now we know, of course, but that started in December of 2019, which we were just like, there's something going on. What is it? Who knows? Mystery.

Jack: Yeah.

Christina: And then it became the.

Jack: Some people got sick here, some people got sick over there. Oh, people getting really sick. It's spreading like wildfire.

Christina: It spread. And then in January, I guess now we can go to January.

Jack: Yes, in January, global cases of this mysterious virus have gone up to 9,000, 906.

Christina: And it was all in China. No, I don't know.

Jack: Maybe. I don't know. It was probably some here and there, but it was predominantly in China. So, yeah, 9,906 cases. So let's start. So we've got viruses somewhere out in the world, but elsewhere in the world, away from the viruses. Australia is on fire.

Christina: Yes. It's having its worst fire ever. Ever, ever.

Jack: The continent's on fire.

Christina: The continent? Yes. It's so crazy that New Zealand could see the smoke from the fire.

Jack: Yeah. The amount of area taken up is about the size of South Korea. No bullshit.

Christina: Of the fires.

Jack: The fire.

Christina: Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Jack: The amount of fire covers an area the size of South Korea.

Christina: Whoa. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's huge. That is huge. Yeah.

Jack: Yeah. Roughly 25 million acres burned.

Christina: No, it's not.

Jack: 25 million acres on fire. And at least 33 people died. Exciting way to start this f****** year. Yeah, fantastic. Including at least three firefighters were dead there, too.

Christina: Yes. And the smoke of the fire was a problem. Besides the actual fire, the smoke, it was just really bad. The pollution of the air. Pollution.

Jack: Yeah. It's f***** up the planet to great new heights, not just locally, but like the planet.

Christina: The planet.

Jack: The planet. Yeah. Maybe around 3,000 homes have been lost. And the smoke was definitely like the big centerpiece there because it got seen everywhere and it's still lingering up there.

Christina: Still lingering.

Jack: Yeah. That s*** is in the sky. Then it got contagious later because of this. Australia recorded the worst pollution it's ever.

Christina: Seen, 23 times higher than what's considered hazardous. So it was really dangerous. It's still really dangerous. Are they still there? They're not there anymore. Right. We got a new Australia. Yes. We destroyed that land and built a new land over it.

Jack: No, they were still areas to live in. Like, the whole place isn't Gone.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: Australia outsizes South Korea, which is why it's weird that it's an island. It's a continent island.

Christina: It's a continent island.

Jack: It's a continent country island.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Yeah. Australia is a unique place with unique.

Christina: Animals that we gotta save. We gotta go over there and save the animals. There's so many unique animals in Australia.

Jack: There's too many unique animals on the planet in general.

Christina: Australia. They only come from Australia. Once they're gone, they're gone.

Jack: So.

Christina: But they're so unique.

Jack: So.

Christina: Knuckles. We'll lose Knuckles. You want him to die?

Jack: I don't care. Look, here's the thing. The universe is making choices. Who are we to stop it? To stop it.

Christina: What about that weird platypus thing?

Jack: F*** that platypus thing. There's like, a furry duck mammal thing.

Christina: It's a mammal that thinks it's a bird. Yes. But it's so awesome. I don't want to lose those animals.

Jack: Yeah. I don't. I don't know. It's like, there's too many animals. What? Val, who cares? We save these animals, but then we ignore those. Or we have to kill those to save the environment anyways. Like, what the. How are we trading this off? We decide we got to save the Australian animals because. Trees on fire. But then over here, we're like, we gotta set these trees on fire because it's gonna kill the animals.

Christina: We're setting the trees on fire?

Jack: Well, you set the trees on fire to prevent bigger fires from happening in the future by controlling where the fire can happen and thus saving the E ecosystem.

Christina: But we can't do that. We're bad at it. Is that what we have?

Jack: Point being, we save these animals, but then we destroy those trees. Okay, maybe the trees are just making choices.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Or not even the trees. Just.

Christina: Nature is saying goodbye to Australia. Or at least a big chunk of it.

Jack: Yeah. It doesn't. The universe makes choices we're not allowed to question. Universal choices. Australia declares a state of disaster after the death of over 500 million animals.

Christina: That's so crazy.

Jack: That's f****** nuts.

Christina: That's crazy. Exactly. Exactly.

Jack: Yeah. It's pretty excessive. The amount of death, like, incalculable. And we're not even considering the amount of insects that lived in there.

Christina: Oh, my gosh. If we count the insects. Whoa. That's too much. That's a lot of death.

Jack: No, no, it's excessive. 25,000 koalas are dead. The koalas are dying.

Christina: The koala does. Yeah. 30% of their home is wiped out thanks to the fire. What are we gonna do with them? The ones that they can't go back home because their home is gone?

Jack: We're gonna eat them.

Christina: We keep them as pets.

Jack: Yeah.

Christina: No, I think that's a bad idea. Take them to the zoos. No.

Jack: Smoothing along in January, the lovely President of the United States had a drone strike on a foreign military leader. That was an exciting introduction to the year. Not only were we rolling over from this Australia fire of the previous year, but we're like, this year didn't start on fire enough. Let's get some fireworks going.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: And we drop the bomb that the f****** drone strike kills an Iranian general, Qasem Soleimani. That's when we drop the. So we dropped the drone on Soleimani, man.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: Yeah. S*** got out of hand. There was definitely the potential for a war with the US both on their territories and on our territories, which is weird. Immediately at the beginning of the year, the potential for war just opened up.

Christina: And that reminds me, wasn't in December the Korean thing happening? Was that. Not this December? I don't remember. Oh, man. That Korea. We weren't sure if they were gonna bomb us because he made us some weird message about, like, you were gonna give you guys a gift or something. And we were thinking he was gonna, like, some horrible thing was going to happen.

Jack: Oh, yeah. Like a nuke or something.

Christina: Yeah. I'm not sure if that was this December, though. It was eight. December, for sure.

Jack: Yeah. Yeah. It might have been this past. Not 2020, but like 2019. December.

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Because I wasn't for this year.

Christina: It wasn't. Okay.

Jack: No, that was for last year, I believe.

Christina: All right, Sorry.

Jack: Whatever. F******.

Christina: That was another.

Jack: It was 29.

Christina: We're going to be in war.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happened usually. Then around January 9th, the WHO announces this mysterious coronavirus pneumon in Wuhan, China.

Christina: The beginning.

Jack: So there were already signs of something weird happening. But now the who got involved. The band. The who is now involved. S*** is serious.

Christina: That's how we know.

Jack: That's how we know. Once the. Once the who stops making music and gets involved, are they still alive?

Christina: That's an old band, isn't it?

Jack: It's very old.

Christina: Okay. So they came back from the grave.

Jack: Now, in the time that this s*** happens and it gets announced, people start to f****** panic and we start so dumb. Oh, my God, we're idiots. Because as the panic begins, we start pulling out everybody who we have. All Americans, rather come back Home.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: And it's like, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.

Christina: Let them stay there for two weeks.

Jack: Yeah, abandon them. Let them stay there. You're pulling them out of a zone that has a plague running around. Yeah, maybe, Maybe, just maybe, just let them there. You just leave them there?

Christina: Yeah. Didn't we do that with the people on boats, on the cruise ships? We just, like. Okay, we thought about it mad late.

Jack: We thought about it mad late. That solution came mad late. Oh, when it's like, you brought the plague over, why didn't you just f****** cut it off?

Christina: I don't know. What was the point?

Jack: That's really how it spread. Yes, that's really how it spread. But here's what's funny. A bunch of people who did not get tested for having it or whatever were like, man, I must have had it back then. I heard that so many times. Like, people who thought they had it earlier than what happened or whatever.

Christina: Yeah. And you believe them?

Jack: No.

Christina: Okay.

Jack: I think it's possible, I guess, but what are the odds there weren't, like, a lot of people with it. You didn't just happen to have it, but it's these people who are, like, hypochondriacs, essentially.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: F****** crazy, but. Yeah. I don't know why the f*** we were pulling people out. Just f****** close that b**** down and leave them in there.

Christina: Leave them there. Look, that would have been a great solution.

Jack: Sucks. But they're the guinea pigs at this point. You're gonna find out how bad it is.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Are they gonna die?

Christina: Especially when a lot of countries don't even trust China and their news and stuff. Why not just keep your people there and just, you know, check on them and make sure that everything's.

Jack: Or. When they brought them up, why'd you bring them into the country and let them go? You should have, like, rented out a boat and put them on there. Yeah, right at the beginning. Keep them quarantined. You don't want them over there. We'll trap them over here, but. Trap them somewhere?

Christina: Yes.

Jack: That's f****** nuts.

Christina: Crazy.

Jack: So, yeah, that happens for the next couple of weeks.

Christina: Mm.

Jack: And then on the 21st, obviously, the CDC confirms the first US coronavirus cases. I mean, like, no s***. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you don't let people leave China when China's overrun by a deadly plague.

Christina: No one knew that it was so deadly. Or they did. I don't know. Whatever.

Jack: Weren't the hospitals over there right at the start?

Christina: Yeah. Yeah.

Jack: Then Also on the 21st, Chinese scientist confirms COVID 19 human transmission.

Christina: Now we know about the monkey virus. Or was it a bat virus? Bat virus?

Jack: Bat soup virus. That's where that conspiracy starts. Because people got to be sketchy and make s*** up. And it came from a restaurant where bat soup was happening. And I don't know where the f*** that rumor got started.

Christina: You.

Jack: I definitely started that rumor.

Christina: Yes. And what was that other rumor? It came from that Resident Evil place.

Jack: Umbrellas, which I also started. It came from the. I started both of those.

Christina: Umbrella Corporation.

Jack: Yes. Well, that one might be true. It's not called the Umbrella Corporation, but it gets started in some lab or something. Yeah, that's the weird part. Like, there's. They're thinking it leaped through animals, but it was. Something was being tested on that kind of caused it. And not like we're gonna. I mean, we don't know the motivations behind them. They could have been like, we're gonna f****** destroy the world. But, like, it's unlikely. But, like, I'm not saying it didn't happen. I just don't know that it did.

Christina: There's many possibilities.

Jack: Many possibilities. And two days later, Wuhan, now under quarantine. This is where Hong Kong closed its borders to the rest of China and s*** everywhere. Wasn't allowing travel. Wuhan was on total lockdown. Everybody was trapped in their houses. I remember they were spraying down their roads and cleaning them in hazmat suits or sidewalks or buildings, everything.

Christina: And people weren't allowed out. And they need a passport. Not. What's it called? Pass.

Jack: Yeah, they needed a pass to go outside.

Christina: Yeah, they needed passes to go outside. What?

Jack: F****** nuts.

Christina: Mm.

Jack: All that s*** was cray cray.

Christina: That was cray cray. Then in January 31st, WHO issues global health emergency. So it's not a pandemic yet.

Jack: No, no. That happens much later down the line, but with the worldwide death toll becomes.

Christina: A health emergency because it's spreading fast.

Jack: And also that's around the same time that Trump got impeached for making a perfect phone call.

Christina: Yes. That was his tweet. I got. Well, I just got impeached for making a perfect phone call. Trump has the best words.

Jack: He has the best words. Let's be real. He has an army of followers.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: And not to say that the left or right, because they're also a bunch of morons, but the bull. The right is blind. Like, both sides are pretty heavily brainwashed, except the left requires an army of people working tactically together to brainwash them. Trump seems to do what they do. Single handedly to both sides, I guess. Yeah, sort of.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: He portrays whatever image he wants and gets what he wants.

Christina: Yep.

Jack: So Trump effectively manipulates all the idiots on both sides.

Christina: And I'm sure that phone call was perfect. A perfect phone call. Only he could have a perfect phone call.

Jack: I swear that phone call was a tactical masterpiece in order to throw people off of something crazier he was doing.

Christina: Ooh, it was.

Jack: He's too slick. He's too slick. He is one of the smartest individuals to have just blessed this planet and he really is. The best part is he's not Obama, who needs to show off his intellect and prove to people I'm slicker than you are. He's okay with. Sure, it's okay. If you think I'm an idiot, I have the upper hand there. Because if you think I'm an idiot, I can always catch you off guard.

Christina: And he always does.

Jack: And he always does.

Christina: I don't know how.

Jack: The right ignores blatant facts because he says so. And he's tricked them many, many times. The left will ignore blatant facts just because he says so. They. They get sucked into vortexes of his thoughts. He does have the perfect words. He destroys the psyche of dumb people.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: He said idiots will vote for me and idiots voted for him. He said, these morons on the left are gonna freak the f*** out when I do this. And they did f****** freak out. They're all idiots. Both sides are so stupid. They don't realize that Trump isn't what he says he is. He's what he secretly is and lies to you about an image that you're gonna follow. He knows who's gonna do what.

Christina: It works for him.

Jack: It works for him very well. And so he has an army of followers and haters, all based on his chosen perception.

Christina: And that was the end of January.

Jack: Yeah, beautiful. End of January, it was the we're still in light time, light light mode. Very simple, easy.

Christina: I don't know. Those are pretty crazy situations.

Jack: But no, that was tame s*** compared.

Christina: To what comes next.

Jack: That was all tame s***. Yeah. Cuz next comes February. So we finished almost at 10,000 cases on January. Come February, by the end of February, we have about 85,000 cases.

Christina: Crazy jump.

Jack: That's a crazy jump. To contain the coronavirus outbreak, the Chinese government sealed off Wuhan, which happened at the beginning, at the end of January and banned public transportation and private cars from the streets and access to the streets. Businesses shut down. Hospitals were the only place essentially open and groceries were Essentially being delivered to people's doorsteps because they were now allowed outside of their house. Rationing.

Christina: They were really trapped.

Jack: They were locked the f*** down.

Christina: What?

Jack: Yep.

Christina: That's the beginning now. Are they all dead? Is it nothing there now?

Jack: No, there's probably fine now.

Christina: Okay.

Jack: Or they're still going through it. Who knows? Like, the world hasn't solved the problem yet, so who the h*** knows? You're starting this year, still dealing with that. But by February 2, all global air travel has been cut, which is great.

Christina: I mean, I guess it's bad for people who need to travel, but yes, great for Earth. Earth was like, I need this.

Jack: Yeah, Earth was definitely. That's the craziest part. I remember somewhere in, like March, after the lockdowns happened, that people were making those posts about just seeing animals coming out. It's like, Earth is healing itself or whatever.

Christina: Earth is healing itself. Oh, yes. I think that was a meme too.

Jack: Yeah, it was f****** everywhere.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: And then it got it all obviously, like mediums, like spun out of control and then dumb equal.

Christina: Exactly. Yeah. It's like two. What was it? Two scooters floating out of the water. Earth is healing itself. Yeah, I don't know.

Jack: Sounds about right. Yep. Yep. But basically February is a really slow month because it's very drowned in Covid. That's pretty much all the excitement.

Christina: Covid.

Jack: Covid. By February 3, the US declared public health emergency. So, okay, we caught up to s*** that's already been going on. We don't f****** do s*** on time, I guess.

Christina: Or watching Covid on the news 247 by now. Or I feel like more on Feb. March.

Jack: Yeah, more like March or whatever. I remember tracking.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: Every time we were here, we would always check to see what. What the progress was.

Christina: Yeah. But the rest of the people in the Illuminati office weren't really paying attention until March.

Jack: Yeah. Until we were all given the order of. Now it's serious, guys. Yeah, Time to work.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: But by the 10th, China's COVID 19 deaths had exceeded of SARS. What? The SARS crisis.

Christina: Do you remember how much death was in the sars?

Jack: No, but this is way more than that.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: And then on February 25th, the CDC says COVID 19 is heading towards pandemic.

Christina: Status and people flipped out. Not this part.

Jack: This is the.

Christina: This is not the part yet.

Jack: They were freaking out at the. Just the anticipation that it might be called the pandemic was like, oh my God. Like, bro, whatever's happening is already happening. They're Just changing the title of it.

Christina: But the change somehow made it feel more like, oh, my gosh. Like, these cases aren't oh, my gosh. But.

Jack: Well, we finish February, like I said, with 85,000 cases, and then it jumps. And then it jumps. So that by the end of March, we're at 800,000 global cases. Ten times over.

Christina: Yes. Oh, my gosh.

Jack: So where we're. It's definitely spreading pandemic style.

Christina: Mm. Man. But the numbers are just so crazy. It's just gonna get crazier.

Jack: The leaps are monumental.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: So March.

Christina: The first lockdown.

Jack: Yes. Yes, the first lockdowns. And ahead of the possibility of those lockdowns, the first thing that happened after people heard, oh, my God, it might become a pandemic is we have to stock up on supplies for when we're locked down. And everybody had the same idea. Fair enough. Stock up on what you have. Of course, there's greedy people who were gonna take more than they needed. There's always that bunch of people who are douchebags, essentially. I got more money. I'm buying way more. And, yeah, whatever you're douchebagging, you deserve to be in by the zombies that are coming or whatever's happening. And I'm pretty sure in New Jersey, at some point, there was, like, some other plague.

Christina: Why?

Jack: There was some other s*** killing people off, but the government was suppressing. I remember that s*** specifically. I remember reading about that. That the government was suppressing some f****** other plague that was happening. Right. In New Jersey.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: You remember that? We had this conversation about how some other sh. Like, plague was happening in Jersey.

Christina: Yeah, I remember talking about it, but I don't know, like, what happened with that?

Jack: This s*** got crazier, I guess, and it, like, over camera. Anyway, so when people were, you know, shopping, buying their things, some mass hysteria took over.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: And it led to people, instead of buying food, buying toilet paper. All of it.

Christina: All of it.

Jack: All of it, yes. Everywhere in the world. The world ran out of toilet paper.

Christina: Not really. Because they had so much.

Jack: Not really, because toilet paper are usually locally made, and toilet paper tends to be stocked in the warehouse real close by.

Christina: But they was gone.

Jack: And it was gone for, like, a week.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: Because they would. If you come at. If you come into the supermarket. This applies to most things in a supermarket. If you empty the thing out at night, the stock deliver people show up at night and restock so that by the morning, everything is already there.

Christina: Yeah. So the horse shortage is just for the night. Yeah.

Jack: Until the close by warehouse ran out. That doesn't mean they don't have some giant other warehouse somewhere with it. Which is why it took a week after the warehouse ran dry. Because people kept hoarding it. Because it happened in a domino effect way where somebody saw somebody buying too much toilet paper and they were like, oh, s***, this probably happening. Everyone let me buy toilet paper. And so they bought toilet paper. Then some other person sees the person who originated doing it. The person who saw them doing it panicked, and then they panic, and you follow this train of thought. And then before long, everybody only buying f****** toilet paper. The zombies. And that repeatedly led to the warehouses themselves running dry. But the local warehouse, not the distribution warehouse. So the local warehouse at the end of the week would get stocked f****** anyways. And people were like, oh, the shelves are empty. We gotta get as much as we can when we see it. Which is ridiculous.

Christina: Yes. And that lasted a while.

Jack: That lasted a while. Lasted a couple of weeks before people just started putting up signs. No, you are. You take one.

Christina: Yes. There was a lot of. You take one for. Because it started with toilet paper, but then it became other things like.

Jack: Yeah, hand sanitizer.

Christina: Yeah. Loves frozen food. I saw that.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Christina: Also, if you want to know more about toilet paper, we did an episode about what, the many conspiracies of why toilet paper.

Jack: Oh, yeah.

Christina: Besides hysteria, there are other reasons.

Jack: Yeah, there's definitely way more going on there. So if you're interested on that, you could go check that out. But the shortages of toilet paper were so global, they hit all the major locations in the world, predominantly. So we're talking Hong Kong, Australia, United Kingdom, United States. Big, giant, f****** colossal places.

Christina: I'm happy it wasn't just United States. It would be embarrassing if we were the only country.

Jack: I think it started in Australia.

Christina: Really?

Jack: Yeah. I think we were the followers in this instance.

Christina: I don't know what's worse. No. I think it's a little better than if it was just us and we were the only ones.

Jack: But it feels like something very American.

Christina: Yes. Yes, it does.

Jack: It does. Feels like something only United States people know about. Anyways, on March 6, to change the tone. To change the tone of people, you know, a pandemic murdering people, because that's crazy. And people fighting each other like zombies over toilet paper and mass death happening. Will look in this other direction. At March 6, 21 passengers on a California cruise ship test positive.

Christina: I don't know how that's more positive, like, good news compared to the horrible news. You just Said you made it sound like they're positive.

Jack: 21 positive people. That's better than 21 negative people. Not really. Isn't it weird? Why don't we say negative, you're negative.

Christina: Because negative is negative. Or it feels like it's weird that.

Jack: Negative means positive and positive is negative.

Christina: I. Whatever.

Jack: You're infected, you're positive, which is a negative thing. Yes, you're negative, which is a positive thing. Yeah, that's weird.

Christina: That is weird. That's how it works.

Jack: Point being, 21 passengers in a California cruise ship test positive. Those people weren't gonna see home in a long time. They were gonna have a bad time. March 9 rolls by. Italy places 16 million people in quarantine.

Christina: They got a lot of people now.

Jack: We're getting into harsh territory, though. 16 million people in quarantine, more than a quarter of its population. In a bid to stop the COVID What? Yeah. A day later, the quarantine expands to cover the entire country. That 25% means nothing because a hundred percent goes into lockdown.

Christina: Crazy. Wow, that's crazy.

Jack: 16 million people was a quarter. So we're talking 68, 68, 64. 64 million people in quarantine. Yep.

Christina: That's even more people. Yes. We're dealing with millions.

Jack: Whole country on lockdown.

Christina: Whole country. Yep.

Jack: That's crazy. Then we have March 11th. Finally, the people who bought all the toilet paper get what they were hoarding toilet paper for. The COVID virus is titled a pandemic.

Christina: Are you sure it wasn't. It was titled a pandemic, and then people started getting toilet paper. Do you remember the order?

Jack: Yeah, it was definitely before.

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Yeah, it was definitely the anticipation. People were doing it ahead of lockdowns.

Christina: Oh, yeah. Okay. Yes. It was before lockdowns. I remember that.

Jack: Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then on the 13th, Trump declares COVID 19 a national emergency. Kind of late, buddy, but it's all right. On the same 13th, all travel from Europe stopped into the US no more. We don't want no more Europeans here.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: We're banning everybody's travel, essentially. And then California becomes the first state to issue a stay at home order, which failed.

Christina: Did it fail at the beginning?

Jack: It was fine at the beginning. It helped.

Christina: It did help.

Jack: Yes. It worked. It brought it way down and for a way long time. They were the first place to have a bunch of people. But there. A bunch was in the low, like the double digits.

Christina: Okay.

Jack: They had double. I remember following it. There was one here. There's two there. There's Three.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: It wasn't like overnight. There's thousands.

Christina: But it's like that now.

Jack: Yeah, it's like that now. They managed to fight it off at the beginning, then they opened up and s*** hit the fan. And we discover by the 31st that COVID 19 could be transmitted through the eyes.

Christina: I'm not sure what that means.

Jack: It means that, like, you can cry.

Christina: On someone and then they get Covid.

Jack: No, we're saying that it's no longer just you covering your mouth and your nose. If there is air particles that have the virus in it and that lands on your eye, you have now contracted the COVID Oh, yes.

Christina: Do glasses help at all?

Jack: No, they'll help from the front, I guess.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: But there's like quite a bit of opening. So I guess with glasses you have more protection than somebody without.

Christina: Yeah, like a 5% or some low.

Jack: Percentage, some added protection, but without like full gauze goggles blocking your face.

Christina: Why hasn't that become a popular thing?

Jack: I don't know. We could barely handle masks because this is America. So. Yeah, by now we have global lockdowns and hundreds of thousands of businesses go out of business and people go homeless. Schools close, airports close. Travel is globally banned. And around the same time, we have the stock market beginning to crash because nobody's driving. Oil prices drop, stock prices drop in the Dow Jones hits below low anything.

Christina: It'S ever hit in history.

Jack: In history.

Christina: Well, it's pretty crazy month.

Jack: Yeah.

Christina: S***'s starting to get real related, but it's pretty crazy.

Jack: Yes. The domino effect of COVID is crazy. The right at the beginning s*** was real.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: And people went into panic hard. A lot of people thought it was.

Christina: Like the end and somehow it's not.

Jack: It's never the end. We're f****** cockroaches.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Nothing's gonna f****** kill us. But we end March at 800,000 to enter April. So April 27, South Korea told CNN that despite speculation Kim Jong Un, who was expected to be dead because he was ill, was actually alive. So basically, conspiracy theories.

Christina: There's so much conspiracy theories about whether he was really alive or not, because they were saying he was, but no one's seen him.

Jack: Nobody saw him for a while because he was ill. They thought he might have. The one of the things. It was the possibility the virus made it into the country, which it still hadn't because they're so f****** locked down and cut off from the rest of the world.

Christina: Yeah, I can't imagine that. But even if they did, we would.

Jack: Never know yeah, but eventually it did made it in. It did make it in.

Christina: It didn't make it.

Jack: Yeah, it made it in one way or another. I don't remember how the f***. But that's not even it, because we also start getting into sketch territory when the Pentagon releases videos that they have taken into classified files of UFOs before. They. If you remember a couple of years ago, there was one 2017, this one 2019, and one in 2006 or something. All these videos that they kept collecting, saying we were gonna find out what they are. Those are just, you know, planes.

Christina: This is the time they say, we don't know.

Jack: Yeah. They release all three of them and they're like, we don't know what any of this is. None of our enemies, none of our allies have anything we're seeing here. We can't tell you what it is. Society, it's yours. You figure it out. Yes, but people are so panicked because the virus, that s*** just disappears. Like two days later, we forgot about it. Like aliens. Yeah. Yeah, but the virus is here now. Yeah, you should have showed us this, like, last year.

Christina: But we were showed this last year. Oh, but they didn't say anything, I guess. Does that make a difference?

Jack: Yeah, we saw videos, but nobody was like, it wasn't an official government message saying, this is some crazy s***, guys.

Christina: Yes. Oh, Trump's cures. He gives us some crazy cures that month. One of the cures was disinfectant. Like maybe we could put that in our bodies.

Jack: Oh, yeah, Yummy. Bleach.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Inject bleach right into your veins, bro. That's the solution.

Christina: And the other was using very powerful light.

Jack: Yeah, ultraviolet light. So the theory here is he is assuming that we're so advanced he has way hopes for us, that we can somehow capture photons, put enough of them together without them phasing through things for us to, I guess, theoretically inject the photons of light into our body or shine light through us to kill it, the virus. So, yeah, those are some of Trump's lovely cures. Cures.

Christina: I thought those were amazing.

Jack: So, April, another particularly tame month that took place. It was kind of like February, where March was the giant spike in chaos. February, pretty tame. January was kind of chaotic. It began strong and then kind of came down for February, went way the f*** up for March, and then we get to April and we're back to just normal year, minus the fact that the virus was spreading like f****** wildfire that whole time. But at this point, we were dealing with it for A month globally.

Christina: We're bored of it.

Jack: We're bored of it already. We're getting used to. We're like, whatever.

Christina: Mm.

Jack: And so some people get chill and start to do things they were doing before the lockdowns happen. And the virus started spreading in those little pockets where people were like, I don't give a f***. And the spread got so vicious, eventually we ended up at 3 million infections coming from the previous month's 800,000.

Christina: And what's the jump from 8,000? I mean, 800,000 to 3 million.

Jack: That's roughly, what, like, four times over?

Christina: It's. It's going up there.

Jack: It's. We're climbing some heights. We're climbing some heights. But then we enter May. And May is relatively boring through the month. It's casual boring. We're just bouncing off of. We've got crazy numbers happening, virus wise. But other than that, the month goes relatively fine. Very quiet. Everybody's scared because of the virus. We're just learning how to function with it. And then the other shoe drops. It was May 25 when a black, unarmed man was put on the ground. And with the four officers present, one of them, their knee on this man's neck, he is left to die without being able to breathe. While caught on video, the death of George Floyd, which seemed like just another black guy being killed by a white officer, another unarmed black man being killed by another white officer, abusing power. But there were a couple of things that made this situation different than the others.

Christina: What was that?

Jack: We had three cops, aside from the guy who was leaning on him, visible. They were all present, doing absolutely nothing, saying nothing, while a man is saying he's dying. Other times, you have cops on top of the person, handcuffing them, putting them. No, this guy wasn't even being handcuffed. He was just being held on the ground.

Christina: He was just being murdered.

Jack: He was just being murdered. There was nothing else happening. It was being recorded from several different angles, so it could not be disputed. And the view of the victim was clear. It wasn't hard to see. They could just zoom in on the phone. The shot was perfect. And you can see a man die slowly. Very, very slowly, unarmed, for no reason.

Christina: But that was the last straw for.

Jack: But that was the straw that broke the camel's f****** back, bro. Yes, it piled on for the last 200 years.

Christina: That was it.

Jack: And that was the one that was like, one too many. Come the very next day, May 26, Minneapolis is stormed by so many g****** protesters. People were coming from Other states to protest.

Christina: Wow.

Jack: Minneapolis became crazy. It became the largest protesting site ever. Streets were flooded, hundreds of Thousands of people. May 27th. Contagious. Not only are we dealing with a contagious virus that seems to have gone on break towards the end of f****** May for whatever reason, but nationwide police brutality protests. Cities all over the country began to protest because of the same s*** that keeps happening.

Christina: And then the police solved these problems.

Jack: Yes.

Christina: By assaulting protesters 100%.

Jack: The police solved their police brutality problem or attempted to do so with police brutality. You guys think we're being vicious. We're gonna beat you with sticks, shoot you with rubber bullets, hit you with tear gas, and push you forcefully out of where we deem our control territory.

Christina: They proved them.

Jack: They proved the protesters wrong. This is America. But that didn't go too well. That solution to peaceful protesting where we're gonna basically assault you guys for exercising your right to protest, which is an amendment right. So they're basically having their amendments violated by having people, police officers, assault them. Come the 28th, those protests evolved into riots. Minneapolis is now classified a hostile territory because there is a literal war happening between protesters, of which some picked up arms and police officers. Now we have a country that's teetering on the brink of collapse.

Christina: Mm. This is just the last four days of May.

Jack: Yeah. This is. We're just still f****** ending this month now following this. Because we couldn't just end with the country on the verge of collapse over race war and the death. The increasing death based on a virus that's sweeping the country. But. But right around this time, Japan decided we're gonna release the Murder Hornets Attack America.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Which are fully trained bees the size of cars that fly in and eat all the other bees to steal their nests and replace Americans.

Christina: Replace where we get our honey. That's the end of honey. That's the end of our flowers. That's the end of a lot.

Jack: Maybe they make honey.

Christina: Are you sure about that? I thought that's why we don't want them.

Jack: I have no idea. I have no idea why we don't want them. Maybe it's because they're f****** the size of cards or some s***.

Christina: I thought it was because they could kill you in one sting.

Jack: Oh, yeah, probably.

Christina: And also they're killing our bees, which we need to pollinate. Yes. I think those are the two big problems with murder hornets.

Jack: Sure. It's not that they're just robot bees programmed like Black Mirror by the Japanese to come and replace American.

Christina: Why are they killing Japanese people?

Jack: Because they're controlled by Japanese people. The crooked Japanese robots. There's hackers out there too. You think Japan is free of hackers?

Christina: Mm.

Jack: Anyways, yeah. So scientists launch a full scale hunt for the.

Christina: The hornets.

Jack: The hornets.

Christina: The hornets.

Jack: The hornets.

Christina: Yes. The horn nests.

Jack: Hello, Hornets nests. Then. Yeah, they were worried that they would definitely destroy all the bees and we'd be f***** forever. Anyways, to finish with a little bit of a cherry. The apocalypse is clearly looming. Society is on collapse. Civil war is on the edge. Plagues surrounding everything. For whatever reason, storms are f****** drowning half the world. And down by India and Nepal, a consistent storm, rain and showers and crap that keeps happening over there starts to flood their river, endangering thousands in both India and Nepal. Because this is America.

Christina: That's not America.

Jack: Fair enough. And we end that month having reached almost 6 million cases of the COVID virus. So it doubled, doubled, but it seems to be slowing down. We went. We multiplied by nine first, then by 10, then by four.

Christina: Oh, there's one more thing from Main though.

Jack: What?

Christina: On May 28th, US COVID 19 deaths past 100,000 mark.

Jack: Oh, interesting. So we have 6 million cases and a hundred thousand deaths, which is crazy. And then that's where we get to June. But we're gonna have to do June next time on Dragon Ball Z. No, we're gonna have to do June on the next episode because we are running out of time now.

Christina: Alright.

Jack: Yes. Cuz this year is epic as f***.

Christina: Yeah, it's been pretty epic and sad and very all over the place. It's been all over the place, man.

Jack: It has been. It has been very all over the place. S***'s crazy. But it is what it is. And luckily now we're living in the future. That's way in the past. We barely remember that.

Christina: Yeah, now we got hoverboards for our hoverboards.

Jack: Yeah, we got hoverboards for our hoverboards. My flying car is parked out back. And everything, you know, everything is evolved.

Christina: Which also has hoverboards.

Jack: Everything government is run entirely by black women. There's no white males at all in office anymore. It's all black women. So. Well, different world, man. Different world. That was a long time ago. Kids were born and went to college and have grown old. That came after that year, that horrid year.

Christina: So a few days they just aged.

Jack: Yeah, they've gone through. They've become experts in fields and everything.

Christina: Okay. They're the ones that changed all of our lives.

Jack: Yeah, we cleaned the planet and Everything all right. Fantastic. Anyways, if you guys like conversations of this nature, there are conversations which we touch a lot of the topics here because it's a year's review. So, you know.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: Skim through our episodes, I suppose, because.

Christina: We have great, great conspiracies. Great points.

Jack: Yes. There's so much going on and Covid is a big one.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: So, yeah, go catch up. Go find out what's going on.

Christina: Listen to every single episode of last year that we made. How many episodes are that?

Jack: It should be 52, because there's 52 weeks, minus the guest episode of every month. That would be 12. So there's 40 episodes.

Christina: Okay, so you're telling them to ignore.

Jack: The guest episodes if they're looking for content like this.

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: I mean, you can always, always go ahead and check out the guest episodes where I bring on an interesting creator or a scholar and we have conversations about stuff.

Christina: Yeah.

Jack: But yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this conversation. If you want to find those other episodes and things of that nature, you can find them on the official website greatthoughts.info or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

Christina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. USCombop.

Jack: Yes. And remember to subscribe, rate the show and if you feel so inclined, review.

Christina: It and let someone who might like the show know about it.

Jack: Yes. Word of mouth is incredibly important. It's something that helps us a lot because it tells people about the show. So go tell people about the show. Run outside, aim at a stranger, be like, hey, you. Then be like, look, show. And then hold up like a sticker of ours or something that you made because we don't sell stickers and be like, hey, show. And they'll be like, cool, I'll check it out. And now you made a new friend.

Christina: This has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening.

Jack: Bye.

Christina: Okay. Wrong.

Jack: I'm sure you weren't out there, like, this is gonna be. Be naughty.

Christina: What if the child little me was naughty Garden age five year old. The five year old me, I don't know. She was a super villain.

Jack: She was a super villain. You were just terrorizing people. That's crazy.

Christina: Yes. Were you a super villain too?

Jack: I wasn't.

Christina: What were you?

Jack: I don't know. I didn't exist in school.

Christina: Exist in school? Yeah.

Jack: There was no me in school. I phased into existence right before this podcast began.

Christina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Well, there's. There's so many problems with that, considering I was already a robot in the World War and I was then killed and a ghost. Well, no, I was a normal person. I was alive for 60 years, then died, then got remade with ghost robot technology. If I remember correctly, then that ghost robot was cloned three times, of which I am the third iteration. There's still a second one somewhere out there that didn't get murdered because we killed the wrong person who was supposed to be just me.

Christina: Yes. But it wasn't.

Jack: But it wasn't. And because I, for whatever reason, couldn't tell me apart from me. Or wait, was it me?

Christina: Yeah, there was a version of you that. It was you. There was. There was just two you's. Clones. The you you and the slower you. Because I think he was a clone of you.

Jack: Yeah, yeah. I'm the third clone. There was the original clone who was. Who began the show. He was just killed and replaced one day because talking. Yeah, that happened, if I remember correctly, between episode 211. And 212. No, it was actually both in episode 211 where the first half began with that Jack. He got killed and continued the clone on the second part of that episode with Dave.

Christina: That clone wasn't you.

Jack: No, I'm the third clone who came from the future to kill the past clone and failed. And. But now I'm in the place. But I didn't know that clone ran away. I'm the clone who failed at killing the other clone. Or I'm the one who got failed? No. Am I the second clone?

Christina: Yes, because the one that tried to kill you was a slow clone. He was like. I don't know. There was something. He was special because he was a copy of a copy.

Jack: Oh, my God.

Christina: That's why he confused you with your friend and he killed your friend instead.

Jack: I get it, I get it. I get it. Because I was cloned from the original the way that the first clone was cloned.

Christina: Yes.

Jack: We were both. I'm the second clone at this spot. But we were both. I'm just second in order. But not cloned from the clone. Yeah, the third clone was cloned from me.

Christina: Yes. Then he. He wanted to kill you to replace you.

Jack: Because failed.

Christina: Yes. And failed. And then I don't know what happened to him. He might be out there still.

Jack: Fantastic.

Christina: Good morning. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by great dots.info art by 0lupo and logo by Seth McAllister with social media managed by Amber Black.

Jack: I'm Rob.

Christina: I'm Slim.

Jack: And I'm the Slam Bagini himself, baby. Yeah. The Rob and Slim show is a weekly comedy comedy show with an hour and a half of happy horseshit followed by four half hour interviews with actors, authors and more.

Christina: Scott Bale loves us.

Jack: And that smear on my stomach in the bathtub. Yeah, I am. Catch us live every Wednesday, 6 to 9:30pm Eastern Standard Time on ipmnation.com forward/live2 or facebook.com forward/robinslim or listen to the Rapid Slim show on Hotbean or itunes. Baby. Yeah. I just s*** my f****** pants.

Rambling 113: Santa and Friends

Just Conversation, Santa Clause, Christmas, Podcast, Radio, Comedy, Catholicism, Funny, Friends, Holiday,  Holidays, Fun, Joke, Research, Religion, Faith

What’s the truth behind Christmas and Santa Claus? A Christmas Special unpacking Santa Claus and his known associates, in a Christmas Deep Dive filled with criminal syndicates and elaborate heists!

Story:
With Christmas closing in, the clone duo have little time to act in their attempt to slow down the annual child trafficking wave that usually sweeps the Earth. One culprit comes to mind when wanting to investigate a global crime wave on Christmas Day… Saint Nicholas. A well known global traveler. But in digging deep into the history of this man and his corrupt past, the truth about this crime wave and how it’s done is more than either of our heroes could have ever seen coming. The people involved and the atrocious acts committed will be something they’ll never be able to forget. Find out what on this episode of Just Conversation.

(This episode contains a transcript to make it accessible to Deaf and Hard of Hearing Audiences #DeafPodcast #PodcastTranscript)

+Episode Details

Remember to leave us a rating wherever you listen to podcast!

Topics Discussed

  • Santa Claus Demon Hunter
  • Enslaved Elves
  • Servant Rupert
  • Saint Nick’s Kid Pickles
  • How to Become A Saint in 3 Easy Steps
  • Saint Breastfeed
  • Eating Children
  • The Christmas Heist
  • Qanon

Our Links:

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

Twitter - https://twitter.com/JustConvoPod

Facebook - https://facebook.com/justconvopod

Instagram - https://instagram.com/justconvopod



+Transcript

Jack: Who is Santa Claus and are the stories about him true? Is he a magical man? Or is there more going on behind the true story of Santa Claus? Find out all that and more coming up on this episode of Just Conversation.

Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Cristina: What does live mean? Welcome to Just Conversation, the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I'm your host, Christina.

Jack: And I'm Jack.

Cristina: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notified the second new episodes are released.

Jack: Yes, and this show is most enjoyable with the listening partner. So be sure to go find somebody and bring them in nice and close and force them. You always force them. That's our theme. We ask you to find somebody and make them listen to this show against their will.

Cristina: No, we don't.

Jack: I do.

Cristina: You do? Yes. The show where you force people to force people.

Jack: No, I force people to force people. Otherwise their children are in danger.

Cristina: Yes. Oh, yes. I forgot that part too.

Jack: Yes. That's how this goes. So make sure you get somebody to listen. It's a family friendly show. No, it's not.

Cristina: No, it's not.

Jack: No, it's not.

Cristina: It doesn't matter because then they'll get amnesia.

Jack: Yeah, they get them. See, all of this work doesn't matter. Yeah, even the people who were kidnapped, they don't know were kidnapped.

Cristina: Yeah, they'll forget.

Jack: Yeah, all of it. It works itself out. It's kind of a solid plan. There's no victim here. Except the people who don't force other.

Cristina: People and the victim who end up at the hospital finding out that they're our enemy because they end up with cancer.

Jack: Fair enough. Fair enough.

Cristina: So that's two people.

Jack: Only if, I guess only the ones that get cancer. But they were already our enemies. I guess it's really a tactical war move, if anything.

Cristina: Yes. One of those kids that get killed sadly by you. Christmas. You know what that day is for? Celebrating Jesus's birthday. No, it's not.

Jack: Nobody does that. No.

Cristina: It's Santa Claus's birthday.

Jack: Is it Saint Old Saint Nicholas, Old.

Cristina: Saint Nick and Santa Claus are two different people.

Jack: Who's Santa Claus?

Cristina: He's a fictional version of St. Nicholas. But St. Nicholas is a man. You met him. He was a man. Yeah, I met him.

Jack: That's cool.

Cristina: Yeah. He was telling me that he hunts demons. Did you know that? He's a demon hunter.

Jack: I mean, he was a saint and weren't they demon hunters. Thus exorcisms, I guess.

Cristina: But he found demons. I didn't know about that.

Jack: Are the elves enslaved demons?

Cristina: Huh? I don't know. I don't. We gotta look up what elves are. Really? Because they're. They're some type of creature.

Jack: Like what's happening up there, man?

Cristina: With the elves and the reindeers and.

Jack: Talking like snowmen and things. There's. There's weird s*** going on. He lives with like monsters.

Cristina: He's a demon hunter, like I was saying. And I learned about few of his stories from him. Do you know any of his demon hunting stories?

Jack: No. This is the first time I ever heard about it. I always suspected there was something weird and off about a bunch of elves and that they serve this guy. But he's not like God. Unless he is some sort of demigod, which was also a theory as well. He might have been some sort of demigod this entire time.

Cristina: Yes. Maybe all the saints are demigods now.

Jack: Interesting. I actually was thinking Santa Claus this whole time. You were talking St. Nick.

Cristina: Yeah, St. Nick. Because he's the real magic man. Santa is just a fictional cartoon.

Jack: Fair enough. Okay, so tell me about his demon hunting.

Cristina: Okay, okay. One time he banished a demon from a tree by threatening it with an axe.

Jack: Man, we stumble on this all the time where it's just like a guy doing normal person killing things. There's nothing. There's nothing demon killy about an axe. It's just like how you'd kill a person.

Cristina: Oh yeah. Yes. Or maybe he was actually planning on chopping that tree, but someone saw it and was like, no, he's not just chopping down that tree.

Jack: There must be a demon in there.

Cristina: Gotta be a demon in there. Yes.

Jack: Or maybe there was a guy inside on the tree. There was a guy on the tree and he's like, I'm gonna knock this tree down. Get down. And then.

Cristina: It was a leprechaun.

Jack: It was a leprechaun in the tree?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Really?

Cristina: I don't know. No. Oh, well, maybe that's how he got the elves. He made a deal with the leprechaun.

Jack: What?

Cristina: He. Our elves and leprechauns from the same place?

Jack: I think you're being. I think that's racism what you just did right there.

Cristina: But they're from the same place.

Jack: Oopsie. Did I just do a racist? Like Peter? Like Peter did. Oopsie. Did I just do a racism.

Cristina: Irish creatures though, for sure. No, maybe not elves.

Jack: Why would an elf be a con?

Cristina: Not Be an.

Jack: You're just. Here's. Here's. Look, here's where it's f****** up the name we give. What's in the north is elf. But that's wrong because elves are usually taller than people.

Cristina: Elves are usually.

Jack: Elvens are way taller than people. On average. They're not shorter.

Cristina: Elvens are something else. I don't know what Elvens are. There are elves.

Jack: No, those are elves.

Cristina: So there's two names for this creature.

Jack: No, you Elven people are elves.

Cristina: Okay?

Jack: And whatever the f*** is up there is closer to a leprechaun than it is to an elf. It's not an elf. It's not associated with an elf. It doesn't have weird pointy ears. It doesn't have white hair. It's not tall. The only thing it shares in common, it's magic.

Cristina: And if that's magical, at least.

Jack: Yes. And if that's the argument here, then that's to say that leprechauns are just. I mean, elves are just midgets. They're not. They're not like a race of tiny people. They're midgets because it's like the difference between a tall human and a short human. Because if they're all just elves. Santa Claus is hoarded all the tiny elves. Yeah, and made a workshop. He enslaved a bunch of tiny elves.

Cristina: Well, they happily serve him.

Jack: What winner of a war said we enslaved people?

Cristina: Ah, yes. Are they demons, though? Because he would enslave demons.

Jack: Owls aren't demons. Elves are magical creatures.

Cristina: Oh, well, maybe he's like a Sam and Dean demon hunting, where they're killing more than just demonstration. And Santa's doing the same thing. He's dealing with magical creatures.

Jack: Why doesn't he commit suicide?

Cristina: Santa?

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: I mean, Saint Nick, I guess. Why? Why would he want to do that?

Jack: Isn't the goal kill magical creatures because he's a human?

Cristina: He's a human.

Jack: It says who isn't it?

Cristina: Kill magic powers that were given to him by God.

Jack: Is that the case here?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: All saints are using the power that they're killing.

Cristina: That they're killing.

Jack: They hunt things with powers, not just demons. Yes, things with magical abilities.

Cristina: Because they're not God's creatures.

Jack: Maybe wasn't God. Wasn't. Weren't vampires God's creatures?

Cristina: No. That's what you get if you don't believe in him.

Jack: I thought people got punished and turned into vampires.

Cristina: Yes, that too.

Jack: By God.

Cristina: By God himself. No, I think it's by the church.

Jack: So you Tell me. The church has power independent of God?

Cristina: Yes. Well, they were given to, I guess. Yes. Okay. They were given to the powers by God to turn people into demons and then have the power to kill those demons that they turned them into.

Jack: Sounds right.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Seems legit.

Cristina: It's a very confusing story, but it's the truth. So I wonder, then that business of exorcism, then.

Jack: It's a setup.

Cristina: Yeah. They have the power.

Jack: It's a setup.

Cristina: Give people demons in them and then they could just take them out because they have that power too. Oh, my gosh.

Jack: Yep. We uncovered it. It was a setup.

Cristina: Did you know that? What?

Jack: I just figured it out right now with you.

Cristina: Yes. That's so crazy. Now we know he also resurrected a boy who was strangled by a demon.

Jack: Which he hired a demon.

Cristina: Exactly.

Jack: And then they. He made the demon, then they hired him to get rid of that demon. I see a pattern here.

Cristina: Yeah, and he also outsmarted a demon in a wager.

Jack: I feel like he told me that before. Didn't St. Nick do something like that?

Cristina: He is St. Nick.

Jack: I mean, not St. Nick.

Cristina: St. Patrick.

Jack: St. Patrick. Didn't he do something like that? That also made him a saint.

Cristina: I don't know who. Probably. He has crazy stories too, so.

Jack: He has the craziest stories. That's the one saint to beat God.

Cristina: Yes. Yeah, but this guy outsmarted a demon through a wager, and then that demon became his servant.

Jack: Maybe also known as an elf or.

Cristina: Yes, elf. Or one of those many other things that follow him around. Like Krampus.

Jack: Krumpus doesn't follow him around, does it?

Cristina: Well, he works with him, sort of.

Jack: But that's like the devil. That's assuming that St. Nick is kind of like Jesus.

Cristina: Yeah, but it looks like a hairy monster, like a demon.

Jack: Okay, fair enough.

Cristina: It's demon. Like, maybe he beat him in a wager and he was like, hey, now you gotta help me take care of children, man.

Jack: It is kind of a thing. It's like, I already make demons to kill people. Now Imma make you. I beat you. Your job. The children specifically.

Cristina: Yep. You gotta beat those children.

Jack: And he kills them, Right? He kills the children. That's what Krampus does.

Cristina: I know. There's another of St. Nick's companions. I guess his name is servant Rupert. And he's a man with a long beard and a furry coat. And sometimes he has. He has a bag of ashes with him for some reason. I guess that's to give the bad kids. But sometimes he kidnaps the kids, the bad kids and takes them home with him to eat them later or he throws them into a river.

Jack: So yeah, we're talking about Jesus here. He's hanging out with a bunch of killers and like thieves and s***.

Cristina: Yeah, this is his other one. He's kind of like, I guess Krumpus. Krumpus does similar things to that. I know we talked about Krampus last year, but I totally forgot much about him.

Jack: I think he murdered children. Yeah.

Cristina: Oh, okay. He murdered children. Well, this guy too, because he has a lot of. There's like equally good and bad servants, I guess, if you want to call them that. Slaves, whatever. And last time you were talking about kids who were turned into pickles or some weird story. I finally figured that out that St.

Jack: Nick in the barrels where he pickled the children and thus he got.

Cristina: Kids were already being pickled to be sold for as meat because there was a famine. So the butcher wanted to sell them as meat. As I guess non children meat, you know. But Nick found out what he was doing somehow. I guess he knew that barrel was not filled with regular meat and he turned those children alive. Those pickled children.

Jack: And then he ate them. He's like, I won't eat them. Pickled eats them alive.

Cristina: No, he saved those children. And that's how he became the patron of children, maybe. Or one of the many stories. Yeah.

Jack: Yeah. So he got his powers by pickling. Got you.

Cristina: He did. I guess he had nothing to do with pickling those children. They were already pickled.

Jack: Well, it's weird because it looked like he was just traveling with kids in barrels or something in the painting that they made. Because the painting was just misguided. It was about a moment and then it got so many iterations that eventually it just became him standing in front of kids inside of barrels.

Cristina: Yeah. Actually that's one of the interesting things I learned about was that. Yeah, people don't really know what he did in his life. So they look at that picture or pictures of him like that and they have no idea what's going on. Some of them think he's a.

Jack: A child pickler.

Cristina: A child pickler. I don't think that's one of them. They. Because they didn't know much about him. He became a patron of so many things. So many random things besides children. He was. He's a patron for coopers, which are barrel makers. Like people who make barrels see him as their saint, I guess.

Jack: The saint of barrels.

Cristina: Yes, barrow makers. The saint of barrel makers. He's Also was a. I think the first one that. Or the most important saint that he was before children was of sailors and fishermen and stuff because of a story that he calmed the storms of. I don't know. On. He calmed the storm in sea for fishermen, for merchants. Yeah. It saved some fishermen. I mean it saved the sailors lives. And they all worshiped him pretty much for that.

Jack: That is weird.

Cristina: Yeah. And they all pray for him and stuff. And on. There's. When they celebrate his life. They celebrate it on December 6, before actual Christmas day, which I think they still had two on that day in December 6th, when they go. They go to church for him and then they go to a festival and buy presents for their children and they give it to their children. And then people end up thinking, oh, he's for children because of that event that just became a thing that people did.

Jack: That makes sense. So basically all the random things surrounding him decided that he's the saint of that thing.

Cristina: Yes, yes. He also saved three soldiers from being executed because I guess they didn't do the crime, but they wanted to kill somebody for the crime and he stopped them.

Jack: Ah, typical politics. Somebody must be punished, sir. But we don't have who did it. Doesn't matter. You see that guy over there? He doesn't look like anybody would care about him. Kill him.

Cristina: What? They were soldiers, though I'm sure they had family.

Jack: Right. Because soldiers today are treated so well. This is back then in barbarian times.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Before the invention of the control remote, the standard for human advancement.

Cristina: Yes, the remote control. The greatest creation. That. In the microwave, I guess.

Jack: And sliced bread as well.

Cristina: Oh. What? Another thing he was known for was after his parents died, he gave away their wealth to the poor. He gave random people, I guess they left their shoes outside and he would throw gold in the shoes. That also became a tradition for kids.

Jack: To throw gold in their shoes.

Cristina: Yeah, Getting like presents in their shoes. Or the stockings thing. Maybe that came from that as well.

Jack: Interesting.

Cristina: Yeah. He was a secret gift giver and he liked putting coins in people's shoes if they left them out. I don't. I don't know how it was back.

Jack: Then, but maybe it's like the oriental cultures where they tend to leave their shoes either at a shoe rack or outside of the door.

Cristina: Okay. The last one is he rescued three girls from prostitution. You've heard of that story? We talked a little bit about that. I'm not sure.

Jack: Rescued them by.

Cristina: He didn't really rescue them, but he gave them money. The money that they need to Marry to get a nice husband.

Jack: I guess they were gonna buy their husbands.

Cristina: I guess that's how it worked. I'm not sure. I'm not sure how dowries work. We don't have that nowadays, but I think so it's either you get married or prostitution were the only options for these women.

Jack: Because working was not allowed.

Cristina: Yes, exactly. Women probably couldn't work. So you either get married or you go into prostitution. And I guess they needed to bribe these men to marry them. But he helped them out, so. And I think that's why he's also the patron of whores, of hookers, unmarried people, of streetwalkers. Of street walkers.

Jack: The saint of streetwalkers.

Cristina: No, of unmarried people. He's. He's got a bunch of weird things. Oh, and of brewers, which I guess has to do with that barrel. And people not sure. What is that barrel about?

Jack: Man Satanic loves his child. Based alcohol.

Cristina: Yes, yes. Because they didn't know about the whole prostitution dowry story. Sometimes they. When they had pictures of him, it would have like three golden balls and it would represent the, I guess, bag of gold. Or coins. Maybe Those are coins. People saw them as oranges. So in the medieval times, they thought he was from Spain and he would visit them to bring them oranges.

Jack: Ah, yes. When merchants are struggling to bring you produce and fruit.

Cristina: And guess what? He's also a patron of merchants.

Jack: Because oranges.

Cristina: I guess so.

Jack: And beer, apparently.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: St. Nick is coming. Children, you guys are gonna get some yummy oranges and dad's gonna get f****** ripped.

Cristina: Yes, that's pretty much. Yeah. The only one that I don't really know is archers and pharmacists. Why?

Jack: Because the barrels could have also had medicine.

Cristina: Oh, and archers.

Jack: I guess archers were also shoved into the barrels. No, I mean, there were kids in the barrels. Why couldn't you chop up and like, pickle the remains of an archer?

Cristina: I guess so they're like just making up what was in that barrel.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: And pawnbrokers.

Jack: They were also in the barrels.

Cristina: They were also in the barrels.

Jack: It's about the barrels.

Cristina: It's all about the barrels.

Jack: He's the saint of barrels in one way or another.

Cristina: Okay. Do you remember how people become saints?

Jack: They do miracles. And then a group of hobos inside of the church decide he is a miracle doer in the name of God or something. And they must be really old or dead.

Cristina: Dead. They have to be dead for sure. Yeah, that's step one, be dead, be dead.

Jack: Okay, Step one, be dead, be dead.

Cristina: You gotta Wait at least five years.

Jack: After death and wait, the guy who cheated the system was Saint Nick?

Cristina: I don't think he cheated the system. I don't know.

Jack: There was one. It was either St Nick or Mr. Rogers who was a saint ahead of time.

Cristina: No, he's not a saint. I don't think he's a saint.

Jack: Are you positive the saint.

Cristina: There was some saints that become saints before, like right after death because they, they got martyred, they call it, which is they. They were killed. Someone killed them. So they get to rush past the five year thing.

Jack: So this is to say if somebody has done a couple of miracles and then I murder him.

Cristina: They don't have to do miracles. The miracles they do in real life are not part of this.

Jack: I thought that was part of the rubric.

Cristina: No, there are miracles involved. They have nothing to do with the ones that you do while alive.

Jack: You specifically said in the previous Christmas episode that miracles were part of becoming a saint.

Cristina: Yes, yes, but not while you're alive.

Jack: How do you do miracles while dead?

Cristina: People have to pray to you.

Jack: Right?

Cristina: And then a miracle happens and then it counts.

Jack: So you have to be worshipped before you're a saint. People just have to hold you as a false God. And then the church is like, I guess he's false God enough. Now let's legitimize his godliness.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: So the church makes gods. Gods don't make the church except for.

Cristina: The one main God who gives them the powers.

Jack: Does he though?

Cristina: Yes, he.

Jack: Are we sure they didn't like, then again force this guy and he's like in the basement of the church being in prison and they're sucking his power out to use it?

Cristina: Possibly.

Jack: I don't know, like God is, Is that what's in the freaking the Vatican slot down or whatever the h*** wherever they keep in, like, you know, the holy things that are like, for. They got it closed down like Fort Knox. And what's really down there is both Jesus and God imprisoned.

Cristina: Oh my God.

Jack: While they're being milked for their infinite power.

Cristina: But then how are all these people before their death doing miracles?

Jack: Before whose deaths?

Cristina: Their deaths.

Jack: Oh, they're praying to God. Yeah, but God, his energy is inside of like a bottle in the church and there's some sort of genie guy using that energy. And like I hear prayers for God, but I've got you imprisoned.

Cristina: God, like Saint Nick, he was, he was using something that had the powers from the church.

Jack: Yeah, Church has the power from God. And when you pray to God, you're Really being received by the church antenna of power. And then they're like, send some, distribute some energy to that praying soul.

Cristina: Okay, whoa, that is disturbing. So step one, death. Or way after death.

Jack: Maybe that was actually why it was important to kill Jesus in the first place.

Cristina: For his powers to.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, kill him for his powers. He's more like a man. Other God. Man is other God dead. Did the church kill God to use his powers? To use his powers?

Cristina: No, but he wouldn't have, like. Did he have a physical body? Like, how do you capture.

Jack: Let's look at it like this. Jesus happens. Yes, Jesus killed. We don't have wrathful God anymore. Was that literally God? Did the church literally kill him and just like take his corpse down in a hole somewhere and just. Just milking the energy that's leaking out? Oh yeah, let's put him in a container and melt away that leak. That infinitely leaking energy.

Cristina: Possibly. Because from learning about all these saints, there's a lot of creepy things. Like some of their bodies are perfectly fine way later after their death. Like they don't die. The bodies don't die.

Jack: That's weird.

Cristina: Yes, they're just sleeping bodies. Like nothing is happening to their body.

Jack: Yeah, it's really weird. I've seen some of that before. Like they somehow don't decay or anything.

Cristina: Yeah, there's like one lady, or I think it's a lady saint, I don't know, is in display in a church.

Jack: That's nuts.

Cristina: That's nuts. What's going on here? Is it church related?

Jack: Maybe. Maybe they're just sending Jesus power. Maybe that person is just hibernating until they wake up. A vampire.

Cristina: What if they are vampires? Then do you just gotta pretend to be sleeping?

Jack: No, that person's recovering because they died. Allegedly. So they sleep for centuries at a time.

Cristina: That is so crazy. So you knew about that? That's weird, right?

Jack: Yeah, I've heard about that before.

Cristina: That's crazy. Okay, so step two of becoming a saint is to become a servant of God. Of course, I'm not sure if that's also part of after your death, because I'm pretty sure before you're dead, you're supposed to have converted into Christianity if you weren't already a Christian or born Christian or whatever.

Jack: Do you have to be Catholic?

Cristina: You have to be Catholic. Oh my God.

Jack: Or is it like any form of Christianity floats? Like it could be a Pentecostal, I don't know, Is it the Catholic Church that's doing all this? Yes, because let's look at this Jesus shows up, right? Some people in the Jewish church decide kill Jesus. Then evil God disappears. And we have people who can make miracles happen, chosen by the now Christian church. They change that group of people with the power of God at their hands. Even said 100 years later, we're not even Jews, we're Christian. We're this new thing. We believe and use the power of Christ. And if you want the power of Christ in you, you gotta join the church.

Cristina: Because they actually have the power of Christ.

Jack: They actually have the power of Christ. Maybe Christ is the vessel that directly takes in like we gotta look at it like this, right? Christ was the human form, but he's still God. He's still connected to God. And you killed Christ and you imprisoned Christ. God can't do anything, it's him. Yeah, and you just keep siphoning. God is still alive, but Jesus, God is dead. But his body also won't wither away. It's always going to be trying to come back, slowly draining. Infinite God, but he's infinite. So you just are the other person with God's power, other than God himself. Except God made a one way power direction into Jesus. And because you don't let Jesus come back to life, God can't like reverse the process.

Cristina: How do you stop them from coming back to life? Do they have a stake in his heart?

Jack: Maybe.

Cristina: Maybe they have the same for the saints. Because the saints, even after death do some really strange things like, like there was, there's a blood, a veil of one of the saints blood and it, they say it's dry but every around his birthday or death or something, it turns into liquid.

Jack: Who says that?

Cristina: The church says that. I think.

Jack: Is that like the floating rock somewhere in Israel or whatever?

Cristina: It's a cathedral in Naples.

Jack: So yeah, of course the church would say that.

Cristina: Of course. I wonder if they show it off though. Like look at it today, it's dry. Look at it today now. Oh look, it's liquidy.

Jack: I bet, I bet the church has a bunch of weird tricks like that that it uses to brainwash people.

Cristina: Where are they getting the. I mean, I guess they can get the blood from anything.

Jack: Hard to get blood.

Cristina: Yeah, yeah, they just a rooster outback or something. But yeah, there's weird things like that. There's St. Viviana who, her parents died and her sister tried to force her into prostitution, but she refused to. And then they imprisoned her in a madhouse and then beat her to death. But when she passed away, they built a church on her grave. And in the church, they had a garden, and the garden grows herbs that cures headaches and epilepsy, but it doesn't cure prostitution. Maybe like no one has. Like, maybe none of them had the thought beforehand. Maybe you got to go there thinking like, should I go prostitute? And then you eat the herb and you're like, nah, I'm cured.

Jack: I now have money. I don't need to prostitute. Thank you. Fruit?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Or herb.

Cristina: Thank you. Herb. Yeah. Mm. So there's a lot of strange things. Step 3 Show proofs of a life of heroic virtue, which I guess is like St. Nick donating all his parents money to the poor. That was pretty heroic, I think. Maybe, I don't know.

Jack: Now can I walk into a town that I've never been at before? And then when somebody talks to me, I'm like, oh yeah, man, I got just done dedicating my life to helping other people and doing only but good. Flash back to what my life was really like. I burned entire towns and slaughtered families everywhere, raping and killing everybody I ever saw. But then I made it to this town, I'm like done with it. And then I'm in that town, I'm like, nah, I've always done good things. And there happens to be Catholics. Do they still, like, they're just going on my word at that point?

Cristina: No, they have to investigate.

Jack: How would they find it? How long ago are we talking?

Cristina: I don't know. It just says that they investigate the person's life and the writings for evidence of what they're looking for.

Jack: So if I got no proof, then I can't be a saint.

Cristina: Yeah, like you got to have that horrible life killing people, but then you really did change your life around and help people. You might become a saint, who knows?

Jack: But I didn't become a good person.

Cristina: No, no, no, I know, like you can't, you can't if you didn't. If you're just lying to them. But if a person did kill a bunch of people but then changed their life around and was only good, they could possibly become a saint.

Jack: That makes sense. Seems legit.

Cristina: Yes, that's. And then step four is a miracle that happens after you pray to this person that's wanna be a saint. The Saint Nick, Whatever.

Jack: So dear Saint Nick, bring me presents or children inside barrels.

Cristina: Yes. And then he gives it to you, and then that's proof that that person is already in heaven, man.

Jack: Okay, okay. So people prayed to St. Nick and their prayers came true, but he was considered the saint of children in barrels, essentially.

Cristina: Children. Barrels are a separate thing. It's not children in barrels. It's children and barrels.

Jack: But the combo is the only way he gets his power. No, out children being exclusively put in a barrel. He's powerless.

Cristina: No, it's separate. It's totally separate. And then the final thing to become a saint is just to have another miracle.

Jack: So two miracles?

Cristina: Yes. One is to prove that you're in heaven, and the second is to prove that you're holy.

Jack: The one that proves you're in heaven doesn't prove you're holy. Is this to say you can be.

Cristina: Or I guess that you're already holy. That you're. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, I guess it's both the same, right? I don't know. Okay, whatever. Two miracles after your death. It's not that crazy of steps. Maybe one day you will do this after your death. Who knows? What if someone tries to make you a saint? That'd be crazy.

Jack: That'd be awesome. Super epic. I want a bunch of worshipers.

Cristina: But you have to actually dedicate your life to Christianity eventually in your life.

Jack: No, I'm gonna cheat the system. I'll make it work. I'm gonna get that guy who made Heisenberg the fake paperwork, make him make me a bunch of fake religious paperwork.

Cristina: How is that gonna work out? They're gonna find out they got the money. You have investigators.

Jack: I have the queen on my side.

Cristina: No, you don't. She is one of their investigators.

Jack: What, the queen couldn't investigate.

Cristina: Why not?

Jack: She's busy running the world.

Cristina: And that's part of the world that she runs. She investigates saints.

Jack: No, she doesn't. She appoints them.

Cristina: She appoints them. What does that mean?

Jack: She's like, you're a saint now.

Cristina: She points at them.

Jack: Yeah, she says, you're a saint now. You're a saint now you're the Pope. Now. You're a saint, now you're a priest.

Cristina: I think we talked about this in the werewolf episode, but there's a saint for the fear of werewolves.

Jack: Now you pray to him to get the fear of werewolves away, or you get the werewolves away. He's like, I'm scared of werewolves. I can. I can work with that Here. Now you're not afraid of werewolves. But it's like, do you see anti werewolf. There are werewolves outside my door. What do I do? Well, I can take your fear of dying by werewolves away. If that. Like, I could do that part.

Cristina: I don't know. Yes. St. Herbert, the werewolf protector, can you.

Jack: Get rid of the werewolves. No. I can stop you from being scared of the way you're about to die.

Cristina: Yes. Then there's also St. Patrick. I don't know if he has anything to do with being. Praying for him for werewolves, but I just remember that we talked already about one of these stories. But there's two stories involving werewolves. Which one was St. Patrick's turn a king into a werewolf as some type of punishment.

Jack: Seems legit.

Cristina: And then also he turned a tribe into werewolves. Every seven years, they have to be a werewolf, and then seven years they're normal. And then back to werewolf to normal every seven years.

Jack: Why?

Cristina: Oh, no. They had a disagreement.

Jack: Man, he. He really did abuse the power of God. But God wasn't gonna do anything because he would just stand up and be like, God, don't make me.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And God would be like, no, no, I'm good. I'll do it.

Cristina: Yes. Yes. He's. He. He can do whatever. I guess he runs this world.

Jack: Yeah. He has that free ticket. He has to be immortal. God is like, sure, yeah.

Cristina: So crazy. Then there's Saint Gills. He is the saint of the fear of breastfeeding. He was a hermit living in a cave, and he kept himself alive for several years drinking milk from a deer.

Jack: I thought that was going to go a whole other direction. I thought he was in a cave. He was in a cave with a female. And he's like, look, we have to stop you from losing that milk because I'm going to die.

Cristina: Nope, Nope. But if you have. You're in a life or death situation, and your only way to live is to drink some breast milk from an animal. You can pray to him. If you're having trouble doing it, you.

Jack: Can pray to get that. That deer lactating.

Cristina: Okay. Oh, my gosh. Well, yes, there's that.

Jack: Fantastic.

Cristina: Well, there's. He's not the only amazing.

Jack: But like, wait, could a mom who's struggling to breastfeed her baby pray to him?

Cristina: Yeah, probably. It says fear of breastfeeding.

Jack: Oh, wait, it's the fear of breastfeeding.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: They're so specific. Why couldn't he just be the saint of breastfeeding? So he deals with every part of breastfeeding?

Cristina: I think he does deal. It's probably breastfeeding. But you don't want to just say breastfeeding. So maybe fear of breastfeeding makes it sound better. I don't know.

Jack: I think it's just for people who are scared of breastfeeding. Now you're less scared about breastfeeding? Yeah, that's it.

Cristina: I don't know. Then there's St. Arnath, who's the saint of beer.

Jack: No, that's wrong.

Cristina: He's the saint of beer.

Jack: He's not.

Cristina: Why not?

Jack: Because St. Nick is the saint of beer.

Cristina: They're both. But this guy, he actually. I don't know, he didn't really do anything. He gave people beer when they had a. They had a long journey and they needed beer, and he gave them beer.

Jack: Nobody's ever needed beer. They wanted beer. They really wanted beer.

Cristina: They have survived without the beer. They're gonna die.

Jack: I feel like a larger number of them died because beer would dehydrate them way sooner.

Cristina: Well, they feel like he saved their life with his beer. Maybe his beer was of magic. Magic beer that kept them alive through the long journey.

Jack: So St. Nick can't be the saint of beer because this one time a different saint killed a bunch of people with beer.

Cristina: They're both the saints of beer. Wait, did we say.

Jack: No, St. Nick is the saint of children in barrels.

Cristina: In barrels and barrels in barrels. And. And he's saying, oh, brewers, not beer. The people who make the beer. It's totally different.

Jack: So that's to say that saints aren't the saint of all things related to the subject.

Cristina: Yes, I guess. I don't know.

Jack: Like, you don't pay pray to St. Nick when you want beer. You only pay to St. Nick when you want the beer harvest to go well.

Cristina: Ah.

Jack: Or the people who make the beer to be fine.

Cristina: Do it right. Oh, yes.

Jack: Or to do it right.

Cristina: Maybe.

Jack: But if you're like, man, if I only had a beer, I pray to this guy.

Cristina: To Saint Arnuff. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Then there's Saint Farce, who's the saint of people with STDs.

Jack: The AIDS pandemic of the 80s when the government was driving around in bed handing people aids. The guy who was driving the truck.

Cristina: He had a magic spade to cut down trees. And then the place that he cut down the trees became his property.

Jack: And then he got AIDS on his property.

Cristina: No. And then he made a hospice, and he cured people by touching them inappropriately, Maybe. Except for women, because women were banned.

Jack: So he would jerk guys off, they would leave. Like, I feel better, I guess.

Cristina: He could heal blindness, leprosy, tumors, all by touch, including venereal diseases.

Jack: So he would jerk people into. He would jerk people healthy.

Cristina: He would jerk people healthy. I don't know. He was just touching them.

Jack: No women. I don't want my fingers up in anything. I want tight grips. And you will feel better.

Cristina: And they did.

Jack: And they did. He wasn't wrong. He was intuitive. Yeah. And they're like, I see the demons.

Cristina: Coming out, but why not women? Like, would his magic not work for women?

Jack: Why would he want to touch a woman? He clearly has a proclivity towards penises.

Cristina: Did God tell him to do that, though? Or he decided he dedicated his life.

Jack: To God and then jerk guys off? What's hard to understand?

Cristina: Okay, okay. Rupert walks with a limp because of a childhood injury. And his clothes is dirty and his face is dirty because he collects soot from the chimney when he comes down it. I guess he comes down in person. Then Santa Claus, I'm not sure. Like, he makes it clean. And then Santa comes down so he can look all pretty and red.

Jack: I think he just uses his chimney to kidnap children and by default cleans it.

Cristina: Not intentionally, but St. Nick is fine. He has to come down there. Like him, right? I don't know.

Jack: Does he magically come through?

Cristina: It depends on the story, I guess. There's two things that they do. Either they ask the children if they know their prayers, and if they do, they get rewarded. If they don't, they get punished. There's also a talent show that they might have to do, which if they perform well at dancing or singing, they get a present. If not, they get tortured.

Jack: That's f*****.

Cristina: Yeah. Yeah. But, like, that's better than being me and alive.

Jack: But it's like, what if you're an untalented kid but a great person? Too bad you die today.

Cristina: Yes. That's pretty much like either you had you were bad throughout the year, you performed badly in your dance, or you don't know your prayers, you're being punished.

Jack: Sounds about right. Sounds old testimony then.

Cristina: In Germany, St Nicholas has a partner named Bels Nickel. He is a man who wears fur which covers his entire body. But he's not an animal. He's just a person wearing fur. Entirely. I don't know. And sometimes he wears a mask with a long tongue. It sounds like a man dressed like a demon. I don't know. Instead of saying, he's a demon, he's just a man who dresses up like a monster, and he's the one that gives them coal if they're bad. I guess that's all he does. He's not as awesome as the other guy. He just dresses up in a furry coat and a weird mask. Also, there's another of St. Nicholas's companions servants. It's called Black Pete.

Jack: Was Black Pete a black guy?

Cristina: Yes. Yes, he was. How they like to portray him is a person wearing blackface, wearing exaggerating red lipstick and having a nappy wig with colorful clothing and golden earrings.

Jack: Is that how he's portrayed? Or is he actually just a white guy that lives as a black guy and hangs out with St. Nick?

Cristina: I'm not sure. It could be either or I don't think.

Jack: Is Santa just hanging out with a dude in permanent blackface?

Cristina: He might be, yeah. So his servant, Black Pete, what does he do? Oh, he also abuses the bad kids. Or he used to. He used to abuse them, but in recently they garrided the punishments and now he's become a friendly character.

Jack: He's PC now?

Cristina: Yeah, he's PC. And also people can't dress up as him anymore.

Jack: Black people can.

Cristina: I don't know, but that's. And the Christmas elves that we talked a bit about. Do I know anything about the Christmas elves? I can't remember. They come from Norse mythology and they're referred to as hidden folks because. I don't know, they like to hide. They're the guys that steal your socks, maybe. Are those elves?

Jack: I don't know. I think so.

Cristina: Oh, maybe.

Jack: No, I think those are leprechauns, actually. No, something like that.

Cristina: Wasn't it gnomes? People are really concerned about these elves, though.

Jack: So North Pole gnome. North Pole elves, leprechauns and gnomes are all kind of the same.

Cristina: They're all magical, tiny people.

Jack: Yeah, yeah.

Cristina: That Sansa was somehow able to enslave through a gamble with demons. In the medieval times, elves are seen as wicked and often linked with demons.

Jack: How connected with demons?

Cristina: I don't know. They're just often linked with demons. So demons gave Santa those elves? I think that makes sense. Elves are demons or those elves are demons. Yes. Also, there's a Christmas goat that Santa replaced in some country before St. Nicholas in Sweden. The. The Christmas. I guess the gift giver was the. Was given by a yol goat, which. Yol is another word for Christmas, I think.

Jack: Yole goat.

Cristina: The yole goat. Yes, the Christmas goat. So the Christmas goat is a pagan thing. Sometimes it's a man that has been turned into a goat man, but I like to imagine it as just a goat. The Christmas goat. In Finland, people still dress up as goats.

Jack: Fair enough. That makes sense.

Cristina: Yeah. He usually wears a warm red robe and a walking stick and travels in a sleigh pulled by a reindeer. But it doesn't fly. That reindeer doesn't fly. It's a real reindeer.

Jack: The goat isn't an animal like the reindeer, but rather the steerer of the sled that's connected to reindeer. Yes, he's a goat man.

Cristina: He's a goatman. But he's a Christmas. He could be a goat. He's just a really big. He's a were goat. He's a were goat. He's thought to be an ugly creature and he frightens children while some think of him as an invisible creature. What? No, he's a goat. It's just a goat. He's not an ugly creature. He's a goat looking creature. His goats aren't ugly. Goats are not ugly.

Jack: Yeah, they are.

Cristina: They are beautiful creatures. I think they're beautiful. So most people think Santa Claus is a combination of St. Nicholas and this Christmas goat because this Christmas goat was also giving gifts during the same time of year.

Jack: So people are assuming the St. Nicholas and this goat stories got merged and the Santa came to be.

Cristina: Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. Like the sleigh with the reindeer is the same as this. This goat.

Jack: So St. Nick did fusion, but instead of becoming a perfect, singular individual the size of one person, he got fat because he literally became the size of two people.

Cristina: Yes, he became the size of two.

Jack: People the size of a man with a goat.

Cristina: And the Christmas goat receives over 500,000 letters from over 200 countries every year. Most of the letters are from China, Poland and Italy. Wonder how they heard about the Christmas goat.

Jack: The Chinese believe in a Christmas goat.

Cristina: Yes, because reindeers come from Finland. So the Christmas goat must be more real than the Santa Claus if you go by reindeer. Where does Santa Claus live again? The North Pole. Are there deers there? Is that a fictional place?

Jack: The North Pole? There's not life there, I think.

Cristina: Oh, okay. Yeah. So there you go. Oh, yeah. And also, Santa Claus has a bunch of reindeers. I don't know if you know their names. I don't know where they came from. I guess it was from a catchy poem or song or something. And then everyone just fell in love with these reindeers.

Jack: What?

Cristina: The Santa Claus reindeers? I don't remember where they came from. All of their. His deers. There were eight. Now there's nine. I mean, now there's probably more than nine because they had children by now.

Jack: But he only keeps the originals enslaved.

Cristina: Ah, then there's Santa Claus, which is also a figure based on St Nicholas, which is also probably where we get Christmas Santa Claus from as well.

Jack: What does he do what's his deal?

Cristina: He's. For some reason, he's celebrated on the Same Day as St Nicholas. He's depicted as an elderly man with white hair and a full long beard, and he rides a white horse. He carries a big red book which records whether each kid has been naughty or nice in the past year.

Jack: So there might be a group of people that work to create the illusion of Santa Claus.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Like, it's a team effort. It's not one dude. It's planning and Monday.com.

Cristina: Yes. There's like four main dudes, a bunch of different helpers, some horses, some reindeers.

Jack: They got transport. They got like planned out ice so that people could get in and out of houses. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I'm a slide down the chimney. There's gonna be a tree to the left. You gotta disable the laser alarm system.

Cristina: Which one of them does that? The goat.

Jack: The one who cleans the chimney. Which one clean?

Cristina: Oh, servant Rupert.

Jack: So Rupert's gonna clean the chimney on his way down.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And he's gonna cut the wires on the alarm system.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And then Santa Claus is gonna follow behind while Rupert keeps everybody distracted. Well, the other guys are in the microphone and the goat is waiting. He's the getaway driver. He's in the sled on. He's on the sled on top of the house waiting for Santa Claus and Rupert to get back so they can dart.

Cristina: All right, and what is Belsnickel doing?

Jack: Who the f*** is Belsnickel?

Cristina: He's the man in the furry wearing fur.

Jack: Oh, the one who eats the children?

Cristina: No, he's not the one that eats the children. The one that eats the children is servant Rupert.

Jack: Because that's what. That's what's happening here. Dudes going in, kidnapping kids. There. Some of the kids are in the bag. So they leave gifts. They kidnap children. Yes, Kids are in the bag. Off to the next place they keep. They got a cage, I guess, or something so they can take the trade off. Is a bunch of people get some material things. But we kill a couple of kids.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And so our operation functions.

Cristina: Ah, but we keep it a secret by decorating it as a. We're giving good children.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: That's what today's about.

Jack: And then people are outside. Exactly. Because then people are like the. The. The child trafficking market is so booming and dangerous. How dare they?

Cristina: Worse on Christmas.

Jack: It's worse on. Christ knows why. Meanwhile, Santa Claus is everywhere on Christmas, kidnapping kids left and right. Man. Was he who Qanon Is fighting.

Cristina: Qanon is fighting.

Jack: Qanon is trying to beat Santa Claus. That's the truth here.

Cristina: But is QAnon one person?

Jack: The agent that is known as Q is.

Cristina: Oh, okay. And the QAnon is the cult. Oh, okay. Versus Santa and Nick.

Jack: And versus the the Santa. Santa Claus conglomerate. Santa Claus, which include immortal Saint Nick.

Cristina: How do you beat that?

Jack: Because Santa Claus is like Drake. Like Drake, people are like Drake the Rapper, but Drake is a team of people. His name is Andre. Or it's like Billie Eilish. Billie Eilish the person? No, no. Billie Eilish might be her name, but it's a group. It's two people.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So Santa Claus is bunch of people. St. Nick is who we're thinking about. Yes, but it's Krampus and this douche and that other douche. And a magical goat and a child eater and some dude beating the people Christmas.

Cristina: But I forgot. I don't remember anything about him. I just know his name is Father Christmas.

Jack: He's who they're bringing the kids home for.

Cristina: No, I guess he's the. He's doing what again?

Jack: He's a ringleader.

Cristina: He's a ringleader. Father Christmas.

Jack: Father Christmas. We have the face. St. Nick. But there's somebody giving orders.

Cristina: I thought Santa Claus was the face.

Jack: I could have sworn you were about to say I thought Sonic was. Sonic is the face of Christmas.

Cristina: Okay, so Sonic is helping Santa Claus. Is he on that sleigh? Is he?

Jack: I mean, how does he hit every house?

Cristina: Exactly. Sonic is involved in this. How is he still alive? His games.

Jack: Immortality. Saint Sonic.

Cristina: Saint Sonic. Oh, my God.

Jack: He was always selfless and he made impressive things happen.

Cristina: Oh, my God.

Jack: I think he qualifies.

Cristina: All right. We're saying that he's Santa.

Jack: We're saying he's a saint.

Cristina: He's a saint.

Jack: Saint Sonic.

Cristina: Saint Sonic. Okay, well, that was beautiful. I feel like we learned a lot today for nothing at all.

Jack: That was fantastic. We're definitely out of time, though. Okay, but that was a very educational moment where we learned that Santa Claus is kind of like Drake. There's a bunch of people working to make it function. There's a couple of psychotic saints that seem to have nothing to do with their ability. St. Nicholas is the saint of children in barrels, which we previously established.

Cristina: You made him that.

Jack: Pickled children.

Cristina: You made him that.

Jack: And so if you guys like this conversation, there are many more of that nature. You can be way more educated by going to last year's Christmas episode as well. So you can have a couple of nice episodes to check out in this holiday season. Grab this episode, grab one more episode from the past, put them together, play them back to back, and understand Saint Nick, the Saint of Barrels and children.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Anyways, to learn more, you can find other episodes discussing holidays and last year's Christmas episode as well at the official website, greatthoughts.info, apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you get your podcasts.

Cristina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. Uscombopod.

Jack: Yes. And remember to subscribe and rate the show and review it if you feel so inclined.

Cristina: And let someone who might like this show know about it.

Jack: Word of the mouth, the most powerful tool you will have at your disposal. You just whisper to somebody, hey, you wanna listen to a show? And they'll be like, yeah, I do. And then you sit peacefully together with some food and snacks and everything goes well.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Then you thank them and you're like, thanks, man, I enjoyed this. And they're like, thank you for telling me about it.

Cristina: Now let's subscribe and rate and review. This has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening.

Jack: Bye.

Cristina: Boxing Day. I don't know what that is, but that's a holiday somewhere.

Jack: Boxing Day.

Cristina: Yeah, I think they put the idea is to donate stuff to the homeless people by putting the stuff in a box.

Jack: Oh, you mean like Mike Tyson has nothing to do with this holiday?

Cristina: No, no, I don't think so.

Jack: It's not like Mike Tyson's favorite holiday is Boxing Day.

Cristina: Maybe he loves putting things in boxes and doing it to homeless.

Jack: You sure it's not that he's boxing on this holiday? Like boxers all come out and box.

Cristina: Beat up on the homeless.

Jack: Yeah, maybe.

Cristina: I don't know anything about. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by greatthoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McCallister with social media managed by Amber Black.

Rambling 85: The Easter Zombie

Jesus, Easter, Easter Zombie, Holidays, Religion, Faith, God, The Just Conversation Podcast

What does Easter have to do with a rabbit? Unpacking the origins of Easter and how Jesus and a mythical rabbit relate.

Story:
The duo plots on escaping the country to Zombie Island as the national shutdown continues to spread. While in the studio they take the opportunity to unpack upcoming Easter and how it relates to other holidays and deities.

+ Episode Details

Remember to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or anywhere you listen to podcasts to help us get noticed.We’ll read our favorites Apple Podcast reviews on the show! Tell friends, family or anyone you know who’ll like the show about it.

Topics Discussed:

  • Egg Delivery
  • Christ Criminal Organization
  • The Resurrection
  • The First Zombie
  • Dracula
  • Scientist Christ
  • 12 Year Old Apostles
  • Holy Coma
  • Mammals
  • Sonic 7 Crew
  • Spring

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

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