Rambling 155: Santa The One True God

What are Santa’s powers? How did he acquire them? How does he pull of the Christmas Day Miracles? On this Christmas special, the duo crack open the case of Santa’s true power level. Comparisons to the other deities are made, and the greatest of Gods is crowned, but who that turns out to be is someone no one expected!

Rambling 155: Santa The One True God

+Episode Details

Topics Discussed:

  • Snowflake Patterns
  • Santa is a Genie
  • Elves are Fairies
  • The Shadow Realm
  • Is Santa a God?
  • What are Santa’s powers?
  • Omniscience
  • Santa’s Adrenochrome
  • God Wars
  • Santa The Genius
  • Immortality
  • Everything Shapeshifts
  • Capitalism

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+Transcript

Cristina: This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Cristina: What does live mean?

Jack: Welcome to the Just Conversation podcast, the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I'm your host, Jack.

Cristina: And I'm your host, Christina.

Jack: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notified the second new EP episodes are released.

Cristina: Also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner to share opinions and ideas on topics we discuss.

Jack: Yes. So be sure to find somebody, pull them nice and close, and get ready to listen to our holiday special.

Cristina: Ho, ho, ho.

Jack: It's Christmas.

Cristina: Look outside. It's raining. Oh, I mean, snowing, but I doubt it's snowing.

Jack: Is it Christmas, or is tomorrow Christmas?

Cristina: It's Christmas.

Jack: What? They. What's the wait? Yesterday was Christmas Eve.

Cristina: Yeah, yesterday.

Jack: So this weekend just lined up perfectly for everybody.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Like, they're Friday. They get to do whatever the f***, and then today is actual Christmas Day.

Cristina: Yes. Now they get to spend their Christmas Day listening to us.

Jack: That's fantastic.

Cristina: Like, who wouldn't want to do that?

Jack: What? Spend their Christmas Day listening to us?

Cristina: Yes. This is the greatest activity ever.

Jack: Yeah, man. What better thing to do than listen to the Just Conversation podcast as we ramble upon. As we ramble about Christmas, the holidays, our holiday episodes. That what this is.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: We can talk about snow.

Cristina: We don't talk about snow.

Jack: We're gonna talk about.

Cristina: How do you even talk about snow?

Jack: Every snowflake is unique.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And that can't be. Can't be true. That can't be true. That needs to be at least two that were identical. There's too many snowflakes. I get that. The order in which it generates is random.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: That's what's truly random. But if you were to pick up two f****** snowflakes and, like, whatever. Two snowflakes. Look, they're most alike.

Cristina: A limited amount of patterns. Like.

Jack: Yes. There has to be, because there's. It's only so big, and it's being made out of the same particles.

Cristina: So.

Jack: Come on.

Cristina: Can't be infinite.

Jack: It can't be infinite. There needs to be a combination that isn't unique.

Jack: And these have happened several times by now.

Cristina: Yeah. See it, though. Who would know?

Jack: Yeah. But, like, factually.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: If we were to calculate. Okay, right. Size. And for this size, there are this many different particles that make up the snowflake, and out of all these particles, this is how many different combinations exist. How many times in Nature. In a single storm, a single snowstorm, would that one snowflake. Like, how many different patterns exist? Right. How many different patterns can rearrange in a single snow? And after how long would we need for the pattern to repeat?

Cristina: I hope there's someone that worked on.

Jack: This, because this our project. We're just going to find out how. How much we got to do of everything.

Cristina: That is way too much work. We need an actual scientist to do that.

Jack: It will be hard, right, because you got to think of, like, okay, how many particles make up the snowflake? And then how many different arrangements can we make with the same particles? That's already complicated because there are billions, maybe trillions of particles. And then all the possible combinations.

Cristina: Yes. It's still. It's kind of infinite, isn't it?

Jack: It's kind of. Well, no, because it's. It's infinite by our understanding. But there's definitely a limit. We just couldn't comprehend it. Yeah, that's a reality of the matter. But it is definitely infinite. Without a question.

Cristina: But there has to be some that are similar to each other.

Jack: Yes. There has to be identical. We just couldn't find them because the. The probabilities are just not there. Yeah, but like, if we can get a genie and be like, if there are two identical snowflakes, put them in front of me.

Cristina: You want the genie to do that?

Jack: The genie would make it happen. He would show you the two identical, like, from throughout all of history. There are two identical snowflakes. Drought all of time showed me these two. And he will poof them in front of you and there will be two.

Cristina: Melt away.

Jack: No, he can preserve them or something. He just pulled him out of God knows where. Maybe he can just teleport me somewhere where they'll be sustained.

Cristina: What if he's a mean genie?

Jack: That'd be weird. But, like, would defeat the purpose of him bringing it in the first place. Yeah, and like, what a useless genie to have for an experiment.

Cristina: Yes. Okay, but this genie, then, will just have two perfect.

Jack: Yeah, he'd bring two completely, flawlessly perfect snowflakes that are identical, like 10 times.

Cristina: The size that they normally are. Unless you have the equipment to look at them.

Jack: Well, I'll both look at them. Small, and I have a genie. I can make them the size of buildings. I can see the nuances.

Cristina: Oh, okay. That's. Another wish.

Jack: Yeah, I can do a witch.

Cristina: Another wish.

Jack: Oh, another wish. Yeah, man, I. That makes sense.

Cristina: Yes. Yes.

Jack: That's what Christmas is about, right? Genies and snowflakes yes.

Cristina: Genies and snowflakes.

Jack: That's what Christmas is about. I don't give a f*** what anybody tells me. You could not convince me otherwise.

Cristina: I've never heard about a genie showing up in anything Christmas related, though.

Jack: Really?

Cristina: Really.

Jack: Okay, well, how does the genie function? You get him to show up. However, there's a couple of different ways. Some, you chant somebody rub a bottle and, like, jizzes out the genie. Right? So, however, there's ways to summon the genie. And then when the genie shows up, what do you do?

Cristina: He grants you three wishes.

Jack: Is it three? Sometimes it's just one.

Cristina: Maybe. Yeah.

Jack: You just ask for a thing. You ask him for a thing and he gives you the thing.

Cristina: Are you calling sad a genie?

Jack: What's the difference?

Cristina: I don't know. They don't.

Jack: How do you. How do you summon Santa? You gotta write to him, or you gotta make a wish in your head or out loud for what it is that you want, and then Santa grands your wish. Okay, fair enough. So it's a genie with rules.

Cristina: Okay?

Jack: Every genie has rules. Or you can wish for one thing. Can I wish for more wishes? No.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: You know, he's a genie with rules.

Cristina: He's a genie with worlds.

Jack: Yeah, it sounds legit to me.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: He's just a genie with rules.

Cristina: I did not think that. I was thinking it'd be. If he was any fictional thing. He'd have to be an elf.

Jack: He'd have to be an elf. What's the difference between being an elf? What? Why would he have to be an elf? Elves are tiny people.

Cristina: No, they're not. We mostly see them as tiny people.

Jack: Well, Arctic elves.

Cristina: You think there's a specific type of elf in the Arctic that are tiny?

Jack: Well, I actually do. I've done a little bit of homework on this particularly to find out, and I believe that there is a specific type. Okay, so first, fairies.

Cristina: That's exactly what I was thinking about. Fairies.

Jack: Well, yes, there's many different kinds of fairies.

Cristina: Exactly. They're all different sizes.

Jack: Right.

Cristina: Most of them are small. Yes.

Jack: But elves are a specific race of fairy.

Cristina: Yes, but I'm talking about Santa. If he was an elf or a fairy.

Jack: Well, he wouldn't be an elf. He'd be a fairy. Okay, but the elves are not. Santa Claus is not enough. There's no way.

Cristina: Okay?

Jack: He's quite different.

Cristina: You know what he is?

Jack: Well, he's not an elf, okay? He's quite different than the elves, who are tiny and clearly phasing in and out. Through, arguably, the shadow realm.

Cristina: Man. That's exactly what I was thinking.

Jack: You were thinking that.

Cristina: Yes. I was thinking you brought up before about Jesus and what he was doing in Japan. I was thinking, like, why isn't. What if the North Pole? Is that where he lives, that factory? What if that's just a front? Not a front, but that's where a portal is to the other realm where all the elves come from.

Jack: Well, elves don't need a portal.

Cristina: They don't?

Jack: No, because they're fairies. Fairies are the only creature we know who can go in and out of the shadow realm without needing some sort of catalyst.

Cristina: Oh, but all the other creatures do.

Jack: Yeah. Oh, and all the other creatures need, specifically fear.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: While the opposite is true of Santa. Well, actually not. You can fear being bad. Santa's weird. We'll get to Santa. We'll get to Santa. But the elves themselves are clearly fairies because they can move through dimensions the way the fairies do that. And we don't. We don't know of anything that isn't a fairy that does that. We only know that fairies have that. So as of now, an elf is a fairy tale type of a gnome.

Cristina: Yeah. So they come from somewhere else, and then they come here to work.

Jack: Yeah. Well, I don't know if the fairies are from the shadow realm necessarily. I know they can go to the shadow realm.

Cristina: They come from a realm.

Jack: They come from somewhere. I mean, they'd have to come from a realm. There's no way. They didn't exist in a realm.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: But, like, Earth is a realm.

Cristina: Yeah. It has to be outside of Earth, I would think, because that's what we learned about fairies before, that they came from another realm.

Jack: They came from another realm. I know that. We kicked them out and we learned to travel through realms, but fairies came from another realm.

Cristina: Yeah, they came from somewhere else. They landed in Ireland. Really loved it. But then we got there.

Jack: That being said, only the ones that were in Ireland did we kick out. And we didn't send them to, like, the ether or anything. Just left the island.

Cristina: They probably went to the North Pole.

Jack: Well, no, because those were different fairies.

Cristina: Why are they different?

Jack: Because they're not elves. Elves are a type of fairy.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And those are the ones in the Arctic.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: There are other fairies throughout the world.

Cristina: But how do we know which ones were kicked out from Ireland? Like, it could have been them. Why can't it have been them? I don't.

Jack: Because this already existed at that point.

Cristina: Oh, it did, really?

Jack: Sort of. Santa Claus and Saint Nicker Quite significant. Aren't they older than Saint Patrick's escapades of getting rid of. Or maybe not Saint Patrick's old as.

Cristina: Yeah. Yes. We found out that. That. Yeah.

Jack: Yeah. But I don't. I doubt it's a. Because what you're saying at this point is that all the fairies are the same fairies, and then there isn't, like, races of fairies. There's just quite specifically a couple of fairies, and those have been the same fairies we've always been interacting with. And that doesn't make sense because they're not a life form of their own as much as are the specific anomaly that there are a few of.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: I don't like that. That cannot be real. We've caught too many creatures from different things to be like, well, no, these are the only ones of them.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: No. And there's too many fairies everywhere.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: There's fairies showing up and causing mischief and children go missing. And this happens over here. That happens over there. The fairies didn't just go to the Arctic. That's a different group of. And they behave so differently. They aren't over there.

Cristina: The ones that are over there, they were born there. Know. Oh, there are.

Jack: They are there.

Cristina: Yes. But they're different.

Jack: They're different because we know they're not causing trouble like most fairies seem to be doing.

Cristina: Yeah, that's true. Okay.

Jack: There are definitely differences with elves and the rest of the fairies. I don't think they just left Ireland and went north. There's so many holes in that narrative.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Now with Saint Nick, British. He was right.

Cristina: I have no idea.

Jack: Was he German? That's an interesting question. He's probably German. Okay, well, so St. Nick is older. Fair.

Cristina: You came before St. Patrick.

Jack: Yeah. Now, the question here is, is St. Nick and Santa Claus the same thing? Because it's possible these two are different individuals.

Cristina: They just do very similar things. Or I guess Saint.

Jack: They did not do very similar things at all. St. Nick was a guy.

Cristina: Yeah, he was a guy, but he.

Jack: Doing guy like things. And he was just generous.

Cristina: He was generous, but. Yeah. And how did that build Santa Claus? I guess they are very different people. Yeah.

Jack: I don't think one built the other. I think they were similar and they got confused. People maybe perhaps thought they were the same. Being Santa. Saint. People were like, okay, there's some similarities there.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But St. Nick isn't Santa Claus because Klaus is. Klaus.

Cristina: Klaus. You know, okay.

Jack: Different name and everything.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Now, we know saints have powers and s***, but when we're talking about Santa we're talking about some other s***. He's out there f****** with the likes of Zeus and Jehovah.

Cristina: So he's a God?

Jack: He's something like that.

Cristina: He's gotta be.

Jack: He's definitely in the ballpark of being kind of like a God because we. We just think of what it. When, like, Christians talk about a God, right? Omniscience is like the important thing. He knows everything. Saint. Not Saint Nick, but Santa Claus knows. Knows everything. Yeah, that is his defining characteristic. To the point that he actually knows more than Jehovah.

Cristina: But he knows, like, is there an age limit to this power?

Jack: He knows everything for everyone. For everyone.

Cristina: Not just children?

Jack: No, for everyone all the time.

Cristina: Oh, okay. The stories confuse me. And I'm thinking, like, there's a child specific age range that he watches over. He knows everything.

Jack: Just knows everything all the time.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Even Jehovah, actually. Jehovah, Odin, Zeus, none of them have this ability. None of them are omniscient. No, they know a lot. But they can all be duped, they can all be tricked, they can all be betrayed and not see it coming.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Saint. I keep saying Saint Nick. That's how tangled they are. You get my point.

Cristina: Santa.

Jack: Santa Claus. Klaus. Santa Claus. He does know. You could not pull one on him. There's no way. Because he knows everything. Yeah, he's not necessarily all powerful, but he's all knowing. And that's overpowered. Even Jehovah isn't all powerful. Even Zeus isn't all. They're overpowered. Yeah, as compared to everything around them.

Cristina: But he's got to be more powerful than a normal human.

Jack: Yes, he's more powerful than normal human. And he's more powerful than an elf. Now, other than his omniscience, though, he seems to have abilities that make him come off kind of like just a creature, some sort of mythical creature, except he has this demigod esque omniscience, which is crazy. Like, people we call gods don't have this.

Cristina: But are the creature things.

Jack: Well, he has immortality, which. All the gods have this. Not necessarily all the fairies. We don't know if fairies are immortal or not. We know that thing. Creatures taking adrenochrome are.

Cristina: As long as they have it.

Jack: As long as they have it.

Cristina: Yeah. I don't know if they. They probably still forever. They just. They're just feral. We don't really know, I guess.

Jack: Yeah, we don't really know. But okay, you become feral. We know that much.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because you could be a zombie and just be around Forever.

Cristina: Oh, yeah.

Jack: That's the best example of what happens when there is no adrenochrome is the vampire zombie problem. Right?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Because you could still go on forever. It's in your blood.

Cristina: Mean you can still be killed. But if you're not, you can.

Jack: Well, then the argument is that maybe some of these wet judges and wendingos and all these creatures could be ancient because they've got the thing in their body that makes them immortal and they've gone feral. But it's not that there's many. It said there's the few running around.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But they're overpowered with time and feral, so particularly dangerous. And with mobs hunting them, they go and hide and live in areas where they can hunt creatures that nobody's going to know of.

Cristina: Whoa.

Jack: Okay, now, immortality is definitely great, but gods have that, and anybody on adrenochrome seems to might have it. So there's nothing special with immortality.

Cristina: No.

Jack: And shape shifting seems to exist in again, all fairies.

Cristina: Everything. Yes.

Jack: Anything that has taken adrenochrome changes in some shape or form.

Cristina: Yeah. That we can't even tell what their true form is.

Jack: Yes. The difference with adrenochrome is that they. They sustain a shape. They don't shapeshift regularly. Rather, the adrenochrome creates a shifted shape and then they sustain that shape. Some of them have the ability to change forms. Not often.

Cristina: I guess vampires are really well at doing different shapes, though.

Jack: Yes. There's one.

Cristina: They're one of the advanced.

Jack: Yeah. There's. They're one of the few that has the actual ability to change or form things.

Cristina: Is just one thing.

Jack: Yeah. They change to this new thing and that's it. But there is definitely shape shifting. That's how he can make his body anomalous and fit through areas that should be impossible.

Cristina: Yeah. Like chimneys.

Jack: Yeah. Like being other ways. Or an octopus. That they. Their body is structured in such a way that they can change their shape to fit through where they need to go.

Cristina: Yeah. I wonder if he ever turns into a mouse, though. That's interesting.

Jack: Could be.

Cristina: That's a nice.

Jack: But also, it might just be that he doesn't take the shape of a thing as much as he loses his own shape and then fits through anything. It would be like becoming gas.

Cristina: Yes. Like one of those mist monsters.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: We're killing babies.

Jack: We know he can go through things.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And sustain his shape, but we don't know if he can take another shape.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So he shape shifts, but he doesn't reform as anything other than himself as far as we know.

Cristina: And no one's ever seen it.

Jack: And if they we have, would we know?

Cristina: What do we know? Yeah, exactly. Okay.

Jack: Then he also has again here we're entering a little bit of God territory versus because we don't know of many creatures, if any that couldn't already fly, that could fly. Like we don't know if adrenochrome giving some creature the ability to fly. But fairies, a bunch of them could fly.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And gods can fly.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Some of them. I don't think Zeus could fly. I think Jehovah can entirely sure. Odin also couldn't fly. They had methods of doing it.

Cristina: I think there was a specific creature in South America that could fly. That was like a chicken snake thing.

Jack: Yes, I remember that.

Cristina: Yeah. So it's. It's super random what could fly. But yeah.

Jack: Yeah. That was weird. I remember what you were talking about. Was it in Africa or was it in the Amazon or something like that? Like in Brazil where there was a snake that grew wings or some s***.

Cristina: Yeah, yeah. Somewhere.

Jack: So yeah, we know. Not often does that happen.

Cristina: No. So he very often for gods and fairies.

Jack: Yes. So that kind of aims in that direction. But then we come to the real, real problem. The omniscience. That's crazy. I couldn't tell you any other thing that knew everything. Couldn't name you one.

Cristina: Well, where would that type of power come from? Or I guess that would be the God power. That would be the God power.

Jack: That means he has God powers. He is a demigod. Bare minimum.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He's not the. I don't believe the omniscient God that is all knowing, all powerful, all everything.

Cristina: No, he just has one of the big things.

Jack: Like I don't think that biggest of things exists.

Cristina: No.

Jack: But there is definitely demigod, demigods.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And it's. It seems like Santa might be not just a demigod but like one of the way overpowered ones to the point that he sounds like bullshit.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Like Zeus versus Santa. Zeus will put up a harder fight. But also you'd have to out think a guy who knows everything you'll ever do.

Cristina: That's really unfair.

Jack: That's one sided as f***. Now here's actually the question because his omniscience is present. So then is it omniscient or is this just all knowing of the moment? All knowing of the moment because does he know if you'll do something bad?

Cristina: No.

Jack: That you do something bad?

Cristina: It's that it's at the moment. It has to be at the moment.

Jack: So it's not omniscience.

Cristina: No. Then what is it? It's something like that.

Jack: It's close. Yeah, we know Zeus doesn't have it.

Cristina: No. But he definitely knows it's just the moment because he has to be watching all year round.

Jack: Well, he's always watching.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He could see everything all the time. That's really what's happening.

Cristina: The illusion that he knows everything. But he doesn't.

Jack: He doesn't. He's learning it as it's happening. But he sees everything. So he knows everything that has happened and everything that is currently happening, but he has no access to what will happen.

Cristina: Yep. And he's not trying to predict it or anything. He's just waiting patiently.

Jack: Yes. Now, under that case, he would get laid out by Zeus.

Jack: Because he couldn't predict Zeus.

Cristina: No. Okay. Yes. I guess now, because he. He.

Jack: So it's not. Because it's not omniscience.

Cristina: Yeah. It is not gonna know.

Jack: Some sort of extreme sight.

Cristina: Yes. His ability to know anything like that, though.

Jack: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't tell you of something that sees everything all the time forever.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Even if it's just in the presence, like, get the f*** out of here.

Cristina: And then I'm pretty sure there are gods that see things, but it's usually like the future. It's always visions of the future.

Jack: And it's always a specific event, too. It's not like they see all the future all the time.

Cristina: Yes, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.

Jack: It seems like omniscience might be the least likely of all the abilities that we attribute to God's having.

Cristina: That's true. But this is the closest.

Jack: He's the closest. He's the closest out of any single thing to know everything.

Cristina: Well. Well.

Jack: So what we have here is the.

Cristina: Case of God Like.

Jack: Yes. What we have here is the case of some demigod who's working with fairies. And these fairies themselves are quite unique. Again, they can move in and out of the. The Shadow Realm. I might. My guess on how everyone in the planet all at once gets gifts simultaneously.

Cristina: Has more to do with the elves.

Jack: Has more to do with the elves because we know Santa still has to travel.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He's like the rest of the demigods that he has to get to a place he can only. Like Jehovah. Never went outside of his area. It's too far. He doesn't just show up somewhere else. Never happened that way. He had workers to do it. We call them Angels.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Messengers to go. The elves are the same thing.

Cristina: They pop up.

Jack: Yeah. Doesn't Zeus have, like, harpies and s***?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: It's the same idea. It's these creatures that are going to deliver the small messages for you, and you'll do the heavy lifting, but they can do something that probably Santa can't do himself, which is enter the shadow realm effortlessly.

Cristina: But you think he's still going to house to house? Like some houses? He might not be doing all the houses.

Jack: I don't know. If he's going to any house, then.

Cristina: He might not have the transformation power.

Jack: Again, I don't know. I don't know if he's going to any house.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But I can tell you that it makes sense for the elves to be the ones delivering the gifts and there to be.

Cristina: Because they could just go in and out.

Jack: Yeah. And there could be a f*** ton of them. And we know that fairies can change your shape.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: So they can get there how? They need to drop the gift off and dissipate.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Alternatively. Which then takes us to some overpowered thing. If it isn't the elves that are helping Santa with a gift given. With the gift giving, then he is.

Cristina: Simultaneously everywhere, Time traveling or something like the Flash. I don't know.

Jack: He could be. It could be stop time, do everything. But then to him, that looks like an infinity. You got to get to every home at a normal traveling pace. Even if you're moving faster, you know how long it would take to travel. Like, it couldn't be. It doesn't make sense. He has to be able. If he's the one delivering it. Right. This is why it's likely it's the elves. Because if he's the one delivering it, not only does he have to be everywhere all at once, but he has to be consciously functional everywhere all at once, controlling all versions of him in the distinct environments they're all in. Choosing and moving appropriately and still being one conscious mind. Hard to wrap my head around that.

Cristina: Yeah. And he couldn't be just traveling quickly.

Jack: To one place to the next unless he's stopping time.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He's blinking from home to home. But how fast is he blinking from home to home? And how is that any different than being everywhere all at once?

Cristina: Yeah. That is too much work.

Jack: Yeah. So either he has an army, or if he can. Or he can be everywhere all at once.

Cristina: But then that's something else.

Jack: If he can be everywhere all at once. We're dealing with something so much more powerful than the closest next Thing if.

Cristina: He could be everywhere all at once. That's really complicated.

Jack: And every single version, every replica is him, purely him. And has all his powers at all the same degree. Because he needs that to do the things. Yeah, that's hardcore.

Cristina: Oh, I don't know if this is a power. I just remember though that everyone like we see him as a white dude, but he. He actually appears to children the way.

Jack: They would see him as interesting. Got that Jesus factor going on.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Where if you're dark skinned, Jesus is dark. If you're light skinned, Jesus is white.

Cristina: Well, Santa has that ability. I don't know how that fits into this, but I remember that. I think that's something that fits with the transformation, I guess.

Jack: You think?

Cristina: Because he could look like anyone you like if a child sees him. I guess I don't know if children actually see him.

Jack: That's the. I'm pretty sure that's their parents plan.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because like the whole point is he's not being seen and he knows enough to not get seen. Yeah, yeah.

Cristina: He can't. No. He doesn't know the future though. Like there has to be one child.

Jack: No, no, no. Here's where the problem that you're discussing comes in. He knows everything that is happening.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Right. So as soon as the kid gets off of the bed.

Cristina: He knows.

Jack: He knows.

Cristina: Oh, okay. So you can.

Jack: He didn't know the kid was gonna get off the bed. But once the kid is off the bed, he knows the kid is off the bed and he's gonna could poof out.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: You can't catch him off guard. It's impossible to catch him off guard because he knows everything that's actively taking place. He's not in your head. But he knows when to move.

Cristina: Yeah. So he can get out of the room before you.

Jack: Before you know anything happened.

Cristina: Yeah. Oh, okay.

Jack: Brings up some problems, you see.

Cristina: Yeah. So there's no way.

Jack: No way he's never been seen. Not without wanting to show himself. Unless it wasn't him.

Cristina: It probably wasn't him.

Jack: Yeah. Probably wasn't him.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And maybe the shape shifting fairies, just in case they do get spotted, take the form of boss.

Cristina: I'm wondering if there's even a boss now.

Jack: If it's just an organization of fairies.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Because it sounds like bullshit. Right. He's too overpowered.

Cristina: It's too much.

Jack: He's more God than all the gods arguably put together.

Cristina: I would feel like some God would want to fight him especially.

Jack: It would be too one sided. It would be too one Sided. The only thing he has no access to is what's in your mind and the future.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Actually, maybe he knows what's in your mind. We don't know.

Cristina: We don't know.

Jack: We don't know. If you thought it, he might know.

Cristina: He might. You know, it's too much.

Jack: It's overpowered. So he could be the strongest, most exaggerated God looming over Earth. And he's the farthest from people as well.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Which, fair enough. That would kind of work perfectly into the whole idea that he is a God. If he was local and that overpowered to be like, okay, yeah, bullshit. But the fact that he's not hanging out with humans. He's not hanging out with gods. He's just soloing that s***. He's got elves, cuz. Like, whatever, dude.

Cristina: Yeah. And like, gods all live in their own specific area above, like, the country that they're ruling. He doesn't want to rule over people.

Jack: It's insignificant to him.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: That's more godlike.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So he's detached, huh?

Cristina: Yes. Except for this one job, which. Is it important to him? Is this a curse that was put onto him? What's going on?

Jack: I don't know. I do not know. But we do know that a lot of creatures, mainly gods, rely on fear. And maybe this one day of the year. Okay, let's look at it like this. Right? Jehovah, Zeus, all these other gods, they do their things.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: They're consistently getting fuel, but they're always doing s***. They're wasting their energy. They're always doing something. Meanwhile, God performs a single day. Maybe that has enough fear.

Cristina: There, you said God.

Jack: I mean. Yeah, I guess.

Cristina: God.

Jack: Santa.

Cristina: Santa, God.

Jack: Santa, God.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Works one day.

Cristina: One day.

Jack: I mean, that generates enough joy or fear. Fear through the planet because you're fearing whether you were good or bad.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: The fear of being bad and not getting anything is what he's looking for.

Cristina: That's the situation right before the gift.

Jack: Yes. Or the monthly.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: There's a process there.

Cristina: He's.

Jack: He's got it down. Packed so hard, he might have people worrying the whole year whether they were good enough.

Cristina: Yes, that's true.

Jack: He figured out the system. He's outsmarting every God.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: It's like I do something once in a blue.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And the closer it gets to the point, the more it's generated. Now, what you were talking about earlier is, is there a cutoff age? Yeah, I don't think there's a cutoff age. I think there's A design feature here that makes absolute perfect sense. Where is the strongest adrenochrome and children. Who has the potentiality to fear the most? Fear.

Cristina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Jack: And if you get the parents to do this for you, put the fear in them, then you didn't even have to be there. You did zero work and got 100% of the adrenochrome.

Cristina: That's crazy. It actually works. Wow. He's some kind of adrenochrome God monster.

Jack: Yeah. Even if it's not adrenochrome, he's generating crap. Tons of fear.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Without doing anything. He did the work long ago. Before these other baby gods were born.

Cristina: Yes. He somehow got to the kids before them.

Jack: Yeah. Jehovah's over here. Like, I'm gonna take your firstborn in the neighborhood.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Oh, my God. First born, the neighborhood.

Cristina: This guy goes around the world.

Jack: He's got the planet shook. And they're closer to the day, the more shook the planet is. And adults get over it because they're like, you know, he's not out here. Murder. He doesn't need to. Because there's enough collective child fear, which is enough concentrated adrenaline.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: That he still gets what he needs. Probably too much left over, but for.

Cristina: A whole year, like, he has to lie.

Jack: He's just one person. Think of the other gods that do it in a small, tiny region and can function off of it.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: There's 8 billion people.

Cristina: Mm. That's interesting. Yes.

Jack: He's. He's trumped this s***. How many people exist in Greece?

Cristina: But I wonder, when it comes to adrenochrome and the gods, like, do they not bother him? Because they also get that fear too.

Jack: No. They would do anything to him.

Cristina: How did they divide?

Jack: There's no dividing. They couldn't do anything to him.

Cristina: They couldn't do anything.

Jack: Nothing they could do to fight this man.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: He knows that you're attacking.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He could just. He can teleport any. Zeus has to get to where he's going.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Jehovah has to get to where he's going. Odin. That. The guy needs a carriage to get where he's going.

Cristina: Yeah. Okay.

Jack: Santa could just be there.

Cristina: But he has the sleigh he travels to. Or that's not.

Jack: I think that's for sure. I think that's mocking. Probably Odin. Oh, I think he's just mocking Odin.

Cristina: Oh.

Jack: Because he could be. What does he need the sleigh for? He could just pop up everywhere all the same time. Who gives a s*** about a Sleigh.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: That's just Mai's trolling.

Cristina: Yes. So no flying reindeers.

Jack: That's probably not a thing. There's a bunch of parts of these stories that are mythology that was invented by people rather than the truth of the matter.

Cristina: Okay. It's hard to see which part fits and which doesn't.

Jack: Yeah, we know. He's got like, how many people exist In Greece, right. 300,000 at the time that Zeus began his charade. And now a couple million, maybe. What's a couple of million to eight f****** billion?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Where's Jehovah? Messing around? Israel. Well, great. Phenomenal, bruh. Israel when he began. Now he's, you know, he's expanded and he's in more places, but the same people he's affecting are also. Santa's also taking some of that.

Cristina: Yeah, he's taking everyone's.

Jack: He's taking everybody's. Everything. He's every. He got. He did it. He figured it out.

Cristina: Even got people who aren't religious.

Jack: Well, yeah, 100%.

Cristina: He's just child friendly.

Jack: He's the God who an atheist worships.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Holy. He figured out the system. Other gods are like, worship me. This guy's like, you don't have to do anything.

Cristina: No.

Jack: You know, it's just a fun game. Tell your children.

Cristina: And the first time he did it, he probably didn't say anything. Kids just got what they got. And then that created the fear.

Jack: Yes. Because it's like he made sure to not give some to the kids who were bad, even if the kid was.

Cristina: Cold or whatever it's supposed to be.

Jack: Exactly, exactly. So even if they were good, he had to pick at least, bare minimum, one who was the worst. Even if they were all saints. He had to be like, well, you stepped on a roach or something. Got to pick somebody.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And then he gave that kid the thing.

Cristina: Yeah. Like he's telling us what exactly gets us to the naughty or nice.

Jack: Yeah, exactly. Anyway, he's just like, you messed up, so try better next time and I'll give you a gift. And then the other kids are like, whoa, whoa, hold up, hold up. We all got gifts. Well. And then they come up with the reason themselves. Right. Trying to rationalize it. Oh, well, this is what he did. It must have been that.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: This is what he meant by naughty.

Cristina: Yeah. And then, because we have no idea.

Jack: We have no clue what he's using to measure. There's nothing. Nothing exists. We're just. It's all projection.

Cristina: Yes. And that's what makes us so Worried in the end of the year because we have no idea.

Jack: This is the most genius part of this is if you leave a person to assume, they're going to assume the worst. It's the human anxiety. He didn't tell us what to fear.

Cristina: No.

Jack: Zeus f***** up. Jehovah f***** up. Odin f***** up. All the gods f***** up. They're like, don't do this thing. You don't do that thing. You're good.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Santa didn't specify s***. He's like, don't be bad. Well, everybody has a different moral compass. Holy crap.

Cristina: Like, what does that even mean?

Jack: So general.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: He basically astrology the s*** out of Earth.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: He's like, well, you're gonna do something good, you're gonna do something bad. Make sure that bad isn't so bad that it deserves to be punished. Like, what?

Cristina: What?

Jack: Wait, where does the bad bar begin? It's just bad. Wait, is the dirty thought bad?

Cristina: It could be if.

Jack: If I accidentally. Like, there's laws. What if I took a turn by accident because I didn't see that it said don't turn on red.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: That's a lie. Broke a law. Is that bad? Like, the number of crap that an individual could just think is bad, and.

Cristina: All he has to do is like, it. He doesn't even need to know now. Does it matter if we're. He knows if we're naughty or nice. Maybe he doesn't, because at this point, it doesn't matter.

Jack: He could give everybody gifts. He probably. This is why nobody gets coal anymore. Because it doesn't matter. There's like, oh, my God, I passed. I passed. Yeah, I did. Good enough. And then you're still gonna panic the rest of the year leading up to the next time. Am I gonna get something? Which is interesting, because the strongest push and this fat. This is fascinating right here. What all the other gods suggest. You move away from materialism and commit spiritually to them.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Except for Santa needs materialism to be rampant.

Cristina: He's depending on. Yes.

Jack: He's depending on human addiction to stuff.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And then he capitalizes on the fear of not getting stuff.

Cristina: Mm. That is so crazy.

Jack: He did everything opposite. He did not tell you the rules of the game. All the other gods did. He made sure to support capitalism way in there.

Cristina: He said to be naughty or nice. We don't even know. Maybe he doesn't know whether we're naughty or nice. He might not know.

Jack: He might not know s***. But whatever the case is, the other gods aren't f****** with him.

Cristina: Yeah. I mean, he's still a demigod for sure.

Jack: He's quite arguably. I think he does. Because whatever, man. That's. It's so complicated. Right. Because we don't know if he does know, but we know he hasn't been dealt with. Which some. That means something about him is so op that some other God hasn't off them and taken the post.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because that would be the logical step. Let me just get rid of them. Then I can ride this train. But that hasn't happened. So something about Santa is too overpowered.

Cristina: So it has to be that. Or like. That's the most likely.

Jack: That's the most likely. But if that's not the case. There is something going on.

Cristina: Something. Yeah.

Jack: That is sustain cemented. This creature, this demigod, as arguably the most powerful demigod.

Cristina: That's so crazy. Yeah. What? He is the most powerful demigod.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Whoa. And we don't even know what he could do.

Jack: We have no clue. We have no clue. That's another part. Because the question is, then, do the other gods know what he could do? Is the fear that they don't know?

Cristina: That they don't know.

Jack: That they don't know. He could, in theory be weaker than all. He's clearly cunning.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Quite genius.

Cristina: I mean, just telling us to be naughty. I mean, not to be naughty. But not telling us how he broke.

Jack: Every system all these other guys came up with.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: We're talking Jehovah and Zeus predate the crap out of this guy. He showed up and just did it. Did it. This is how you do it. P******. You know what you're doing. This is how you do it. What?

Cristina: I don't know. So he might not be stronger.

Jack: Not be. He's so smart. They have no idea, though. He's. If he's got no ability, if he's not a super mega ultra demigod, to the great that he seems to be.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He can definitely play the part.

Cristina: He can, man. He's got to be a demigod, though.

Jack: He has to be.

Cristina: That has to be the only way that's stopping him from being killed off.

Jack: This is. This is where I stand. Right. There's no freaking way. There's no way in h*** this thing came up and he wasn't at some point challenged by Zeus. That did not happen. I refuse to believe it.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Zeus was the very first one to be like, imma f*** you up and lost. And that flagged every other.

Cristina: But I'm like, I don't know if God himself or, I don't know, the Christian God. Yeah, but Christians themselves try to fight Santa.

Jack: Yeah, but they don't fight him.

Cristina: No.

Jack: Ideologically arguing, it doesn't matter because all this is push forward the narrative even more.

Cristina: That's true.

Jack: Everything you do helps them.

Cristina: Yes, everything.

Jack: So when it comes to the gods, I. There's everybody. He challenges everybody. Zeus is egomaniac. He sees Santa coming up, he's like, I'm the king here. And then Santa gets all exaggerated and he's like, no, I'm gonna fight you. But then Zeus losing the fight is what told everybody else. F***. Well, s***, we ain't f****** with him.

Cristina: Wanna fight?

Jack: Yeah. Cuz who's. No matter what, it doesn't matter who else challenged Santa.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Zeus is stronger. So Zeus is the only person Santa would have to beat to tame the f*** out of everybody else.

Cristina: But he also has a smart. So is it possible that a God with a brain could have challenged him and like, I don't know, like some kind of chess. Godlike chess game?

Jack: Okay. The argument would be that it would have to be not. When I say Zeus's power, I don't literally mean like stronger or I can hit you with more lightning or anything.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: In combat of some sort.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He lost.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And so if there is a God who's stronger and he's the one who challenged. And not stronger, but smarter. He's the one who challenged Santa and then Zeus didn't challenge Santa, it's because whatever God challenged Santa and lost is already smarter than Zeus is strong.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: So basically whoever the top dog is challenged Santa because they usually challenge everybody else to maintain dominance.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And then lost. There's also no example of any God that rules over the planet other than Santa.

Cristina: Wow.

Jack: Everybody's regional.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Except Santa.

Cristina: That's very, very true. Like there's some that gotten close, but not.

Jack: Jehovah has a huge reach. He began small and kept expanding and kept expanding and kept expanding. But for the vast majority of most of his work, when he was establishing his Word. Yeah, those all focus in one place.

Cristina: But that's a different. Wait, but you talk about Jehovah from Judaism or Christianity.

Jack: Same guy.

Cristina: They're the same guy.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: I don't know if they're the same guy. I think of them as two different guys.

Jack: Oh, it's possible there is two different gods there, but we're talking about the same abilities for the most part. It's possible we're talking about twins. In that case, two demigods who were Twins. One is the crooked and one is not. And it's also a possibility that the story of Cain and Abel never happened. And that was a narrative about those two gods in their young days.

Cristina: Yeah. That might be it. I don't think the one God killed the other. I think one just stayed there while the other spread out everywhere else.

Jack: Could be. Yes, that's totally possible.

Cristina: And that's. But who knows?

Jack: Yeah, that's a very likely probability.

Cristina: Interesting. But Santa is the most powerful as far as we can.

Jack: He seems to be the most overpowered God of all the gods.

Cristina: Yes. That's so crazy.

Jack: It is pretty crazy. And the fact that he uses business to do it. He relies on capitalism and materialism.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: To create fear. So indirectly, it's genius. Like, I'm end your life. No, he's the guy who create. He's basically a mosquito. Right?

Cristina: He's a mosquito.

Jack: Not even. Not even mosquito. He's a fruit fly. Think about a fruit fly. Right. There's nothing to fear about a fruit fly.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: But that tiny little bit of effect it does have is so annoying that it makes you behave accordingly. So it gets your ear and, like, it's not harming you.

Cristina: No.

Jack: It's just persistent enough that you will act on it, though it's insignificant. It will affect nothing in your life if you just ignore it. Yeah, but it's persistent enough that you couldn't ignore it even if you want to.

Cristina: He's like a fruit fly.

Jack: He's like a fruit fly.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: He's not forcing anything down your throat. We don't have to believe him if you don't want. He does not give a flying f***. He's not like, you got to worship me or believe him. He never did any of that. He didn't get anybody to write scriptures. He didn't care.

Cristina: No.

Jack: His plan was too solid just by not forcing it. Because if I try to force something on you, you're more likely to reject it because it's not your will.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: But if I give you the option that you're more willing. You can believe in me if you want. I don't. You, in fact, don't believe in me. It's totally fine. Wait. No, no, no. But I like stuff.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: You choose.

Cristina: That's so crazy.

Jack: It's genius. It's so genius. He's so far above the next best thing.

Cristina: Mm. He's the best thing. Wow.

Jack: And it really comes down to the one. The one question, which is, are there elves? If there are no elves, he is.

Cristina: Too overpowered Are there elves if there's no elves?

Jack: No. Are there elves if there's no elves, he's overpowered.

Cristina: Oh, okay. If there's no elf, if he's doing it by himself.

Jack: If he's doing it by himself, we know clearly why no God touches this guy. It's too one sided. They don't even know how he exists. Everywhere all at once, know everything all at the same time. How do you win?

Cristina: I don't know.

Jack: If he does have an army of elves that can get the job done. There are f*** tons of them. You don't need too much either. You can think some households have upwards of seven people.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: There are 8 billion people on earth. You had. If just one elf could hit four houses, you've drastically reduced the number of elves you need. You don't need billions of elves. You know, you can in fact bring this down to. If one elf can move quickly enough and in the time span of one hour hit 20 homes, then you subtract the number of houses by home by the number of elves. You, you have a couple of million elves doing work.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And assuming some of these elves, I.

Cristina: Don'T think it's a one hour job either. It's like eight hours I think.

Jack: Assume that some of these elves have the ability to self replicate or teleport from one spot to another. I'll teleport then you have a lot of things going on.

Cristina: Teleportation related to the shadow realm. Okay.

Jack: They can disappear in the shadow realm while inside your house. Take the shortcut in the shadow realm, which would be a second to them. If they understand the shadow room well enough, rephase in and they're in the next house. And this could be house after house after house. Five seconds here, five seconds there, five seconds there, five seconds there, five seconds there.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Before long you knocked out a lot and you weren't even doing much.

Cristina: No. Yeah. You're just pretty much walking the whole time.

Jack: And if your presence are in the shadow realm, then you rephase with them already. You don't have to grab anything. You're just there with it, disappear. Grab the thing, bring pop the next place, drop it there.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: If there are elves.

Cristina: But there's no way to know.

Jack: There's no way to know. There's two. There's so much. He's too mysterious. At least the other gods have scripture. They are narcissists. They talk about themselves all the time. I think the difference here is that Santa Claus Claus. Santa Claus isn't a narcissist. He didn't make it about him. No, he made it about the stuff.

Cristina: That's why he's so above. He's just too smart.

Jack: Yeah, He's. He's playing 4D chess.

Cristina: Yes, that's exactly what's happening. But are there elves? That's the question.

Jack: That's the truly deciding question. If there are elves, then he has a couple of notches down. And maybe the all knowing is the reason that the other gods don't mess with them. But if there are no elves. Oh, and we just made up the. We threw the elves in there just to try to cope with how is it getting done?

Cristina: Yeah, but like.

Jack: And they don't exist. S***.

Cristina: S***.

Jack: First. First, you know everything that's overpowered. Second, you could be everywhere that's overpowered. But the third suggestion is the craziest one. You could just manifest s***.

Cristina: Yes, you could just.

Jack: Holy crap.

Cristina: I don't even know what God's f****** with you. Yeah.

Jack: Could you in theory just manifest the thing that would end that God?

Cristina: How?

Jack: What's the extent of your power?

Cristina: That's true. Oh, crap. What if that is happening? If no elves.

Jack: Right, if no elves. That's the case. If there are no elves, there is nothing more op. And we're talking by like, if he's at a hundred, the next best is like two.

Cristina: He reminds me of Deadpool. It's just like too powerful.

Jack: Yes. He's like, Deadpool is so overpowered. Like, how do you.

Cristina: How do you.

Jack: How's your. How are your abilities a thing?

Cristina: Yeah, it's almost the opposite of Deadpool's ability, isn't it? Of him bringing things into this reality. Deadpool just somehow leaves his own reality in a way.

Jack: Deadpool's complicated. He could just walk out of a panel.

Cristina: Yeah, so.

Jack: But he could also manifest random crap. Oh, a good example is when he was hanging out with Spider man and he pulled out a rocket launcher from his pocket. Like, this is just something Deadpool can casually do.

Cristina: So we know it's possible.

Jack: We know it's possible.

Cristina: Yeah, but he's a character.

Jack: Yeah, Deadpool's not real, but Santa is arguably real.

Cristina: And he having that power, that's just. That's too much.

Jack: You don't even need to know everything if that's your one trick. But the problem is if no elves and everything else must be true, but if somehow we can make it so that there's no elves and all your other powers don't count, your one and only power is manifesting whatever the h*** you want?

Cristina: I was. Still think he would need to know something about the child, though.

Jack: Well, no, I'm. I'm just talking about the power. I'm no longer talking about Santa Claus.

Cristina: Oh, okay.

Jack: I'm saying if just this one power, minus everything else. He's not even delivering gifts anymore. You can just manifest whatever. You are still untouchable.

Cristina: Yeah. That sounds like the God that every God claims to be.

Jack: Yes, it's quite possible that Santa is the closest thing because he can make anything happen whenever he wants, in any location he wants and knows whatever, and he can personally be wherever that is. The closest thing is the closest thing to the perfect God all the other gods claim to be.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Not one of them has any part of that.

Cristina: They just lie about it pretty much.

Jack: While Santa has all the factors.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: All knowing. Jehovah doesn't have it, Odin doesn't have it. Zeus doesn't have it. None of the Hindu gods have it. None of them have the ability. You can trick them. You can lie to them, be everywhere. None of them. None of them. They are all bound to where they are. And their ideologies must travel because they cannot.

Cristina: Mm. Oh, my gosh.

Jack: Manifest. Just stuff out of nowhere. No, these gods are screwed. Following rules and junk. Otherwise they would just manifest a message in a letter in front of you. Now they gotta send somebody together. There. There's. There's leaps and bounds of superiority.

Cristina: Now you're saying he is the God man.

Jack: I began where he wasn't, but, like.

Cristina: It'S now he might be.

Jack: If there are no elves.

Cristina: If there are. No.

Jack: If there are no elves. If there are elves and they are the ones delivering and it isn't Santa. He's sort of the ringleader. And also the fairies are probably benefiting off of the adrenochrome somehow, or at least the fear. He somehow figured out how to give the fear. Because there's no blood.

Cristina: No.

Jack: So he's optimized fear and somehow the fairies are also getting something from it.

Cristina: Yes. That's what makes me think if they're real, he's not real. Like, maybe they're surviving off the stories and they're the ones.

Jack: Here's the thing. They don't need it.

Cristina: The adrenaline.

Jack: Fear. They don't need fear. Fairies can just go in and out of the shadow realm. Yeah, there is. There is one possibility. Because the thing is, gods do need the fear. Yes, that would make sense. That fits with Santa.

Cristina: Yes, that makes sense. Yeah.

Jack: Now there's no Santa. Then what's the next Option. They're not fairies.

Cristina: What are they?

Jack: They are creatures from the shadow realm. And some guy, probably St. Nick, inevitably got a ball rolling that he didn't even know he got rolling. He was like, well, you don't worship God and you're being rude to the other kids, so this year, I'm not going to. But if next year you make your behavior better, then I will personally give you a gift.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: To commemorate that you've become better and you've followed the Christian path.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And then that little bit of fear allowed at least one of these creatures to capitalize. And they say, oh, s***, hold on. Wait. How am I on this side? What's causing it? Okay, the kids are scared to not get stuff. And that allowed me whatever creature I might be to manifest because there's just enough for me. If I can Cap, maybe all my people can come here.

Cristina: Yes. What?

Jack: So if not Santa Claus, then it could be the story of how an entire race of creatures.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: From the shadow realm have established their home in the Arctic.

Cristina: That is so crazy. I could totally be it too. They don't really need anything. They just need that story. And then they survive off of that story.

Jack: Every year.

Cristina: Every year.

Jack: Although they do have to actually do the work on that day.

Cristina: Oh, yeah.

Jack: Because it needs to self perpetuate. So I need to do something to keep the narrative moving forward.

Cristina: Do they need to know everything about the child? No, they just need gifts.

Jack: Yeah. They somehow, again, nobody's getting hurt. I'm sure that if no Santa Claus and at least the creature that came through got in contact with same neck. And he's like, maybe we can work together. We're not. We promise you will not harm anything. We're gonna do it your way. But this might get us out of whatever hellhole we already live in.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: We'll go when we'll bother. Nobody will disappear. We just help us. You help us, we help you. Everybody wins. Everybody's gonna be a good person. Everybody wants stuff. We can make stuff. We can manifest stuff. It doesn't matter. We don't care about stuff. Stuff doesn't matter to us. Just a lot of us just let us escape the hellhole that is a shadow realm with your help. They just need to fear a little.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Little.

Cristina: And they stay here.

Jack: Yeah. We could stay here. And you'll have people following your Christian God. Because there'll be fear. They want to do the good thing. And inevitably, in this case, Zeus and Odin and the gods from India and all these gods from every other possible Location benefit a little too. Because they just need a little. Yeah, A little for each. And then they can manifest and stay. And it's so self perpetuating that they can just live here.

Cristina: Now that is interesting. They must be really small or something. Like they really don't need any. They or they need a little bit just to be here all year. That's interesting.

Jack: So I guess those are two options.

Cristina: Either they could be the fruit flies.

Jack: Yeah. If no elves, then op Santa, then God.

Cristina: Santa.

Jack: Yeah, actual. Actual God. Not demi, just God. Actual God, like likely created everything Santa. If that's not the case, then elves and then some mix between the two are what's doing everything. But if no Santa, then clever collaboration between St. Nick and some sort of creature from the shadow realm that we're not familiar with. And if that's the case, I don't like that we don't know about a creature from the shadow realm. And we should definitely investigate.

Cristina: Yes, yes. Okay. I don't know how. I mean, we know where they live.

Jack: Just go to the Arctic, go to the North Pole, find that s***.

Cristina: Yes. And we know that they're not dangerous. We know they have night, but we don't know. Like if you go into their territory, it's a whole different story because they can't.

Jack: It can't be proven that they exist. Part of it is the mystery. So chances are whatever goes there doesn't come back. But don't worry, they might have an army.

Cristina: We have an army too. Okay. Yeah. So it'll take our.

Jack: This is what it is. We'll figure it out.

Cristina: Okay, that's crazy.

Jack: Obviously I don't want to get over there and find out that. But if Santa Claus is up, he also doesn't care. He'll be like, whatever, dude. Like, yeah, I'm real. Yeah, tell people.

Cristina: Yeah, I guess like that would just help him.

Jack: So it doesn't matter if just whatever creatures is there. They don't want us to find out.

Cristina: No.

Jack: But if Santa Claus is there, whether with elves or without, you don't give a crap. He's like, yeah, let him come in, it's fine.

Cristina: Ah, interesting.

Jack: It's fine. Let them. Once they leave, they'll tell. Do they want to take pictures? I'm right here. Let everybody know.

Cristina: Yes, I want to take a selfie with Santa.

Jack: Yeah, probably don't give a crap. That's why he loves people imitating him. Every other God is like, don't follow false prophets. Santa's like, s***, let people put him in every mall. F*** It.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Convince everybody early.

Cristina: That's so crazy. It works for him. Everything that every gods convince, like, don't do this.

Jack: He does.

Cristina: He does.

Jack: It works.

Cristina: It works. He's figured it out by just breaking all their rules.

Jack: Yes. Yes. He's playing 4D chess. He gets it. He got. Anyways, that's pretty much where we're at. Well, Santa being the most op God.

Cristina: Of all time, he really is. What?

Jack: Yeah. There's no God like him.

Cristina: No.

Jack: And we're definitely out of time. But, like, look, anybody listening to this? This isn't our first, you know, around the park with freaking God. Find all the God Santa. I mean. Yeah, Santa. So find all the Santa Episodes and start at the back so you can work your way forward seeing how we get informed on this.

Cristina: And then listen to this episode again.

Jack: Yeah. Once you have all that information, you can hear this one again and be like, whoa.

Cristina: Yes. What fun Christmas activity.

Jack: Yeah. I think the first time we mentioned Santa Claus was with Dave and talking about the Matrix.

Cristina: That is very complicated.

Jack: Yeah. It got real crazy.

Cristina: How did the Matrix.

Jack: I don't know.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Dave episodes are weird.

Cristina: Yeah. Well, if you can find Santa there, go find him.

Jack: Yeah. I mean, there's probably a Santa Claus in the Matrix. The metaverse is gonna. That's the first place Santa is gonna insert himself. The metaverse. Because now I don't have to like it. Pass that through the tech that the kids are using.

Cristina: It's already there.

Jack: Yeah, he's probably one of the first.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: He invented the metaverse just to streamline this.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Anyways, go find all those episodes, listen to them in order or watch them, you know, watch sound waves go up and down or whatever it is you cool kids do or whatever. And you can find all that stuff on the official website atgreatthoughts.info, or on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcast, you know, and you can.

Cristina: Reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. UsConvopod.

Jack: Yes. And also remember to rate and review. But most important than anything is to subscribe so that you know when we're informing you about the wokest information in the world.

Cristina: The wokest. Let someone who might like this show know about it.

Jack: Yes. Word of mouth, incredibly powerful. Tell people about the show. This is a Christmas episode so that people can listen to it. So today.

Cristina: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Jack: And you know, this. This is. This is for you guys to listen to on your day, waiting for your family to arrive with the gifts. I don't really f****** know. How Christmas works. I'm going off of the movies. Like, the family shows up because there's a family celebrating in their house at the 12 o'. Clock. And then there's the family. They're like extended family. Uncles and grandma come the next day and show up at the house and give the kids gifts and stuff. And it's a bigger family event because the. The Christmas Eve is private and collected while Christmas Day is like a bunch of people in one house or something. So that's what I think. Anyways, regardless of how you celebrate, make sure to play this. Show your family the truth about Santa. Don't let the kids listen I curse too much. Or show the kids how to curse. F*** it. They're gonna learn eventually. Might as well learn and learn how to use it in a fun, playful.

Cristina: Way and a plum. Enough fun.

Jack: Yeah, use it for emphasis, not for insult.

Cristina: Ah, okay. That sounds.

Jack: I'll be like, f*** you. But I will be like, what the f***? You know? This shows contextual examples.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: And yeah, also you can find me on stereo, having conversations, usually trolling, getting on people's nerves and showing them the.

Cristina: Way, the light the way. This has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening.

Jack: Bye.

Cristina: Like who and Lucifer matchup?

Jack: I don't know, maybe Lucifer and Zeus.

Cristina: That's crazy.

Jack: But Zeus is the God of gods.

Cristina: So that would be God, wouldn't it?

Jack: I don't know. Because Zeus himself is a demigod. You can kill Zeus?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: I also do believe you can kill Jehovah.

Cristina: So then what does that make him?

Jack: That makes him a demigod. Okay, I think in. How do I put it? In Greek mythology, God. God is beyond Zeus. Zeus isn't the top of the chain. He's the top of Olympus.

Cristina: Yeah, but his. The top top is his dad or something.

Jack: There's like a Titan. But Titans aren't gods. No, Titans are some other thing that it could easily be like whipped around by God.

Cristina: But those are his parents.

Jack: Yes, his parents are Titans. And there is something above the Titans. That is the all powerful God.

Cristina: Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Colazzo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by Great Thoughts info, art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McAllister with social media managed by Amber Black.

Rambling 133: The Reason for Butts

Butts, Just Conversation, JustConvoPod, Ass, Sexy, Attractive, Nature, Podcast, Discussion

Why do we love big butts? Why is it something we can’t lie about? What is the purpose of butts to begin with? And how do we solve the little but problem? The origin and evolution of butts discussed in this episode of Just Conversation!

Rambling 133: The Reason for Butts

+Episode Details

Topics Discussed

  • Baboon Butts
  • Mating Rituals
  • Humps
  • Psychological Geometry
  • Smart Butts
  • Wombat Armored Butt
  • Butt Syrup
  • Turtle Butt Air
  • Magical Soul Butt Ball
  • Ass Diving Little Green Men
  • The Dragon King
  • Team Rocket

Our Links:

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

Twitter - https://twitter.com/JustConvoPod

Facebook - https://facebook.com/justconvopod

Instagram - https://instagram.com/justconvopod


+Transcript

Cristina: This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.

Jack: Going live in 5, 4.

Cristina: What does live mean? Welcome to Just Conversation, the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I'm your host, Christina.

Jack: And I'm Jack.

Cristina: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notified the second new episodes are released.

Jack: Yes. And also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner, so be sure to grab somebody and force them to listen with you. It's an obligation. The government made it law. The president passed that law to force.

Cristina: People to listen to it.

Jack: To force people to listen to. Yeah, this happened a couple of days ago. The President put a bill that went straight to the Senate and House of Congress, and the judges also ruled on it. And.

Cristina: And it's only law here in this country. It's not the world.

Jack: It's in the world. The President made a law that the world has to follow.

Cristina: How does that work?

Jack: It just works.

Cristina: I don't think.

Jack: So he went ahead and he sat down and grabbed this pen and he scribbled. He scribbled on this piece of paper. He's like, they will listen. They will listen.

Cristina: And they did listen.

Jack: Well, no, he passed the bill. And then from that day forward, everybody has to sit their a** down and listen.

Cristina: I don't know why the world has to listen to.

Jack: The world has to listen to him.

Cristina: That makes no sense.

Jack: Because nukes.

Cristina: Because nukes.

Jack: Because nukes. War happens. If you don't listen to the Just Conversation podcast, if you don't make somebody listen to the Just Conversation, it's more important.

Cristina: It's not about listening. It's about making someone listen.

Jack: Yeah, you gotta find people, sit them down and make them listen.

Cristina: Why? Okay. Yes. Okay. So you're listening now. Are you listening? Okay, good, good.

Jack: Yeah. If they can hear this, it's because they sat their a**** down and they're listening.

Cristina: Okay, people, I need you guys to use your imagination while I ask you something. What animals have big butts?

Jack: What animals have big butts?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Baboons.

Cristina: Baboons. Rampoons do have big butts. Why do you think they have such big butts for?

Jack: I don't know. Because they don't really sit on their butts as often as you'd think.

Cristina: It's gotta be a mating thing.

Jack: You think they use it to. It's like the bird's feathers.

Cristina: The bigger and redder the butts, the more attractive it looks.

Jack: That's what it is.

Cristina: Yes. It's like a competition.

Jack: Who has the biggest, reddest b***.

Cristina: Yes. And then they get the mate. I mean, whoever, I guess. I don't know how they compete in this contest. It's not like a human contest type of thing. Who knows? Maybe they offer walk in front of the guy, show the b*** or whatever. Dance with her b*** sticking out. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Jack: The chick is the one competing here?

Cristina: Yes, it's the chick competing. Whoa.

Jack: It's usually the guy.

Cristina: Yep. But.

Jack: So butts are, like, universally a guy thing?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Whoa. Interesting.

Cristina: That is so weird. But yes.

Jack: Or is it just a primate thing?

Cristina: Huh?

Jack: It's like apes.

Cristina: Like apes. I don't know if apes like. But I know human men like butts.

Jack: You just mentioned an ape that likes butts.

Cristina: Except. Oh, yeah, I guess that ape. But that's a specific type. I don't know if all apes.

Jack: Yeah. Because most apes don't have butts.

Cristina: Yeah. They weren't made like that. I don't know.

Jack: But if they did have butts, the men would be the one who liked those butts.

Cristina: Yes. Is that weird?

Jack: That's pretty strange, considering in every other thing ever that's ever happened in all of history and time, it's the female who gets to choose, not the male.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: It's really just a monkey thing. We're just like, no, we, the man, we pick. What the f***?

Cristina: So you get it from your monkey brothers back then when we chose by butts?

Jack: Yeah, I guess. I guess that makes an argument for coming from baboons.

Cristina: Yeah. You think we come from baboons? I don't come from baboons. Yeah.

Jack: I think we come from chimpanzees, actually. I'm not entirely sure.

Cristina: Maybe if they care about butts. Their butts are different, though, from our butts.

Jack: They don't got butts.

Cristina: They don't have butts.

Jack: Chimpanzees don't have butts.

Cristina: Well, primates. Their butts, though, are different from our butts.

Jack: But boon. Butts are different from our butts. I guess it would be the closest to our butts. Yeah, but like you're talking about, the area where their a****** is located is very different.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Yes, yes, yes.

Cristina: Is that weird? I don't know, because. I guess it's because we're using our butts differently. Our legs, our bottom part of our body is used differently. Like they're using theirs to climb things.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Well, we're. We have this b*** to help us somehow run.

Jack: The b*** helps us run.

Cristina: Yes. And sit of course.

Jack: Well, it helps us sit. How does it help us run?

Cristina: I don't know. Somehow the design of the b*** is helping us walk and run the way we do. Which it doesn't help with primates, the way, like, they don't run like we run.

Jack: So to get this straight, we started walking. Those of us that began to walk up straight and that became our advantage over the other creatures.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: That couldn't see so far over the grass. Those just developed butts. Like, they got booty cheeks.

Cristina: Who has booty cheeks?

Jack: All this. All the primates began standing to see.

Cristina: Farther through the grass. Yeah.

Jack: That's why they survived longer. They can come down from the trees and see a predator further away.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because they can look over the grass while others struggle to do that for longer. In fact, we can just keep walking standing upright while the other apes couldn't do that. And so we could see some, like, creature in a distance.

Cristina: Yeah. So those develop butts. Yeah. And we're part of those.

Jack: Yeah. But so just, just being, just doing that gave us a**** like.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Like plump booties.

Cristina: Yes. Well, there's theories of why men are attracted to butts. So it might be a thing like you evolved in us to have a nicer looking b***.

Jack: Evolutionary purposes.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: You gotta be able to meet more.

Cristina: Yes. No. Is that. Yeah. But butts. But it's more than just the b*** that men are attractive to, oddly enough. It's the curve of the b***. Of the b***. Yes. The back b*** thing. It has to be a specific 45.5 degrees. That's the magic number.

Jack: Yeah. Because it can't be 90 degrees. It's too much. It has to be like a particular slant. And that also applies not just to the b*** cheeks from behind, looking at it from the side, but the hips that form the b*** cheek as well from the front and the back, which gives the hourglass shape. It's that general region.

Cristina: Do you know why, though? Like, why that specific. Why such a specific degree?

Jack: I have no idea.

Cristina: That's so weird.

Jack: I guess it's the optimal shape. It's as hourglassy as it gets. Any more and you start losing hourglass shape. Any less and you start losing hourglass shape. It's about 45 degrees.

Cristina: Yeah. They like when they were testing out how. What about big butts, Men, like, they tried different things besides the curve because they thought that was weird. It was a curve. The excess fat or excess muscle. Those three different options.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: And the curve would win. So it's really about that curve yeah, yeah.

Jack: We want meaty a**.

Cristina: And they think it allows. They think men. That curve helps women to walk around and easily when they're pregnant and stuff. So they can find food and things. So they think evolutionary. It was just a benefit for the lady. That's why guys find it attractive.

Jack: How do they find food? Because of their b***.

Cristina: Like, they could walk around without injuring their back or anything. It's not a pain to be when they're pregnant to do things that they would normally do when they're not pregnant.

Jack: Why would their back hurt less? Because they have a b***?

Cristina: Because of the curve. The curve is the thing we're talking about. Like, it's part of the b***, but it's the curve that's connecting to the b*** is helping the pain. Not pain, but the back.

Jack: I guess it's sort of diffusing the center force. It's bringing it more towards the center by having something extra sticking in that direction. While you have something sticking in that direction.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Now you're more centered, and then you.

Cristina: Can do more things, and therefore you're more helpful.

Jack: Interesting. Interesting.

Cristina: So that's interesting. Yeah. The degree. Who cares? I mean, I guess we can.

Jack: Everything is math. Everything is math.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Why do people like pizza?

Cristina: Why do people like pizza?

Jack: It's a circle cut into triangles that you put in a box.

Cristina: But then wouldn't all foods be something like that? Are they all like that?

Jack: No. They either taste good or something like pizza that, when you really break it apart, doesn't really. And it also looks kind of like vomit.

Cristina: I feel like hot dogs aren't the greatest looking or the greatest tasting, but people still eat that cylindrical. The shape of it.

Jack: Yeah. It's like a perfect cylinder. That's why when math goes into something, the taste and look of it goes out the window.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: Now, if it tastes good, it doesn't matter what it looks like. And it doesn't matter if it's in a specific shape.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: But if it isn't tasting good and it doesn't look good, then it's the shape that's doing it.

Cristina: The shape.

Jack: In the case of pizza, the cheese itself isn't like the people think it's the cheese. People like cheese.

Cristina: But she's not great.

Jack: It's not doing enough.

Cristina: It's not doing enough.

Jack: In fact, you can find out that the favored pizzas in the world are all where the slice itself is the most triangular, really. If the slice is too long.

Cristina: But there are weirdos that like the square pizza.

Jack: Yeah. And that's why Those aren't that popular. Think about it.

Cristina: Ah, they're not that popular.

Jack: No. Because it's a box inside of a box. Who cares?

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Well, you can locate all of these problems. The more that the more triangular it is, the more people like it.

Cristina: That's a sexy pizza.

Jack: Sexy pizza.

Cristina: Wow.

Jack: And the more solid the triangle, the better as well. So like, people definitely enjoy holding a domino slice, which is shorter and way more triangular.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: Than like a Pizza Hut really long one that like bends towards the tip because it's so like it's not solid. Even if out of all of them, obviously Papa John's is the healthy alternative. It tastes better.

Cristina: It tastes better.

Jack: But Papa John's doesn't have that perfect domino's shape. Yeah, domino's is made of garbage. It's just all poison that they're putting into there. Not to say Papa John's isn't. But out of all the options, Papa John's is the closest to healthy you can possibly get. Not that it's healthy, but you know.

Cristina: What if you made it at home?

Jack: What do you mean?

Cristina: Wouldn't that taste better or it wouldn't because you wouldn't be able to make it as perfect as the domino one.

Jack: Well, it's not the taste, it's the shape. No matter what that's pleasing you.

Cristina: The shape of it.

Jack: Yeah. You're convinced if it could taste like crap, you're convinced it tastes good because the shape.

Cristina: Oh, okay. What? Oh. And. And another reason men love big butts or women with big butts is that women with big butts are smarter and have smarter children. Something to do with the fatty stuff that's in there? I don't know. There's some magic stuff thing in the b*** that helps makes more kids. There's a unique fatty acid that's inside the woman's beauty that's stored in the fat of the b*** that is important to the baby's development. Brain for the baby's brain.

Jack: So bigger b***, smarter kid.

Cristina: Yes. There you go. That's your reason to start hunting for big butts. It's not about the curve. Although you could explain it as the curve, but like that makes you look crazy. If you went to people like, I need 40 set 45.5% degree curve. Before I'm with you have to like check it with a, I guess a ruler or something. I'm not sure how people are checking this out.

Jack: It was sort of be like a ruler. It's a two sided ruler.

Cristina: A two sided ruler? Yeah.

Jack: You know where you know those rulers that you use? Not a ruler, but that thing you use, like when you want to draw a perfect circle, you like put the pencil in the thing and you lock it and it has a pointy end and you put that and you spin it.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: There's a ruler that has that shape and basically as you open it, all it does is tell you how much degrees open it is.

Cristina: Oh.

Jack: Then you put that next to your a** and you're like, oh, 45, that's the one.

Cristina: I think I'm gonna be that weird person. I want to get that and check it out on people and try to.

Jack: Find the perfect 45 degree booty.

Cristina: Yes. What if I have it? I hope I do. Who knows?

Jack: You hope you have a perfect 45 degree booty?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: You gotta buy that ruler.

Cristina: I will. And also, but that's a great reason to look for people with big butts is you just say I want smart.

Jack: Children and big butts equals smart children.

Cristina: Yeah, there you go. It makes so much sense.

Jack: So there's biological sense to want a nice a**. So all this bullshit about all a**** matter, you know, all shapes matter. What about small booty chicks? No, she's gonna have a r*****.

Cristina: What if she does surgery? Then you don't even know.

Jack: That's where being, that's where plastic surgery is a problem. Because she's gonna have fake big booty. And so your kids are gonna. And it's because she lied to you and pretended she had a big booty.

Cristina: Yes, of course.

Jack: But at the end of the day, survival, right?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: So from their perspective, that's also like allowed because you have to survive by making children. By making children. Even if your children gonna be dumb because your b*** is small.

Cristina: I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Jack: It should be that apparently based on this information, all women with flat booties should die alone is what we're finding out.

Cristina: That's not what we're finding out.

Jack: That's exactly what this information said. It said we need to remove all the Hispanics from the camps we have so that we have space to start moving in the flat booted women so that we could just remove them from society. Because think about it, maybe the problem is that so many women have been creating fake booties and then guys have been mating with these women with fake booties and now those kids have grown up and run the world. Ah, that's the problem.

Cristina: No way.

Jack: That's the problem.

Cristina: Isn't it recent? This whole Big fake booty thing. Like those children aren't old enough to run the real world.

Jack: Those children were born in the 90s.

Cristina: But it's become super popular, like in the tens.

Jack: Rap made it popular, but.

Cristina: Yeah, but it's still the surgery, the expense and everything. Like now people could do it more easily.

Jack: Oh yeah, it's going to be more of a problem. Yeah, but before the fact that these flat booties women were coming across like they had big booties and they were allowed to mate instead of being sanitized.

Cristina: Oh my gosh.

Jack: You see the problem? So now what we have is flat bootied women mating and having dumb children. And then those dumb children being in their early 20s right now.

Jack: And they're the ones who are over here. But like those are the gen f******. What is it Z? Is that what the f*** they are? Gen X? I don't know, whatever the f******. The dumb kid, the Tide pod retards. Those morons are out here trying to like activism and cancel everything and like no, everything is wrong and, and, and gender. 3 million different names and there's definitely difference between women and men. Except if they want to do the same jobs and like what the f***? Oh my God. That's the same group of people that happened because flat bootied women pretended to have big booties and they made it. We shouldn't allow that. We found the problem.

Cristina: Yes. Okay. What would you trade that for? The baboon booties.

Jack: What do you mean baboon booties?

Cristina: Like do you wish women had big.

Jack: Red booties so that we can tell like your booty isn't red enough? You're bullshitting. Yeah, like your booty might be big, but it ain't red.

Cristina: Surgery to get it more red, they'll.

Jack: Get like some kind of spray tan equivalent. Oh, we'll find a way. People will find a way, man. It's human nature. Yeah, that quote from Jurassic Park. Nature always finds a way.

Cristina: So. Oh my gosh. They're gonna dye their butts.

Jack: They're gonna dye their butts and then they're gonna still mate and we can't stop it.

Cristina: What about the superpower of having an armored b***? Would you want an armored b*** like the wombat?

Jack: The wombat has an armored b***?

Cristina: Yes. It's filled with cartilage to protect itself.

Jack: From getting a** raped?

Cristina: From getting bit in the b***, I guess because it lives underground. So when it' running from the predator, it could smash the predator. It's actually defense and offense. It could attack. It's with its B***. Swinging its b*** and crash. That, you know, hit the head of the predator.

Jack: So it does like. Like giraffes and, like, swings its a** the way a giraffe swings its neck.

Cristina: I guess so. And it just destroys the head of the. What is dingle or Tasmanian devil that's chasing it.

Jack: Interesting. Interesting. So it's, like, really, really hard.

Cristina: Yeah. So would you like that?

Jack: Why would I like that?

Cristina: As a power or something? I don't know. No, no, no. You don't want a super b***. We're gonna find out what type of super b*** you want.

Jack: There's more than one super b***?

Cristina: Yes. This is just the first of many. Oh, no. This is the first of a few. The sea cucumber does a really interesting thing. I wouldn't want this power. I don't know. I'm very iffy about could shrink its body. And then it ejects its internal organs out of its b*** and onto its predators. And the organs are poisonous. So the fish die. A lot of the fish are poisoned. Like, it'll get poisoned and die.

Jack: But does the fish die too?

Cristina: No, the organs. Or some of the organs regenerate. That's the big problem to me. Some of the organs regenerate. I don't know, like. But I guess it's the important ones, Right? Like, it's still alive. It takes six to 10 weeks to regrow those organs.

Jack: Interesting.

Cristina: So, like, I feel like it's very dangerous, though, in that period of time when you're waiting for those things to grow back. How are you hunting for your own food? Unless Sea cucumbers don't need that type of food.

Jack: But it's spewing its organs through its b***.

Cristina: Yes. It's b***. Ho. It's just, like, vomiting its organs out. Can we say vomiting? I don't know. It's pooping.

Jack: Yeah, it's pooping its organs.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: It's like the worst kind of diarrhea.

Cristina: Yes. Would you like that?

Jack: No.

Cristina: I don't know. It's. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be that either. I like the wombat b*** more. Although the baboon b*** is pretty interesting. I don't know.

Jack: But the baboon b*** doesn't have powers.

Cristina: I know. It just gets really big and red and it's finally a lady doing the dance instead of the guy, which is unique and different.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: But I think wombat booty for me for now wins.

Jack: An armored booty.

Cristina: Yes. And there's this skipper, capis that can launch its poop.

Jack: It's a Cactus caterpillar. Oh.

Cristina: Oh, Skipper. There's a. There's a skipper caterpillar that launches its poop.

Jack: Interesting.

Cristina: Yeah, the poop is like little pellets, and it has, like, a special b*** launching pad, which it just, I guess, stores the poop until it needs it, and then it shoots it out to attack its predators.

Jack: Does it kill anything with it?

Cristina: I don't think so. I think it just probably, like, distracts the enemy and then runs away.

Jack: Got it. That makes sense. So, like, very slowly runs away?

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Like, really?

Cristina: It's a caterpillar. It's not a caterpillar. That slow?

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: Oh. I mean, maybe it causes some damage if it's like a boulder. When you fire a boulder at something that's gonna hurt, I don't think it's that strong, but, like, it'll annoy the villain. The villain, the predator, enough to be like, okay, I'm not gonna eat you. I'm going away.

Jack: Is that what happens?

Cristina: Yeah, I think so.

Jack: They just shoot their poop and the creature runs away?

Cristina: Yeah, maybe. Either that or yeah, I think it would, like, bother the. The. It would bother the predator enough that the. It would run away. That makes sense to me. Would you like that attack?

Jack: I guess that sounds better than the other ones.

Cristina: Then the wombat armor. I don't know. There's a. There's a tiny whale, a pygmy sperm whale. Most whales, their defense is being humongous. They're all humongous. Like, they don't need a defense. Their size is their defense. And this little whale has, like, it's. It has a special bladder of syrup, of b*** syrup that it shoots out when an enemy is attacking.

Jack: Keyword, b*** syrup.

Cristina: B*** syrup. Yes. It's cloudy, reddish brown goo that just, like, harm. It's harmful to the enemy. I don't know if it kills the enemy, but it's enough to distract the enemy so it could run away. Swim away. So you could swim away.

Jack: So boot syrup. Boot b*** syrup.

Cristina: B*** syrup? Yes, that's the scientific word for it. Okay.

Jack: Does it have a scientific word for the b*** syrup?

Cristina: No idea. It probably does, but it's just probably poop. I don't know. But that's an interesting evolution. Instead of doing the size thing like all the other whales, it's like, nope, I'm gonna be tiny, but I'm gonna have b*** syrup.

Jack: B*** syrup it is.

Cristina: I don't think I'd want that power or see that power. I don't want to see that either. Yeah, yeah. Then there's an Australian fitzro. Australian fitzroe river turtle who could breathe out of its b*******.

Jack: Whoa, wait. Could it breathe out of its mouth too? Does it just have two different breathing areas?

Cristina: I think it has two breathing areas, but the b******* helps it swim. It helps it stay underwater longer because it, like, holds in a bunch of air inside of its b***.

Jack: And what does it do with that air?

Cristina: It just stores it for when it needs it so it can stay underwater longer.

Jack: Right, but that. But that air goes through its b*** to its lungs.

Cristina: Maybe. I guess that's what I'm guessing. Yes, for sure. That's what it does, Nick. Stay underwater up to three weeks without taking a breath of air.

Jack: That's intense.

Cristina: That is. That might be a helpful power, maybe. I don't know.

Jack: In air through your booty.

Cristina: Yes. So you can stay underwater for a very long time.

Jack: Yeah. Imma go chill in the water for the next three weeks.

Cristina: I know. Yeah. I don't know how it would be helpful, but it seems helpful. Okay, sure.

Jack: If you gotta, like, spy on somebody and you gotta be, like, hidden in the water next to them or some s*** the whole time.

Cristina: That is weird.

Jack: Hide in somebody's pool for weeks.

Cristina: Then I would want the combination of this, this, and I guess the last thing with the sperm whale. So you can, like, if someone does find you in that water, you just shoot the vat syrup at them.

Jack: But then you asphyxiate and die.

Cristina: I guess.

Jack: In that instant, the b*** syrup is made out of your oxygen.

Cristina: Oh. So it wouldn't really be b*** syrup anymore.

Jack: It'd be oxygen syrup.

Cristina: It would be, but like a poisonous fart or something.

Jack: Nah, because you still have to be able to survive off of it.

Cristina: Oh, but it wouldn't be syrupy.

Jack: I don't know. Water is syrupy if you do it right, I guess.

Cristina: But oxygen isn't, if that's what you're surviving off of. Oxygen.

Jack: I'm assuming while they're in their water. In the water, their b*** takes in water and pulls out oxygen from it. It's just pulling in literal air. They grab air outside and then go in the water.

Cristina: It might be that. It could be that it sticks his b*** out of the water, sucks in the oxygen, and then jumps in the water. You know what that sounds like? That sounds right. And the manatee actually farts. Held in gas to get deeper in the water. That's. It's superpower.

Jack: How's that a superpower?

Cristina: Because I don't know. It's Super. Because it's. You don't think that's super?

Jack: It feels like swimming.

Cristina: It feels like. But it can go deeper than other swimming creatures, I guess. Other water mammals, I guess that's fine. It helps with food. Less competitors if you can go deeper than the other ones.

Jack: Yeah, but that's not a superpower. That's just like, I got more agility or some s***, I guess.

Cristina: Okay, that's a weak one. Who wins right now? I think the caterpillar wins right now. No, the one that takes out its organs. That creature.

Jack: That kind of sucks.

Cristina: That kind of sucks. Yeah. It is super, though. It's both. Then the dragonfly, when it's a baby. When they're babies, they're underwater nymphs and they use their b*** to swim in the water and also to eat.

Jack: They eat through their b***?

Cristina: No, the air pushing, I guess, out of their b*** helps them move their mouth. Out of their mouth somehow. Tissue. I don't know how it works, but yes, they use their b*** to help them eat.

Jack: So like fart launch forward and grab things quicker. So when you see a dragonfly just like scooting around, it's just sustaining like a long fart.

Cristina: It's not the dragonfly, though. It's the baby form, the nymph. I don't know. Do they look like dragonflies? I don't think so.

Jack: I have no idea.

Cristina: It sounds like a fairy type of thing, that word. I don't know what that word comes from. Nymph. Have you heard of it?

Jack: I have. I don't know what it is.

Cristina: What was your favorite superpower or super b***, I guess. What was your favorite super b***? You don't care about any of them?

Jack: No, not really. Those are some. No, not really. Those pretty crappy b*** powers.

Cristina: I don't know. The wombat wins for me. Have you seen the largest, or I guess one of the largest butts in the world? It's 8.25ft round and it belongs to an elephant. No, human. A human's b***. I want to show you her booty, if I can. Or I guess her body because it's kind of ridiculous. Her name is Mikael and she's an American and she has one of the biggest booties in the world.

Jack: I mean, it's not really that her booty is particularly big, though. It's like she's really morbidly obese and a lot of that weight is caught in her a**. It's grease, not fat.

Cristina: So it's so what? It's grease.

Jack: Yeah. Oh, it's like, not healthy fat by any means. Her thighs are the size of my body.

Cristina: Whoa. That's so crazy. Is there a Guinness World Record for that? Probably. It's too ridiculous.

Jack: Guinness World Record for everything.

Cristina: Yeah. Even though we're the only animals with butts, the way we have them, our booty cheeks. What other animals do you think have butts compared to us?

Jack: Compared? What do you mean?

Cristina: I guess like, when you imagine animals with big butts, what do you imagine?

Jack: Corgis.

Cristina: Corgis. Is that the famous.

Jack: That's the famous non booty cheek b*** animal.

Cristina: And chickens. Chickens do not have big butts.

Jack: Well, they have butts. Well, they don't really. They have like their a** up in a weird way.

Cristina: The turkey beats the chicken, though.

Jack: Yes. They both have pretty big butts.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: As compared to other birds.

Cristina: Yeah. And like, think like the spider for insects. Or not insects, whatever. Are spider.

Jack: Arachnids.

Cristina: Arachnids. Spiders got big butts.

Jack: Is that the spider's b***?

Cristina: I actually. I have no idea. That's probably its body.

Jack: That's probably.

Cristina: But I consider it its b***. Yes.

Jack: Okay.

Cristina: With like, the snake doesn't have any. But.

Jack: No.

Cristina: Or dolphins or any fish in general. In general. So. But you know what? I think the biggest lover of butts besides, I guess humans and baboons are dogs. Dogs love butts. They don't love big butts, but they sure love butts.

Jack: They don't love butts. It's just how they communicate.

Cristina: Yeah, it is. They love smelling. They still love sniffing butts. I mean. No, it is communication.

Jack: I don't think it's like, do you go to your 9 to 5 and then love talking to your boss? No, you gotta communicate. You don't love talking to your boss. Yeah, you gotta communicate.

Cristina: Yeah. So this is just them communicating with each other.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Yeah. You know, they could smell the mood of the other dog.

Jack: That's interesting. I didn't know that.

Cristina: Yeah. Like, their nose is a superpower.

Jack: Yeah. Dog's nose is some crazy s***. So is their hearing. A dog is kind of a superhero.

Cristina: And the hear. And their hearings. Yeah. And they're hearing. Yes, they could. They can smell some strange things, though. Like they can smell bugs. Like, if you had termites and they knew how to smell what that. That smell like? If they were trained to sniff out termites, they could point it to you. So they're so helpful. And they can smell even things that you wouldn't imagine that they could, like die. Diabetic attacks, cancer and Seizure. You didn't think a dog would be able to sense those things? I don't know if it's smell related, but I think it's part smell related, part visual of like seeing what you're going through.

Jack: Smelling a seizure sounds crazy to me.

Cristina: That does. Those three things sound crazy to me.

Jack: Cancer, diabetes is a sugar shift. Sugar is potent.

Cristina: Mmm. So there's obviously something they can smell from that.

Jack: Cancer is rotten.

Cristina: Oh, the seizure.

Jack: How do you smell a seizure?

Cristina: It could be that they can see the difference of your body changing because that causes you to your reaction to change. Like what's happening to you. Your whole body is just yeah, yeah, yeah. Which might not. Someone might not notice that quickly, but maybe dogs could sense it quicker. I also learned two very interesting stories about b*** mythologies or b*** related folklore. And they're both Japanese stories and they're amazing. And the first one is there's this creature called Shurimi, which is. Which just translates to b*** eye.

Jack: B*** eye?

Cristina: Yeah, Buttock's eye. Can you imagine what this creature looks like?

Jack: It's an eye in somebody's b***.

Cristina: Exactly. Yes. This yokai has. I think he has no face, but for some reason he does have an eye in his b*******. And he likes to scare people with his eye b***. He stalks people. They're like what's go like they'll call you out in night to. So you turn around to look at them and then they'll flash you their b*** eye. With their b*** eye. With their shiny b*** eye. I don't think they're evil or anything. They're just want to show off their b***. Aye. To you.

Jack: Like all these women who are the problem, they want to show off their b***.

Cristina: The flat butts.

Jack: The flat butts who are pretending to be plump butts.

Cristina: Yes. There's nothing evil about that.

Jack: About sh. Yeah, there is. If the reason that the world is in turmoil is because of fake booties. That's why they freak. The ones who freaked out at Kendrick Lamar when he said that line. I'm so sick and tired of the Photoshop.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Wait, they're mad that he said he's tired of Photoshop?

Jack: Well, no, he says like he wants something natural.

Cristina: Oh.

Jack: And it's like, yeah, because non natural is making people stupid.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: People being born dumb because flat booties are allowed to have children. We need to get all China on this s***. If you're flat booty, you're not allowed.

Cristina: You have to tell China that.

Jack: No, we got to get China on board. I mean China's gonna listen anyways, because this lies. Is it gonna. You know, let's conclude this. Now that we know, we're gonna tell the president.

Cristina: The president's not gonna make the world do this.

Jack: He can pass laws that the world listens to.

Cristina: No, the world does not listen to him.

Jack: Yeah. Especially Russia and China.

Cristina: To this president.

Jack: Yeah. To Biden.

Cristina: To Biden.

Jack: To Biden.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: They're gonna listen to Biden.

Cristina: Okay.

Jack: And they're gonna sign another. Another. I'm gonna convince him, and he's gonna sign one that stops all the flat booties from mating.

Cristina: From mating?

Jack: Yeah. We gotta tie their tubes against her will.

Cristina: What? No.

Jack: Gonna open these camps in these camps.

Cristina: Oh, yeah. I thought you were just gonna kick the Spanish people out.

Jack: Yeah, and then we gotta clean it.

Cristina: Okay, so you're not making new camps. You're just using the ones that you have.

Jack: Yeah. We gotta prepare it for the flat booties.

Cristina: Yeah, because the Spanish people will most likely have booties.

Jack: Yes. We need to release them back into society because Hispanic a** is fine.

Cristina: Mm.

Jack: It's flat booties that are.

Cristina: It's a crime.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Flat b*** is a crime.

Jack: Flat b*** is a crime.

Cristina: You heard it here. That would be so crazy. I would like you to convince him of that. Or I guess him convince the world of that. I don't know.

Jack: Both.

Cristina: Both. It's very strange. Then there's this creature called the kappa. You've probably seen him before. He's like a green toad looking creature in Japan. He's like. He's human like, and green, though. Kind of alien like, I guess. But he looks kind of like a turtle. Y. Human, I guess. Sounds familiar. No.

Jack: Is that tur. Is it. That is a turtle. I was thinking frog.

Cristina: Oh, yes. It could be frog. I could be wrong. It's one of those things. It's green. It's from Japan.

Jack: Because I'm thinking that frog from the cereal box.

Cristina: The cereal box.

Jack: There's like a weird golden cereal that tastes like cardboard.

Cristina: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jack: Yeah, it's like little beans. The co. The. It looks like coffee. Beans.

Cristina: Beans. Coffee. There.

Jack: Oh, that's a f****** Pokemon.

Cristina: That's a Pokemon. It's gonna be a Pokemon if it's not a Pokemon.

Jack: No, no, no. It definitely 100% is a Pokemon.

Cristina: Oh, that's the one you were talking about, right?

Jack: Right.

Cristina: Yes. Oh, crap. I didn't get its name. Well, yes, there's a Pokemon that looks like Kappa and it is a Kappa. It is a Kappa. Well, there's this thing inside our butts called shirikodama. It's like a magical ball that we all have inside our butts.

Jack: Right.

Cristina: And these kappas want that.

Jack: So they're gonna stick their fingers in your b*** to get it.

Cristina: Yes. Pretty much killing you, probably. Most likely. Or they'll drown you and then take it fun. Yes. Yes.

Jack: So you're gonna get drowned and then.

Cristina: They'Ll take your magic b***.

Jack: They're gonna. Their fingers in your a**.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: And search for magic ball.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: Got it.

Cristina: And they're not sure what that magic ball is, but it might be related to our soul. Like, it could be our soul in there.

Jack: Our soul is in our b***?

Cristina: It could be. Yes. Or it could be our liver. I don't know if that's in there, but that's strange.

Jack: So they're fishing for our soul through our b***. Fantastic.

Cristina: We have a soul in a ball that's in our b***. Yes. That's pretty awesome.

Jack: The b*** soul.

Cristina: The b*** sole. Yep. I mean, where else would the soul be, do you know?

Jack: In your chest, I guess.

Cristina: That's where you think it's in?

Jack: Yeah, I think the consciousness is in the head and the soul is somewhere in the chest area.

Cristina: Where do you get that? Where does anyone get that?

Jack: Seems right.

Cristina: It just seems right. What was the first one? The conscious.

Jack: Yeah. Conscious mind or the mind. The consciousness or the mind? If they're not the same thing, they're in the same place, at least.

Cristina: I don't know how we can prove where the conscious is either.

Jack: No, we can't.

Cristina: But you're saying if I.

Jack: If I had to guess where it is.

Cristina: On the head.

Jack: It's in the head. And if I have to guess where the soul is? Probably in your chest somewhere.

Cristina: Just trying to think about what keeps your heart pumping. The heart itself.

Jack: Something that's keeping the heart pumping. I'll call that the soul.

Cristina: Okay, so the thing that's keeping the heart pumping is the soul. Maybe. Maybe. Yes.

Jack: The brain needs the blood of the heart, so the brain ain't keeping the heart up. You have somebody brain dead whose heart works.

Cristina: So then. But then how about consciousness? Where do you get that idea?

Jack: I don't know. I'm just saying that that's in the head. But I know that the heart has to be kept up by something other than the body, other than the mind. That thing that we can't identify. That's what's doing it.

Cristina: Interesting, huh? Then maybe the consciousness is in our b***. Maybe that ball, the magical ball. Is actually our conscious. How could we prove that wrong?

Jack: Maybe that magical ball is our genetic code.

Cristina: Our genetic code?

Jack: Like a perfect blueprint to making another human or something.

Cristina: Why would they want that?

Jack: To make another human or something.

Cristina: Oh, then maybe they're aliens. They look aliens. They're little green men.

Jack: That seems legit. I mean, don't little green men already probe a****?

Cristina: Exactly. This is a water alien.

Jack: This a water alien Sticking crap in your a**, trying to pull something out. They're looking for the secret to life, and it's in your a**.

Cristina: It's in your a**. Yes. Yes.

Jack: Whoa, whoa. The secret to life is in our a*******?

Cristina: Maybe if we have bigger butts, though, we can protect that.

Jack: God's a genius. Right? Because it's like the last place they're gonna look inside their a******.

Cristina: Yeah. How did these creatures figure it out?

Jack: Magic. Well, no, they're aliens. They probably. They probably went through this whole process themselves. Yeah, they know it's in their a******. Yeah, they're like. It's always in the a******.

Cristina: That's amazing. But they don't really know why they want it. There's like, two guesses. One is they like to eat those balls, those magic balls.

Jack: So they eat souls?

Cristina: Yeah. Or it's some kind of tax to the dragon King who lives under the sea, and they're paying him.

Jack: I don't care about anything else anymore. There's a dragon king that lives under the f****** sea?

Cristina: Yes. I don't know anything about him, but I'll learn about him.

Jack: Is it Nessie?

Cristina: Oh, my gosh. What?

Jack: A dragon that lives under the f****** sea? I guess it's not Nessie, because she lives in a lake. But, like, there's a f****** dragon that lives under the sea. The Dragon King.

Cristina: The dragon king are dragons, Water creatures? I guess. I don't know. No, they're like lizards, maybe. Well, the Chinese dragon that we were talking about has to be a water dragon, right? Because the fish is in the water. The fish isn't turning into a sky thing.

Jack: Yeah, that's a western dragon, but it's a water dragon.

Cristina: Right.

Jack: The ones that are in the. The Chinese and Japanese dragons are water dragons, not water dragons, but they're like snake things. Like, unless it's flying without wings, I'm assuming they. That those things exist in the water.

Cristina: Yeah. So maybe. Yeah. So then the dragon king would be a water dragon king. Interesting.

Jack: Gyarados is water dragon. That's a Pokemon.

Cristina: Yeah, he's a magical dragon king. Maybe he is the dragon King.

Jack: He's the Dragon King.

Cristina: You think there's magic balls in Pokemon? That's horrifying. There's Kappa. Yes. I mean, the Soul Ball. Unless you think those are souls, they're just playing with other creatures. Souls?

Jack: Like, I mean, isn't Electrode and Voltorb both just pokeballs that are alive?

Cristina: Yes. There's something wrong there. I don't know. They live in a world that. What's his name from Blue's Clue. Not Blue's Clues. That's the wrong guy. That old show, Peewee Playhouse. Remember his house? It's all alive, right? He lives in the Pokemon world.

Jack: Yeah, kind of. He's just trapped in his house or hiding from the rest of the world, where everything is violent and murdering each other.

Cristina: Yeah, but his house is alive.

Jack: Dude, that's crazy.

Cristina: Pokemon.

Jack: A single Pokemon, you take over the world.

Cristina: Yeah, one.

Jack: You got one Pokemon. There's no other Pokemon.

Cristina: You take over the world even like a Diglett?

Jack: The Diglett is crazy. You could topple buildings with a Diglett. With a Diglett.

Jack: They're too overpowered, bro. Pokemon. Like, really?

Cristina: There's no useless Pokemon. What about Rattata?

Jack: Nah, it's.

Cristina: It's.

Jack: The problem is it has the ability to do random s***. Like one, lightning fast. Two, it can attack people. It's your weapon.

Cristina: Yeah. Okay.

Jack: I guess somebody could pull up that with a gun, though. Just pop your Rattata in the face.

Cristina: Oh, hey.

Jack: It is what it is.

Cristina: Well, if it's super quick, though, maybe you can stop that Again, it depends.

Jack: How quick it is.

Cristina: But it has a quick attack type thing.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It has both agility and quick attack. It depends how quick it is. Like, is it so quick that. Boom. It's at your gun.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: This fire.

Cristina: Right? Your hand that's holding the gun.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: That's crazy, man.

Cristina: If it's that quick, then that's. Then there's nothing.

Jack: There's nothing stopping them. But there's also, like, if you somehow caught, like, Ash. Ash is so overpowered. If you really wanted to, because he somehow comes across every God.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: You can just capture a m*********** and that's it. It's a wrap. He runs the world.

Cristina: He'll never catch one.

Jack: Also, why does Team Rocket want his s***** a**? Pikachu. That's the worst. Pikachu.

Cristina: It's because they're not really villains, dude.

Jack: He gets KO'd by level one Pokemon.

Cristina: Yes. They're not villains. They don't want to be doing evil things. They're just Pretending by chasing a Pikachu, they're just friend. Yes.

Jack: There's Frenemy.

Cristina: They're stalking him. But also they can lie to their boss like, yeah, we're doing something.

Jack: Doing things.

Cristina: Yeah. But obviously they're not. They're trying to catch a. Talking. Like, no, they're trying to catch a rat. A giant rat.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: Like, who cares? That's such a lame Pokemon.

Jack: Yeah. Pikachu sucks. F****** Dragon King. Are you kidding me?

Cristina: Yes. That is pretty epic. You know what else is pretty epic?

Jack: What?

Cristina: Researchers painted eyes on cow butts to stop lions from attacking. And it worked.

Jack: Okay.

Cristina: Yep. No cows were attacked. The ones that didn't have eyes painted on them, I think, like, two of them died in that group. But the ones that did, none of them died.

Jack: Interesting. So the lions were, like, too confused about what creature they were looking at.

Cristina: Yeah. Like. Yeah. Because they like to sneak attack. And since this creature, this new creature to them is looking at them, never blinking, just decided, nope, can't do this.

Jack: Interesting. Yeah. It's horrifying because it looks like it's always looking at you.

Cristina: Yeah. Which for something that likes to surprise, there's nothing it could do.

Jack: Yeah. For a cat, the worst thing you could do is always watch it. It thinks it's being hunted.

Cristina: Yeah. So that's pretty amazing.

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: So we talked about. So we talked about pros of the booty, but there are some bad stuff that could happen to your booty. I don't know if it's naturally or it's just, like, bad luck or you did something wrong and it caused your booty to attack you. But there's things like hemorrhoids, which is one of the most painful a*** diseases out there, which is like veins of blood around your a***. These veins of blood on your b*** that engorges around your booty. Hoe. That sucks.

Jack: Yep. Sounds painful.

Cristina: It does. There's also a*** fissures. That's the tearing of tissue along the a*** canal, which is caused by giant poops.

Jack: A*** fissures are caused by giant poops?

Cristina: Yes. Like, they're too big. They come out and they hurt your skin around.

Jack: Like Bono.

Cristina: Like Bono Bono?

Jack: Yeah. The Pope had Bono.

Cristina: Yeah. He probably caused him to have some problems in that area.

Jack: Many, many.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: He had Bono.

Cristina: Yes.

Jack: The Pope pooped Bono.

Cristina: There's also a*** warts and itchy a***. That are problems that could happen to you.

Jack: How do they happen?

Cristina: I think a*** warts is. I don't know. It's a viral disorder. I don't know. I don't know how they can happen, but I know the symptoms. The warts are tiny spots inside the a*** opening. They also itchy and they can grow over time.

Jack: Very weird information. We definitely need to get the president to sign that bill to. To get rid of tiny butted people.

Cristina: To get rid of tiny butted, flat butted, flat butts.

Jack: The flat butts need to go. We got. We got to get all the Hispanics out of the camps and into society. We got to reintegrate them so that their butts can create the next generation of intellect. And we got to put the dumb flat butts into the camps and fake butts into the camps so that they stop mating. We got to stop this problem that's happening in society today.

Cristina: But that's only for the women. There has to be something that women are attracted to men in some weird way like this, right? Because there should be some men in those jails too, just for some equal fun. Because then there's gonna be too much men out there.

Jack: No, the problem is that men also have butts. Right? And so we're assuming that their j*** is infused with intelligence because big butts.

Cristina: Wow. Okay.

Jack: This needs to be. Only people with big butts need to be allowed to man.

Cristina: Okay? So for all of them.

Jack: For all of them. Men and women, dude, they can make stupid children in the camps that we don't introduce into society.

Cristina: Okay? What?

Jack: But if you're gonna be in society, we forcefully tie your tubes or you go to a camp. One or the other. That's it. You don't have a choice.

Cristina: You don't have a choice. You don't have a choice. That's crazy.

Jack: You opt into tubes being tied or a camp.

Cristina: We'll have that special ruler to measure your curve b*** growth. Yeah. Your curve ratio.

Jack: Everybody will have it. We'll have like in the last of us, where there's a guy walking up to people with a thermometer. Like, there's gonna be cops outside just checking. Like, that doesn't look like a Right. And that doesn't look like a 45 degree angle. Plump booty. Yeah, get the ruler. Then they check you. They stop you. They're like, we got to check your booty. People freak out. No, no, don't check my daughter. She's too young. She's just a child.

Cristina: Should there be an age for this?

Jack: No, because these people are gonna grow up anyways. We got to stop the problem as young as we can. If we can do something to feed them the Proper foods to make their booties grow.

Cristina: But what age do we start measuring? We can't be measuring babies.

Jack: We can't be measuring babies. No, no, no, no. Anybody you gave Burger King to, That's over developed because they had too many hormones in the food. And they're like a 35 year old looking 12 year old at that age.

Cristina: Because they're still maturing. So it should be when they stop maturing, which is in the 20s.

Jack: D***. That's problematic though, because we could have corrected the issue, but we don't know.

Cristina: If there's an issue or not.

Jack: Yes, because they might have too flat of a booty.

Cristina: Huh?

Jack: Tell me. Growth spurts, essentially.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Take it to account. A growth spurt.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Height wise. Females stop growing around 16 years of age.

Cristina: So we gotta start measuring them at 16.

Jack: I guess like their body stops fully developing around that time. You know what you're gonna look like as a female at 16, while a male usually grows until they're about 24.

Cristina: That's a problem.

Jack: Yeah. While intellectually men seem to stop mentally developing at a fast pace at around 18 to 19, while women up to 26 years of age.

Cristina: Whoa. What? Why so different?

Jack: I have no idea.

Cristina: It's crazy. 26 years of age?

Jack: Yeah.

Cristina: So then what's the right age to measure these butts though?

Jack: When you introduce fake hormones into their body, Lacavia?

Cristina: Any age.

Jack: Fair enough. When the hormones start affecting their body.

Cristina: So when it starts.

Jack: Yeah, I guess. Teenage years and older. We need cops out there the way these cops are out here popping kids anyways. Just because it looked like he had a gun. Even if it was pink, it was abnormally small. It was shooting water. We shot him anyways because we felt in danger. Get those same very dedicated cops to run up to young women with rulers and measure their b*** angle.

Cristina: We need some kind of thing that will stop kids from reproducing though, as kids.

Jack: Fair enough. That means immediately you put an implant when these kids are born into their skin of a thing that's gonna casually drop a sterilant into their body, preventing them from having children. Until you decide. And then you don't have to test anything. You wait until in this society everybody has to go to the doctor so the doctor can tell them whether they can mate or not.

Cristina: Yes. And if you fail, you die. No, you go to camp.

Jack: Well, now you can't have kids anyways, because now we've done it since you're young.

Cristina: Oh, okay. So no camps.

Jack: No camps.

Cristina: Okay. Now you just can't have Kids. Yeah.

Jack: The doctor has to clear you. Your buddy is. Your booty's plump enough to have kids.

Cristina: Okay. There you go. Okay. I guess that works.

Jack: Boot's plump enough to have kids. Yes, that's the solution. We're gonna get Biden to sign that into the world contract.

Cristina: Do we even have that type of technology, though, to stop people and then give them the ability to afterwards, when.

Jack: We decide it's right, kidnap a billionaire's child and threaten their life? And they're going to suddenly come up with a solution? Okay, yes, 100% they'll come up with it. Like, if the. Actually, no, you got to threaten the billionaire. They're by. F*** it. It's just a kid. I can make another one.

Cristina: Oh, my God.

Jack: You got to, like, scare the billionaires, and then they'll do it. Yes, because they don't care.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Once you give them the fear, all the money to make this happen will happen overnight. They'll have it tomorrow.

Cristina: Mm, that sounds like a great plan.

Jack: Anyways, this is we're gonna do. We're gonna get Biden to sign that into law. The world is gonna listen to it, of course, and it is what it is. Now, if you guys want to learn more about butts, we literally don't have a single other episode about butts. But now you know about butts, and you know about powers and creatures, and along those lines, you could find out about powers and creatures in many of our episodes.

Cristina: Yeah, we have different episodes with different powers and different creatures, and some with probably powers and creatures involved. I'm not sure. There's probably combinations.

Jack: It's like the Chupacabra and crap like that.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Powerful creatures.

Cristina: Do you think the Chupacabra has a b***?

Jack: Like, maybe not maybe. I don't know. There was that Chupacabra running next to the guy's car and look like a dog. So it has about, like, a dog's.

Cristina: Booty, which isn't that much.

Jack: Which isn't that much.

Cristina: Unless it's a corgi Chupacabra.

Jack: Yes, A corgi cobra. Anyways, if you guys want to find more stuff of that nature, you can find all of that stuff on the official website, greythoughts.info on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcast.

Cristina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. Uscombopod.

Jack: Yes. And also remember to subscribe. That's always great. And you can rate the show. That's always great. But you can also leave a Review. That's extra, extra great. Although subscribing is better.

Cristina: Yes. And let someone who might like this show know about it.

Jack: Yeah. Word of mouth, the most overpowered thing in the face of the earth. Always ask with the kindness of your heart.

Cristina: Yes. After complimenting your booties. Yes.

Jack: Compliment their booties.

Cristina: Yes. Compliment. And then say, listen to this.

Jack: Yeah. You tell them, look, we need to mate because I got a sweet booty. You got a sweet booty. And here's an episode of a show that's going to teach you why we need to mate.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Because our booties are sweet.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: And after they listen, gonna be like, yeah, I guess if we're gonna have a smart kid, it better be both of us that have nice booties.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: I gotta take the chance that my kid isn't stupid.

Cristina: Yes. It's proved by science. Proved by science. Yep. This has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening. Bye.

Jack: I guess. Yeah.

Cristina: Because you're like, oh, I need to share this with the world.

Jack: But what about people who transcribe for a job? They can't possibly like the things they transcribe. No, that's just like, how much does medical transcription suck?

Cristina: That has to scrap. That must be the worst.

Jack: Yeah. No, I think it's worse to be in court. Or you're transcribing random documents that everybody's saying, and it's like mundane, boring garbage you've heard day after day after day after day, but you're just there to record any nuanced difference.

Cristina: Every once in a while, there must be something exciting in the court.

Jack: You can't really pay attention.

Cristina: Oh, what?

Jack: Because you got to catch every word. You're not allowed to process any of them.

Cristina: Oh, yeah, that's. That's really strange. That's a strange job. Yeah. Because you're doing it right live.

Jack: Yes.

Cristina: There's no slip up there. You gotta.

Jack: I guess that's different than transcribing.

Cristina: More stressful.

Jack: Yeah, that's. That's very different than transcribing something you've heard a million times or not.

Cristina: Yeah.

Jack: Not heard a million times. Something you've this pre recorded and you could rewind and stuff.

Cristina: Yeah. So maybe it's exciting, that type of way where you're like, I got to do this right.

Jack: Yeah. You're trying to be perfect. You can't f*** up.

Cristina: Yeah. So exciting. To some horrifying for other people. Good morning. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by Great Thoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McAllister with social media managed by Amber Black.

Rambling 104: Weather Prediction Folklore

Time and Weather, Podcast, THe Just Conversation Podcast, Zero Lupo, Art, Black and White art, Nature, Air Bender, Rain Dance, Animal Prediction, Weather Prediction, Science, Research, Comedy, Discussion, Theory, Groundhog Day,

Is predicting the weather possible? What can we learn from animals and nature to do so? Answers to that and more on this episode of Just Conversation.

Story:
Because the Earth has experienced a record number of Typhoons and Hurricanes, the duo decides to learn what methods are useful to predict the weather in order to anticipate worse incoming natural disasters. With their plans to be prepared ahead of time, they deep dive into weather prediction, but what they might have to do to predict the weather not only is unexpected and confusing, but opens doors they didn’t expect to have to open.

Rambling 104: Weather Prediction Folklore

+Episode Details

Remember to leaves us a rating wherever you listen to podcast!

Art by @Zero_Lupo on Instagram

Topics Discussed

  • Weather Predicting Breasts
  • Scar Tissue
  • Weather Proverbs
  • Groundhog Day
  • Squirrel Nuts
  • Animal Weather Detecting Abilities
  • Weather to Predict Harvest
  • Merchant Ships
  • Storm Prediction
  • Dead Crew

Our Links:

Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast

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