Rambling 124: Jesus the Easter Vampire

Did Jesus really come back to life? Was he really the son of God? Was he performing miracles? The life of Jesus and the meaning of Easter dissected on this Easter Special!

The duo dust off the original biblical scriptures and comb through searching for the truth behind who and what Jesus Christ was. In doing so they come across what seems like similarities between the story of Christ and Bram Stoker’s Dracula. What they discover as they dive deeper will forever change what we think of Jesus Christ forever!

+Episode Details

Art by IG @Zero_Lupo

Topics Discussed:

• Egg Stealing
• Criminal Organization
• Con Artist
• Holy Sperm
• Mary’s Rape
• Vampirism
• Vampire Blood
• Search for Immortality
• Illusionist
• Vampiric Powers
• Seth, the Ancient Vampire
• Vampire Hunters

Our Links:

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

Twitter - https://twitter.com/JustConvoPod

Facebook - https://facebook.com/justconvopod

Instagram - https://instagram.com/justconvopod

---

+Transcript

Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Cristina: What does live mean?

Jack: Welcome to the Just Conversation podcast. The show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas. I am your host, Jack.

Cristina: And I am your host, Christina.

Jack: And if you haven't. Not yet. Not done it, you should its goats to the subscribit button to click its and get notify. It's the moment new episodes are released.

Cristina: That's horrible.

Jack: That's how they talked in the olden days.

Cristina: No, I don't know. They did talk horribly. Also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner to share opinions. Any views on topics we discuss.

Jack: Yes. So be sure that since the holidays are coming, the great hot. Is it a holiday? Whatever. Easter is on its way to find a loved one and get chocolate. Cuz Jesus is gonna steal your eggs and rabbits. Yes, something like that.

Cristina: That's how you sum up Easter?

Jack: That's how I sum up Easter. There's nothing wrong there. Think about it. Think about it. That makes total sense.

Cristina: Jesus was a rabbit.

Jack: Jesus. When's Easter tomorrow?

Cristina: I don't know. It's very soon. Could be tomorrow. I don't know. I don't know. Easter's on a Sunday, isn't it? Easters are always on Sunday.

Jack: Easter's on the fourth.

Cristina: Fourth. Yeah. Oh, it's called Easter Sunday.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, got it, got it, got it. So Easter's tomorrow. I mean, I knew it was coming up. I didn't know exactly when it was coming up. I just knew it was coming up manana tomorrow.

Cristina: The great Easter bunny.

Jack: But yeah, so I'll summarize. For anybody who doesn't know, we've talked about Easter quite a bunch on show. This is sort. It's an Easter show.

Cristina: That's what it. It's an Easter show.

Jack: Yeah. The whole podcast is centered on Easter.

Cristina: Specifically.

Jack: Specifically, all we do.

Cristina: It's a Christian show.

Jack: It's a. It is a Christian show.

Cristina: Talk about Christ a lot.

Jack: Like we talk about Christ a lot. People, if you don't believe this is a Christian show, then you're out of your mind. Because we talk about God all the time. It's crazy how much we talk about Satan all the time.

Cristina: I didn't mean to say Satan. I meant saints.

Jack: We talk about saints and Satan, Lucifer.

Cristina: I guess we'll talk about all of them.

Jack: God, I don't know. Anyways, I'll summarize. I'll summarize what Easter is so the people understand. Once upon a Time there was a man who used to steal all of the eggs. And in the past, if you are familiar with history, eggs were valuable. Owning a chicken meant a lot. So you had chickens and that was a valuable commodity because you could produce eggs, which means you had eggs to eat. But there was this carpenter who used to hang out with a bunch of thieves and killers, liars and schemes.

Cristina: He was one of them.

Jack: He was one of them. He was part of a band. There were 13 of them, sometimes 14 if you count the woman that used to chill with them. The w****. If you count the w**** that used to chill with them.

Cristina: She wasn't a w****. I read that she wasn't a w****.

Jack: People don't know that. People, people swear she was a w****. Anyways. People used to hang out with a.

Cristina: Bunch with a different w****.

Jack: He used to hang out with a bunch of criminals, murderers, liars, cheaters, stealers, and a w**** and a f****** w****. And he, he was the con artist of the bunch.

Cristina: He was a magician.

Jack: A magician. He used to con people, trick people, steal their watches off of their wrists while showing them a magic trick and then show it to them. And when he returned their watches, he robbed their wallet. He was a genius at what he did.

Jack: This man was known, Jesus and Jesus as his side hustle because he was such a slick guy. He would go to farms where people had chickens and it would be like, yo, I show you a magic trick.

Cristina: But he, he's a carpenter.

Jack: He's a carpenter. That's his cover.

Cristina: Oh.

Jack: So he would use that as a cover. Like, I'm gonna build you a farmhouse.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Build your farmhouse. And that farmhouse you can keep your chickens. Let me see the size of your chickens and I'll know the size of the coop that I built for all your chickens in the farmhouse.

Cristina: All right? And then what does he do?

Jack: He' I'm gonna need the keys for your chicken coop so I can build you a bigger chicken coop and move your chickens and you're not around so you don't have to do the hard work. I do all the work. And then they're like, yeah, here, just come when I'm, I'm at work on Sunday. You can come on Sunday and you can, you can take the chickens and put them in the other thing. After you build me the new coop, bro, I'll pay you. He's like, I take money in advance. He's like, I got you, bro. Use some money in advance. I expect that job done. And then he's like, yeah, I'll do it.

Cristina: And he doesn't do it.

Jack: He does not do it. He just shows up and he steals all the eggs that that man was gonna sell to make money. And he got the money from the man who paid them to do the job. He doesn't really do carpenter s***, so he just got the money, didn't buy any materials. But he got the eggs too. Eggs. Cuz the guy wasn't there. He gave me keys for Sunday. He was at work.

Cristina: Oh, he was on work. Okay.

Jack: Yeah. Jesus just got all the eggs. Con artist.

Cristina: Con artist. Okay.

Jack: So eventually Jesus got killed for the egg stealing. He got super murdered for stealing all the eggs all the time.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But some chemist somewhere made a concoction and gave it to him. And he's like, look, they can crucify you. You take this, it's gonna look like you're already crazy, unenergetic. They're not gonna kill you themselves. They want the suffering to happen. So you take this, you're gonna look more hurt than you really are. Then you're gonna. Your heartbeat is gonna be undetectable. They use this in the future all the time to hide, you know, like a guy named James Bond is going to have. And they're going to think he's dead. So you use this and they'll think you're dead while you're on the cross. And then we come down, take you, take you to a hole somewhere. And then when you recover.

Cristina: Why are they doing that for him?

Jack: You come. Because they're the homies.

Cristina: Oh, they're one of the tall.

Jack: And then he comes out of the thing. And then he started stealing eggs again. And people were like, no, he's been resurrected to steal eggs. His. His spirit has unfinished egg.

Cristina: That's when they decorated. Because they were hiding it from him.

Jack: Then they decorated all their eggs as colorful stuff. And then they also made chocolate shaped like eggs.

Cristina: They were like, to confuse him even.

Jack: More, use them so that if he did find the eggs, it was 50, 50 chance he would just open chocolate and be like, these aren't even eggs. These are just.

Cristina: And he's allergic to chocolate.

Jack: Yeah, exactly. So that's the truth about Easter.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And from then forward, every Easter, we hide our eggs and try to confuse people by also hiding chocolate so that if Jesus hits our place, there's a. Like, what are the odds he doesn't want to anymore? Because he knows there's a 50, 50 chance he opens that and dies.

Cristina: Is he showing up as a rabbit, like, dressed up in a Rabbit suit.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Yeah. That's where the rabbit comes in. Totally.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: That's his disguise he used because as soon as after the resurrection he got caught, he needed a disguise. So he would pretend to be. Yeah, he would show up in a giant rabbit suit and try to steal it.

Cristina: Because everyone has to think he's dead for good.

Jack: Yeah. He needs to keep that. The lie sold.

Cristina: Yeah. So he can still steal eggs. Okay.

Jack: But since he's allergic to chocolate, that's gone way down. And there's only one Jesus. He can't be everywhere at once. It's not like he's good or something. So, you know, that's why we celebrate the comedic nature of that one time in history that some dude named Jesus was stealing all the eggs.

Cristina: Crazy F A X facts. Yeah. True story.

Jack: True story, man. Nothing but wokeness going on there.

Cristina: Did you get that story from the Bible?

Jack: No, the Bible lies.

Cristina: The Bible lies.

Jack: I was filled with lies.

Cristina: What kind of lies?

Jack: All of them.

Cristina: What is the main lie? Is there a main lie? I guess they have too many.

Jack: No, no, no. There is a main lie.

Cristina: There is a main lie.

Jack: There was a God. And then the whole Bible is centered around that one lie.

Cristina: What if there was a God?

Jack: It wasn't the God they're talking about. Or I guess the main lie is God was the good guy. Right.

Cristina: God, who was the person.

Jack: Like we just saw that thing earlier about how God killed 2 million people but Satan only killed 10.

Cristina: 10.

Jack: Like I feel like this clear measure here of who's the bad guy. What?

Cristina: I guess killing people is alright.

Jack: Destroyed towns with fire, the firstborn of many. An entire flood that just wiped out all existence.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Lucifer 10, God 2 million.

Cristina: Yes. Well, the Bible didn't lie about that.

Jack: No, it totally didn't. This is saying God is like we, this is the good guy. Oh, he's the good guy.

Cristina: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jack: Try to confuse us and trick us about who? Right is wrong, left is blue, you know?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Try to f*** it all up.

Cristina: What if we're supposed to think killing is good?

Jack: What?

Cristina: What if we're supposed to. To believe that killing was good?

Jack: I mean, then why can't we kill? Why can't we go out and pop some mofos? He made himself in our image. What, he's copying us.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: You know, it's funny that that statement in general just totally lends itself to the fact that. Or he made us in his image. Right?

Cristina: He made us in his image. Yeah.

Jack: Then he made Jesus in our image.

Cristina: No, he Made Jesus in his image too.

Jack: Yeah, I guess.

Cristina: No, I don't know how Jesus was made.

Jack: Jesus was a poop.

Cristina: Magic.

Jack: A magic poop.

Cristina: He's a. He was made without a semen. He's just.

Jack: No, there was. It was holy semen.

Cristina: Holy semen.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: How?

Jack: He's God. He could be everywhere at once, including inside you.

Cristina: He had like a magic semen floating inside Mary. Yeah, yeah. He or many his.

Jack: Let's. Let's be real. On top of the number of deaths he has committed, like the murders he's done, he's kind of guilty of raping Mary, right?

Cristina: I guess. She doesn't say that it's rape though. She's happy about it.

Jack: She said I was impregnated by the Lord.

Cristina: Maybe he asked for it. Maybe.

Jack: Nope. No, she was shocked.

Cristina: She was shocked by it. Oh, no.

Jack: Sorry. If Jesus. Mary was an alcoholic or a drug addict or some s***. And she blacked out. She was consistently wasted and she blacked out because even Joseph was like, I didn't f****** pregnant her.

Cristina: Oh crap.

Jack: Yeah, she was some sort of drug addict. Which kind of fits a suit that he would grow up in the slums being just an architect or what the was he carpenter. And that he would hang out with a bunch of criminals because that's the environment he was raised in. His mom was like a drug addict.

Cristina: What was his dad. He was still around, wasn't he?

Jack: He was trying to support his family, but it was probably an alcoholic. Oh, they didn't own s***. That's why they slept in a barn.

Cristina: It was her cousin's barn or something. I forgot it was like a family.

Jack: Yeah, they didn't own crap. They were. They couldn't even go to a stranger because they couldn't even buy a place or like rent a room or something like, here's some coin, let me stay here. They can go to a motel. They had nothing.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: So they were like, okay, just cuz your family, go sleep with the animals. I'll give you at least a roof.

Cristina: That's where they lived.

Jack: I don't know where the f*** they lived. I know that's where they had Jesus. Jesus of Nazareth. Which means he was in Nazareth. That was Nazareth. Is Nazareth in Jerusalem. Whatever. Anyway, so yeah, Easter. All of this is related to Easter.

Cristina: Related to Easter history.

Jack: History. Informing of Easter is coming. Informing of Easter is coming and. Nah. But all jokes aside, Easter is about the resurrection.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Are we sure about that? Easter is the day he came back.

Cristina: Yes. Wow. Probably not sure. Probably not 100% sure. Because no one's 100% sure about anything in the Bible.

Jack: Yeah, like he was actually born in the summer.

Cristina: Yes. So none of it's for sure.

Jack: So he died three days before Easter. What a coincidence that he'd come to life on Easter.

Cristina: Yes. Wait, he died three days before.

Jack: I mean, he was resurrected on Easter? Yeah, three days after he was crucified. So, yes, he died.

Cristina: I don't know. I thought for some reason Lent was when he died and that was like a month earlier. I could be wrong about that then. I don't know.

Jack: Yeah, look, look, I don't know how religion works, okay?

Cristina: How long can you stay dead and then come back to life? How long is it okay for a dead body? Like, after a year, it's gotta be too long, right?

Jack: After a couple of hours, it's too late. If you're dead 10 minutes, it might have been too long.

Cristina: Oh, really?

Jack: Yeah, you come back with brain damage.

Cristina: Oh, do you think he came back with brain damage?

Jack: H***, yes.

Cristina: That's why he died immediately after.

Jack: Yeah, he just came back to life, screamed his lungs out and then just died again. He screamed like a severe r***** scream and then just died again.

Cristina: Oh, my gosh.

Jack: Yeah, luckily there was nobody there to see him. They just thought he moved and were like his soul left his body.

Cristina: But they saw him go to heaven, his body disappears or something. I don't know.

Jack: I'll explain that. The truth is, that dude was a vampire. That's why he could levitate.

Cristina: That's why he can levitate. Who says he can levitate?

Jack: Vampire logic says he could levitate.

Cristina: But did he levitate?

Jack: Yes, that's how he walked on water and that's how they saw him go up to heaven.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: He was levitating. You're literally talking about him going up to heaven. I'm like, he levitates and you're like, what?

Cristina: Well, I feel like levitating is, like a few inches from the floor and going up to heaven is, like, much higher.

Jack: Why?

Cristina: It's an extreme.

Jack: Why did you put a cap on levitation?

Cristina: Because that's how magicians, they don't go very high up.

Jack: Oh, I feel you. You're equating him to a magician.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: That's fair.

Cristina: Well, I guess for him, with his.

Jack: Vampire powers, he's a super mega, ultra vampire.

Cristina: Super. Wait, say that.

Jack: No, in reality, he's the first vampire.

Cristina: He's the first one.

Jack: He's the first vampire. I don't know how the h*** it happened.

Cristina: It wasn't God related.

Jack: No, it was. I mean, he could have. He could have been. I mean, this. He could be Dracula, like the real Dracula, what Dracula was based on. And so we know he was a man of faith or whatever. In the original story of Dracula, Dracula screams at the sky is like, his wife died or something. I don't remember how the story was. Something like that. Right. He was asking for her to come back or like, I'll sacrifice me or whatever. And the curse he was given was. D***, I don't remember his story at all. Whatever. Dracula yelled at the sky as a God or something. And he was given vampirism. Vampirism. He was turned to vampire.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And so Jesus known notoriously for being a very God centric man, in fact, so God centric, they were like, you're the most God centric man. And that definitely lends itself to him having been screaming at the skies, a God, God, please help me. And then he got given abilities which began to show themselves around the age of 30, not his entire life.

Cristina: What? That's why it starts there.

Jack: Yep. It begins when he was baptized by John Baptist.

Cristina: Mm. That was one of his friends or whatever.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Or becomes his friend after. I don't know.

Jack: Everybody's. His friend is Jesus.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: And after he. He goes through the baptism where he accepts God and whatever, weird things start to happen. Weird things start to happen.

Cristina: Like what?

Jack: Well, at the beginning, he starts to be. He seems way too charming to people. Absurdly charming and beautiful. Beautiful man. A beautiful man. He's perfect. He's immaculate. He's gorgeous. He's perfect.

Cristina: Yes, like a vampire type of transformation.

Jack: And over the time, over time, he just kept, you know, talking to people. And now again, this lends itself to the fact that he was already some sort of con artist and knew a couple of tricks. But now he has this absorbent charm that people can't even control themselves around. They'll cry just by looking at him. So beautiful. It's phenomenal. And then he would also perform nifty tricks. And then people just started, you know, he's the most entertaining, funnest, greatest, kindest man ever. And he's beautiful and gorgeous. And his following just kept growing and growing. And he started actually building two different types of followings. One, the mass following of the general information that would float around. People would keep passing the knowledge of this man. Oh, he's so exciting. Oh, he's so interesting. Oh, he's so awesome. I would say. You would say? You tell them, they tell him so Far, So far. But then he had the personal net group of people, convicts and murders and thieves and whores that he already hung out with, and they became even more integral to his group. It's possible that at this point, he was already a vampire. It was, like, immediately after the baptism that he was given these powers that we start to see more and more of as time goes by. And his homies, assuming they're really his homies to that degree, and they weren't all so convinced by him.

Cristina: But they weren't vampires.

Jack: No, I don't think they were vampires. I think they were just ride or die as h***. They're like, you know, the code of the criminal. It's always together. And so he was like, if I figure out how this works, I'll just try to turn you guys too.

Cristina: Was he drinking blood?

Jack: Not yet.

Cristina: Not yet.

Jack: He does eventually tell them, like, you guys, you know, you do things right. I suppose we can all be this. We can all be immortal. Which he tells him consistently. There's immortality. There's immortality. I'm immortal. There's immortality. And we get told the story that the commoner on the street gets told. Oh, give yourself to the sky, and after you die, there's immortality. Yeah, this is a weird little tale you get told so that if he shows up at your house and says, I'm gonna kill you so that you can reach your immortality.

Cristina: Oh, my gosh. Okay.

Jack: So I'm gonna consume you within me. As you've heard from everybody else, within me is the immortality. Through me.

Cristina: There is immortality through him eating you.

Jack: Well, he doesn't use those words specifically, but when he gets there, you're like, do whatever you have to want immortality. And then he could do whatever. And he also establishes very vampiric rules he didn't establish, but for whatever reason, he needs you to accept them first. Before he can come in, you need to welcome this man inside. Otherwise, he can't. And he's already a criminal. He steals eggs, bro. He breaks into wherever he needs to.

Cristina: Well, he. Maybe he doesn't break in because in your example, the egg stealing, the.

Jack: He had to trick a guy. Well, no, before he was a. Oh.

Cristina: The egg ste was.

Jack: Before the sag ceiling was. Before he was still using his carpenter skills to do stuff.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: But after the baptism, he needs to use his conning skills to get into the house in the first place by getting you to agree to let him in. And that's how he would get into your home.

Cristina: Amazing. What? But he no longer needs eggs. Though, Right.

Jack: He no longer needs eggs.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: His castle in Transylvania has all the chicken coops he could ever imagine.

Cristina: He also has a. Okay.

Jack: But in this time of him doing this, occasionally not everybody gets killed or drained raw of blood. Sometimes. Occasionally somebody survives and they come back with the story of. And then he cut his wrist and told me to drink his blood.

Cristina: What? That's not a story. That's a story.

Jack: And in. No, that's not a real story. Obviously some parts of this are made up.

Cristina: That'd be really interesting if that was in the Bible.

Jack: S***. Maybe. You know what? Yeah, no. Yes, totally. So eventually some people started coming back with the story. He would cut his wrist and drip into their mouth. Because drinking the blood of Christ is the way to immortality. And these people really did become immortal.

Cristina: While they were alive.

Jack: While they were alive because they became vampires. If you drink his blood, you get immortality. Keep in mind through the beginning he had to experiment and find out how things work.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And he was doing that effectively.

Cristina: So his buddies might be vampires.

Jack: So his buddies eventually became vampires. When he figured that out, then they would preach that you need the blood of Christ.

Cristina: So they were just selling his blood.

Jack: Well, now they're mortal. They no longer need to scrap for anything and they got crazy powers. But then this becomes another problem is face here. The apostles were also seen as incredibly charming and lovable to the point that some of them continued to commit crimes even after they were with Jesus. And that's an interesting little duality that's there. That they would preach the holiness and then go and openly crimes and s***. Yeah.

Cristina: How many of them were still committing crime?

Jack: Two of them.

Cristina: Oh yeah.

Jack: Peter and John. No, it's not. John was another one. Peter's another guy. And yeah. So there is definitely a. An interesting narrative that forms there. And it became kind of dangerous when the two different groups there was again the apostle group, the Titanic group.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And then the bigger group of just the fans. And there were. So I guess a third division of groups happened where it was really close. Then the like other ones he personally interacted with but wasn't in his circle. And then the people who've heard of him, the people who've heard of him became a danger.

Cristina: Why?

Jack: Because they heard about people really achieving immortality. And so now they need to convince everybody so that if, if everybody around me is on board, then it's more likely it's going to reach me. And I want the immortality. So by any means we gotta force everybody to believe it so that he's More prone come our way. And that's where violence begins to happen and religious warfare breaks out.

Cristina: For this Jesus blood. For this Jesus.

Jack: That's where the Jews versus the Christians happen. Except the Christians didn't have a name yet.

Cristina: That was during his time though. Like he was alive while they were fighting or like they knew.

Jack: Yeah, there was definitely a left and right going on. And they wanted immortality. They didn't know what it really meant. Only as closest of homies understood the true depth of where this went. They were all already monsters of different, different sorts. All vampires. Twisted contorted minds. Because of their abilities, they could just con anybody at any moment. They could charm anybody, convince anybody to do anything. But they also had unique abilities that came with that.

Cristina: Like what?

Jack: Like the way vampires do, man. All vampire abilities.

Cristina: Do they have any non related vampire ability like ability that vampires don't have? But still you can see it as maybe some type of vampire power that just never has been mentioned in other stories.

Jack: Not entirely sure. Perhaps. It's definitely a possibility. They did have eccentric abilities that kind of varied in different ways. For example, the thing Jesus did in turning the water to wine.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: That wasn't like a vampire thing. But also as a con artist he could have understood that red dirt underwater shooken up in clear water would turn the water red. You could just claim it as whatever it's like, oh, there's still worms and s*** in there. Don't drink the wine. I was just proving a point. You know there were tricks. And as he was a con artist, he had a little more trick, a few more tricks in his bag than his homies did.

Cristina: Yes. So you talk about his first in.

Jack: General abilities that they had. First of all that crazy superficial charm they have that catches everybody's attention. Hypnosis.

Cristina: Hypnosis.

Jack: The well known vampire hypnosis. If he stares into your eyes, he's caught you. Well, you are a victim. That's it. You are caught. There's nothing you could do. You will find him beautiful, gorgeous. Interesting enough. The people who were most against him were the people who never stared him in the eyes.

Cristina: What?

Jack: Political figures who were angered by what he was saying, that weren't in contact with him, that were at a distance from him.

Cristina: Yes, they just heard about him.

Jack: Then when they managed to successfully get him on the cross, the only times they saw him is when his eyes were already down and weak and all these things so they could look at him and to not be caught. It wasn't just looking at Jesus.

Cristina: He has to be looking Back looking.

Jack: Back, which creates an interesting dynamic there that kind of lends itself to the fact that he was probably a f****** vampire.

Cristina: Okay, did you find anything related to the sun?

Jack: What do you mean?

Cristina: Like weakening him or hurting him or.

Jack: Oh, yeah, definitely. That leads to the crucifixion. He also had healing abilities, which is his most common trick.

Cristina: He was healing people.

Jack: He was healing people left and right now. There are two different kinds of healing abilities that vampires possess. One is the typical. You know, I hold my hand over your body or whatever, and poof, like magic, it's gone, which Jesus did do. But also his blood.

Cristina: Oh, his blood.

Jack: The notorious one. Not only was it healing, but it provided immortality.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And then small traces of his blood are healing, which is why you get fed that crap in church.

Cristina: What about his skin? Did it have healing properties, too?

Jack: His skin contains his blood. You know, it's just a dry version of his healing DNA that you can carry around. It's harder to do that with the blood. It's just a carryable version of him.

Cristina: That's so creepy.

Jack: But, yeah, he can regenerate because he's a vampire. So he can cut it off as much as he wants and then always be back.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: It's just a logical exchange. He was the original. So if he dies, all his homies lose their powers. You know, the vampire Elijah Kill the king.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Everybody else is reverted.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: So his flesh is the only flesh that could turn others.

Cristina: What?

Jack: Okay, so they needed his flesh and they needed his blood. He could make his home his vampires. But they can't make others, all right? Only he can.

Cristina: That's why they were promoting his.

Jack: They were promoting his blood. And he probably donated some of his blood so that they can spread it out amongst people to prove the power of his blood. Not enough to turn them into anything.

Cristina: Just to heal them, but to heal.

Jack: Them and prove the strength of his blood. They also had healing powers, but they didn't have something that they can just give. You walk away, you take it, everything is gone for you. You can see now. You drank some of that. Now you can see. You've never seen a day of your life. You were bor. Born blind. Now you have sight. That kind of crap.

Cristina: That's crazy.

Jack: So that's the healing, obviously. The vampire, immortality. So long as you have the nutrients and thing you need, you cannot die of natural causes. You have to be killed.

Cristina: Probably.

Jack: Self healing, which is how he, you know, cuts his skin off and then gives it. He'll heal that right back and the more he feeds, the more he heals. And through hard times, he could do that repeatedly.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: With the exception of when he was on the cross. Because they bound him, he couldn't heal. He also has pyrokinosis, which is well known. The vampires could do that. Is controlling fire.

Cristina: He's controlled fire.

Jack: There's two instances in which this happened. One in which he used fire to telepathically communicate. Moses.

Cristina: That was him.

Jack: That was him through the fire. And the other one in which he teleported into a furnace to speak to some men who were being burned alive. Yes.

Cristina: Yeah. Okay.

Jack: Chances are they did get burned, but he gave them his blood while they.

Cristina: Were there so that they wouldn't die.

Jack: So they wouldn't die. He was always true to the homies.

Cristina: Okay, and those are some homies.

Jack: Those are some homies. We don't know how exactly, but they were his followers and he was loyal to them. He made sure his army stayed strong as well as there was Saddam and Gomorrah, the two cities that he successfully wielded enough power. Now, this takes place in the past from him. But assuming his powers bridge the gap of time somehow because he was predicted to be born or be created at some point.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: This creature of immense power would come to be. It's possible that his abilities stretch far and beyond that he could rip fire from the skies and slam it right into a city. Unless, that is signs that there were vampires before him.

Cristina: Then he wouldn't be the first.

Jack: Then he wouldn't be the first. But he is an original, just like whatever other vampire.

Cristina: Yeah, that's a really powerful vampire.

Jack: Yes. And the possibility there lies that it's one of the original children of Adam and Eve or Enoch himself. So Adam and Eve's children featured three individuals, one of which. Well, there were a bunch of others, but out of the boys, there's Cain, Abel and Seth. We hear a lot about Cain and Abel, but we don't hear a lot about Seth. He's brushed aside, other than being mentioned, but mentioned enough to wonder why. Why was. Why. Why did you mention this child at all? The theory is that he was retracted, like many of the other books from the Bible.

Cristina: Yeah, his character was retracted.

Jack: His character was retracted. He was removed from the text. It's possible Seth was the first vampire, then Enoch and then Jesus.

Cristina: What were they around these. The time with the cities. Or they would have been ancient vampires by then.

Jack: They would have been ancient vampires by then, allowing them to perform these duties. They would be so overpowered at that point we're looking at Jesus in from when he was 30 to when he was 33. So his powers are three years old at max. He was still learning how to use them.

Cristina: Oh, that's so sad.

Jack: If we see Enoch or Seth, we're talking some of the first living things ever.

Cristina: So thousand.

Jack: Well, Seth would be. Enoch would be closer to the time of those cities being attacked.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: While Seth would be the ancient one here.

Cristina: So he would probably have the power.

Jack: He would probably have the power to just rip fire from the sky and land it on top of these cities. So it's possible that he was the first. Additionally, there is levitation, which allowed Jesus to levitate when they saw him, quote, go to heaven, unquote. And when he walked on water, his most fantastic miracle.

Cristina: Walking on water.

Jack: Walking on water. And additionally, there was also dream manipulation.

Cristina: Like he'd be in other people's dreams or he could.

Jack: Yes, he would be in other people's dreams and he would show himself in visions to people. So he would communicate and they would dream about him and they would think of him at random moments and he would talk to them through these almost telepathic dreams, dream like states. And they would know about him before he even presented himself.

Cristina: Cool. I didn't know about this. In the Messiah, he was in their dreams. So if he's Jesus in that show, does that mean he's talking to them in the dream?

Jack: Yes. He could have really been doing that. He would. In the Bible, he would send them.

Cristina: Cryptic messages related somehow.

Jack: Yeah, in the Bible, he would send them cryptic messages. Sometimes it was direct, but sometimes it was weird imagery that made no sense to the viewer until they were explained by either Jesus himself or they heard a story about something that happened that happened in their dream that kind of pieced it together for them.

Cristina: So that was a Jesus thing. Oh, my God.

Jack: That was a Jesus thing. And additionally, he had animal control.

Cristina: Animal Control. Can he turn into animals too?

Jack: We have no proof of that. But he did have the ability to get animals to behave as he wanted.

Cristina: And people saw him talk to these animals or something. He.

Jack: Animals that would just behave around him.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: As if he was thinking for them and going back to situations in which we have weird scenarios. Assuming there are ancient vampires at the time of, like Moses, we can see every animal in the world suddenly start moving towards a singular ship ahead of a fantastic flood. Because it's gonna start. Start raining endlessly.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Which could have also still been a vampire doing this.

Cristina: Moses, Seth or Seth. Okay.

Jack: And so he got into the head of every single creature and started moving them to the ship so that whatever we can get on board, we do get on board.

Cristina: Yes. Okay. Because he knew that the flood was coming too.

Jack: He was probably the one who warned Moses.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Of course, Moses attributed to God, but it was just Seth. Like, there's crap's about to hit the fans. My fault. Seth probably did it himself.

Cristina: He flooded the world.

Jack: He flooded the world at this point, Such an ancient being seeing such heavy corruptions. Like, I can cleanse this in one shot.

Cristina: That's why burning the town could be him and drowning the world. Okay. That's.

Jack: So a lot of the events we've seen could definitely be Seth creating the very extremely godlike things of giant floods and fire from the sky.

Cristina: Then eventually he goes up because there's no.

Jack: I'm not saying he gave up.

Cristina: What?

Jack: He could have been killed. What?

Cristina: I mean, I guess that's a possibility, huh?

Jack: Weaknesses. Following everything that Jesus went through, there is the possibility that the church was familiar with stories of vampires and hadn't seen one in a long time. Maybe they knew of somebody who once killed a vampire. The possibility that that was Seth, incredibly high at this point. So they're out there and they've done it, and they record the history of how they did it, and they store it somewhere in case we've never seen another vampire. The only one we knew about was Seth. He converted a couple of people. We got rid of them, but the ones we didn't disappeared. Once we killed Seth, we stored the information on how to do it. We have that safe. Guy pops up, starts doing very familiar things. I've read about something like this before. I'll go to library. I'll check to see what we have stored in there. This kind of thing. And then they come across the things Jesus was doing. And they're like, a lot of this. A lot of this measures up to what we saw with this other guy.

Cristina: With the other vampire.

Jack: With the other vampire. And so they start trying to convince people this isn't who you think it is. Just like, don't buy the crappy selling. Let it be. Don't buy what he's selling.

Cristina: Are these are the same people that end up killing him?

Jack: Yes. These are the Jews that are like, this isn't like. Right. You people don't understand what you're playing with here. You don't see how wrong it is that he wants you to drink his blood or eat his flesh. You don't see how that's problematic? People were brainwashed. They didn't know the difference. They were already charmed. So they didn't understand the charm part. You didn't get that that was a factor in there until somebody read about it and they're like, we can't even break these people out of it. There's one way to break this spell. There's one way to break the spell.

Cristina: Which is to kill Jesus.

Jack: Which is to kill Jesus. So now they gotta look into how they killed Jesus. And that's how we get to his weaknesses. In the book of whatever ancestors they had that successfully killed Seth, the first vampire, or Enoch, if it was him, they came across some basic details. One, stakes can weaken a vampire. They're crazy strong. You're gonna need a freaking army. But if you can get stakes into them, you will weaken them.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Also sunlight. Sunlight is definitely their enemy. Which tells us we've probably seen as a con, as a natural con artist. He was already a person who relied on shadows and darkness to create illusions.

Cristina: So you might have been like.

Jack: We might have been seeing most of his activities at night, which is why it was hard to just see him walking on the street. He would show up.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Common trope of coming to drink blood in the middle of the night is when you do that. But who are the people who need to ask permission to come into your house? The vampire. Which means he was doing this at night. Because vampires do these things at night. We already have similar behaviors connected to Jesus that all happen in nighttime. Being a con artist, hanging out with criminals, and the typical vampire. Bullcrap. This man was just behaving at night.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Sleeps in the day, behaves at night. When he was a carpenter, he could work in the daylight, but when he was doing his other things, he would do it at night, hanging out with his criminal buddies. So he was used to it. And then he becomes a vampire and develops the weakness of sunlight. And so it was already normal. Nothing seemed to change in the perception of others. He was already a interesting, elusive guy who would just hang out in the shadows most of the time with criminals of different sorts of. So that didn't affect him too much. The other weakness he had is he needs to be invited into your home. He can't actually recover from anything if he can't get to you.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: There is a vampire rule that he cannot break even if he wanted to. Some force stops him from being able to just violate the rule of going in.

Cristina: Yeah. And the church knew all that.

Jack: And the church knew these three key details. So the Church started making moves. They set traps with stakes so that they can get stakes into him. And they disguise these stakes. The stakes he was crucified with were a mixture of bone and wood.

Cristina: What?

Jack: They look like bone, but they had the wood that he needed in his body to weaken him.

Cristina: Okay. So we thought they had. Why did he need bone?

Jack: To disguise the steak.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And they set up armies in nearby proximity to Jesus when they were trying to catch him. It wasn't just two, three people came and arrested Jesus. They had to stage in case he tries to flee. We can get him.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And with the help of some people, some whips laced with the stakes merged with the wood and the bone. They had shackles with spikes made of the wood and bone that they could put on him. He didn't know these shackles were like that. So they come in to arrest him, and he's in front of people. That was part of the problem. We need an audience so that he can't do his thing. And everybody's spell is broken because they realize he's some freak of nature.

Cristina: Yes. Okay.

Jack: So then he willingly is like, sure, yeah, okay. Thinking I'm gonna escape tomorrow, whatever.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And then they put it on him, and he's like, holy crap, what just happened? And he feels his powers just drain from his body.

Cristina: From the stakes.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: They put some on his legs as well. They give him the cross. They beat the crap out of him. They know he's not gonna die. None of this is gonna kill him. What is the sunlight?

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: They make him continuously get weaker and weaker by dragging his own cross the field where they're gonna crucify him. Then they put him up and they nail. Because somebody could just come and remove those stake. Those stake shackles.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So they. They put nails made of the same material right through his hand, nailing him to the cross through his hands and through his feet so there's no way he can get out. And they leave him there so that the sun will rise eventually and kill him. It's the only way we could get rid of it. That's it. The only way.

Cristina: But it doesn't.

Jack: It doesn't get rid of him because he's dying when they take him off of it. We don't see that part. But then they take him to the best place where somebody can reward a vampire can recover. He needs to be on dirt.

Cristina: His friends did that, though.

Jack: His friends did that. His friends took him down. These are also lose their powers. Yeah, they're gonna. They take him down they take him to a tomb, dirt and rock all around him. And they bring him some blood covers there. They bring him some blood. They give him some blood. They close it so nobody could go in there. They just say, he's dead in there. He's dead. He's died. He's died over.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And he recovers while he's in there. They give him some blood he needs to regenerate his normal vampire regeneration rate as he rests. Three days later, today on Easter, he's fully recovered.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And people just start seeing him walking around. They're like, what the h***? We saw this guy die.

Cristina: And then he does the levitation to heaven thing. Or.

Jack: No, he.

Cristina: That's not part of the story.

Jack: Yes, but they see him walking around and they witness his presence. And then he tells them, knowing that now the church is going to be informed that they failed, they're going to do it again. But now he knows, he knows they know. So he's like, nah, this ain't good.

Cristina: So he has a plan to get.

Jack: The h*** out of there.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: Now, as he's established his plan, he tells all the homies to plan. Look like, as long as I'm alive, you guys can retain your abilities, but I can't be here anymore, try to kill me. So you guys just need to be under the radar, be normal people. Do your miracles or whatever, but don't. Don't exceed your reach. They know how to take us down. There's more of them than there are of us. Okay, so I'm gonna do a nifty. My final con. The final cut. The final score, guys, the final score. They're like, yeah, the final score. And then we have the montage of Ocean's Eleven where we see all the characters start to set it up. Yeah. First they're gonna get an audience done. Then they show, like, f****** Peter. Getting people together. Yeah. Like, we're gonna bring people in and we're gonna. You gotta pass flyers to get everybody coming. Look, Jesus gonna be leaving or whatever and share all this information anyways. Eventually, people witness him levitate into the skies. His goal was, I'm gonna go over the clouds and then fly the h*** out of there.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: So they see him go up and they're like, oh, he went to the heaven. Seems like obviously there's space up there, but they're idiots and they don't know that. So I'm just go high enough so they can't see me. I. Mm. And that's how he landed in Transylvania and changed his Name to Dracula.

Cristina: Ah, so he's Dracula.

Jack: He's Dracula.

Cristina: But Dracula, is he still alive?

Jack: Probably could be. Maybe.

Cristina: Because in the story he dies.

Jack: We don't know.

Cristina: That's the story. Yeah.

Jack: Jesus also died.

Cristina: Oh, yeah. That's just a story.

Jack: Jesus also died in a story. What a coincidence.

Cristina: You don't know what parts of the story is true or not. Okay, so.

Jack: Yeah, but that's kind of interesting, right? The people were so severely brainwashed by this man that they couldn't sort of break away even as there were other people. Like, you're crazy as h***. This is clearly not what he's claiming to be, brainwashed. Yes, they are. But also whatever. The church that formed around these apostles made sure to sling this forward. And they managed to create some sort of concoction out of his blood by finding alchemists that could replicate the exact composition of his blood and then pass that forward to use it to keep people both brainwashed and heal people with the blood of Christ. And they can also. They no longer have the access to his flesh, but they can take little breads, drip his blood onto it, and preserve that successfully without the fear of blood coagulating inside of a container and becoming useless.

Cristina: And that's the bread that they're feeding in people.

Jack: That bread.

Cristina: So people are going into the church to get brainwashed.

Jack: Optimized the system so that it could function without Jesus's involvement. I don't know what happened to the apostles. I don't know if they're dead, if they're alive. We can't trust the Bible because the Bible has a bunch of. They need him to be dead in the Bible. That's his narrative.

Cristina: Yes. And they probably need the apostles to be dead because that's. They're gonna live forever. So.

Jack: So we don't know really what's happening. And I still don't know which of the two was the older vampire if that's the case. Unless, again, Jesus power is so exaggerated, he can reach backwards in time. I guess it's kind of a stretch.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: But if that's not the case, then either Enoch or Seth.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Were vampires. And it makes more sense that it would be Seth because of the magnitude in which the events were happening with the flood and the fire from the skies and the firstborn of people dying. Like he could just do the crazy things.

Cristina: He was killed. That's crazy.

Jack: And once Jesus pieced that together, he's like, there's no way I'm winning.

Cristina: Yes. So now he's hiding.

Jack: He's hiding. He's like, I'm not dealing with this crap. Which explains the need to quote, resurrect, quote, unquote, fly up to the sky or whatever the h***.

Cristina: Yes. And that's where Thanksgiving comes from.

Jack: Not Thanksgiving, Easter.

Cristina: Easter. Oh, Easter. That's where Easter comes from.

Jack: Yeah. And so there's a bunch of crap like that. The Bible is filled with a bunch of individuals that could have potentially have been following Jesus. Have been individuals.

Cristina: That makes sense. The church is making monsters. Why not?

Jack: Yeah, we've already established that the church makes monsters pretty regularly just to get.

Cristina: Rid of the monsters. They know how to create and destroy monsters. That's what they do.

Jack: Yeah. Church is crazy. Now, it's possible that Muhammad was also a vampire because he went through a lot of the same events. It's also possible that Jesus didn't immediately go to Transylvania.

Cristina: Oh, crap. He was trying to do the same thing somewhere else.

Jack: Yeah, he was trying to make different movements in different places. He would start get the ball rolling and go somewhere else. And it didn't even need to be the same religion so long as he had a following of people who would continue to consume.

Cristina: And it's just easy to get really, just people on board or something.

Jack: Yeah. And it's not that he was doing anything malicious. It's just he's a monster. And if you think of like Dean's mentality from Supernatural, it's like, if it's a monster, you f****** kill it. It might even be good. Doesn't matter. You kill it.

Cristina: Kill it.

Jack: And so he wasn't like doing anything horrible. He was doing nifty magic tricks and giving people health, like, okay, whatever.

Cristina: But he was probably drinking people's blood.

Jack: He was totally drinking people's blood.

Cristina: We don't know if he actually killed people in the process.

Jack: I think he probably did, so. Yeah, they probably did. So fair enough. Fair enough. I guess the trade off is he would eat people who weren't his followers. But give those who were probably blame.

Cristina: It on demons or something.

Jack: Probably did. So that's probably the whole story behind Lucifer.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Like it was some other evil thing.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Probably talked about himself third person and called him Lucifer. Some thing is drinking your blood in the middle of the night. You got marks on your body. Check your body. I bet you do. They do. It's like, yeah, you see, you're letting demons into your home. You should let me into your home. Crazy little do they know, they already let him into you. But it's like you, you haven't Been hit by demons yet? Give it time. Unless you let me save you.

Cristina: That's so crazy. But where else has he been?

Jack: A bunch of places. But it's just the same story over and over. It's the same story over. Anytime you see the same story of a creature being revived or whatever, he's probably coming with the stories from his land. It's not that the events happened again, but rather he comes and tells us, you know, casually talking with somebody, you know, suave or whatever, and he just lets it slip and he's like, oh yeah, this happened. Like, holy crap, you're some kind of God or something. It's like, I guess I am. And now you got a whole. Hey, man, this Muhammad guy said he was like crucified or. So he died, came back three days later. You mean the guy who healed Bob just by waving his hand? Yeah, man, I think he's God or something. And so just that crap happens all time. Because Jesus as a con artist, he's kind of a narcissist. You can't help but keep talking about himself. So everybody eventually finds out and then whole new God. So it comes to be.

Cristina: Yes, but he doesn't mind having a different character that he's playing because he likes it. Because he.

Jack: Okay, little by little he kept fading away. Until now he's known as Dracula. Hiding in some castle where nobody could disturb him anymore.

Cristina: Cool.

Jack: And those are just woke facts right there. The truth about what this glorious day named Easter is.

Cristina: It's beautiful.

Jack: Yes. And he has his giant castle filled with chicken coops where he has all the eggs.

Cristina: I guess he drinks their blood now.

Jack: Chicken blood.

Cristina: Chicken blood, probably. Yeah. Maybe that's how he survives now. Chicken blood.

Jack: Why not? It's the true woke truth behind all of it. Yes, and I know that's just. So now you guys are all informed on how this works, I'm sure that it's very interesting to think that Seth might have been the original vampire. He was mentioned and ignored afterwards. Same thing with Enoch, who's briefly mentioned and ignored. But we can find the whole book of Enoch. And there was an original book of Christ, allegedly written by Christ called the book of Emmanuel, which was his original name. And they his name is mentioned, but the book can't be found. We could find the book of Enoch and his references to the book of Emmanuel, but there is no book of Emmanuel, which is an interesting problem that the church at no moment addresses.

Cristina: No, they say it's lost or something.

Jack: No, never existed.

Cristina: It never existed.

Jack: It never existed. It's mentioned. Like they missed removing that part.

Cristina: Huh?

Jack: It's mentioned as existing in the Bible.

Cristina: Yes. Well, not the Bible, the Enoch.

Jack: Oh well here's the problem. The Book of Enoch is mentioned as existing and you can find the Book of Enoch.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Now in some of the books that were removed from the Bible, of which there are 60 something different books completely retracted.

Cristina: In those books you can find mention.

Jack: Mention of the Book of Emmanuel.

Cristina: Why didn't they at least edit those?

Jack: I don't know. So you can find the mention of the book but you can't find the Book of Emmanuel. As if it doesn't exist. Exist. Like it was perfectly erased from all of existence.

Cristina: Interesting.

Jack: Interesting.

Cristina: They did that on purpose. Come on.

Jack: They did that on purpose.

Cristina: What could be in his book, the Book of Emmanuel? What? What kind of crazy stories does he have?

Jack: That's nuts, right?

Cristina: Yes. Oh man. There's nothing for sure.

Jack: Nothing for sure. I've extensively tried to find this lame and I can't find any of it.

Cristina: What do the other books say about his book though? Do they give any hint to they.

Jack: Reference having read the Book of Immanuel? People held and people read the Book of Emmanuel. There was a true text written by Jesus Christ himself, Immanuel. And it's gone.

Cristina: But we have proof that people did read this text.

Jack: Yes. Obviously we got to assume if everything written in the Bible is bullshit to begin with. But if there was truth to any of it, there has to be truth to all of it. In which case there was a book by Jesus and that book has been completely destroyed and removed from existence by the church. So no matter what, there's a suppression effort that predates our current time.

Cristina: Of course. That's so crazy. Like the whole aliens might have written the Bible or inspire the Bible.

Jack: You mean like what's his name, Michael Horn was talking about?

Cristina: No, the thing we heard from mysterious Universe.

Jack: I don't remember. Anyways, I hope this has excited you all for Easter. That's tomorrow. I hope you guys have Russian buy some eggs and make sure some of them are chocolate. Jesus gonna come and steal your eggs. You don't want him to eat your chocolate eggs.

Cristina: But if you find Jesus though, can you ask him to turn into a vampire?

Jack: Maybe. He'd probably be down. He's not. He's a cool a** dude. He doesn't give a crap. Whatever.

Cristina: That'd be pretty cool.

Jack: It's just a sort of game you play.

Cristina: There's also a chance that he might just suck all the blood out of you and you die.

Jack: Also a problem.

Cristina: There's a little risk in that too.

Jack: But the whole thing is just a game you play because of the days that Jesus was stealing eggs. It's in honor of Jesus stealing all the eggs. And you hide them so he doesn't.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Anyways, if you guys want to hear more lovely things about Jesus Christ, of which we only have nice things to say, an infinite number of episodes that all include us talking about religion in depth and many other type of topics of many different sorts.

Cristina: Related.

Jack: Yeah, we're definitely way more informed than the church. The church listens to us.

Cristina: Yep.

Jack: Anyways, if you want some of that stuff, you can find all of that on the official website, grey thoughts.info or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you get your podcasts.

Cristina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok at just convopod.

Jack: Yes, send us some nifty messages. Talk to us. Well, not. Not us. We're not even on that. But, you know, talk to people who work with us and they'll tell us stuff or whatever the crap. I don't know. Just.

Cristina: We'll talk to you through this.

Jack: Yes, we'll. They'll tell us what you said and we'll come and talk crap about it on this end. And remember to subscribe and rate the show. And if you feel so inclined, review.

Cristina: It and let someone who might like this show know about it.

Jack: Yes. If you have friends that love holidays and religion and they love God and they show them they love the true history of God, we speak woke truth.

Cristina: See?

Jack: So you tell them about this episode and they're gonna be like, thanks, man. I knew you were a cool one. I know you were real one. This whole time, bro, you never questioned my faith. You never mocked me. I know you don't believe in God, but I respect that you respect that I do believe in God. And I appreciate you giving me this Christian, this very Christian episode, talking about God and Easter. I. I appreciate you, man. They're gonna love you way more for it.

Cristina: Yes. And this has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal, and thanks for listening.

Jack: Bye. First in the welders come. Anyways, in my weird searches through the Internet, I came across a. An ad. And the ad had no words. It had two cups on each side. And then somebody started pouring white fluids into one, into both of them. And then one of them stopped, like, halfway. And then the other one kept filling up, up, kept filling up, kept filling up. And then on the screen, it showed up got c**. And then they showed a bottle of some pills you can take to increase your sperm count. And it said more come more fun.

Cristina: Is more come more fun?

Jack: I mean, I don't know if somebody likes to be glazed the up. I guess I like to be treated like a donut. Like a glazed donut.

Cristina: Okay, so they're not selling don't come though?

Jack: No, no, no, they're not. They're selling the pills that make you produce more c**.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: So you can shoot milky loads at people.

Cristina: And this is advertised?

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cristina: What was it like through YouTube?

Jack: No, no, no, no. Just searching the Internet. You click on weird things and eventually occasionally they spam you, you know, in the little side things, which is like, well, this is some f***** up ad or some s***. And so, yeah, there was a c** production ad.

Cristina: Was that the weirdest thing you've seen.

Jack: When it comes to that? Yeah, that's probably. It was an ad for pornhub.

Cristina: Good morning. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by Great Thoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McAllister with social media managed by Amber Black.