Rambling 206: Catching Santa
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How fast is Santa? Can he really be caught despite his immense power? Neurolink animal cases? The duo dives into Christmas celebrations and their plan to catch Santa, plus neurolink did some stuff! All that and more on this episode of Rambling!
+Episode Details
Topics Discussed:
- How to Celebrate Christmas
- Christmas Traditions
- Christmas Eve vs Christmas Day
- Neurolink Animal Murder
- Santa’s Speed
- Time Control
- Time Travel
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Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast
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+Transcript
Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.
Jack: Going live in 5, 4.
Cristina: What does live mean?
Jack: Welcome to the Rambling Podcast. I'm your host, Jack.
Cristina: And I'm Christina.
Jack: And this is the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas. And Christmas is coming.
Cristina: Yay.
Jack: So we're grounding baffling ideas because that's.
Cristina: What we do before Santa gets here.
Jack: Oh, I guess. Right, because we're already gonna capture Santa.
Cristina: In a few hours or something like that.
Jack: Really? That's today?
Cristina: It's not today. It's at midnight.
Jack: What's a midnight?
Cristina: When Santa shows up, is it everyone's midnight? I don't know. Is it? I don't know how it works time wise.
Jack: Okay, so wait, what numerically, what day is. Is Christmas?
Cristina: 25Th.
Jack: Interesting. It always thought it was the 24th.
Cristina: It's Christmas Eve, I guess.
Jack: Oh. So, yeah, yeah. It's like a thing.
Cristina: Yes. You stay up all night on the 24th to go to bed. I don't know. I guess not really. Some people just have a normal 24th and then on Christmas day open their presents.
Jack: Yeah. That makes sense, right? Waking up to it.
Cristina: Yeah. And some people celebrate Christmas Eve like it's Christmas. They just hang out and wait for 12 and then open their presents.
Jack: Okay, so the idea here is I'm thinking that there's a difference between the people who Open it at 12 and people who wake up to it.
Cristina: There's a difference?
Jack: Yes. Which is that the people who Open it at 12 are science minded people.
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: While the people who open open it the next morning are more fantastical.
Jack: So they are in the magic of it, while these other people are like, f*** it. If the point is the day and the stuff, then we can like optimize the experience.
Cristina: But they tell their children that Santa Claus magic works at midnight or something. I guess.
Jack: But what?
Cristina: Yes. Like he delivers the gifts early under the tree, but if you open it before Christmas, there's nothing going to be in there.
Jack: Wait, is that what you experienced?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Really?
Cristina: Yes. The magic happens at midnight.
Jack: Really? Interesting.
Cristina: He delivers them on Christmas Eve, but there's nothing in there until Christmas.
Jack: I guess I could still in theory be. No, but there's in theory nothing under the tree the day before in a household that does it the next morning. Right.
Cristina: I'm not sure.
Jack: Then that's when like dad sneaks out and brings all, you know, the kids went to sleep. Dad then gets dressed as Santa Claus and comes and delivers the gifts all late.
Cristina: Oh, man, I wish I could have questioned some people.
Jack: Right. I guess the experience is so different from household to household.
Cristina: Yes. I think everyone makes up the rules for their own family of how it's done. I don't think there's, like, a real tradition anymore or ever was. Like, there is sort of, like, loosely. Loosely. Yeah.
Jack: Yeah. It's like, guidelines more than rules.
Cristina: Yes. And I think every family does it their own way. Whatever, like, fits what they're doing, so.
Jack: Yeah, I agree with that.
Cristina: Yeah. So how did you do it day.
Jack: Of or day before whatever was happening at the location I was at.
Cristina: What? So it was different each year.
Jack: There was no celebration.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Yeah. We would just go wherever and write it.
Cristina: Okay. But they were doing it different.
Jack: Yeah. Depends where we were.
Cristina: Oh, okay.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: Okay. Then the only person I know who did it the day of had the gifts on the tree the day of. Okay. Does Santa work differently depending on the family?
Jack: Well, it's. Again, it's just random rules people are making up that.
Cristina: What?
Jack: It's random rules people are making up.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: There's no real. Like, it has to be this way. As long as the general guidelines are followed, then I guess there's enough collective fear.
Cristina: Oh, yes.
Jack: Yeah. All you need is a fear to be generated. Oh, there's. The whole year matters so much.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Because of this one day, and it's always more fear than it was. The day you got the least fear is the day immediately after Christmas. You got your stuff, the released habit. You just. Ah, yes. The weight paid off.
Cristina: Except for those kids who are unhappy with what they got.
Jack: Yeah. Fair enough.
Cristina: There's enough of those.
Jack: I bet. I bet that's the majority.
Cristina: What? Spoiled children. Spoiled.
Jack: Yeah. I think children are more spoiled as time goes by, right?
Cristina: Mm, probably.
Jack: Would we say. Would we say that the children are more spoiled or. Or are we focusing on the spoiledness more?
Cristina: What do you mean?
Jack: Like, we would highlight. What? There's how they're spoiled. That they're spoiled more often now because they like things that we wouldn't. Right. Is that, like, a thing? Like, the adult is like, you know, all this superficial stuff that didn't exist in my life so I have no interest in. Is meaningless because I don't have interest in it, so. Because they have interest in it. Look at this spoiled kid wanting all these things that, to that kid, looked like survival.
Cristina: To that kid, looks like survival.
Jack: Yeah. Think about how crazy it is to not have a phone now.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Whoa. That just was a thing. You Lived without at some point. Yeah, everybody did. Yeah, well, not everybody. I guess we're way beyond the point that everybody had a point in life without a phone. Because at this point, we're talking that, like, kids who could start holding things learn how to use a phone because it's their mom handing them the phone to keep them distracted.
Cristina: Mm. That sucks.
Jack: They are toddlers learning how to navigate these things. What?
Cristina: Well, that's great. I guess they might integrate some. Yeah, yeah. Once we're all living in computers or whatever.
Jack: Yeah. They're gonna be the heroes. They're gonna be the ones who can hack their way out.
Cristina: Yes. Maybe. I don't know, man. I keep seeing reports about neuralink and how they're killing animals. Like, I'm sure it makes sense. A lot of animals are gonna die.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah.
Cristina: I don't know if it's as bad as they make it seem, though.
Jack: How many animals have they said are.
Cristina: Dead in the 2000s now? I think there's like, a variety of different animals as well, but. Yeah.
Jack: So it doesn't work at the moment.
Cristina: No. Or maybe it does. I don't know.
Jack: But they're like, maybe all the. As many corpses as requ.
Cristina: Because what if it's like, it's a lot, but what if it's not a lot compared to how many animals are testing? Like 200 are dead. But what if they're testing a thousand?
Jack: Well, that is a s***** number, but I see where you're coming from. What if they ran the experiment on, like, a million numbers and it's a million animals and it's just 200?
Cristina: Yes. Like, we don't know the exact number of how many are being tested versus how many are failing the test.
Jack: Yeah, Those numbers could be completely obscured. They could be huge and. Or small. But no, it has to be. Okay. If they're doing really, really hyper controlled tests, they're probably experimenting. So. So they're testing things on an animal, studying it literally to death. Or they think it's done and they're trying to run it, and they're running it on a huge number of animals, and the only ones that have negative side effects are the 200. Those are two very different things that could be happening both with the animals dying. If it's still in the experimentation stages, they could be killing the animals.
Cristina: Ah.
Jack: And it's very. But it's very few animals. It's probably just 200 animals, if that's what they're saying. Because they're all controlled tests. You're just Running tests on one thing, seeing all the different behaviors and whatever. What you could control, what can't be controlled through the thought of the animal or whatever.
Cristina: When you kill it, it.
Jack: No, no, it just dies. You exhaust it or something goes wrong. You have to test all the glitches and whatever and something happens. So that. That would mean that 200 out of the 200. It might have just been 200 testing on which, like, they've killed all their test subjects.
Cristina: That sounds pretty crazy.
Jack: Yeah, but it could be that they're also just running the test as long as they could. The animal is gonna die. Yes, they expect it.
Cristina: Unless it's like, okay, five months later or something. The animal's dead. That's kind of crazy.
Jack: Yeah, exactly. That'd be crazy. But if it's the other test, then it's already done. They're just running it on a bunch of animals. Could be millions and 200 dead.
Cristina: Yeah, I gotta do more research on this. Eventually I'll figure it out. Yeah, because it could be either or. I have no idea. It just sounds like a lot. But it may or may not be a lot. Or it may be that they're doing until they just die off because of age. Like.
Jack: Well, it depends on who's telling you.
Cristina: Who's telling me?
Jack: Yeah, like if it's PETA, you're not gonna switch. They don't care which side it is. It's gonna seem crazy no matter what.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: If it's written by somebody pro life, they're not gonna tell you about the rest of the experiments. Just 200. If they're telling you. If somebody science minded, they're probably only gonna tell you about the sciencey side and try to minimize how much damage is being done because. Yeah, it could be worse than it is. It could just. There's a lot going on.
Cristina: I will find out eventually. That's my Christmas duty.
Jack: Your Christmas duty?
Cristina: Yes. So you guys will find out before New Year's. Maybe if I actually do this.
Jack: Yes, we remember.
Cristina: Yes. Okay. I decided to do it right now they're being. They're investigating him for violating the Animal Welfare Act. So. Federal investigation on narrow link.
Jack: So.
Cristina: So they are killing animals?
Jack: Well, I mean, if he's being investigated for it, then we don't know. They're checking to make sure. Because an investigation could just be to confirm that there's nothing wrong.
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: It could totally mean that there's something as well. It depends on what the investigation concludes.
Cristina: Yeah, but that's a serious investigation. If it's federal.
Jack: Well, I'm assuming the Federal branch of the government. Well, no, because it's police. Right. Or is it law? Who is it? Who? The federal. What?
Cristina: Oh, no, I lost it. Federal investigation.
Jack: Who's who? Who? The Fed.
Cristina: Who are the Feds?
Jack: Like the Federal and Bureau of Investigations. They're the investigators, I guess. Or is it like politicians are doing. No, they would just send cops. Right.
Cristina: The United States Department of Agriculture Inspector General has opened a probe into potential violations.
Jack: Oh, there's just this other agency that's been hun to investigate. Interesting.
Cristina: We got some real numbers here. Neuralink likely calls researchers to test and kill more animals than a slower, more conventional approach would call for. Since 2019, the company has tested on and killed at least 1500 animals, over 280 sheep, pigs and monkeys, as well as mice and rats. So they are killing off these animals?
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a thousand five hundred.
Cristina: Fifteen hundred? Yes.
Jack: So about a thousand five hundred. Whoa. That's way more than two hundred.
Cristina: Yes. What the. That was the original number. Two hundred?
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Oh, yeah.
Jack: That's way more than 200.
Cristina: That's a lot of animals. It's been a lot of years, though, too, right? It has been at least, what, 20, 18? This started or.
Jack: Yeah, I think that's what they said.
Cristina: Yeah. So how much years is that?
Jack: Three, four years?
Cristina: Four years and a thousand five hundred animals.
Jack: I guess you really gotta ask yourself if it's worth it for science. That's. That's the next question. Right. Okay, look, look.
Cristina: Once it succeeds, then they're gonna be like, yes, it was totally worth it.
Jack: Leading the fight up to that point is gonna be so massive, it's only gonna get worse. Yes, but after he reaches the climax, the tip, the peak, the threshold, if you will, and starts coming down the other side of that mountain, Mm. It's gonna be such exaggeratedly easy sailing.
Cristina: I don't know. Because once he starts like man, once the human testing happens, he can't do what he's doing with these animals. He can't try to speed it up to get this going because he wants it already made already. He's speeding up the process because he.
Jack: Wants it for him.
Cristina: Yes, but the problem is all these deaths.
Jack: Yeah, well, it's gonna happen in a long stretch anyways.
Cristina: Yes, but at least if it was slowed down, if he wasn't in a rush for it, it'd be done more safely. It'll take longer to accomplish, but less animals and less humans in the future will not be Dead. Isn't that the point? That is doing it the right way.
Jack: That is fair. We also got to think like, do you want to see the fruits of your labor? Do you just want it for the next generation?
Cristina: I guess that's why he. Yeah.
Jack: Everything he wants, he wants for him. Elon Musk isn't a hero.
Cristina: No.
Jack: He's not trying to advance humanity, advance himself. He made PayPal, cuz. F*** banks. That's like crazy. Okay, perfect. He made self driving cars because he hates driving.
Cristina: Yes. Self driving, flying cars. Isn't that the future?
Jack: Definitely a thing. That's gonna be dope as h***. And it's gonna be easy with AI navigating all of it. Hyperloop. He wants to be able to cross the country in a couple of minutes.
Cristina: It's very lazy.
Jack: Yeah, he just. He wants to remove things. But think about how much he does. He somehow optimizes life enough to run seven massive operations.
Cristina: Wait, does Twitter count now?
Jack: Yes. Yeah, I guess. How does he have the time?
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: Eight massive operations.
Cristina: That's ridiculous.
Jack: Yes, and like full hands on with all of them.
Cristina: Mm. That's a lot of work, man.
Jack: A lot of work. But he's optimized so much of it.
Cristina: Gotta have figured out cloney. Yeah, he's cloned himself. There's more than one of him running around. Maybe more than us. One of us are running around. Well, me probably, not. You definitely.
Jack: Yeah, for sure.
Cristina: There's gotta be like one or two other you's out there.
Jack: Yeah, see, that's the crazy part, right? It's unclear.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: It's unclear whether it's one or two.
Cristina: So yeah, he could be in the same situation. We don't know.
Jack: I mean, there's definitely multiple Elon Musks. Maybe one per business. Maybe he's in a real multiplicity type of situation.
Cristina: Whoa. So there's gotta be seven, eight now. Yes. Midget. Him is the one running totor.
Jack: Midget.
Cristina: The Danny DeVito version of him.
Jack: DeVito isn't a midget. And also, isn't midget like a non PC term?
Cristina: Oh, I didn't mean that. I meant Danny DeVito. The Danny DeVito version of him.
Jack: The Danny DeVito version.
Cristina: Was he even in that movie? I don't even remember. I just remember there was different people playing the same person. It's the same person.
Jack: No, it's Michael Keaton. Four or five times.
Cristina: Oh, okay. It's just him. Why did I think it was different actors playing him? Is there a movie with different actors? Or playing the same. I don't know.
Jack: There is a movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are twins.
Cristina: Oh, maybe that's what I was thinking. Okay, whatever. Danny DeVito is a version of Elon Musk.
Jack: Yeah. Danny DeVito got all the recessive genes, and Arnold got all the, like, dominant genes. All the good, like, dope stuff, all the skill.
Cristina: Okay, and which one got the brains then? He got the brains.
Jack: He got the brains, too. Yeah.
Cristina: Okay, there's a Elon Musk that looks like Danny DeVito but with, I don't know, the same amount of hair. I was gonna say more or less, but I don't. The Danny DeVito version of him is without glasses. That's what makes him different from both. From the regular Danny DeVito. It still. It looks just like Danny DeVito, but it's Elon's twin.
Jack: Okay, okay.
Cristina: Does Danny DeVito wear glasses? I don't even know.
Jack: Does Danny.
Cristina: Well, I guess I've seen him with glasses, but that could be acting.
Jack: Yeah, I mean, Frank from he.
Cristina: We. Glasses?
Jack: Yeah, I think he wears glasses.
Cristina: Oh, crap.
Jack: But I don't. I don't know if Danny DeVito wears glasses. Maybe he wears glasses.
Cristina: Well, whatever. This version of him also, like, what.
Jack: Awesome life to have, like, beaten all the odds with Donnie. Danny DeVito. Right. Like, his acting overcomes everything because he knows he's like a weird little dwarf guy. Not dwarf. He's like a. Like a troll doll or something.
Cristina: He's just really round.
Jack: He's round. He's like. If you got Robin Williams and put, like, a Robin Williams doll and you put him in the microwave and you, like, microwave him for not. Not enough that it melts, but, like, enough to get just a little bit to fluff. Deformed.
Cristina: Oh, my gosh.
Jack: Not literally that he looks like a deformed doll, but he's like. If you were to downgrade something by that much margin. Because they're essentially two short guys. Except I don't think Robin Williams were so short. He could.
Cristina: Robin Williams wasn't that sure, was he?
Jack: I'm pretty sure he was pretty. He was short. He wasn't tall. He was. I bet he was, like, five, six.
Cristina: I'm gonna look it up. I thought he was just average. 5, 6 is average.
Jack: 5, 6 is below average.
Cristina: Oh, 5, 7.
Jack: 5, 7. I don't know. I've never looked this up. This is entirely just off of how he looks.
Cristina: He's right next to. What's his name? Oh, crap. You can't see. Ask what's this actor's name? The guy that people think Harry Potter looks like who did the Lord of the Rings movies.
Jack: The Lord of the Ring movies?
Cristina: Yes. Wilbert.
Jack: Who?
Cristina: The actor from Wilbert.
Jack: I don't.
Cristina: The talking dog. Wilfred.
Jack: Wilfred.
Cristina: Wilfred.
Jack: Wilfred.
Cristina: Eli. Ellen.
Jack: Oh, Ellen DeGeneres.
Cristina: No. I tried to remember the actor's name. His name, I feel like, starts with the E. What was he in the Lord of the Rings?
Jack: The Lord of the Rings? Who do I know? The main star of Lord of the Rings.
Cristina: The main.
Jack: Elijah Wood.
Cristina: Yes. He is about the same height.
Jack: 5 7.
Cristina: I don't know if he is, but, like in this photo of them together standing next to each other, he looks like he's the same height.
Jack: How tall is Elijah? I bet Elijah Wood. I. Dude, I never thought about Elijah Wood's height in my life. I could have sworn he was. He might have been due to the Hobbit, though. But I thought he was way shorter, like five two or something. What?
Cristina: I mean, maybe, I don't know. Five, six.
Jack: Five six? He's way taller than I thought he was.
Cristina: He's the height you thought Robin Williams was. Okay, yeah. Wow.
Jack: I mean, Robin Williams basically is five six.
Cristina: Okay, let's find out how tall Danny DeVito is. What if he's not even that crazy?
Jack: Can you imagine?
Cristina: He's the same height as Elijah.
Jack: Nah. 5:1.
Cristina: Whoa.
Jack: What's your bet?
Cristina: I already see it. Is 5:1 no shorter?
Jack: 4:7?
Cristina: Taller?
Jack: 4:9?
Cristina: 4:10.
Jack: 4:10. How many. How many people? How many men do you think are 410 in the world? Is that common? Is he not strange? Is this strange here?
Cristina: It's gotta be strange.
Jack: You think overall, like, men grow to be taller than that? Like, there's not, like a small civilization that if he went there, they would be like. Yes, a height of guys?
Cristina: No, no, I don't think so.
Jack: Also, I hear this one argument consistently.
Cristina: What?
Jack: In the past, humans were taller. And I also hear in the past humans are shorter.
Cristina: What? That's helpful.
Jack: Yeah. So I don't know who's. Right.
Cristina: Both is true and, like, average. Now, how.
Jack: Yeah, can you imagine how has this not. I guess your reasoning could check out, Right? If it goes up and down, then yeah, we'd most likely be in the one that's happened most often.
Cristina: Yeah, I guess. Right. So you want to know, though, if there's people who are normally just four.
Jack: Or left, what percentage of the population is what height after a certain age?
Cristina: Okay, so the shortest people in this thing is people from East Timor. Timmore. East Timor, which is in Southeast Asia.
Jack: How short are they?
Cristina: The men are five and two and a half inches, and the women are five feet. Then there's a bunch of countries that the men don't have heights, average heights, for some reason. No idea what's happening there, but. So that's the shortest of the ones we have in record.
Jack: Whoa.
Cristina: So then.
Jack: Yeah, I guess in a situation like that, if that's the average, then that means that there is averagely above and below that height as well.
Cristina: So they have the shortest man. But I guess shortest women would go somewhere else because I only did it for one. But five feet. Five and a half.
Jack: Five and a half. Five feet and a half inch.
Cristina: Five feet. Oh, no. Five feet and two and a half. That's what I meant.
Jack: Two and a half for males.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Yeah. So then again, like, the Danny DeVito could, in theory, walk into the civilization and they would just be like, yes, he's normal height.
Cristina: He's normal height.
Jack: Or he's, like, slightly short.
Cristina: He's still short.
Jack: He might still be short, but he's not crazy short. Just slightly short. Yeah, they probably have a lot of people that height. He's probably in the base height still for them.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And then there's people taller and people shorter now, man. Can you imagine the shortest. The average shortest person? Me? It's the average tallest person. The visual must be crazy. But also, it couldn't be right because, like, at most average height, there's, like, people that are just seven feet tall.
Cristina: So it wouldn't be a seven feet tall person.
Jack: Yeah, no, it would still be like. I think the average would still be huge.
Cristina: Huge.
Jack: Like six, five.
Cristina: Okay. And then the average for short.
Jack: Well, the average for short is already 5, 2, 5, 2.
Cristina: The highest average average for dudes is 6ft and 1 inch.
Jack: That's so much lower than I thought it was.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: So, like, look at that small.
Cristina: Yeah, I guess next to each other, they weren't. They wouldn't be that big of a difference.
Jack: No, the. The shortest average person next to the tallest average person is still like, yeah, you're looking up to see this person, but he's not a monster.
Cristina: Yeah. Yeah.
Jack: I guess only exceptions stand out. Like the shortest person from the shortest civilization and the tallest. Exactly. Those situations is ridiculous. Or someone with legit dwarfism that's cutting into the slowest numbers and someone with literal gigantism that's scraping impossibly high numbers.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: These exceptions make everybody else look obscured.
Cristina: Yeah. But if you just Take the average normal. Whatever.
Jack: It's so close together, it doesn't even matter.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Right. Anyways, we are so close to catching Santa. Santa. Or trying to.
Cristina: Or.
Jack: Yeah, doing our best. Not everything.
Cristina: We just gotta wait a few hours.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Then he'll be here.
Jack: Almost at the crossing line.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Is that what it's called? Is it called the crossing line? What is the line you cross? I feel like it sounds right and people just say the crossing line. But like, is that the name of the line?
Cristina: Is it the crossing line? I don't know. The finish line.
Jack: The finish line.
Cristina: Saying it wrong.
Jack: I am saying it wrong. Yes. The finish line.
Cristina: Yeah. We're almost at the finish line.
Jack: Almost at the finish line. That will cross.
Cristina: We'll cross. We're about to cross the finish line.
Jack: Got it? Yes. Clarity. So. Yeah. Because today's the day. Well, it's gonna be the day. Today's gonna be for the day.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: But whatever. Same thing. It's almost. It's a two day event. Previous day. Or I guess it's of like, as the night approach. No, you just get suited. Right.
Cristina: It's a wondering. Yeah. Are you doing something special? Are we like decorating the place to look Christmassy So he thinks like, this is a normal. No family he's visiting?
Jack: No, he has to deliver here. We already sent him your letter.
Cristina: We have Jesus already then.
Jack: Well, we went back in time and we put Jesus in the machine.
Cristina: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Jesus. He has to find Jesus.
Jack: Or not. Yeah, I guess it is a machine. The liquid machine. Let's call it cryostasis. Or being frozen. But no, it's liquid. Very cool.
Cristina: But we don't have Jesus.
Jack: No. He's in the past. Or I guess he's in the present.
Cristina: He's in the present.
Jack: He came to the future with us, but not with us.
Cristina: Yes. Not in this location.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah.
Cristina: He's in whatever cave that he died in.
Jack: He never died. We took him down.
Cristina: Whatever. We put him. We put him in the box in the cave that he was supposed to die in.
Jack: Yes. Preserving him. So Santa Claus should have already retrieved him.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Now, in theory, if, if. If Santa really does have some sort of time control ability that allows him to then do everything at night in this one moment. That's suddenly a little gift.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And I didn't think about this before. We wouldn't be able to catch Santa.
Cristina: I just realized that when you were saying what you were saying before, you said we wouldn't be able to catch it. I understood.
Jack: Yes. The build up is that the presence would just show up suddenly, literally in front of us. It was just into existence.
Cristina: Yeah, of course.
Jack: He saw himself walk up, put it there and walk away. Yeah, but that happened so instant.
Cristina: He's like the Flash. You don't just catch the Flash.
Jack: What? This plan had the biggest.
Cristina: Unless we can. Is there some type of thing that catches the Flash? Is there a Flash Kryptonite? I don't know.
Jack: But he's not super fast. Literally no. Or I mean, it could be, but it's time related.
Jack: He's controlling time. And look, in the time machine, we're fine. But if we turn off the time machine to get out.
Cristina: What if you. You write a list to him to tell him to deliver my gift very slowly. Would that work?
Jack: I doubt that would work because it's all gonna happen.
Cristina: It's already too late to send him a letter.
Jack: Yeah, it's happening tonight anyway. I mean, we have a time machine. It doesn't really matter.
Cristina: So then you can send him a letter.
Jack: Yeah, but that wouldn't change anything because we don't get the choose when he delivers. And how. We just ask for the thing. That's them rules, bro.
Cristina: But there's gotta be something we can tell him that would help us. Well, you can. He's already asked him for the Jesus. So now you have to come up with something that will slow him down. Tell him to eat all our cookies or something. And we'll just have a ridiculous amount of cookies.
Jack: Why would he listen to us?
Cristina: I don't know. That's your Christmas wish and he has to fulfill your wish.
Jack: Interesting. Interesting. I see where you're going with this.
Cristina: So we should do something ridiculous like that.
Jack: But here's the problem. Here's the problem. And this is the issue with what we're dealing with. Right? He could eat those cookies super mega slow. He still has to get to all the houses that night. What to him is gonna look like a slowdown is still going to be so unfathomably quick to us.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: We will not be able to see him. We look still to him even when he drops.
Cristina: We just had a speed bunch of trees and a bunch of gifts under those trees.
Jack: No, it would still look instant. Here's the image you got to think about, right? The Flash could circle the Earth in seconds.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Santa is going to go to each individual house on Earth by the end of the day.
Cristina: So how do we do it? There's gotta be a way. We have a few hours to figure this out.
Jack: It has to be A trap. Right, a trap. Magic. Magic surpasses dimensions and s***, Right? Magic is the way we. We can salmon dean it and, like, make a demon trap. But not for demons. Like, for Santa Claus.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And we somehow catch him dampening his magic.
Cristina: Know how to use magic.
Jack: We don't. We gotta come out brainstorming here. We can figure things out.
Cristina: Okay, because we know cat people use magic, but we don't know how to use their magic. And also, their magic isn't really magic. It's their technology. And it just looks like magic.
Jack: It just looks like magic. I always forget that part. So we still don't even know if magic is real?
Cristina: Yeah, I mean, we do have creatures that have magic. Ah. Okay.
Jack: Whether abilities are. No.
Cristina: Well, no.
Jack: Magic has to be real if fairies are real.
Cristina: Could we use fairies somehow? There's nothing stronger than him. There's no way. We can't, like, ask a different God to do something. We can't ask, like, the cloud God.
Jack: No. Is Santa's from our side, right?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: He's just a dude who figured things out.
Cristina: We think.
Jack: We think. Unless he's that thing from freaking Love.
Cristina: Death and robots, he could totally be. We don't know.
Jack: We don't know. But yeah. No, I don't think there's. This plan's gonna work. Unless we can trap him. We would need to strip him of his powers.
Cristina: How do we.
Jack: So then he falls back to normal speed.
Cristina: Well, we don't even know how his powers work.
Jack: Fear. Which is everywhere. And he's somehow tuned into it. Unless the reason he has to do everything in one day is because that's all that he has in reserve.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Like he's trying to conserve it for a reason. Otherwise, why wouldn't he just spread it out throughout more time? But he's also had this operation going for so long at the same rate that he could totally survive off that bit and have crazy amounts of it stored.
Cristina: Okay, if it was something that was running out, then the way we can solve this is by being like, one of the last places he visits. Because he'd be at his weakest.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: If that's how it works.
Jack: Well, actually. Interesting point. Interesting point. This is really good. We just have to find out where he's going last. But now the question is. Oh, no.
Cristina: There is a tracker specifically for Santa Claus.
Jack: But what happened to track where he is?
Cristina: Yeah, around the world. All the kids could see it.
Jack: Oh, that's cool.
Cristina: But I probably start. I don't know if it's too late or Whatever. Or too early. It's probably. I don't know, whatever. But what were you gonna say?
Jack: It doesn't matter if we're the last house. If he's still going so fast, our problem is slowing him down. The only way that it'll work would be with a trap.
Cristina: But you don't think going to the last place at least would help?
Jack: It would help us get to him. We can calculate who already has presence to some degree. But if his presence is going to be for one millionth of a microsecond, that's imperceptible to me. He's there for shorter than my brain processes frames.
Cristina: He travels 10 million kilometers an hour.
Jack: 10 million kilometers how? What's the speed of light? 307 million miles per hour.
Cristina: That sounds right. It's about 300 million meters per second.
Jack: Not kilometers.
Cristina: No. At least that's what Google's saying. Kilometers. Somewhere else says kilometers. It says about 300,000 kilometers per second somewhere else. I don't know. How do we compare Santa's speed to.
Jack: Well, how. What? How many kilometers are in a pointless. It's not even. Look, it's not even scratching it. It doesn't matter. It's useless math. Yeah, he's not even scratch the speed of light. Which, by the way, bravo to the freaking Flash, bro. Think about how. How much ground Santa Claus is covering instantaneously.
Cristina: Okay, but for miles per hour. If we translate what he's doing is 6 million miles per hour.
Jack: And the speed of light should be miles as well. I'm believing. Okay, here are the exact numbers. Or again, not exact. Not exact. Close. Rounded. Sake of time. Time moves at 186,000 miles per second. 186,000 miles. Santa Claus moves at 650 miles per second. He's not scratching the surface of light. No, not even. But he's moving so fast, everything is standing still.
Cristina: Yes, I read that he's faster than both the Flash and Superman. Don't know how.
Jack: I don't know how either, considering. Wait, could Flash outrun a light?
Cristina: I guess it's because Santa defies. What is it? Santa can warp space and time anyway.
Jack: Yeah, that's why I'm saying it's less about how quick he's. Actually, we're using that to calculate how much ground he's covering. But he's not actually a speedster. He's just stopping time or something.
Cristina: He is kind of like warm hole traveling.
Jack: That would still not give him enough time to hop in and out of the wormhole at every Single location on earth in a 24 hour period. There has to be a real factor of time fully coming to a halt or to a crawl in order for him to continue to do things. Even if he had all day and he spent one second at every house in real time, he wouldn't be able to. There's more houses than there are seconds.
Cristina: But somehow he's doing it because, like, he's traveling with a sleigh. He's not just popping in and out. He's.
Jack: I'm assuming that sleigh is this time machine.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Okay, so you can go crazy. It's a vessel of something. It's some. There's some use of that. And he has, what, eight, 12 magical other beings he takes with him?
Cristina: More magic.
Jack: More magic? Are they batteries?
Cristina: What?
Jack: Holy crap. That actually checks out. They can sustain, you know, they can float things when he's not around.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: They're. They're thinking beings, and they can supply additional magic.
Cristina: Yes, but how do we stop him?
Jack: Crap. Is it actually magic?
Cristina: Yes. Do we stop? What if we jump into his sleigh? Does that help?
Jack: We'd have to steal his sleigh. But again, this assumes that the sleigh is there long enough for us to perceive it there at all. He parks, gets out casually, goes in, eats a cookie, sits down, lounges for a second, gets up, takes the gifts out of the bag, goes right back up the chimney, talks to the reindeer, gets on the sleigh, checks his phone, takes off casually.
Cristina: Is it possible to murder his reindeers?
Jack: We'd have to see them. The problem we are having entirely is that everything is gonna happen so instantly that right now it hasn't happened. And right now it just happened, and it made no difference to us.
Cristina: But there has to be a way to stop it from doing that. There has to be some type of trap.
Jack: Yes. A trap is the way I think we built a trap. He falls for the trap, has no abilities, man. 10's a hard one. This is really complicated. All things considered.
Cristina: I don't know how we're gonna do that. How do we take away his magic? I'm thinking of trap with, like, his reindeer. We get. We have zombies. The zombies can murder the reindeers, but I doubt the zombies could do anything.
Jack: Why wouldn't we want to keep the reindeer?
Cristina: Because I don't know. What if they just disappear? We're trying to stop Santa from leaving. He can't leave without his sleigh. We got the sleigh.
Jack: Maybe he can.
Cristina: Yeah. Oh, yes. But if we have the sleigh. We can get to where he is. Probably with the slay technology.
Jack: Yes. Also, this is like a Wakanda situation, right?
Cristina: I mean, I guess we don't have to murder the reindeer. I just feel like it would be the easiest way to get rid of them from the. I mean, we just have to scare them away from the sleigh.
Jack: I don't think it would happen. They're magical beings. Overpowered ones.
Cristina: You don't think they're afraid of zombies?
Jack: I don't think zombies. They're ma. They're made of magic, most likely. I don't know. We had. We probably have to murder one. I still kind of want to answer the question if, like, magical beings are made of flesh.
Cristina: Okay, so we murdered just one. We gotta kill one of them, and that will scare the rest of them.
Jack: Well, we can kill something else. We can kill something even more pure magic, like a fairy.
Cristina: How are we gonna get a fairy? And how is this like Wakanda? You said Wakanda.
Jack: The North Pole, Santa's workshop and all that crap. That's the town, bro.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: There's snowmen up there.
Cristina: I'm gonna get up there. But with the slave.
Jack: Did we resolve that at all? By the way, I know that there's snowmen up there and whatnot up there in the North Pole. They get made and they go on their quests for survival. Like baby turtles.
Cristina: Sure. What is the thing that needs to be resolved?
Jack: I don't know. I don't remember.
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: Oh, well. What were you saying?
Cristina: What are we gonna do with the sleigh? We're gonna get the sleigh somehow.
Jack: We need to get the sleigh. But we won't be able to just with Santa visiting. We. Man, he has to be on off. The only way to catch him is when he's not doing Santa stuff. When he's not going super crazy fast.
Cristina: Yeah. So we have to catch him at his home. That means we should get his sleigh to get to his.
Jack: How would we get to his home? And wherever his sleigh is, he's already at.
Cristina: That's why I think we make a bunch of homes with a bunch of trees. Just more. Just more.
Jack: It's not gonna be. We'll never make enough amount. We'll never make enough to catch him. We need to figure out the solution really is just finding out how to strip him of his abilities. Are we the bad guys? By the way, did Hitler sit around the table and they had this Conversation of how do we take them down for no reason. They don't even know we ex. How do we take them down? And they're like, but we're the good guys. Like, did they never really. Was that movie really questioning, like the reality of the matter in the movie? Yeah, the movie. What? They were making fun of it because they had the skull. And they're like, hey guys, are we the best? Are we the bad guys? And it's like, bro, is that how it happens? Like, is that how they did it? They didn't. Like, it never crossed their mind.
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: And like we're over here like. Like we're gonna catch walking Santa Claus. People love this guy. He's his s***. He's so cool.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: He just gives people stuff. He makes children happy.
Cristina: Well, we need him to save the world, so that makes us good again.
Jack: It's creator purpose.
Cristina: Exactly.
Jack: Yeah. To save everybody from the future that.
Cristina: We know that is definitely coming for real, you know?
Jack: Well, maybe we don't actually know the result of my solutions.
Cristina: Yeah. So. But probably we should probably still just in case.
Jack: And also here's. Here's a question. Here's a question as we're getting to the end of this is every time we've time traveled, this feel real, real thing that's been bothering me for like two days now. Every time we've used that time machine, whoever got in, whoever went through, whoever went wherever they're going, when. When you come back, you didn't really come back.
Cristina: No. You're gone from that reality. You're just missing.
Jack: Yeah. You left.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Anytime you go back in time and then forward, you ruined it. You're somewhere else forever.
Cristina: Hopefully. You wrote a letter to your family saying you didn't die. You're just traveling. Actually. They probably think you lost your mind, I guess.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: And killed yourself. And that's why you're missing. Who's gonna believe you actually traveled?
Jack: You actually. Time. That's sick though. Can you imagine that'd be dope to like leave a letter be like, hey, I am totally. I'm gonna go on a trip. Time travel, go into the future. You can see me again in many years. It's gonna be real cool. And then you run away and like leave all your. And you go move to another country or some. And you just focus on looking really young for the next, like 15 years. Really absurdly young. You try. You take photos regularly and you fix any and every problem that you see and go to the come back 15 years later. And you look the same. There's no way they think you killed yourself. You just showed up and you're like, hey, guys, I've been on some crazy adventures through time.
Cristina: Nah, it's crazy. Who would do that? That's awful.
Jack: It's an extremely elaborate why, because you.
Cristina: Made your family believe you're dead?
Jack: No, he never said anything about that. Their negativity took them there.
Cristina: Okay. Then they thought he was crazy.
Jack: Yeah, they thought he was crazy and killed himself.
Cristina: So I don't know. That sounds crazy. I don't know. That's.
Jack: That's on them.
Cristina: Insane.
Jack: You straight up told them in all.
Cristina: 10 years he's gone 15 years.
Jack: 15 years.
Cristina: Nah.
Jack: Yeah, man.
Cristina: Someone do that. That should be for our audience fair.
Jack: But then that's crazy because in X many years, man, we're screwed. Right? So we need to find a. We need to find a trap. A. Some. Some magic thing. A One of the houses. Just one of the houses needs to have or runes of some sort, right? So he needs to come in contact with things. Cold. He's gonna throw coal in places. Does he have to move things around? Does he. What is his routine so that we can like in the middle of his routine, interrupt it with something? He has to come in contact with the cookies. The cookies. And it's too obvious. It's too obviously the way to go. He's probably. How many people tried to kill Santa? Who knows? Maybe all. Every year.
Cristina: There's milk in the mad.
Jack: People putting drugs, trying to get Santa high. People leaving weed cookies out, people lacing cookies with other things. You look crack on top. People putting things in the milk. Drowning the milk in the weirdest things. LSD just squirted into the milk. Rat poison in the milk. People just trying to get at Santa.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: He avoids that. There's nothing you could do to get him to drink that milk.
Cristina: He does and it doesn't affect him. That'd be badass possibility.
Jack: But yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure biological poisons wouldn't work because his magic should be stronger than his humanity.
Cristina: So what's the plan?
Jack: He's gonna come in contact with something that's a fact. He's gonna come down the chimney. That's a great target, but again, an obvious one.
Cristina: What's not on the obvious one? They're all obvious ones.
Jack: Creating a situation in which he would have to come in contact with something.
Cristina: That he wouldn't normally.
Jack: That he wouldn't normally. I know what it could be.
Cristina: What?
Jack: We'll put trackable Nanites, nanobots, you know, tiny little bots, and we can track their location. All we're going to do is put them on the surface of things in one household that he has to visit everywhere.
Cristina: Why didn't we put it on Jesus?
Jack: Because he's going to leave Jesus with you.
Cristina: But if they're nanobytes, they can't go from Jesus to him. We put it on the box. They're just hanging out on the box, spread out everywhere. Yes. Fair enough.
Jack: That just means easy trip backwards.
Cristina: Okay. I think we got to go back to the past.
Jack: Yeah, yeah.
Cristina: And take these nanobites.
Jack: Nanobots.
Cristina: Nanobots. And put down Jesus.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: Not him, but the container.
Jack: The container.
Cristina: Oh, my gosh. I mean, time traveling is fast, so it's not like we're wasting a bunch of time.
Jack: No, it'll be so instant for us, and we'll come to the now. So that's an easy fix. It'll be like we were gone for a split second. And the question is, will they last the next 2000 years or the previous 2000 years?
Cristina: Okay, let's go to the future and find nanobytes, bots that won't die. Like, they'll just survive anything.
Jack: Then go back into. Put them on Jesus container. Then Santa Claus is gonna grab them.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And then put them.
Cristina: They're gonna be on him.
Jack: They can be on him. Their goal was always Santa. Yes. And they can be on him.
Cristina: And then we'll know his location. We'll know exactly where his workshop is at the end of tonight or tomorrow, I guess, when he goes back home.
Jack: Isn't today. Is that the. Wait, today he's showing up.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Right. So it's.
Cristina: Wait till he gets back home, though, when he's done all the Christmas.
Jack: Yes. And then we can follow him.
Cristina: Yes, Yes.
Jack: I guess you're right. That would be the end of tomorrow. Unless. No. Oh, my God. He's moving faster than we thought. No, he's way. He's way faster. He's way faster. Oh, my God, he's too fast. We've been thinking about this wrong, because Christmas Day, the presents are there. The presents aren't arriving throughout the day throughout the world. No, they're there instantly.
Cristina: Not everywhere instantly. So, like, when it turns 12 at each location, type thing, you know?
Jack: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cristina: Like how New Year's doesn't happen to every place at the same time. Christmas is the same. So some people are getting their presents first.
Jack: Yeah, okay, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, you're totally right. I was thinking he was just hitting everywhere in like a split second and.
Cristina: It'S like, pretty fast.
Jack: Pretty fast.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: But literally a day worth. He literally has 24 hours to do it.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: He's just following the time zones essential.
Cristina: Yes. Yeah, that helps.
Jack: He's smart. That's smart.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Man, he's solid, dude. All his plans.
Cristina: But now we have a sick plan.
Jack: We do. We do. You see, this is always a way. There's always a way. This is an easy one, too. That solution is great. Probably use that one in the future again.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: You could use that on everything.
Cristina: That's true.
Jack: Just optimize catching s***, man.
Cristina: I feel like we should have probably used this before. There's probably situations. We needed this and so many things.
Jack: But now we. Now we got. Look, let's not look back and be sad. Let's look forward and be happy. We have it now. Anyways, I'm excited for tonight.
Cristina: Ho, ho, ho.
Jack: Santa does it for the hoes.
Cristina: Oh, yes.
Jack: But I'm excited. We're gonna catch him. This is definite. Definite. Well, I don't know if we're gonna catch him. We're gonna know where he is.
Cristina: Yes, that's the plan. We don't. We're not catching him.
Jack: Then we can just go over there and talk to him. He shouldn't just be existing in super speed otherwise. Like, how many years has he lived from his point of view?
Cristina: He's a God.
Jack: He is a guy that could be infinite.
Cristina: Yep. We'll find out.
Jack: We will find out. We could go face to face with this man. Anyways. Anyways. Anyways. You guys can follow us on social media platforms all over the world, but the main ones are Instagram, Twitter and TikTok at just combo pod.
Cristina: And remember to subscribe and review the show.
Jack: Yeah. Leave us reviews. Leave us messages as well. Leave us stars and rates and.
Cristina: Emojis.
Jack: Emojis. And send us millions of dollars in money.
Cristina: And money. That's the only way I let people who might like this show know about it.
Jack: Yeah. People who are curious as to how we're gonna catch Santa. We crack the code. We've accomplished it. We figured it out. We have a plan now.
Cristina: We have a plan.
Jack: We have a plan.
Cristina: This has been the Rambling podcast Take Magnificent ethics for listening.
Jack: Bye.
Cristina: What?
Jack: No. No f****** way. You're making money just to get to work. Holy s***.
Cristina: That is sad.
Jack: That's pathetic. But that's such a high number of people think that this is a. A reasonable, sustainable way to live life. And it's like, what life are you living, dude?
Cristina: I don't know. You can do whatever, but the TV or I guess the phone screen is.
Jack: And it's like, oh, I'm tired. No, you got a lack of motivation. There's a difference. The fact that you can watch TV for however long, you're not tired. You'd go to sleep if you were tired.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: The lack of motivation is what has you. You're stressed because you f****** suck it up. Have some discipline.
Cristina: Yes. Do something else.
Jack: Yeah. People are undisciplined. There's a bunch of f****** entitlement. I deserve this. It's like, well, did you try to get it? Are you hoping somebody brings it to you?
Cristina: Like what? Like, they think they should know how to draw when they pick up a pencil or something.
Jack: Yeah, I guess. Yeah. That's an example of just, like, they want success, so I shouldn't have this light? Well, f****** work to get out of there then. The f***?
Cristina: Yeah. Practice.
Jack: Yeah. Do something productive to exit your situation, but just f****** waking up every day and doing the same g****** routine. How the f***?
Cristina: Mm. Good morning. Good morning. The podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by greatthoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McCallister with social media managed by Amber Black.
