Rambling 119: Bad Relationship Advice 3
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What is the secret to a successful relationship? What causes relationship problems? Answers to listener-submitted questions about relationships on this episode.
Story:
The duo sits down to make their third installment of relationship advice for loyal listeners. In this rare type of episode, the expert advice leaks from every inch of our heroes and they will in fact save these relationships without effort. Advice that should be in self-help books and sold for the highest price is given for the low, low price of one listen. Tune in and find out what the listeners of this show go through in their personal lives.
+Episode Details
Questions Asked:
- My husband thinks I’m not attractive? 8:55
- Be my mother-in-law’s sperm donor? 12:46
- Swap my boyfriend for his brother? 15:59
- Boyfriend won’t block his ex?!? 18:30
- My girlfriend doesn’t shower!? 22:58
- Broke up to see others. Get back together? 28:50
- My pregnant wife cheated. Get divorced? 33:19
- How do I ask if my crush is gay? 40:36
- Girlfriend showed a gay guy my penis photo?! 42:57
- She said her ex’s name during sex!? 46:20
- Girlfriend threatens suicide if we break up?! 51:12
- Cried in front of my girlfriend. Am I weak? 53:28
- My sister is dating my gay ex-boyfriend?! 57:53
Our Links:
Official Website - https://greythoughts.info/podcast
Twitter - https://twitter.com/JustConvoPod
Facebook - https://facebook.com/justconvopod
Instagram - https://instagram.com/justconvopod
+Transcript
Cristina: This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.
Jack: Going live in 5, 4.
Cristina: What does live mean? Welcome to Just Conversation, the show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I'm your host, Christina.
Jack: And I'm Jack.
Cristina: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notifications notified the second new episodes are released.
Jack: Yes. And also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner, so be sure to grab somebody against their will, as usual, because that's the theme of this podcast. You force somebody to listen, always and without exception. And I will never tell you to do the opposite of that. You force somebody to listen, undoubtedly.
Cristina: Can you also force them to review the show?
Jack: Oh, yeah. Review the show. Be sure to review the show. You should force somebody to listen and review the show.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Very important.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: So, yeah, do that.
Cristina: Yes. Guess what's coming up tomorrow. Well, guess what's happening tomorrow.
Jack: What's happening tomorrow?
Cristina: It's not really happening. But what holiday is it?
Jack: A holiday. What's happening tomorrow?
Cristina: Valentine's.
Jack: And what's that?
Cristina: A day? A holiday. You know what Valentine's is?
Jack: I don't. Never heard of it.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Explain it to me.
Cristina: What? I don't know where to start. I don't know. Angels come and give you chalk flavored hearts.
Jack: Now let's unpack this. Does the angel having an o***** create the chocolate that's heart shaped?
Cristina: No, these angels are babies. These are baby angels. They have no j***.
Jack: So it's like a dry c** does.
Cristina: Not come from these angels.
Jack: You just said they come from and thus chocolate.
Cristina: No, I did not mention chocolate either. You said heart chalk flavored chalk. Yeah, chalk. It tastes like chalk. The hearts taste like chalk. You know, those tiny candy hearts, and it says things like I love you and be my. Like, really wax things. Wait, wait, wait, wait. They taste like chalk, don't they? I mean, I guess there's chocolate too involved in the chocolate.
Jack: No, hold on, hold on, hold on. You're. You. You're. You keep talking and you're not letting me say the most important, pressing thing that's happening here at the moment.
Cristina: What's that like?
Jack: First, let's hear the story and unpack it in great detail so we can understand why. And how do you know what chalk tastes like? Oh, I no longer care about Valentine's Day. I want to know when you tasted chalk and why you tasted chalk.
Cristina: I don't think I've tasted chalk. Maybe I have.
Jack: I don't Know now I'm lost and confused.
Cristina: I'm sure chalk tastes like these candies. Candy. Based on my imagination, through the power of imagination, I. It's just like if anything. If this tastes like anything, it has to be chakra.
Jack: Sure it's not like one of those dry Lucky Charm marshmallows?
Cristina: It could be that, too. No, I think it's even drier than that. It's even worse.
Jack: No, see, here's the. Here's what's. It's impossible to be dry than that. It's not like when you bite into one of those marshmallows, it feels like you're biting into the sound that nails on a chalkboard make.
Cristina: How is that possible?
Jack: That's. That's what that feeling sensation is.
Cristina: Well, I think they take those marshmallows and dry them more.
Jack: They dry out Lucky Charms even more. And boom, there you have it.
Cristina: Yeah. Just for this day.
Jack: But those chocolate. Those candies are hard as f***, though.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So then what do they do? They compress Lucky Charms.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: It's not drier. It's more compact.
Cristina: It's more compact. Yes, it's more compact. Lucky Charms. It's the same thing. You look at the ingredients. It just says Lucky Charms.
Jack: Just thinking about biting into Lucky Charms. Like, I hate it so much. Like, the only. You gotta fill up a bowl with water or milk. I guess milk is what people do because people are like, oh, water with cereal, it's like, you what the f***? But. So you pour milk on nothing. Not the rest of the cereal. You gotta somehow split them. They should just sell Lucky Charms where they come in two different, like, things.
Cristina: With the marshmallow in one. And a lot of people are fans of the marshmallow.
Jack: No, I get it. I get it. You pour the marshmallow first, let it get soft, and then you pour in the cereal so you have some nice texture instead of just waiting for the marshmallow to get soft. And as a result, having dry a**. The rest of the cereal, not dry a**, but super soggy cere. Just to get soft.
Cristina: Yep. Or you could just eat it dry.
Jack: Man, those aren't even marshmallows. Who called those marshmallows?
Cristina: I don't know. The leprechaun.
Jack: I mean, I guess he said so. He's magic. I guess.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Maybe those are f****** marshmallows from the leprechaun world.
Cristina: Yes. Is his name Lucky?
Jack: I think his name is Lucky.
Cristina: Okay, that's sad.
Jack: Lucky Leprechaun.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Does he have a missing leg and One icon. Like he wears an eyepatch and he only has one leg.
Cristina: Why?
Jack: Because his name is Lucky. Isn't that how that usually goes? A one legged dog named like the three legged dog named Lucky?
Cristina: No, he's just trapped, giving kids cereal.
Jack: In some sort of infinite loop.
Cristina: Yeah, yeah.
Jack: So okay, all of this has to do with Valentine's.
Cristina: Yes, yes. And we recently, probably at the beginning of this month. Right. Or last, the end of last month, put out a post on like, hey, what advice would you like?
Jack: Oh yeah, I don't know. When that s*** goes up and goes out, what am I knowing? Then I get told, hey, we're doing one of these. And then I'm like, ah, I see.
Cristina: Yeah. So have a few of those questions.
Jack: Ooh, we got a lot of responses.
Cristina: Yes. And they're all anonymous.
Jack: Yeah, I heard about this. So we aren't using names for these questions anymore because although people enjoyed our answers, they were angry and that our answers were although comedic rude with their name included in the mix.
Cristina: Because you're rude to the people asking the questions.
Jack: I'm not rude to anybody. I am polite as f***.
Cristina: Polite.
Jack: Yes, yes. And they get butthurt because they're ignorant and their problems are stupid. And I give them genuine, well thought out.
Cristina: Why do we call this bad relationship advice?
Jack: I don't know. I don't f****** name this s***.
Cristina: Yeah, I mean, I guess the relationships are bad and that's why they need the advice.
Jack: Oh my God. I never thought about this. This is.
Cristina: These were giving good advice to bad relationships.
Jack: Oh my God. I had this wrong the whole time. I thought they were saying we were giving bad advice for relationships like we were giving bad relationship advice. No, we're giving bad relationships advice.
Cristina: Exactly.
Jack: S***. Plot twist. The power of perspective.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You see guys, we win.
Cristina: We win. We give great advice to your crappy relationships. Yes.
Jack: And so we got an influx of your crappy questions about your crappy relationships. I don't know why they keep f****** sent. I guess it must be entertaining.
Cristina: At least it's just entertaining.
Jack: Be made fun of. Yes, I guess. Look, I try to be genuine and give you a real solution. Whether you take it or not, it's. That sounds more like a personal problem.
Cristina: How many people you think take your advice?
Jack: Zero out of a hundred percent of them.
Cristina: Zero out of 100%?
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Yes. I don't know how that adds up, but whatever.
Cristina: What?
Jack: It's either all of them or none of them. Not sure.
Cristina: Okay, so you're saying what I'm saying?
Jack: Somewhere between all of them and none of them.
Cristina: Oh, you're not saying anything.
Jack: Okay, I totally am saying.
Cristina: You're saying either it's 0 or 100 or you're saying somewhere between 0 and 100.
Jack: I'm saying the range in which they might. Because I don't want to say this many exact. So to just kind of reach a certain amount. Yes, I am saying I think the percentage of people who take this advice is somewhere between 0% and 100%. Prove me wrong.
Cristina: I can't prove that. Okay. But come on, that's lame. That's too wide. You have to have a better guess than that.
Jack: Somewhere between 99.99% and.001.
Cristina: Whatever. Okay, prove me wrong. I can't. So I'll go with the first question.
Jack: Yes, let's jump into these questions and help people resolve their relationship troubles.
Cristina: Yes, I overheard my husband saying that he knows I'm not attractive and that everyone thought it was a joke when he married me, but he thinks that at least I am a great mom. Can a marriage survive without that attraction? And is it worth it to know he is settling?
Jack: I don't understand how she jumped to the conclusion that he is settling is her measure looks. And if she doesn't look well, he's settling. And even if he loves her personality and he loves spending time with her and he thinks she's great, he doesn't think she's the best looking human in.
Cristina: The world, he's just not sexually attracted to her at all.
Jack: Though you could be sexually attracted to somebody without them being physically attractive. Those are unrelated.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Sexuality is so unbelievably psychological.
Cristina: So he might be attracted.
Jack: He's based on what's happening here. Yeah, he's attracted there. That's why he doesn't tell her. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings. But she took what he said as he could do better, but he's settling. Or maybe he couldn't do better and I'm just the best he can get. But he's settled here because of that. And it's like, maybe he wants to be there. Maybe he thinks you're beautiful on the inside.
Cristina: Maybe he.
Jack: Or maybe he doesn't even care. Let's say you're a perfect 10, but you look stereotypic. Like he doesn't like the average blonde that most guys like. The jock, bro. Like, I'm too bruh. I wouldn't bang this s***. Like that guy totally would. But he's like, whatever. She looks like the typical f****** whatever.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And Everybody else is like, she's a perfect 10. And he's like, I don't really find that attractive, but she's awesome. Her personality doesn't line up with that Persona surrounding that.
Cristina: But she also said that everyone thinks him marrying her was a joke because.
Jack: They'Re probably jackasses who are also fixated on imagery.
Cristina: Yeah, okay.
Jack: And it's like, he's still there. He's have a family together.
Cristina: He got like, how did that happen?
Jack: Yeah. Like, he clearly loves you, your looks. Who cares?
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And to be fair, that doesn't mean you're not attractive. You're just not his definition of physical attraction, which is totally not a requirement.
Cristina: No, but how is she gonna live with herself?
Jack: I guess, like, now that she knows she's an uggo. Yeah, like, she's a total uggo, bruh.
Cristina: She's a total uggo. How's she gonna live?
Jack: I don't know. She can gauge it. She can totally figure it out. Right. So you go to a bar. Nah, it's a bad place. You're just looking to f*** anything. You gotta go somewhere where there's a bunch of hot chicks first. Look in a mirror. Are you ugly? Like, tell yourself, like, be. Be real. None of this. I'm ugly? No.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Like, look and be honest. Like, are you hot? If you're hot, you know you're hot. Like, are you hot? Look in the mirror and be like, really? Really? Like, you wouldn't say it out loud if you got low confidence or whatever, but you, like, ultimately know everybody knows where they land. Really? Really? Unless they're, like, egotistical or some s***. So she should know.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And then look in mirror and you're like, are you hot? If you like. Yeah. Question answered.
Cristina: But if you're like, your husband's comments.
Jack: That'S just his preference doesn't line up with your personality. He likes your personality.
Cristina: Should she talk to him about this?
Jack: Yes, she should.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: H*** yeah. This is be f****** dialogue. I don't know why people keep it. This is the biggest f****** everybody. Communication is every issue.
Cristina: Yes. Yes, it is.
Jack: If you don't communicate, you're failing. And that's always a problem. There's no prop. I swear, after I give my conclusion to every one of these and the practical solution, I will say communication is a problem to each one of these. No questions. I haven't seen these questions to anybody wondering. I have not seen these questions based on previous episodes. I have no f****** doubt in my mind. Every problem is communication.
Cristina: I think so too, I think so. I'm not sure. But we'll see. We'll see. Let's go to the next question. My mother in law wants me to be her sperm donor so she can have another child. My wife is on her side and is supporting her. What do I do?
Jack: Okay, look, if your mother in law is hot, you need to hold the situation hostage and say the only way you'll donate sperm is actively.
Cristina: No, that's horrible.
Jack: I don't see. Look, they're making him do something horrible. He, his kid is going to be raised in his mother in law. So look, if that's the f****** problem here, if you guys are pressuring, I'll hold the situation. You want it? It's gonna be that close to my life. If you were a stranger, great.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: But you want this that close to my life? Then this is how we're playing this. I've got a f*** you pregnant. Only way this plays out. This way both of you have to be just as f***** in the head as I am moving forward. Three way mind f***. Let's do it. Because I ain't the only one being mindfucked here. If you're not down with this. Hold the situation. You f*** your mother.
Cristina: What's just so hard about just donating?
Jack: People get attached to their DNA, okay? I don't f****** know. I would just f****** j***. No cop.
Cristina: Give me money, give me money, give me money.
Jack: Okay, Jizzyno cup, give me money. I can feed it to you if you want. Open your v*****, put in there with a turkey baster, I don't care. It's all the same.
Cristina: Okay, but if it's this serious to him, he should just hold the hostage.
Jack: Oh, yeah, if it's this important, yes. Also f****** talk about it with them.
Cristina: You think the solution is to talk to them?
Jack: Yeah. Really sit down and be like, this makes me uncomfortable as h***.
Cristina: Yeah. What if they peer pressure him?
Jack: Then you say, only if I can f*** my mother in law.
Cristina: Ow. No one wins in that situation.
Jack: No one wins. So either I lose alone or we all lose together.
Cristina: Ooh. Okay, that's a great solution.
Jack: Great solution. Bang your mother in law, pressure them into that. How bad does she want the kid?
Cristina: How bad does she want.
Jack: That's, that's where it lands. Because you might be doing this as a threat. And then you realize she wants the kid too bad and her daughter is down with how bad. No, it's like, whoa. But no, that's weird. Anyways, dude, think about how f*** this is that lady gets pregnant, has the kid, that means that to her daughter, her brother is her boyfriend's son.
Cristina: Her brother is her boyfriend's son.
Jack: Is that her husband? Is it a husband?
Cristina: I think it was husband.
Jack: Oh, well, s***.
Cristina: Her husband's son is her brother.
Jack: Yeah. Her husband's son is her brother.
Cristina: She seems fine with it, though.
Jack: This is some f****** Alabama type of s***.
Cristina: She seems perfectly fine. So should it matter which how it happens?
Jack: No, it should just be about communication. Really? Really. It doesn't. It doesn't matter. Even the constructs of uncle, sister, brother, mother, like, the f***. We built those structures.
Cristina: Yeah. Like, if she's going to raise her like her son, then do not. Like, if that's a weird.
Jack: That's a problem. People struggle with that. Like, you kind of have to remove yourself from that situation forever.
Cristina: He has to move away and never see her again.
Jack: Yeah. Because it's weird, dude. Yeah, it's weird as f***. Like, I get where he's coming from. It doesn't have to be that way.
Cristina: Good luck with that.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: The next one is, my boyfriend's mother has been sabotaging our relationship. She thinks I would make a better match with my boyfriend's brother. Should I tell my boyfriend about his mother's go. I feel like that would be very hurtful, but it would be more hurtful if I just never told him. What should I do?
Jack: Tell him.
Cristina: Tell him.
Jack: Tell him.
Cristina: She. Sure. I thought. No, I guess. Yeah.
Jack: Yeah. Just be like, hey, your mom's trying to get me to break up with you and go with your brother.
Cristina: Especially if you have proof. Like, look at these text messages.
Jack: Yeah, if you got proof. Oh, s***. No, don't show him.
Cristina: Don't show him.
Jack: No. You have blackmail material.
Jack: Now it's like, I can show your children what you've decided to tell me, and if that's the case, I can be shut up for money.
Cristina: Whoa. What?
Jack: Yeah. Right now we have a particularly interesting situation where I have proof that you're a stupid b**** and you don't want your children to know you're a stupid b****. So.
Cristina: Okay, but what if she doesn't have proof?
Jack: Oh, no. If you don't have proof to straight out tell him, be like, I don't know why the f*** your mom's trying to get me to break. But, like, also, how does she know?
Cristina: How does she know?
Jack: Did she flat out tell you? Yes, if you got proof, this is f****** done.
Cristina: Solved.
Jack: If you're assuming, then we're in weird territory. Like, could. Could you prove It. Without proof, Is it believable? Is the question.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Is it believable? Or if you really showed anyone else what's going on, would it just be you believing it? And in that case, are you really just making this up and not realizing it?
Cristina: Then maybe you should plan it out. Okay. Talk to a friend and ask them, hey, does this sound like.
Jack: No, no, no, no, no. You can't tell anybody. You got to go to your boyfriend and be like, this is what I think is happening. Because again, just talk about it, figure it out.
Cristina: Yes, but be honest. Like, I don't know. Yeah. If you don't have the proof or anything, like, I don't know, but it feels like this.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: I'm not comfortable. Help me out.
Jack: That is exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to figure out with communication.
Cristina: Communication.
Jack: Communication. I can answer every single one of these f****** questions with communication. That's 100% everybody's problem.
Cristina: One of these will have the answer of friendship. No. I don't know. Maybe.
Jack: I mean, look, the possibility that impregnating your. Your mother in law. The solution is friendship. Everybody buddy up.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: That could be it.
Cristina: Yes. Wow. The next question is, my boyfriend's ex contacts him, sends nudes, and my boyfriend won't block her. I want to know where I stand in our relationship and need help with how to confront him about this and need an outside perspective on what you think is going on.
Jack: Oh, my God. People are so f****** stupid.
Cristina: He's cheating. No. Oh, no.
Jack: This is so dumb. Why? Okay, I. F***. I wish some of these people were just here so I could, like, pick their brains because some of this s*** is so stupid. Why do you need an outside perspective to solve your relationship? Why?
Cristina: I think if she already talked to him.
Jack: I don't think she already talked to him. I think the problem is she hasn't already talked to him.
Cristina: Oh. Because if she did, then maybe just leave.
Jack: She hasn't. She hasn't. This question pretty much tells us she hasn't.
Cristina: Okay, you believe she has not because.
Jack: She doesn't know what their intentions are. She doesn't know where she stands with him. And it's like, maybe ask. Let's go down the checklist. Do you have a problem with the nudes? If you do voice that, yes. If he refuses now, he's violating it. Unless you've previously stated that you're okay with things like that, in which case you're suddenly changing up the rules that you've previously established, in which case you're f****** up.
Cristina: But if it's against the rules, then he's f****** up. Yes.
Jack: And now you've got a conflict of interest. From then forward, you can deduce the rest. He's already willing to break those rules explicitly establish, meaning who knows how far that rabbit hole goes. But assuming you're okay with the photos, but it's because it's his ex girlfriend that it's bothering you now you proceed to the next series of questions.
Cristina: What's that?
Jack: Because he has the defense of. I thought you were okay with this. So you move on to the next series of. Well, why her? What's the interaction here? If he's like, we're just friends, then you should. He shouldn't have a problem with proving it. Can I see the conversation? If you are this now, don't snoop. Don't jump in his phone without his f****** permission.
Cristina: This is probably how she found out about this, though.
Jack: D***. If that's how you found out, you're already f****** up. Because you're not. If the fact that you don't already know if you did spy means it was so platonic. But he's. That's his ex girlfriend. He's already seen her naked a million times. Who gives a s***? So the question is. You snooping through his phone.
Cristina: What?
Jack: If you didn't find anything? You're already f*****. So if that's the case, she started off wrong.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: If she just jumped in his phone, found the f*** out. Leave that relationship. You already don't trust him.
Cristina: Yes. Yes. Why? If you're snooping around.
Jack: Yeah. If you're snooping around. You are. You already don't trust him.
Cristina: That's it.
Jack: But if he was open about it, and that's how you know.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Then you're getting jealous about something you probably established comfort with. So open dialogue. Communicate.
Cristina: Communicate.
Jack: Figure out where he stands.
Cristina: Mm. Or. Or leave.
Jack: Or f****** leave. If you don't trust somebody. I've said this before. If you don't trust somebody, there's no f****** reason to be with.
Cristina: yes. There's two important rules right now.
Jack: Communicate.
Cristina: Communicate. And if you don't trust someone, why.
Jack: Why are you with them? They're hooked. Well, I love him. No, you don't. No, you're infatuated.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Because love includes trust.
Cristina: Yes, but they can't. Okay. But, yes, those are two important rules. Remember that. Remember?
Jack: Yeah. I'm telling you. I'm answer every single question with communication. Doesn't matter which one it is.
Cristina: All right.
Jack: Except that other guy who probably shouldn't even communicate. Just be. I mean, he could communicate f****** his mother in law.
Cristina: That's all you think about now.
Jack: Yeah, that's the solid plan, bro. Is she hot? That's the question. If she's like s***** looking, then this isn't a solid plan.
Cristina: I hope she is. I hope she looks like, like really, really, really, really old lady that shouldn't be having children anymore. So I don't know why she's asking.
Jack: But like that fetus is gonna die 100%.
Cristina: Yeah, that's interesting.
Jack: I mean, she should still be young enough to be ovulating.
Cristina: Yeah, but she looks like that old. Like she just never took care of herself.
Jack: That's crazy. Like, smacked back every cigarette and every.
Cristina: Drink and did she looks like Max mom from Sunny in Philadelphia? Do you remember who his mom looks like?
Jack: Oh, the f******. Yeah. Talks like that.
Cristina: Yes. Okay. Yes. Well, if she look like that, I don't know, man.
Jack: I guess that's really about his preference.
Cristina: Oh, all right, the next question is. All right, the next question is my girlfriend rarely showers and it's causing unpleasant odors. She's been asking for oral lately and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Any advice on how to bring this up?
Jack: Just mention it.
Cristina: Just mention it.
Jack: Why you. What? Why do people like, bro, so you're just gonna f****** live with this?
Cristina: Yes, he's gonna die in his grave with this f***. Or he's gonna.
Jack: How is this. How is this one even a problem? Just, dude, look. One day that she's doing the dishes, you go into the kitchen and you just walk up to her and you. If you want to be sly and like f****** secretive about her, whatever f*** problem you have with, just f****** bring it up you go. And while she's doing the dishes, you walk up to her and you say, you see what you're doing to that plate? And she'd be like, yeah, like do that to yourself. And she'll get the hint. She'll get the hint. You see how those plates get squeaky and shiny? How's about you get squeaky and shiny? Or you could approach this differently. Walk in and be like, yo, b****, go shower.
Cristina: Or you die with it in your dream.
Jack: No, you don't die with it.
Cristina: Just mention that you don't have a pimp ring.
Jack: Like, find a pimpring, put it on. You put in a pimp room on whatever's your dominant hand. You walk up there and you backhand the living f*** out of her. Make sure there's little blood that Flies out. When you see the blood flow, you're.
Cristina: Like, how is this gonna help the relationship?
Jack: That's for not showering.
Cristina: No.
Jack: And you never hit her again. But you hit her that one time.
Cristina: And you could just say, can you shower a little more?
Jack: Yeah, man. Just go straight up to her and be like, shower like daily by day. You know, Fair enough, fair enough. Daily is an over exaggerated. The real condition for showering, the real medical suggested way of showering is not daily. Unless you've done some physical activity that resulted in sweat or you interacted with something particularly dirty outside. If you are inactive, if you are at home every other day, if you have not sweated or use energy that would naturally excrete things from your body every other day, that is medical fact, look it up.
Cristina: Then you find that medical fact and give it to her.
Jack: And you give it to her. If you. But you do shower every other day, that's at least recommended. You don't want odors and stuff every other day. And obviously before sexual interactions.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Because that's not fun.
Cristina: That's not fun.
Jack: The end.
Cristina: Yes. I've been a rule since the beginning. Like, hey, I have this thing every time we have sex before sex, let's take a shower.
Jack: The other one is play her any movie ever made in all of history and just move over to the sex scene. Just fast forward and you tell me what you always see. Give me a second while I freshening up. Freshen up. I will freshen up every f****** movie. You've never in your life heard someone use those words? So we know that movies are fake as f***. But they're at least trying to teach us go freshen the f*** up before you f*** somebody. Yes, they're at least trying to teach you that. So show her that. Show her 30 movies. Make a movie montage of just clips from different movies showing that same scene. Hey, Imma go freshen up.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And show her that. Be like we're gonna watch a movie, it's five hours long, get ready babe. And then you put it. And it's just that scene from many, many, many, many, many different movies. And they're always just freshening up. And usually some of these m************ will go take a full fledged shower while some dude is just waiting in their room.
Cristina: No, that he joins her sometimes, sometimes.
Jack: Sometimes the guy's just looking around, snooping in their room and s***. I don't understand how none of these movies have resulted in a f****** guy robbing them and dipping while they're there.
Cristina: That's a beautiful. That would ruin the movie.
Jack: That's, that's, that's the realistic outcome here. You just abandoned the guy. You went to shower. He's over. I mean, you're pretty confidently like, yeah, he knows he's gonna get f*****, so he's not going anywhere. Yeah, but like what if he cares? What if he saw something amazing in your room? He's like, yeah, this is worth way more than the sex. I'm gonna grab that and go.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: She can't even hear you leave. She's gonna walk out and be like what's moosing? And not even find out for like a week until she needs it for whatever.
Cristina: She calls the police on you. I don't know what for.
Jack: She doesn't even know something's missing.
Cristina: Someone ran away from me.
Jack: Yeah, like, what's the argument here? He disappeared.
Cristina: He disappeared. Is he alright? I don't. Well, I guess that's, that's a way better solution than pimp slapping her pimp slapper.
Jack: Or just communicate.
Cristina: Or just communicate. Pimp slapping should never be a solution.
Jack: Hey, it gets you your money.
Cristina: There was no money involved in that.
Jack: I mean it gets pimps money. Pimp slapping is a crucial part of pimping.
Cristina: It works for them.
Jack: It works for them. It's part of the system. You accept pimp slaps if you are a being pimped. If you are being pimped.
Cristina: It's in the contract.
Jack: It's in the contract. They sign it and find in the. It's in the fine print. You read all the details and it's like, I get the pimp slap. You with a ring on.
Cristina: They should definitely have contracts for that.
Jack: If they don't like no pimp slaps in this business. Yeah, we disapprove of man. What? See this makes sense because it could be like a hierarchy where like pimps have a boss and they have to abide by the rules because this is a boss employee. Like pimps are the managers essentially. And then the prostitutes are the like labor workers. You got labor workers. You got like the foreman.
Cristina: Now there's a boss and then there's.
Jack: A guy who runs the pimps and so that's the guy who pays the pimps so that the pimps stay in check. Okay, man, we should open a brothel.
Cristina: Why? I don't know.
Jack: I want to be a pimp. That'd be cool. I don't have the pimp slap. It'd just be cool to have a brothel.
Cristina: Aren't those two different things? I don't know.
Jack: I mean, you're pimping people.
Cristina: I guess I don't know the difference. Yes, let's have a brothel.
Jack: Let's have a brothel. Let's open a just conversation brothel.
Cristina: Let's see what the next question is. My girlfriend broke up with me so she can have sex with other men. She didn't do it. Now she wants to get back together. I love her and I don't know what to do. Okay, you can't trust her.
Jack: I don't trust her. I don't trust her. No, no, I don't trust that at all, bro. She. Did she tell you she didn't do it or do you know she didn't do it because like you still lived in the same house or some s*** and she never went out.
Cristina: Well, whether she did it or not is not important.
Jack: Well, no, if that's the part that's bothering him. It is.
Cristina: Okay, but that's the only thing bothering him. And he could just live.
Jack: Yeah, because. Yeah, because here's the argument. This question would have been posed. My girlfriend broke up with me. Now she wants to get back together. I don't know what to do. No, it was crucially important that he mention to f*** other guys.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Meaning that's where he's bothered.
Cristina: But not that she left.
Jack: Not that she left. It's fine that she left. He's bothered that she might have f***** other guys.
Cristina: Okay, but there's no way to know. So don't do it.
Jack: Don't do it. You don't trust her or give her.
Cristina: A lie detector test if that's going to solve the relationship and then you can be together happily.
Jack: But then look, what if she. This is. This is f******. It gets some mind games. Because what if she cast doubt on the lie detector test and you're like, man, but it's only this much percentage accurate and like. And then you start like spiraling. So you paid a bunch for it and she's like, no. And then she's. She knows she's going to get a f****** line success because you f***** up and you told her ahead of time. So she practiced passing it.
Cristina: Then you get, you hire those detectives that follow her around to see if.
Jack: She'S from f****** the Show. Cheater. You've. Look, bro, I've got your solution. I've got your solution right here. First you go work at a job. You climb the ladder. It might take you years.
Cristina: Is he dating her while this happens?
Jack: No, you take. It might take years. This might be a 20 year project. You can get to the top of that ladder. You start running this company and be bringing in the millions. Then you can use those millions you bring in, and you're going to re. Establish the show cheaters.
Cristina: Okay?
Jack: You buy a channel, buy the entire cast, put that show. That's the only show on that channel now. You got the channel cheaters. And then you're gonna use your staff to track your ex girlfriend.
Cristina: So this shows.
Jack: And you're gonna find out if she's f****** other guys. And if she's f****** other guys, you don't have to date her.
Cristina: But why can't she be f****** other guys if she's not with you? I mean, that's the whole point. Why is she wrong?
Jack: I don't know. I don't know why. Like the. The problem here. Yeah. This problem doesn't make any f****** sense. Because she did it the right way.
Cristina: She was honest. Yeah.
Jack: She was like, I don't f*** other guys and we're not gonna be together so that I can't do it.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And whether or not she f***** somebody else doesn't really matter.
Cristina: No.
Jack: But that's the part that bothers him. But now my question is. This is my real question. Are you the first guy she f*****? And thus you wanted to be the only guy she f***** up. And as a result, you're only gonna f***. You're only gonna date somebody who hasn't f***** anybody else. And how do you know? Telling the truth.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Or like, I don't even know. There's only one way this f****** goes. Like, I don't get this problem.
Cristina: Really? Yeah. It's not a problem.
Jack: It's not a problem. Like what? What is. Send us another question. What is the problem?
Cristina: The problem would only be, is, I don't know, that she. She breaks up with him in the future to be with other.
Jack: That makes sense. That makes sense. She's. He's scared she'll keep breaking up with him.
Cristina: If you trust her or not. Do you trust her? If you don't tr. Then don't be with her.
Jack: What if she has the sudden urge to f*** people again and thinks, this time I'll go through it with it. Here's the problem. No, here's the problem. You set a precedent already. She did it. And if he takes her back, it's something that could be done and forgiven.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: So a behavior could form.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: I say if you're not into that notion because now it's a crazy possibility it'll happen again.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Don't do it.
Cristina: Don't do it. No. Or didn't do anything wrong though. But if you're not happy with that situation, just don't do it.
Jack: Yeah. Or go f*** somebody else yourself and say you're even.
Cristina: Okay. Even though she said she didn't. Because then she. Then she's gonna do it, I guess.
Jack: Or I mean, she was honest enough to be like, I only broke up with you to f*** other people and I didn't even do that. Let's get back together. Like, why would now she's gonna lie this far down the road? Like, I don't know where you stand, bro. Your problem is hers.
Cristina: This is a very strange problem.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: I don't know. Just don't do it.
Jack: Yeah. Go find somebody else.
Cristina: Yeah. The next question is my pregnant wife cheated on me. I found out in a group chat that she was making excuses about going to do errands just so she can sleep with one of the guys in the shot. I was heartbroken when I confronted her. After she denied it, I showed her the evidence and she confessed she had seen him a couple of months ago. I really want a divorce. I. But now she is pleading for me to stay for our child. What should I do?
Jack: Umm. Why do you need to stay together for your child?
Cristina: How do you know that is your child?
Jack: How do you know it's your child? Interesting.
Cristina: Like you just caught her about to cheat on you. Who knows?
Jack: No, this story is f***** because it was also, my pregnant wife cheated on me. She says it happened months ago.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Boom.
Cristina: So you think you've got the couple of months. That's like two months or less.
Jack: Look, let's look at this. That's two months or more.
Cristina: Oh, a couple.
Jack: Couple different numbers. And nobody literally says a couple.
Cristina: What is she.
Jack: But look, look.
Cristina: The.
Jack: The caliber of difference between the previous question and this one of where these problems land is so monumental. This is ridiculous, bro. There's a high possibility that's not even your kid. I say find out before you get any kind of emotional attachment.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: If that kind of thing matters. Like if she cheated and she forget. Like, some people don't give a f***, dude. They'll just raise some kid. They're like, whatever, dude. But the question is, is that your kid? Because she was cheating, she hid it. It was months ago. That's the one you found out about.
Cristina: Ow.
Jack: You know, if it was so okay that she wasn't showing a single sign of gu. You f****** didn't register s***. It just came out somewhere else.
Cristina: Although if you. That is your kid, you can still have a divorce and be a father.
Jack: Father. I don't understand how, but I get the fear that fathers have that women kind of suck when it comes to that. And they'll use any weapon they can, including the child, which will f*** the kid up and is totally disrespectful to the father for no f****** reason. Where parents are like, oh, you can't see your son.
Cristina: Yeah, she might be a monster, but don't be a monster too.
Jack: No, you don't have to be monster to your child. If she tries to take your kid away after you've done nothing wrong, you just bury her body somewhere. Nobody will even know she's dead and problem solved. They just think she ran away.
Cristina: That's harsh.
Jack: The best solution is you chop her into tiny little pieces. What about because the problem, a lot of people commit the murder and then one if you're not gonna chop her up, shallow grave is the wrong answer. Never go to a shallow grave. Maybe do the work, maybe don't impulsively kill her. And then to dig the grave, maybe dig a crazy hole like three days early.
Cristina: No one does that.
Jack: And then throw the body in the hole, it's so deep. And then you cover the hole up, nobody will ever find her. But that's last case scenario. If you get a divorce and she tries to take your kid, you don't have to kill her in any other scenario.
Cristina: Only if she tries to extremist.
Jack: Yeah, if she tries to take your kid, you bury her in a really really deep hole. Or you throw her in a pond with an alligator.
Cristina: An alligator? Yeah. Is he just gonna eat her up?
Jack: Eat her up. Beautiful solutions.
Cristina: What about talking?
Jack: That is definitely a solution. I'm saying if you do talk it out, get the divorce, you do your thing and then she tries to keep your kid, you kill her. That's the obvious solution here also find.
Cristina: Out just in case.
Jack: Yeah, find out it's your kid because you also don't want to kill her. And it's not your kid. Because then it's like wow, I just committed murder for some other a******* child. Then you're like way more in s***. Cuz that guy's gonna pop out and be like I'm the dad. And so you don't even have the kid now.
Cristina: No.
Jack: You just a murderer and you don't have a kid. This sounds like it go bad. So like get the test first.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Before you commit the murder. But also if none of this matters, then who gives a s***. But you are bothered. I don't know what the f. But I don't know what the f*** the problem is either, really. Like, I get it. This kid might not be yours now. Who knows how many times you f****** cheated? You caught her once and she confessed after you confronted her.
Cristina: Yeah, so like, bro, assume one time.
Jack: There could be skeletons for days.
Cristina: Who knows?
Jack: Who knows?
Cristina: So just find out.
Jack: Communication. The problem is she's gonna f****** lie. She was denying it until he showed proof. She can literally not be trusted. Divorce is the answer.
Cristina: And then paternity, then paternity test.
Jack: And if she tries to take your child, than murder. So in that order.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: First divorce, then paternity test, then murder.
Cristina: Harsh.
Jack: But the murder depends on the result of the parenting agreement after the paternity test.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: So it's not immediately murder, but it's a possibility.
Cristina: Very small.
Jack: Yeah. Don't. Don't close that door though.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Like it's possible. I do recommend chop them into small pieces. Maybe throw them in a vat of acid that you can make at home. Just Google how to make acid inside your tub. It'll be fine. It won't destroy the tub and it won't destroy the pipes. Easy stuff. But if you're too scared about that. A non shallow grave. Really, really deep. Or an alligator pond.
Cristina: An alligator pond solution. Are there ponds of alligators?
Jack: Depends where he lives.
Cristina: Okay. Because if he doesn't live next to one.
Jack: If you live in Florida, he's got alligators.
Cristina: Yes. Go to Florida. Take her on vacation.
Jack: No. That's a massive fish. You want to kill her while you're with her on vacation?
Cristina: If an alligator eats her. It was an accident. We went there to.
Jack: She got eaten by the alligator. I don't know. She snuck out. Look, this is. Here's what happened. She snuck out in the middle of the night. I was sleeping and she got f****** eaten by an alligator. I know who she was out there to meet. But I already know she goes out to meet people. I can prove that part.
Cristina: Yeah, we were just here for Disney.
Jack: We were. I thought we were here together. But I guess this b****, allegedly here to make up after being a cheating w****, found herself f****** somebody else. She suggested Florida. I didn't.
Jack: She suggested Florida, I didn't. And we came here. And apparently she came here to meet somebody that fed her to the alligators.
Cristina: But then there's a whole mind game of you having to convince her to go to Florida without you, like telling her.
Jack: Interesting, because you gotta get her. But look, this is an easy one. You could strategically place things all over your home that always, like, remind her of Florida. And make sure you always watch things that remind her of Florida. And then one day when she says it, you say, text me about it later, and she'll send you a message about Florida.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: You could just set it up and then. Murder in Florida. And then you got your alibi with you.
Cristina: There you go.
Jack: But again, this only happens if she tries to take your kid and you want your kid.
Cristina: Yes. Yep. And if you don't, then don't do any of this.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: None of this is.
Jack: You don't have to kill anybody. At least once per each of these episodes, I've suggested murder.
Cristina: Yes. But that's not. That's not a part of the list of good advice that we give. Okay.
Jack: I guess that's the bad advice part.
Cristina: That's the extreme advice. But that's the problem if worse gets to worse.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Murder.
Jack: Murder.
Cristina: The next question is, how do I find out if my crush is gay? I don't have the confidence just to ask, what if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships, and I'm not sure how I could naturally slip it into a conversation. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things.
Jack: You won't ruin things just by asking.
Cristina: You shouldn't. That'd be crazy. But if it's. Yeah.
Jack: You don't want to be with this person? If that sets them off in the first place, yes. F***. Just talk. Ask.
Cristina: Just talk.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: I guess the first step is just, like, being honest and saying I'm gay.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Because, I mean, does she tell your friends that maybe.
Jack: Wait, her crush already knows she's gay, though? That's not mentioned here at all.
Cristina: Oh, I don't know.
Jack: Like, she might know.
Cristina: She might know. Okay.
Jack: And you gotta be like, hey, I'm gay for you. No, no, no. You don't have to go that far. Oh, I'm gay. Are you?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Or, hey, I've never seen you date anybody. How long ago was the last relation? Just talk about her. Relate. You can f****** peek this out, man. This is not even hard.
Cristina: You can find out what she is without saying you have a crush on her.
Jack: Yeah, just, like, how long was your last relationship? I haven't seen you date anybody.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: How old was he and she? Oh, no, it wasn't a he. It was a she.
Cristina: But if it's suspicious or she's like, have you ever been with a girl before?
Jack: That is yeah, that's. The approach is very important there. If you're about, like, keeping it hidden.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: You could do it playfully. It's like, you know, I hate guys. I mean, you should date a girl, then be like, me date a girl?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And then maybe she'll be like, yeah, sure. Or like, nah, that's not my thing.
Cristina: And then you never mention it again and your friendship is saved.
Jack: Yeah. God, these problems are so stupid. I bet these are teenagers. Married teenagers.
Cristina: Married teenagers. Yes, all of them.
Jack: All of them.
Cristina: They're 19 years old. Yeah, like, yeah, that's what I want to do when I turn 19. Get married.
Jack: Get married and then not know s***.
Cristina: And then. Yeah.
Jack: Who the f*** knows anything at 19?
Cristina: Who knows anything at any age?
Jack: I know. You're always super dumb when you look back. Yeah, like five years. I'm. I'm 60 now. Five years ago. 55. What an idiot that guy was.
Cristina: Yes, always. These are all 19 year olds, though. Next question. My girlfriend showed a picture of my p**** to her gay cousin. I'm pretty upset about this because it's only intended for her to see. That's why I sent it to her. She thinks it's ridiculous that I'm upset because he's gay, but I'm more upset because it's a massive invasion of my privacy. Do I have the right to be upset or should I just sweep this under the rug?
Jack: No, you definitely have a right to be upset.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Private.
Cristina: Like you said, it's private.
Jack: That's private. I don't know.
Cristina: You're being very reasonable.
Jack: Yeah, you've got the reason here. Everybody else is a f****** idiot, but you've got the reason. This is. It's just. She's definitely evading your privacy.
Cristina: It doesn't matter who she showed it to. Her mom, her sister, her father. It doesn't matter. Don't.
Jack: Had she asked you and then done it different.
Cristina: Yes, the very different.
Jack: Very different. The fact that she did it and didn't ask and it does in fact bother you.
Cristina: It's a huge problem.
Jack: Problem, problem, problem. That is not cool. Now, not to say I would have the same reaction. I'm like, f*** it, show my d*** to everybody. I'm cool with it. I don't give a f***. But you are uncomfortable with it. Yes, that's a problem. I don't know why she did that. That's not cool. This is like. If she's not even giving value to the fact that you're bothered. This is not a relationship you want to be in. Especially if you make this an okay thing by pushing it under the rug, you've set a standard.
Cristina: Yeah. Then you don't know what's gonna happen next time.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: So, yeah.
Jack: This is some breakup type of s***.
Cristina: Yep. Yeah, probably.
Jack: No, this is stupid f****** problem.
Cristina: Yep.
Jack: Like, that's. Not that you're wrong in it. I'm saying that this s*** should not have happened.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: This is so dumb for you to.
Cristina: Think of sweeping under the rug. That's a bad way to go. That's. Don't do that.
Jack: Yeah, it's very dumb.
Cristina: That's very dumb.
Jack: Don't be the dumb guy. Be the superior 19 year old out of all these 19 year olds, including the married ones.
Cristina: Yes. Just be upset. It's right. Feel your feelings.
Jack: Yeah. Feel your feelings. On the flip side, do you have nudes of her? Oh. Do you have friends?
Cristina: Oh, my gosh. That's like revenge.
Jack: Yeah. Oh, and make sure to show Bob or Steve and be like, look, this is what my girlfriend looks like f****** naked. And then let her know, hey, man, Bob really liked that nude picture of you fingering yourself. He thought badass.
Cristina: No, she'll say it's totally different because he. He's. I don't know. I don't know. That's weird.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: It's the same thing. It's the same thing. She can't say s***. She'll be like, well, it's an invasion. No, it's not.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You shouldn't be uncomfortable that somebody who would clearly be attracted to you saw something you didn't want them to see.
Cristina: Yeah, that's it. Is. Okay. Yeah, that is. That's crazy.
Jack: So, yeah, if you got nudes of her, you either break up with her or you show the homies. Even the odds.
Cristina: You do both. No, fair enough. You do both.
Jack: You can break up with her and show the homies. Double whammy her a**.
Cristina: Double whammy. Ow.
Jack: Yeah, dude, you're in the right. Minus minus the extent of murdering her, because this doesn't apply here. It's kind of a big leap to take for something so small. Minus getting that far. You kind of got free range here.
Cristina: Just. Yeah, but maybe break up with her.
Jack: Don't break up with her and show her nudes to people. She showed one, you show two.
Cristina: I don't know, one upper. Yes, that's it. All right, the next question. Last night, she said her ex's name while we were having sex. She gave some weird excuse as to why. She said, it's a common name and must have heard it recently. I wasn't going to start a big argument with her at that time. It has gotten me worried about why she did that. Do I confront her? Do I start going through her phone? Or am I being paranoid?
Jack: All of the above. All of the minus the going through her phone part. Look, you never invade privacy. You gotta keep a couple of things in mind. One, how long was she with this person?
Cristina: A million years. Yeah.
Jack: If she was with this person a really long time, the fact that she doesn't trip up and accidentally say his name randomly when talking to you, that's amazing. If they were together a crazy long amount of time and she's not randomly tripping up, that's astounding. Now, if it was like they were together for two months and then she said his name while f****** you. There's one of two things happening here. She either just f***** that guy and this was a sort of knee jerk reaction to that. Like in the middle of a.
Cristina: Does that ever happen?
Jack: Or she was thinking of him in her head.
Cristina: Yeah, that's what I imagine would be it. And is that wrong there?
Jack: That's the question. Is that wrong? Are you claiming authority over her thoughts? If that's the scenario. Is she not allowed to go anywhere.
Cristina: Else in her head because she's not cheating and she probably has, like, their ex. You're assuming there's more to it, but that's why you need to talk to her.
Jack: Yeah. That's why communication is key here. Because you got to understand if she had sex with her. Exactly. Presumably it wasn't all bad sex. And presumably there was some good encounters in there. In which case some of those moments enter what we call the spank bank.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And things from the spank bank are not up to you to judge.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: She can retrieve those at any given moment in whatever given order. Because you're f******. The goal is the o***** here.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: So she's gonna pull out whichever f****** card she decided was necessary at the moment to get where she's going. If you're here judging that and she didn't do anything, you're being paranoid and kind of an a******.
Cristina: Yeah, you're being very paranoid.
Jack: And like, yeah, she slipped up and said somebody else's name, but she was in her head somewhere else. Now, if this is a reaction of having been doing something she shouldn't have been doing, well, then f***. But like you said, how often does that even really happen? It's not impossible. There are idiots out there.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: But, like, it's highly unlikely that she's out there flocking him and that's why she said his name. This is some weird paranoid that's like f******. Don't eat the candy that they give you because they don't have razor blades. It's like, not really, bro.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Like, nobody's out here just poisoning children. Same way nobody's out here just. Then you are. You shouldn't be cheating if this is how bad you are at it.
Cristina: What? Yes.
Jack: You know, like, you clearly every time.
Cristina: You cheat you, I guess you say the ex's name.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: There's no case like that.
Jack: There's no case like this. Some movies made up.
Cristina: This is. Yes. This happens. Has to be. Right.
Jack: Yeah. So ask. Talk about it, confront her about it. And if it's really just happening in her head, like you don't. You don't get to judge her for that. And if it does bother you, then you're the one up and you don't belong in this relationship. If it bothers you, leave the relationship.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Find somebody who's like, you're not allowed to do that as well.
Cristina: Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. You'll find out why this bothers you if she's doing nothing wrong.
Jack: Yeah. That's weird, dude. It's a weird thing to be bothered by that they're thinking of somebody they've already f***** up. They've already f***** them. Any good time you've ever had, you're gonna store bro. People you've never even f*****.
Cristina: Erase the memory.
Jack: Yeah, like how people you've never even f***** that you've seen in p*** you put into your spank bank. You've never met these people. And you go in there in your head randomly and you're like, I remember that f****** p*** thing I saw. That's hot. Imma go there for a second and it's like you don't even know them and you're doing that.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So when it's with somebody you do know and did enjoy probably more than once, unless it was a f****** one night stand, which is kind of hot. But I guess that's really depending on circumstance and individual. Then you don't really have to judge that there's even. There's a personal connection at that point.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: So this guy's in the wrong. Yeah. Communicate, Talk about it.
Cristina: Next question.
Jack: Or go somewhere else in your head and find out if it works. Oh, maybe experiment. If it's in her head, don't judge or leave immediately. Find out if it's worth it.
Cristina: Is it worth it?
Jack: Is it worth it? You Go in your head to somebody else while you're f******. Find out if. Holy s***. Wow. This kind of makes it a million times better.
Cristina: Yeah. Or find out that she's like, oh, that's so. That's wrong.
Jack: Yeah, maybe. Maybe she'll be like, that's f***** up. Don't do that.
Cristina: Yep. And then you realize this is wrong. Yeah, you're both wrong. In that case, I guess if she's like, I could do it, but you can't do it.
Jack: Yeah. Then she's a hypocrite.
Cristina: Yes. But yeah, go talk about it. Next question. My girlfriend keeps strutting to kill herself. If we break up, I just want her to kill herself. No, I just. I just don't want her to kill herself. I couldn't live with myself if she actually did it. I can't sleep. I've lost off my confidence. I can't concentrate because this happens every week. I know that I can't continue like this. What should I do?
Jack: See, if she does it, then the.
Cristina: Problem will solve itself.
Jack: Yeah, it's totally okay. All you do is say, her body, her rules, which you've heard before. Now flip it and apply it.
Cristina: In this instance, just tell her parents. Tell someone. You don't have to live with this. You break up with her and then tell someone. Or tell someone before you break up with her and then break up with her so that people are watching.
Jack: Yeah. Be like, I'm gonna break up with your daughter. She said she's gonna kill herself if I do this, so make sure she doesn't do that. Cuz this is out of my hand. Her body, her rules.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Feminism 101.
Cristina: Well, if she's going through some weird mental thing, she should. Someone should be watching.
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cristina: But get some help.
Jack: Also a girlfriend who threatens to kill herself if they break up. That's a played out story that never leads to suicide. It's a manipulation tactic.
Cristina: Oh, don't trust that.
Jack: Don't trust that. Obviously tell somebody. You don't want to be wrong.
Cristina: In this case, just in case you.
Jack: Don'T want to be like, well, this is some s*** I've heard about before. And then you do. And then like she was really depressed and kills herself. Like you don't want to be that guy.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: But like, it's probably not that situation.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So like a good 99 out of 100 times. This is a waste of your time and a manipulation tactic to keep you around.
Cristina: Yeah, that's usually what it is.
Jack: Yeah. Now that 1% does exist. I'm sure.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Don't let that be you.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So you just tell them, like, look, she's been saying crazy s***. I think she's just a crazy b****. Your daughter's a psychopath. But if she's really going through some s***, I'm telling you ahead of time, eyes open.
Cristina: Yes. Just. Yes. Communication.
Jack: Communication. But definitely let it play out. Why not? Maybe she does kill herself. That's crazy.
Cristina: But you know you can't live like this.
Jack: Yeah. Either she kills herself for you, dude. The f***?
Cristina: Yep.
Jack: Always survival, bro. You over her?
Cristina: Well, next question. I cried in front of my girlfriend last night. It wasn't about a relationship. It was about a struggle in life that I was experiencing. Today I woke up and thought about it. Did I just show how weak I was and that I don't know how to man up? I'm so stuck on the guys shouldn't be crying rule. Now that I did, I feel a bit insecure about it.
Jack: All right, let's go down all the basics. You're p**** for the way you think. Not because you cried, but because you're bothered that you cried. That's the b**** in you.
Cristina: That's the b**** in you.
Jack: The crying. That's just some s*** that happens.
Cristina: It's.
Jack: Yeah, the crying about crying. That's the b**** in you.
Cristina: Guys shouldn't be crying.
Jack: You didn't show her weakness in crying. You showed us weakness in questioning your crying. Yes. You're weak and particularly pathetic because your questions are there like this too many. But they're all f****** stupid.
Cristina: They're all ancient too.
Jack: Yeah. It's dumb s***. Like, you're the p****. You're a p**** because you're questioning you having cried. That's where you became a sissy. The crying. Own it. Be like, yeah, s*** happens.
Cristina: The f*** yeah.
Jack: But being like, I cried in front of her, now I'm a b****. Yeah, because you're b******* about having cried in front of her.
Cristina: Yeah. She probably thought it was just like.
Jack: It'S a human moment.
Cristina: Yeah. Like normal.
Jack: So, yeah, you your typical machista douchebag. And when they come for all the males, you're one of them that they're coming for all the people, the feminists that hate guys.
Cristina: Oh.
Jack: And they hate stereotypic, toxic masculinity bullshit. And this is that toxic masculinity bullshit. If guys shouldn't cry, it's like, yeah, they're coming for you, bro. You're gonna get canceled.
Cristina: Gonna get canceled.
Jack: Yeah. So the solution to your problem is you're Gonna get canceled.
Cristina: Yes. But to you, the answer of your question, I guess, is that you did not show her weakness.
Jack: No, you showed us weakness.
Cristina: Yes. You showed us weakness with us.
Jack: Yes. The fact that this is even a problem you're experiencing shows you've got some of that toxic masculinity running through your veins.
Cristina: But before this moment, you were perfectly fine.
Jack: Yeah. You were a cool dude. Till now that we know you're not a cool dude.
Cristina: Yep, now we know.
Jack: So unless you get rid of that bug inside you, they're coming for you.
Cristina: And how does he do that? Communication will solve that. Or will it?
Jack: I guess that's what he did right now.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: He's like, man, am I supposed to feel like this? I guess the answer to your question is no, you shouldn't feel like this. You're fine.
Cristina: Yes. Okay. I guess you had communication with us, and we helped you go through this. And there you go.
Jack: Yeah. So if you still have the problem after this moment, you remain a p****.
Cristina: Yes. But since if you heard us and you actually took our words, right. And you're in his 100% or what is it, 0 to 100?
Jack: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That if he takes it, then. Oh, I guess if he doesn't take it. Yeah, if you're still. Fair. Fair enough. So if you're in the 100% to take the advice, you. You became better, and you're no longer a p**** and not a good p****. Because p****** are generally very strong. They can take giant things going in. They can push out a whole human. You know, p****** are very strong. You're the 1980s friend pointing at you and calling you a p****. Kind of p****.
Cristina: That p**** you are.
Jack: Yeah. Cuz right now p**** is just like, well, empowerment.
Cristina: Oh.
Jack: But no, it's like, when I say somebody's gay, I don't mean homosexual. Homosexuals are cool. I love homos.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: I mean, like, 1980s point and be like, wow, you're a sissy.
Cristina: You're a sissy. Okay.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Is p**** also.
Jack: Those are the same word? Yeah, they mean the same s***. They're synonymous.
Cristina: Oh, okay.
Jack: 1980S faggy, gay. H***, not h***. F**. I mean, I guess even h***. D***. It got sketchy, didn't it? Because it would even mention the. It doesn't matter. Every word meant the same thing. You're not even thinking homosexual. Like, look at this h***. And they're not even talking about anything gay. It's like, man, that hurt. Look at this h***. It's like, there's nothing gay there but, like, PC culture, bro. They took everything. They're like, that's offensive. It's not even the people who are in the thing you're talking about. It's the people who think those people should get angry.
Cristina: What if they are? How do you know?
Jack: Because I know a bunch of these people. They don't give a f***. Yeah, my personal gay friends. I am so disrespectful in person.
Cristina: And you ask them all the time, is this offensive?
Jack: Yeah, they don't give a s***. They're also jerks.
Cristina: Oh, okay. Cool, cool. Next question. My little sister's boyfriend is lying to her. I dated my sister's current boyfriend like a year ago. No one knew that because he wasn't ready to come out. He told me he was gay. He dates a lot of girls so no one would suspect him of being gay. Now he's dating my little sister. I don't want to out the guy, but I also don't want him to hurt my little sister. If he truly has no feelings for her, it's not my place to tell her, but I also have to protect her. What should I do?
Jack: Out him.
Cristina: Out him?
Jack: Yeah, because he's out here destroying f****** people because he's a douchebag who's scared that fear is about him and it shouldn't be about anybody else.
Cristina: That's true. He's making it about him dating any women.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: If he doesn't want to be gay, like, then don't date anyone.
Jack: Exactly.
Cristina: Why involved anyone in this bullshit he's.
Jack: Doing is exactly that. It's bullshit out of. F*** him. He wants to f*** with people.
Cristina: You f*** with him because what he's doing isn't right to all these women.
Jack: Yeah, he's a douchebag. He's being a s***** person. So you could be a s***** person. Back out him. Be like, f*** you, bro. You over here f****** just dating people when you're gay. Now the question is, does he know for a fact? It always comes back to that. Does he know for a fact? He saw it like, that guy came out to him.
Cristina: Yeah, I think that's what he said. He came out to him and that's why they were doing stuff together.
Jack: He's gay?
Cristina: Yeah. The guy who's talking about his little sister.
Jack: Oh, s***. Yeah. Adam, look, I get that you're gay too and you're trying to hold on to the secret. Nah, dude. F*** him. Him, him, him, him.
Cristina: You shouldn't have seen what he was doing in the Past. That's a good thing. Now that your sister is trapped in that, you're, like, excusing his behavior, but his behavior was wrong in the way before.
Jack: You were a s***** person before, and now it's literally your fault this is happening.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You were like, yeah, dude. Do you. And now he's doing him, but to your sister.
Cristina: Yes. And now you're like. You're. You're still questioning. I don't know. It's. It's not right.
Jack: It's not right. Like, it's a s***** moment to start making a move, but better late than ever.
Cristina: Yeah. So just do the right thing.
Jack: Do the right thing. Rat on him.
Cristina: Rat on him.
Jack: Be like, that guy's gay. He's gay. As he'd be doing the gay s***. I f***** that guy. I f*** your boyfriend.
Cristina: Oh, he loved the D. And then.
Jack: She'S gonna be like, liar. Be like, this is me f****** him in a photo.
Cristina: And he was a camera.
Jack: And. Yeah.
Cristina: A video.
Jack: The video of this happening. It's.
Cristina: Is.
Jack: So I heard about this one guy whose girlfriend showed a picture of his d*** and show it to me. I guess he's here. This funny story. I was once shown the d*** of a random other guy by a friend of mine, and that told me I should probably save a photo of me f****** this guy who seems to play chicks in case I ever need to blackmail him. And then he ended up with you. So here's a photo of me f****** him thanks to that guy whose girlfriend showed pictures. And I was like, that's f***** up.
Cristina: Yes. Yes.
Jack: Proof. And that's the story of how that guy got saved by some chick showing some other guy's d*** to him.
Cristina: That's.
Jack: What if there's this? What? Who knows, right? Like, what if they're f******? Yeah.
Cristina: Who knows how many people who listen know the other listeners?
Jack: Yeah. Like, I'm sure somebody told somebody.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And then they listen. They're like, oh, s***, I'm gonna submit a question. So. Yeah, me too.
Cristina: Then they find out, after we give the answers, that we're relating to these to each other. And they're like, hey, wait, that sounds familiar.
Jack: And he's like, oh, so that's where that lady's body is. Oh, that's how they solve the murder.
Cristina: Yes. And that's how they saw.
Jack: That's how they solved the murder. The case begins and ends with the Just Conversation podcast.
Cristina: Yes. Our heroes or the villain?
Jack: I mean, look, we're giving advice. We're not telling you to do anything. We don't condone murder, but if you needed to solve a problem, murder could solve a problem. I am not saying kill anybody. No, it's the same as when somebody's like, what is your opinion on drugs? I'm like, do heroin. That's fine. But also, I don't condone doing heroin. I don't really want you to do heroin, but if you were so inclined to do heroin, you could go do heroin, because your body, your rules. Also don't do heroin. It's really, really bad. But if you wanted to do heroin, it's not my problem.
Cristina: Yes. Just don't blame me.
Jack: Don't blame me. Yeah, I am mentioning ideas. I'm thinking out loud.
Cristina: Exactly. Anything we say you do, that's on you.
Jack: Yeah, this is just a conversation.
Cristina: Yep. Yep. That's exactly. That's what it's called. That's our.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Alibi right there.
Jack: That's our alibi. This is just a conversation. I'm not telling you to do s***. This isn't the we tell you to do stuff podcast. Yeah, we're host Jack and Chrissy where we tell you to do stuff. No, we tell you.
Cristina: I feel like we have told them to do things.
Jack: The only thing I tell them to do is things.
Cristina: Oh, yeah.
Jack: That's the only thing I tell you to do. Kidnap somebody and force them to listen. No criminal activity of murder me. I mean, their kids are in danger.
Cristina: But kidnapping is a criminal activity.
Jack: Depends who you're asking.
Cristina: Depends on who I'm asking.
Jack: Look at it like this. Does Epstein think it's illegal? Ah, you see? There's already people with different perspectives.
Cristina: Okay, that's awful.
Jack: Okay, the conclusion is I clearly side with Epstein or something.
Cristina: You don't even know.
Jack: I don't even. I don't know that guy. And he kidnapped children. How does that. I want his relationship questions. Epstein, get an A. Ouija board. Or go to somewhere where there's an Ouija board.
Cristina: Needs to get the Ouija board, and.
Jack: Then he'll tell us his questions through the Ouija board.
Cristina: Yeah, we gotta summon him somehow. I can.
Jack: We can do that. We can summon Epstein.
Cristina: Yes. Okay, we gotta find. We make a list of random people we're gonna contact because he will be one of them. But who else is gonna be on that list?
Jack: George Carlin.
Cristina: George Carlin. That's very random.
Jack: Okay, man. I just want to talk to him.
Cristina: Yeah. Okay. Yes. We'll make this list, and we'll do it on this podcast.
Jack: I wonder if anybody ever tried to conjure George Carlin.
Cristina: I don't know. That's really random. His family. Some random family. Maybe he had one, like, stalker fan who tried to contact him afterwards.
Jack: I don't know.
Cristina: But. Wow. That should be maybe a Halloween episode. I don't know.
Jack: Where we conjure a bunch of dead people and ask them questions. Yeah, a Halloween questions episode. Interesting. Well, we'll conjure up.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: For Halloween.
Cristina: Yes. Get a Ouija board. Make one. We can make one, right? We can just draw it on something.
Jack: Man, it's weird that you could just buy an Ouija board at, like, a game store.
Cristina: Yeah. What? And they use movies to advertise them.
Jack: Like, if you find an a Ouija board that looks made of cloth in an abandoned house. That's a real Luigi board. F*** that thing. Yeah, but if you, like, go buy one, like, that's a novelty item.
Cristina: What's the difference of the two?
Jack: I don't know. One of them got magic put in them, I guess.
Cristina: Oh, wait, you gotta put in magic?
Jack: Dude, there's no way an AI board you bought at f****** Barnes and Nobles works.
Cristina: Well, I guess you put in the magic right?
Jack: By f******, like, hopes and dreams.
Cristina: Yeah, fair enough. Like, who the f*** know how magic works?
Jack: Okay, Anyways, we're running out of time. We can't continue answering any of these questions.
Cristina: Hope you have a great valentine.
Jack: Yeah. But hopefully this helps a bunch of you people. And yes, I mean that in the most offensive way. You people. Help you people. You f****** people get your s*** together and solve your life problems. There were an absorbent amount of questions there that we didn't get to.
Cristina: I know, that's so sad.
Jack: But look, problem is the same. I don't even need to read your f******. Look, guys, communicate.
Cristina: Communicate.
Jack: And don't be with anybody you don't trust.
Cristina: Yes, that's number two.
Jack: And finally, all else fails, murder. So, look, bro, this is how we're solving this. Communicate Rules. These are the rules of a relationship. Communicate first. First of all, number one, communicate. Number two, do not be with somebody you don't trust. You're infatuated. You don't actually love them if you don't trust them. And three, murder solves a small percentage of problems. Consider it a last resort. That is our advice for you guys.
Cristina: That's really good advice.
Jack: Communication. Don't be with people you don't trust. And sometimes murder.
Cristina: Mm. The end, the end, the end.
Jack: Now, there are other episodes with questions of this nature.
Cristina: Yeah, this is part three, I think.
Jack: Part three. Or four, I don't even know. There's f****** others of these. So you can find those and many other different things on. You can find all those things on the Official website@graythoughts.info or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you get your podcasts.
Cristina: And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. Uscombopod.
Jack: Yes. And remember to subscribe. You can get your partner, get them to listen to the question being answered. If you're too scared to engage in dialogue, tell them about the show and be like, hey, we're gonna subscribe to this show and we're gonna rate this show and we're gonna review this show. But I'll tell you why as we listen to this episode. And then the question shows up and you're like, that's why I have to kill you. Because what if that guy decides to show her? And she's like, why are we in Florida? And it's like, well, we're gonna listen to this podcast here in front of this pond.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: In front of this alligator pond. We're gonna show you this podcast and you're gonna. We're gonna enjoy it.
Cristina: They're on a picnic. He's giving her something. Wine.
Jack: Yeah, there's something in that wine. They get to the part and she's like, what the f*** is that an alligator pond? And then she looks back at you and you just got that smug look. Like, check. Like Kira on f****** Death Note. She's like, I win.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: There you go.
Cristina: He's also eating chips.
Jack: He's eating chips. I'll grab a chip and I'll eat it.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And you scream that to her. She won't even know what it is. You'll know. And that's what matters.
Cristina: Yes. And let someone who might like this show know about it.
Jack: Yes. Word of mouth. Powerful.
Cristina: You can tell everyone how we saved.
Jack: Your relationship or how we are totally unrelated to the murder.
Cristina: Yes. That's awesome.
Jack: That's very important. Be like, I don't know where I got it. It wasn't them.
Cristina: It wasn't them.
Jack: Wasn't them. We don't. We don't condone murder.
Cristina: Nope. Just a conversation.
Jack: Just a conversation. Brainstorming solutions.
Cristina: Yep.
Jack: That's all it is.
Cristina: This has been the Just Conversation podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening.
Jack: Byee. Yeah, that's fascinating. So we have Atheos, the God of total balance. And he's detached. He is the realest of real gods. He's the only God that makes sense, made everything, took a back seat and he's like, I don't really care. Good and evil are the same s***. Just be true.
Cristina: Okay. And then there's Spaghetti Monster.
Jack: Yes, there's a Flying Spaghetti Monster, which is the God of reason, rationale, logic, what makes sense. Then there's the God of Chaos, basically Pepe, which is basically, like, who the Joker would worship.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Be random, be unpredictable, be chaotic, but have fun the whole way. And then we have Shaggy, the God of destruction, for we have Atheos. Thus, there must be a Shaggy. Just while there is a God of reason, there must be a God of Chaos. Kick versus the Flying Spaghetti Monster. They maintain order. Yeah, because one is order and the.
Cristina: Other one is chaos.
Jack: Yes. Not Thanos.
Cristina: Thanos.
Jack: Ethiosis. To Shaggy. What the Flying Spaghetti Monster is to Keck.
Cristina: Good morning. Good morning. The Just Conversation podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by Great Thoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McCallister with social media managed by Amber Black.
