Rambling 204: Cryostasis Christmas Present
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Is cryostasis possible? Will the technology to properly manage it ever be perfected? Will Santa explain the origin of his “magic?” The duo compose a plan to simultaneously get ahold of Jesus Christ and Santa Clause with one absurdly intricate, highly convoluted, and mostly unnecessary plan.
+Episode Details
Topics Discussed:
- Cryostasis
- The Cryonics Institute
- Jesus Christ
- Time Machine
- Technology of the Future
- Santa Clause
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+Transcript
Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.
Jack: Going live in 5, 4.
Cristina: What does live mean?
Jack: Welcome to the Rambling Podcast, the show where we grant humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas. I am your host, Jack.
Cristina: And I am your host, Christina.
Jack: And I have some green. Some great news. It's the greatest news.
Cristina: How great.
Jack: I think I came up with a way for us to honestly bring Hitler back in an actual ice cube.
Cristina: He would have to already be in an ice cube.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: So how is that possible?
Jack: That time machine we have over there, we're gonna. Right before he blows his own brains out, or they blow his brains out, or somebody kills him, or he dies, or he runs away or whatever the h*** happens following the events of World War II, we quickly s***** him and freeze him and put him, ironically, wherever Captain America was, just because that's funny.
Cristina: But why are we doing this to him from all people?
Jack: So that we can complete your wish of wanting Hitler to show up underneath the Christmas tree.
Cristina: That's not my wish. I want Jesus now.
Jack: You want Jesus now. But look. No, now we gotta do it with Hitler. But the good thing is, it's possible. That's crazy. Actually, now that you say Jesus, I do think that would be way more entertaining and actually cooler. Like, we'd have to go so much further back.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Thus confirming Jesus, kind of essentially destroying all arguments in opposition of him.
Cristina: And if we don't find him, we get Hitler because, like, that's our backup. I guess.
Jack: Yeah, I guess that could happen, too. If we go back and we just like, hey, who's. Where's Jesus? They're like, who's who? Who's Jesus, bro? But the point is that there's totally a way to do it. Yes, there's totally a way to accomplish this. We can actually.
Cristina: Wait, what's the plan?
Jack: So we're going to use a time machine that we tend to ignore because it messes everything up all the time. But this involves Jesus now. We have to do it.
Cristina: But. Okay, and what are we doing?
Jack: We're going back in time, and then we're going to freeze Jesus in an ice cube, and then you're going to go ask Santa for Jesus ice cube, and he'll go find where Jesus is.
Cristina: Why are we going in a.
Jack: What?
Cristina: There's something that doesn't make sense here.
Jack: What, the fact that we just kidnapped Jesus.
Cristina: We have a time machine to get him, but we need Santa?
Jack: Well, no, we have a time machine to go back and put him in.
Cristina: Ice and then what do we need Santa for?
Jack: Well, in the present, you're gonna ask Santa to give you Jesus under your Christmas tree.
Cristina: Why didn't we just take him with us?
Jack: I don't know.
Cristina: What?
Jack: But cryostasis is possible, I guess. I guess the reason we didn't take him with us is just so that he can be delivered as we suggested previously in an ice block.
Cristina: I feel like we could just take him with us, though.
Jack: Yeah, but you want Santa to give him to you.
Cristina: Why?
Jack: That's the point.
Cristina: Easier to have Salah just unfreeze him.
Jack: Well, we're gonna unfreeze him.
Cristina: What? And also, wouldn't freezing him just kill him in ice? We're just putting him in ice.
Jack: We're putting him in ice? Well, no, if we just put him in ice, horrible things will happen to him.
Cristina: He'll die.
Jack: He'll die. If we just put him in ice, he'll die. And we're not trying to kill Jesus. That's for the Jews to do. We're gonna stop him right before he does get killed, I guess. And then we're gonna put him in a block of ice.
Cristina: But wouldn't I kill him?
Jack: Well, no, because it's gonna be a cryostasis block of ice.
Cristina: What's the difference?
Jack: So one is gonna freeze your blood over, the other one's gonna avoid that happening. So, okay, in other words, the blood in your veins and in your arteries, the cells that make them up are gonna slowly turn into ice and create like little snowflakes, essentially.
Cristina: When you die.
Jack: Yeah, that's when you die, essentially. That's why you can't unfreeze a person, but you can unfreeze somebody from cryostasis. Just freezing somebody will murder them. But cryostasis, the logic would be you.
Cristina: Could undo it, but what's the difference? What are you doing in cryostasis?
Jack: Oh, well, there's some sort of liquid that's highly unstable, and you can pump a gas that stabilizes in there, but it's not actually cold necessarily as much as it is just stabilizing.
Cristina: Does it turn into ice, though, or. It looks like ice or something. I don't know if it actually freezing the person.
Jack: I think it's just fluid.
Cristina: Okay, so they're in water or something.
Jack: Yeah, you don't want the water to turn to ice, essentially.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And the gas stabilizes the liquid so that it doesn't turn to ice. But we can freeze him is the point. Or not freeze him. We can stasis him, put him in cryostasis.
Cristina: Put him to sleep.
Jack: Yes. And then get Santa to go find him, track him.
Cristina: I don't understand why we need to do that.
Jack: So that he can be put under your Christmas tree. Why Santa?
Cristina: Why do we need to.
Jack: Also, this is a way we can get Santa if we needed to catch him.
Cristina: That is an interesting idea. Why would we freeze him? We should just ask Santa to get him.
Jack: Why? If he'd be dead? Because the Jews would kill him.
Cristina: We could ask him to go back in time.
Jack: Interesting.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So the question is, then we don't have to do anything. Just asking Santa to do anything. He'll just go and do it regardless of what it is.
Cristina: I guess as long as we've been.
Jack: Good, go murder Jesus.
Cristina: Except for that. No. I think you also have to ask for something good. And we're not asking him to murder.
Jack: Oh, we have to ask for something good.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: How is materialism good, Santa?
Cristina: I don't know. It's the top. That's the goodest thing you could ask for stuff. Stuff. He wants stuff.
Jack: Just get stuff.
Cristina: But we could have him bring Jesus from the past. It'll be a two part wish. You asked for him to time travel and I asked for him to come back with Jesus.
Jack: No, we wouldn't have to do that. Because based on the logic you're applying to Santa right now, the fact that he can even go back in time means we could just tell him, hey, I want Jesus from this year brought here right now.
Cristina: Actually, maybe this doesn't make sense. Does he have the power to time travel? I don't think so.
Jack: Why?
Cristina: Have you ever heard about a time traveling Santa?
Jack: No, but why would we hear about it?
Cristina: Because we hear about all his other weird stuff.
Jack: Yeah, but if he traveled through time, unless he was going forward and it just looked like he missed for a really long time or traveled backwards and they don't remember anything that happened subsequently. It we like how? How would we know?
Cristina: How do we know? But what if he doesn't have the power though? So I guess we do need a time machine. If he doesn't have time travel as a power.
Jack: But now the question is, does he have time travel as a power?
Cristina: How would we know? I don't know. Because I don't know any stories of Santa traveling through time.
Jack: What are his powers? Essentially he can change his shape and size.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: That allows him to travel through chimneys and stuff. He has some sort of aids.
Cristina: He could live forever.
Jack: He might live forever. He might be immortal.
Cristina: He might be immortal.
Jack: He can see and hear Everything. All the time.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Dude, even Jehovah doesn't have that. Dude, that's so nuts.
Cristina: He sees you when you're sleeping. Okay, yeah.
Jack: You could do things Jehovah doesn't see.
Cristina: Like what?
Jack: How the h*** did the snake get the fruit to Adam and Eve? If God saw that, then he intended for them to do that.
Cristina: Yes. So that he could punish them. Because he enjoys punishing.
Jack: He's a sadist.
Cristina: Yes. What are you talking about?
Jack: Yeah, he made a bunch of crap to destroy it all. I mean, I guess that's what a writer does, right?
Cristina: Mm. He enjoys punishing people as much as he enjoys.
Jack: Well, he can enjoy it. It doesn't make any sense.
Cristina: He's not a real God.
Jack: No, because that wouldn't be a real God. That's still a demigod. Getting enjoyment out of anything would still make you a demigod.
Cristina: Yeah, he's a demigod. Yeah.
Jack: Jehovah, right?
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Yeah, for sure.
Cristina: There's no way nothing about that story would make sense.
Jack: Nah, nothing about anything involving Jehovah would make sense.
Cristina: Exactly. No version of God that comes from any religion makes sense. If they're anything like these stories.
Jack: Yeah. They have straight up not care and not have a physical form because that also doesn't matter. Like, even the concept of acknowledging your creations wouldn't make sense because you don't give a f***. You. The concept of you alone makes no sense. And you're fully aware of that. And also you're aware of how it does make sense. Like all of the above.
Cristina: Yes. So, yeah, there's no actual God in any of these stories.
Jack: There's no actual God, the capacity, or there is a God and everybody's God.
Cristina: But none of these stories are telling the story.
Jack: Stories are telling the story of God. You're right. They're all just in the stories from.
Cristina: Random s*** from random demigods.
Jack: Maybe that means we're more God than those gods.
Cristina: How?
Jack: Because in theory, the mind is God. Right. That's what's happening in all those arguments that if it's a pure God, that's everything, then it's also nothing. And it must acknowledge all of that and somehow everything is it. Then the inside of your head is God. You're making everything your God. Yeah, because what would be the difference?
Cristina: What would make you more God than a demigod?
Jack: You made those things. Those things didn't make you the demigods. Yeah, demigods are some creation in the thing, while the real God is the big thing outside of the Thing?
Cristina: Yeah. You're saying we made the demigods?
Jack: Yeah, we made all the demigods. We had to. If. How do. Ah, man, I don't know. It's a very matrix, fourth dimensional point of view going on. But with a time machine, we'll also think more four dimensionally and then we can freeze Jesus.
Cristina: Yes. Okay, so then what are you. Why do we need Santa again?
Jack: Santa Claus is gonna go get Jesus Christ in cryostasis container.
Cristina: Why don't we. I don't understand why, if we're doing it ourselves already, we're kidnapping him, putting him in this machine.
Jack: Right.
Cristina: Why can't we just put the machine in the time machine? The machine that we're keeping him in?
Jack: Because the goal is to get Santa Claus.
Cristina: That's true. Why is he involved in this? I don't know. I feel like it's two different missions that don't relate. Why is this involved? Yeah, like why are you kidnapping.
Jack: I mean, might as well be practical and like make use of it at the same time.
Cristina: There's just like these two things don't seem to relate.
Jack: They're not. We're just knocking two birds out with one stone. We want both Santa Claus and Jesus.
Cristina: What's for?
Jack: I don't know. Experiments.
Cristina: Experiments. Because I know Santa probably can help us reach the other planet that. The planet gods or whatever.
Jack: You think. You think that's the solution?
Cristina: I think he could talk to Snow.
Jack: Think Santa could? I mean, look, he has to, right? That's exactly what like Frosty is. He's just.
Cristina: He's a freaking snow. Exactly.
Jack: He's just. No, he's sentient snow. Did Santa Claus make Frosty?
Cristina: I don't think so.
Jack: Sentient snow? What the h*** is snow?
Cristina: I don't know, but it became sentiments all by itself.
Jack: That's a question, right? Is it by itself? It was probably magic.
Cristina: What does that mean?
Jack: I don't know. There was a lot of magic up in the North Pole during North Pole days.
Cristina: Where's the magic coming from?
Jack: That's an interesting question. You're suggesting that maybe it's not Santa doing it, but maybe Santa's own magic is coming from some other source.
Cristina: Yes, because there's magical creatures like the elves, the elves.
Jack: The question is, are they getting their magic from Santa or is there some third party? Is everything in the North Pole getting its magic from Santa? Is he overpowered to that degree? The elves are getting it from him.
Cristina: Frosty's getting it because there's elves outside of the North Pole. Don't they have magic.
Jack: They're still connected to him somehow.
Cristina: He leads the elves also.
Jack: Is he link? It's like a human who got lost with the elves and then became the boss.
Cristina: Yeah. No. I don't know. No way.
Jack: Because he's not human himself. He can't be.
Cristina: But he is.
Jack: But he has crazy powers.
Cristina: He got that from something.
Jack: He got that from something. Oh s***. He got that from something.
Jack: Santa was just a guy. That was the point.
Cristina: Yeah. You know, the church was giving their saints powers.
Jack: Fascinating.
Cristina: Where did they get it from? They were getting it from Jesus.
Jack: Where did they get it from?
Cristina: Because he opened all those portals to the other side.
Jack: Is that how that went?
Cristina: I think so. I don't remember. Is that how that went? I feel like Jesus made a bunch of portals to. What's the other place called?
Jack: What other place? H***.
Cristina: Upside down. I don't know. The second world.
Jack: Oh, the shadow.
Cristina: The shadow realm.
Jack: Oh crap. That is what happened, right? The sacrifice of Jesus.
Cristina: No, Jesus was making actual portals.
Jack: Why? Because Jesus was the fake. No. Okay, let's review the story.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Somehow an evil deity of some sort showed up from the shadow realm, used fear to manifest. Yeah, that's what kept it round. Eventually the good one came a diff. Or a different one.
Cristina: Different.
Jack: Came and somehow disposed of that problem through X way and took their place. Thus the change of Old Testament. New Testament. Right.
Cristina: I think the other one's still around though.
Jack: They're both still around. Okay, but like when prisoner isolated somewhere. I believe now Jesus was the shadow one, right? I don't remember.
Cristina: I don't remember. But I'm pretty sure the other one's still around because I'm pretty sure Adam and Eve is in Atlantic.
Jack: Yes, that's right.
Cristina: And they're trapped, but in a protected dome. So that that other. The evil dark entity thing doesn't get them interesting.
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. This checks out.
Cristina: This checks out.
Jack: It sounds about right so far. So the argument is then that somehow Jesus blood because Jesus was going around opening portals. So then that's the point, right? There was a guy who went around spreading the word.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And then that gave people the knowledge and then get into fear and created thing and to come through.
Cristina: Because they were using the portals to set monsters into the world from that so that they can kill the monsters with the Holy Spirit or whatever. But that also helped create fear, which they need because power.
Jack: Yes, yes, you're totally right. The church was doing this.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So in the church. No, because it couldn't be adrenochrome. Right. Then we know that has to be. No, it can't be. It can't be. And I can tell you why it can't be adrenochrome. It's because he doesn't need more of it. He doesn't need Santa Claus. He doesn't need more adrenochrome. All he needs is the fear. And he's over freaking powered. Something they taught him or something they gave him or something. Made it so that he would go from being a man, being a God.
Cristina: The church?
Jack: Yeah, the church had to give St Nicholas something that then made him so overpowered. Unless St Nicholas and Santa Claus aren't the same guy, and then we still dealing with some other s***.
Cristina: I. So is this some random guy pretending to be St. Nick?
Jack: No, St. Nick is one guy and Santa Claus is another.
Cristina: Okay, so Santa Claus. We're just saying that they're the same people.
Jack: We could be. Maybe they are the same person, but they could be not. They could be different people.
Jack: They're probably the same person. I'm just throwing theories out there.
Cristina: Yeah, but where would he get his power? Whether he's the same or not the same? What is the power thing happening? Does that mean he could just be a creature from the other side?
Jack: If he isn't St Nicholas, then yes.
Cristina: How does that make sense?
Jack: Creatures from the other side, you can use fear to manifest.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: He could be something like that. Yeah, that makes sense. That checks out.
Cristina: He looks human. Maybe. Then again, no one's seen him. Really. It could be just a creature. It could be a creature, but transform into this man that we see, because that's what they like to do.
Jack: Oh, shapeshift. Well, we know he can shapeshift already.
Cristina: Oh, okay.
Jack: Yeah, like that's already a fact. He uses that just to get through your chimney.
Cristina: He could come from the other side. Okay, but then what about the magic? Where's all that magic coming from? Does it come from him?
Jack: Well, yeah, that's the problem. If he's from the other side, then he's messing with things that already have magic.
Cristina: I already have magic.
Jack: Yeah. Like fairies and s***.
Cristina: Yeah. And he can communicate with snow, though. That's important.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: Where does Frosty come from? He's a snow thing.
Jack: Well, everybody can communicate with Frosty.
Cristina: Yeah, he didn't make him that thing.
Jack: Well, we don't know if he can. If he made him. We don't know if Santa Claus made Frosty. We just know that Frosty can talk to anybody because he just speaks normal Language?
Cristina: Mm. Yes.
Jack: Yeah. So it's he made sentience. No. If he made him, I don't know. But then the question is, is the North Pole something that radiates some certain magic? So everything up there has these abilities and random crap. Not knowing how to use it results in things like Frosty being able to talk and walk and move around.
Cristina: I don't know. There's probably as much weird stuff there as there is everywhere else. It's just. It seems like there's more there because there's not a lot of people there.
Jack: Interesting. Well, then. Okay. So your argument is that there's a radius everywhere.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Of magic.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And that a bunch of crazy s*** happens in there, but over there, they're all within the same radius where the magic happens. So it happens to all of them, all time. And in other places there's just people kind of. Maybe one lives on the edge. Maybe nobody lives in it.
Cristina: Yeah, there's things everywhere. Vampire like things, all these different creatures. Werewolves, whatever. Yeah, everywhere. Japan's full of monsters. Ireland's full of monsters.
Jack: Ireland is full of monsters for sure.
Cristina: Exactly. So, yeah, North Polar doesn't have more than anywhere else.
Jack: But your argument would be that the North Pole has monsters and that that's the same thing happening everywhere else in the world. But that would just mean that there is. That they're by magic and not adrenochrome.
Cristina: Yes, because, like, it couldn't be adrenochrome because there's nothing up there, up where in North Pole to be getting adrenochrome. Like, if they were getting adrenochrome, where would they be getting it from?
Jack: Well, they're not getting adrenochrome. They're getting fear. Yeah, which is why what they gave St. Nicholas, if that is St. Nicholas.
Cristina: He'S the only one getting fear. Like, what are the elves getting? What are the magic snowman and any other magical creature?
Jack: Well, Santa Claus isn't just getting feared. The fear allows him to have all these abilities.
Cristina: Well, that's all him, though. What about all these other. Unless you're saying they're all coming from him.
Jack: Well, it could be. That's my theory. That if he's getting the power, he's sharing the power.
Cristina: Can they share the power that way? It doesn't feel like they can. Like, it always feels like these things just only an individual thing has the powers and just hoards the power until they go crazy.
Jack: Well, no, maybe it's beneficial. Maybe. You got to think about it. What if he's Granting them immortality in exchange for. You guys gotta be able to make certain things and do things quickly and whatever. Immortality is the guarantee here. You'll never age. You'll be immortal forever. All of you will leave forever. I will allow you to do that. But I need the power to do that.
Cristina: But if they're elves, they should already have that power.
Jack: Immortality.
Cristina: Yeah. I feel like all elves have that power.
Jack: No, they can age very far. Oh, they will die.
Cristina: Oh.
Jack: Regardless. Regardless. The point is that we can freeze Jesus.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And then Santa Claus will go fetch Jesus.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Or not freeze him, but cryostasis him.
Cristina: Yes. And then Santa Claus is gonna go back in time to get him.
Jack: No, he's not gonna go back in time. We went back in time and put him in cryostasis, and then time passed with him in cryostasis, and now it's the present, and Santa Claus is gonna go get him and bring him back.
Cristina: Okay. Okay. Because we hid him somewhere where he was at. Because we're not gonna travel with his body to where we're at.
Jack: Yeah. Because the point is to get Santa Claus.
Cristina: Yeah. Okay. And then what?
Jack: I don't know. We'll have Santa Claus or we can talk to him. Isn't the goal to get him the. To see one where he gets his power? Like, holy s***. Holy, bro.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: What?
Cristina: Also Just learn about everything that's going on in the North Pole. All these questions that we have. Yes, but.
Jack: And get. Maybe. Maybe he's strong enough. Maybe strong enough? He's omniscient. What?
Cristina: Strong enough for what?
Jack: To fight whatever crap the Cat people are on.
Cristina: Okay. But anyway. But what about Jesus?
Jack: What about Jesus?
Cristina: What are we doing with him? With the cryostasis? Okay. Keeps him alive. And then. Well.
Jack: Well, then we will retrieve him from the other side.
Cristina: How?
Jack: Well, there is a. I don't. I don't know the details myself, but there's a place. Cryonics Institute. It's people who freeze people.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And they're gonna give us this technology.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And do it from there. They have a website. We could just go online.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And get to the Cryonics Institute website. And on the Cryonics Institute website, they will allow us to subscribe to get frozen. But they got services.
Cristina: No way.
Jack: They got services for days. But they have a. We gotta go from the beginning. We're gonna break this down and break this down.
Cristina: Services, like, different services, like. It's not just freeze and then unfreeze. That's not it. Yes.
Jack: So there's a whole. Whole list of Things. But, but let's go through this real quick. Is the Cryonics Institute and they have cryonics emergencies. If you have cryonics emergencies, like you're.
Cristina: About to die, you're having a heart attack. I don't understand. There's not.
Jack: My grandma just died. Freeze her, please, so we can undo the death.
Cristina: But she's dead.
Jack: I don't know how it works. You're asking too many questions. But for a cryonics emergency, you can call if anybody. If anybody has a cryonics emergency list need to do this. The number is 1-586-791-5961. If you want to be frozen, cryonics is who you got to get in contact with. Now, their tagline, a second chance at life.
Cristina: If you're about to die, it doesn't make sense.
Jack: If you're like life extension with reach most affordable cryonic suspensions, okay, that suggests that there's alternate options.
Cristina: Affordable, like there's more expensive options.
Jack: World's largest provider of whole body cryonics. CI class performed more than no way to go.
Cristina: So are we gonna check out the emergencies?
Jack: No, we're not gonna check out the emergencies. You're gonna look at through some of these services and look at some of these descriptions.
Cristina: All right?
Jack: Life is priceless.
Cristina: Okay?
Jack: Imagine a world free of disease, death and aging. At the Cryonics Institute, we believe that day. That day is coming. And cryonics is presently our best chance of getting there.
Cristina: Okay, so they don't just want to wake up at any time.
Jack: No, they have.
Cristina: They're waiting for the moment where we're. We didn't. We don't wake up. We solved everything.
Jack: Yes. We stopped dying.
Cristina: Oh, my gosh. They think that's gonna be a moment.
Jack: The hope is the rapture happens and then the seven years of like, peace and then some years of h***, and then people disappear and then Earth is inherited by Jesus or some s*** like that. I think they're waiting for the paradise part of that narrative so they could just. Oh, oh, now it's the time that doesn't make sense.
Cristina: But okay.
Jack: Cause science, like our mission is to extend human lifespan by preserving the body using existing cryogenic technologies with the goal of revival by future science. But will it work? But will it work?
Cristina: No.
Jack: Research makes a powerful case for cryonics.
Cristina: The crazy thing is though, like, if there is a moment when we do reach all that stuff that they're hoping for, they won't be able to afford it because that's still going to come With a price. What?
Jack: Getting woken up?
Cristina: No, getting the. The medicine that's going to keep you alive after you've been woken up. The medicine that's going to keep all the diseases away from you, all that crap. Well, there wouldn't be because you don't have insurance. There's no way. They would have to give you something so that you wouldn't get diseases. There's nothing.
Jack: Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. I believe part of the thing is we would have solved everything. To the point that selling it would make no sense. It's too solvable.
Cristina: So solvable.
Jack: It's basic.
Cristina: Why like the flu, it just gets bigger and dangerouser and everything. Like you gotta always have something new to fight it because it's gonna get worse. Like there's no way to truly solve it. You just push it back. So wouldn't it be the same with everything else? You're just gonna push whatever back?
Jack: Well, we don't know if we can actually solve the problem. We're assuming our science is currently primitive and that in the future figure all that out. We'll figure all that out with enough time. Everything has a solution with enough time.
Cristina: Yes. I guess if you think time, if it's infinite.
Jack: It doesn't have to be infinite. It doesn't have to be infinite. Less than a thousand years, you've solved every medical problem ever. Science using technology. Technology has only existed for about a hundred years. Give it a thousand. Where do we land?
Cristina: I guess the only real way to solve all these problems is to become robots though.
Jack: No, we will definitely get far enough in science that we can handle it.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: For sure. That is just a fact of time. So long as a meteor doesn't destroy us.
Cristina: Oh crap. Do you see that last one?
Jack: Doesn't matter. Listen. Human cryopreservation.
Cristina: I get that one.
Jack: That's the basic one, right? So cryopreservation is an ambulance to the future. Keeping patients in a state of stasis with the hopes future technology will be able to revive them. Only CI members with funded contracts in place can be preserved. Okay, the next one is standby tools and training. And standby is the process. A process performed immediately following a person's legal death. CI provides instructions and emergency notification tools for members and non member cryo. Cryo what? Cryonicists alike. Member and non member cryonicists. Like cryonicist. A person who cryonatizes people.
Cristina: But wait, so like teaching people how to. We're not a member. We can still figure out how to do this?
Jack: Well, if you're gonna be in cryostasis, you'll be taught how to do cryostasis.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Or maybe. I don't know, I don't get it. Next is professional standby options. CI has arrangements with Suspended Animation Inc. To provide standby services at special rates for our members. These services are provided independent of CI.
Cristina: This sounds so expensive.
Jack: Could be ridiculous. Expensive. DNA and tissue preservation. CI will store tissues and DNA samples for members. We provide a special kit to collect samples and store and collect samples indefinitely at industry standard liquid nitrogen temperatures. This is a one time fee.
Cristina: And how does that help at all?
Jack: If you wanted your genetics to be preserved, to maybe be cloned or be regenerated in the future.
Cristina: Oh, okay. Like your first plan didn't work out. You got this backup plan.
Jack: Yeah, I suppose. And then the one you're very excited for. Pet cryopreservation. Over 170 people have chosen to cryopreserve their beloved pets with CI cryopreservation of dogs, cats and other small to medium sized animals gives your pet a second chance at life.
Cristina: Monsters. What? Why?
Jack: Why? Well, the good thing is that you will be able to live forever if this doesn't go horribly wr.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And it's probably gonna go horribly wrong because why wouldn't it?
Cristina: Probably. But why would your animal care. Why would they want to.
Jack: Who said your animal gives a. People will keep family members at the brink of death forever if it means they get to still have that family member alive.
Cristina: Depressing. That's so sad.
Jack: Reality. But they also have this little nifty video here. Gonna see if. Okay, okay. We just saw the video, first of all.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: $28,000.
Cristina: That's not bad.
Jack: It's not bad. It's not bad. If you wanted to be frozen, you could, like they said, afford this off of your life insurance.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Now, the fact that they had to support their claim with so much evidence is the like, the fact that it's not just like, oh, yeah, clearly this will work.
Cristina: Except we don't know if it's gonna, because currently it can't work. Like, yes, they can freeze you, but there's no unfreezing.
Jack: Yes, as of now. But also you're gonna die anyways.
Cristina: You're gonna die anyway.
Jack: And if you're about to die, freeze yourself.
Cristina: But the science that backs it up. That was not science backing it up. Those articles are not scientists specifically writing about the company.
Jack: Yeah, those peer reviewed, probably. About cryogenics.
Cristina: Yes, but not about this specific company.
Jack: Oh, no, I was Writing about the company.
Cristina: Yeah, but they made it sound like these scientists are backing us up. They're writing about us like. No, no, they're not.
Jack: No, you made it sound like that. They're back in cryonics.
Cristina: Isn't that what they're called? Cryonics. That's the company's name, but it's also.
Jack: The name of the process.
Cristina: Crap. That's very. Come on. Come on. That's not right. That's not right at all.
Jack: Yeah, yeah. Cryonics is what you're using.
Cristina: Yes, but then you're calling yourself that, and then you're saying scientists are backing us up, but it's not really.
Jack: They didn't say us. They said they're backing Cryonics.
Cristina: But that's their name.
Jack: Yeah, but it's also the name of the process. And those scientists are definitely writing about the process.
Cristina: Yes. It's still not right. I don't know. It's not right.
Jack: It's misleading.
Cristina: It's very misleading to you. What? I don't know.
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's pretty crazy. But it is possible we could just take one of these courses, the one that's a class, and be taught.
Cristina: That's so crazy, because you don't have to even be a member to take a course to learn how to do it.
Jack: No, you don't have to want to be a frozen. In order to go around freezing random, unsuspecting victims.
Cristina: I guess. I guess that'll help us.
Jack: Yeah. So we're gonna go learn how to do it. Pretty simple. Then we're gonna use our time machine, go back in time, find Jesus and do it to him.
Cristina: Yes, but is watching that video free, or do you also have to pay for that? Because they said members and non members, so that makes it sound like it's free.
Jack: But no, I'm sure you have to pay for the video. Like, members get the video for free. Non members have to buy the video.
Cristina: Oh, so crazy.
Jack: Order to start capturing.
Cristina: They also have, like, a donation button. Like what?
Jack: Everybody needs a donation button.
Cristina: Everything is so expensive. Who has time to donate as well?
Jack: That's already rich people.
Cristina: I guess. Like, I guess if you're doing that, you're not gonna need the money that you have anyway, so why not just give the rest away?
Jack: Yeah. Like, it's already. You've chosen to do something that's essentially a waste of everybody's time. Now the question is, what if works? If it works, we're not responsible for killing Jesus.
Cristina: No, because we didn't. But we have to take him to a time where this works. There's still time travel involved. And we can't take our ship to. I mean, our time machine to take him to the future.
Jack: No, we're not going to take him at all. Jesus is going to wake up in the future from us, but we're gonna get the ice cube from Santa. Simple. We're gonna learn how to create cryostasis chambers. We're gonna go back in time with our time machine to where Jesus was captured. Jesus. Right after he's crucified, but not died yet. We're gonna sneak him, we're gonna put him in a cryostasis chamber, and then we're gonna come back to the present. Then we're gonna get Santa Claus to bring him to you, to your Christmas.
Cristina: Tree, because we need him in the future.
Jack: No, listen to me, okay? In the middle of the night and Santa Claus and bring. We're gonna capture Santa and now we have Jesus.
Cristina: Yes, yes.
Jack: We can get Jesus in the present. Then we're going to use our time machine in the present to take Jesus into the future where the technology to undo the cryostasis exists.
Cristina: How, if we can't take him in the machine in the first place, can.
Jack: Take him in the machine. We're just not going to.
Cristina: Just for Santa.
Jack: Just to get Santa. Who's the point?
Cristina: Okay, but then the second time, we're just gonna take him to the future. Okay?
Jack: Yes. So that we can unfreeze him.
Cristina: But don't we need the money to unfreeze him? Because these people are paying for the service.
Jack: I mean, it's gonna be in the future where it's free.
Cristina: Where it's free.
Jack: So it's gonna be easy. It's so easy. Everybody has a defrost in their house.
Cristina: Okay. Why would everyone need one?
Jack: People are being found frozen all the time.
Cristina: Okay. They're just everywhere.
Jack: Yeah, chances are.
Cristina: Okay. This is a great idea.
Jack: Yes. That is the goal at the moment.
Cristina: It makes sense.
Jack: Yeah, it does.
Cristina: But, like, do they have plans? I want to see if they have, like, different plans. Like family plans.
Jack: Oh, no. We have to get different prices from them. They don't put the prices explicitly other than the collective 28,000. You have to have conversations with.
Cristina: Wow, that's lame.
Jack: Perhaps we can call them and find out the prices.
Cristina: Nah, you could do that.
Jack: Have whole conversations with them.
Cristina: Nah.
Jack: The point is that we can take Jesus to the future. We can have the future people who have the technology. Un. Cryostasis. Jesus Christ. Assuming, though. Well, they have we just go far into the future enough for that problem to be solved?
Cristina: Yeah. How far do we go?
Jack: I don't know.
Cristina: Is this gonna be like the time machine?
Jack: I guess we just have to keep jumping and hope for the best, right?
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You have to keep jumping forward and hope this time we land where we're going because we can't jump too forward. Who's gonna even understand us?
Cristina: Yeah, eventually we'll end up in the past somehow. I don't know.
Jack: I mean, I guess. Well, not really. The idea would be society collapses in such a way. I mean, I guess it would be exactly the time machine. We're gonna circle back around to the beginning of a different civilization. In that movie, they just happen to all look human still, or to some degree humanoid. Yeah, but like, really, really, we're not gonna look that way. This can change. We're gonna be some other s*** if enough million years go by.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: You know, this is how it goes.
Cristina: It's gonna be human dolphins, but can you imagine?
Jack: But in the future, we just have to make it to where they have the ability to solve the problem. And the first again, they. It has to be free. We have to go so far into the future that now it's free. Because you have to be able to get this procedure done without them, like.
Cristina: Ridiculous amount of bill or whatever.
Jack: Well, no, if you get to live, who gives a s***? Just ignore the bills. But they just simply won't do it if there's no way for you to pay. You have to make it far enough that that's not a concern. They have.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So one, we at least have to go that far into the future.
Cristina: We also need. We also need them to have figured out, like, how to solve every problem.
Jack: Like answer or whatever disease you have. At least whoever you are who's frozen or in cryostasis, wherever you are, your specific problem needs to have been solved at the same time that money has been dealt with and that they actually have the technology too. So the two sciences that need to have happened is whatever your problem is needs to have been solved and they need to figure out how to undo cryostasis. And economically, they need to have figured out how to just erase money from existence.
Cristina: Yes, very important.
Jack: Those three things solved will allow. That's the time period whenever those three things simultaneously exist.
Cristina: That's so far in the future. Yeah, so far.
Jack: Well, we don't know. Maybe it could just happen all tomorrow.
Cristina: They solved it by all becoming robots.
Jack: That's totally a possibility.
Cristina: It's the only way you can't get cancer if you're a machine.
Jack: But maybe we just figure out biology. We definitely are messing around with gene altering technology that might just kill us. Man. That one, that's gonna create super cancer. Second, that's also gonna create zombies. Third, that's gonna create literal monsters that are gonna start to plague earth.
Cristina: We already have the zombies.
Jack: We have the zombies.
Cristina: Yeah. That's why we were hiding in a. Oh, no, wait. We weren't hiding because of the zombies. We just had zombies on our island.
Jack: Yes. Unrelated to when you're hiding, think about what's happening here. Here. We essentially gave a bunch of people adrenochrome and then took it away from them.
Cristina: Is that how we made this? All right.
Jack: That's the only way we could have made those.
Cristina: I don't luckily remember how we made it.
Jack: I'm pretty sure it was the p. No. Crap. I think it was us. I think it was us by that point.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Me and our versions of us. I think those are the ones who did that.
Cristina: Those. Wait, you're saying us?
Jack: Yes, I think it was us. Us who were.
Cristina: Not another version.
Jack: Not a version of us. I think it was us. Us who were on that. So we're capable of astounding cruelty as well.
Cristina: Mm. Well, we didn't make it.
Jack: We. We bought that island or some s***, right?
Cristina: I don't remember.
Jack: No, we bought Dana White.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: A fight island or whatever.
Cristina: I just don't remember where the zombies came from. I just know that people can risk their lives and if they turn into zombies, we got more zombies, so it's fine.
Jack: But if they attraction.
Cristina: If I don't remember.
Jack: No, they don't.
Cristina: Where did the zombies come from? Did we just have one original zombie? Like, I don't.
Jack: Or maybe there was. Maybe there were people already working on zombies and we just confiscated their zombies because that's wrong.
Cristina: Anyways, that could be.
Jack: And we just. They're already there.
Cristina: Yeah. And then we got people to come to the island for the attraction of.
Jack: Zombies, which made zombies.
Cristina: Which made more zombies. But that was fine because it's already attraction.
Jack: And they fill out the contracts to go there anyways.
Cristina: Yes. That's part of being allowed to see the zombies is if you get bitten.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: You're stuck here.
Jack: Go to zombie island and if you get bitten, you're screwed.
Cristina: Yeah. So it works out.
Jack: True business, Woodman. There's a city and there's a game. You get a billion dollars. Right. Survivor. Last person surviving. $1 billion. Hunger Game esque thing. Except the city is closed off and it has zombies.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: That's it. There's a bunch of zombies and a hundred people are like, okay, we're gonna go into the city. Thousand people, whatever.
Cristina: More. Only one person can survive.
Jack: There's three. There's 3 million people in the city. Maybe not. Maybe there's like, you gotta survive there for 10 years.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: But in that 10 year period, you know, all the supplies you'll ever need are in there. And will regularly go back in and hide stuff. So you can just keep navigating and finding crap. But you can't leave. You gotta survive there 10 years. Exaggerated. You can survive there five years and you will get $1 billion, every single one of you who survives.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: But you're fighting for the same resources.
Cristina: Because I feel like you'd want to work together if, you know, like a, we can all win this money if we survive. But then again, the whole resource thing is a huge problem.
Jack: Oh, I got you. I got you. I got you. Problem solved. Problem solved. Problem solved. $6 billion divided by however many of you survive.
Cristina: Yeah. Like, once you get closer to the end and there's less resources, there's more reason to kill the people you're with. If you're with someone.
Jack: Yes. As you're getting closer to the end, the longer you. But he also. It makes sense to get a posse of people together so you can acquire as much crap as possible. Then not need to, but then you still know. What if there's a counter? That's all you really need to know. There's a bunch of zombies and there's a counter somewhere above the city or just on every screen.
Cristina: Everywhere.
Jack: You're always walking around and you always know how many people are left, but.
Cristina: Also how much time is left.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: Because it's. How many years? 10 years? 5 years? Yes. That's. When it comes to resources. I don't know. It's gonna be fighting.
Jack: Yeah. You're not gonna know. You're gonna get desperate at random moments. I think no time is better. I think just knowing how many people there are and not knowing how much time there is.
Cristina: Okay. Then you won't. You'll have less fighting.
Jack: I don't know. I don't know. Because I feel if there is. If you do put a timer.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And you use this timer to know what day you're at. As you get closer, you get more relaxed.
Cristina: I feel like you get more riskier too.
Jack: No, because you're gonna make it.
Cristina: Yeah. But, like, you're less worried about the People around you or the zombies around you. Because, like, oh, I'm gonna be home soon.
Jack: Yeah, everybody becomes a danger because you don't want to share. Yeah, everybody becomes more dangerous with every passing day. So as every day passes, you just get a little farther from people.
Cristina: Yeah, I probably would hide the whole time. I don't know.
Jack: You gotta last five years.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: How you gonna get resources if you're always hiding?
Cristina: If you're hiding somewhere that has a.
Jack: Lot of resources, you gotta get there first. How you gonna get there alone?
Cristina: I don't know. That's true. I don't know. That's sucky.
Jack: Gonna eventually have to rely on people.
Cristina: Yes, whatever. We should do this, though. We got the zombies, we got the island.
Jack: Well, we have to buy a city, close off a city.
Cristina: Why can't we just build a city on the island?
Jack: We could build a city on the island. We got a bunch of lizard people.
Cristina: Exactly. But what about Jesus?
Jack: We're gonna have him unfrozen, and then if he is in fact Jesus, we have solved a lot of problems. We got some overpowered being.
Cristina: Mm. So we should forget about saving the world and move on to this Zombie island movie show?
Jack: Well, no. What movie or show? Why would it become a movie or show?
Cristina: Become a show? Like, we can pay people to watch this.
Jack: Fair enough. This would be quite good entertainment. Yeah, but I suppose the point of this is Santa Claus, right? Yeah, because we want to get Santa Claus and we want to find out if Santa Claus is how. Like one. Truly. How overpowered are you two? Is that overpowered enough to help us stop whatever problem we have with the cam people? Because that's a problem.
Cristina: Yes. Or should we forget about that and go on to this Zombie island show?
Jack: You want to forget about Santa Claus and do this Zombie island show instead?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Why?
Cristina: Because it's more interesting.
Jack: Interesting.
Cristina: Unless he's into it.
Jack: All right, fair enough. We can set this experiment in motion. Right. So we're gonna build a city on Zombie Island.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And then we're going to keep track of what's happening on the island every week and report back with everybody. Maybe at the beginning of the episode, maybe at the end of the episode.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And we just let them know what's happening with the people on Zombie island that have volunteered to get paid. $6 billion divided amongst the however many people.
Cristina: And yes, maybe with that prophet, we don't have to wait to go to a future where we can't. We could afford unfreezing Jesus or whatever. Like, maybe we could afford the research.
Jack: Yeah, Just fund the research so we can unfreeze them ourselves.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Figuring out if we also have really good scientists. We do, but like, the fact that we would need to go forward in time despite the fact that we exist tells us that's a problem. It's just something about science right now that's making this impossible.
Cristina: Yes. Okay. So we do have to go to the future.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: No matter what.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: All right, let's do that. Let's save Jesus.
Jack: Save Jesus Christ for.
Cristina: I don't know how he's gonna help us again.
Jack: He's not helping us.
Cristina: He's not.
Jack: Santa Claus is helping us.
Cristina: Yes. Okay. For Santa. Jesus. For Santa.
Jack: Jesus is getting. I mean, Santa Claus is getting Jesus. Yeah, we're just getting Jesus.
Cristina: Using Jesus to get to Santa.
Jack: Yeah. And then we're gonna use Santa to solve all our problems.
Cristina: Yes. Okay.
Jack: Yeah. And we'll also be able to fit. Not just solve all our problems, but also understand what the h*** he is, where his powers come from, if he's in fact St. Nick or some other thing. And like where the. Did he give the abilities to everything in the North Pole or is there some anomaly happening? Is there thin places or magic bubbles or something going.
Cristina: Yes, probably. I bet that's what's happening.
Jack: Which one?
Cristina: It's just a weird place with weird things happening.
Jack: It could be. I mean, elves that can like generate random crap. A man in red with seemingly all knowledge. Again, how exaggerated is it to know everything? Everything all the time?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And you don't need to know. Ah, so exaggerated. You just know everything all the time. As long as you can remember everything, you know everything that's ever happened since you've had this ability. So you also know the past as far as you've had this ability. And you know the present that you can see at all times simultaneously.
Cristina: Almost like knowing everything.
Jack: It's almost like knowing everything. It's pretty, pretty exaggerated.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: If you can see somebody's thoughts as well, you know the moment they know that they're gonna do something. Nobody could ever hit you.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Somebody's about to shoot. You also know where to dodge. You're impossible to touch.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: You know everything everybody's gonna do the moment they know they're gonna do it.
Cristina: He's got some superpowers. Yeah.
Jack: That's so exaggerated. Jehovah doesn't have this. Jehovah couldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Some dude ate an apple behind his back and he was like, what? Why'd you do it? Like Whoa, dude. That happened in your own backyard. Literally.
Cristina: You gave it to them, though.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: Look at this thing. It's amazing. Don't touch it, man.
Jack: There's a lot wrong with Jehovah, right? But you don't touch the tree. It's the only thing here. Do you?
Cristina: I don't know. Yes. Like, no, it was on purpose.
Jack: You can't just, like, it feels like a setup. It does feel like a setup. It's like when a cop puts a. A really nice car in a really bad neighborhood and leaves the keys inside and then just parks across the street in an unmarked vehicle and just watching. Make it obvious that the keys are in there, leave the window open like somebody had too much faith. And then you see people start walking by.
Cristina: People actually try to steal those cars.
Jack: Yo, these are setups, and they're all over the Internet. Yeah, you can watch. It's great. Oh, watching these videos, it's so beautiful. But it's that setup. It's entrapment. That's hella illegal. Oh, this is, like.
Cristina: It's not illegal for. For God, no.
Jack: Yeah, because he was. But also, that was Jehovah of dark. And also, you know, it's still not illegal, but, like, it is a setup. It feels really set up. Here's a tree. This very one right here. Just this one? Yeah. Don't do anything with this one specifically. Don't touch it. All the other. I don't care about the substance, but.
Cristina: You live right next to it. You'll see it every day for your whole entire life.
Jack: This tree. That's the center of this place, is the one tree you can't touch. No, don't worry about it. Everything else is fine. Nothing's off limits in here except this one tree. Don't you. Don't you touch this tree. I'm not gonna tell you what it does, but you don't touch it. You don't look at it. You don't so much as sn. You don't inhale air. This tree is around. Anyways, I gotta go. I'm gonna be over there with my.
Cristina: Back turned to you, even though I see and hear.
Jack: Yeah, I can see and hear everything that's happening. I'll be over there looking at that other tree. That's super insignificant, bro.
Cristina: I don't understand, like, because they understood him or they didn't understand, like, did he not explain himself of, like, what he was, man? Did they not know?
Jack: I never thought about that. That's a huge problem. That's a huge problem. They had no understanding. They had no sin.
Cristina: No understanding of anything. They had noise. Just told them, hey, don't do that.
Jack: No, look, they had no sin yet. Yeah, they had no sin yet. They hadn't sinned. So they're pure. They're as pure as God literally intended them to be before the interference of Lucifer, they were as pure as God intended them to be. They had no ability to make malice and only had the ability to make the right choice because no sin had come into existence. So why did they disobey what they didn't know, though?
Cristina: He didn't tell them anything. He didn't tell them what he was. Don't.
Jack: No, no, no, listen. He said don't eat the fruit.
Cristina: That's all they knew?
Jack: Yes. Why did they have the ability to eat the fruit if they wouldn't have disobeyed? They already knew. He explained he was God. And for whatever reason, you just listened to me and they're like, okay.
Cristina: But they still disobeyed.
Jack: But they still disobeyed. Meaning God's most perfect creation in its most perfect state was flawed.
Cristina: Yes. Oh, I guess because it didn't take much, he could not. It wasn't even peer pressure or anything. It was like, hey, go, go eat that.
Jack: Okay. The answer to the question is he can't make the rock.
Cristina: Can't make the rock.
Jack: Can God make a rock big enough he himself couldn't push? Well, he couldn't make the rock to begin with, and even if he could, he couldn't have the strength to push it. But no, he can't make the rock. And if somebody else made it, he couldn't push it because he's not all powerful. That's what happened. He couldn't make perfection. Jehovah within the Bible itself in its first important moment other than the actual creation. But it's for. God's first react. Interaction was with the creating of an already flawed being. Actually, the same argument stands.
Cristina: Yeah, that they were flawed and he had that apple thing piece. He knew he needed them to feel like, oh, they are the reasons they're flawed.
Jack: Well. Well, no, because there's also the. The one before that. Because God also made Lucifer.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Lucifer was flawed?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: God's never made something perfect. No, the lie is that he tells you it's perfect, but it always goes wrong. Entropy affects everything that God touches. It's all just 3D s***. It's. God is constrained by. D***, he's probably dead, bro. God's trapped by the same laws of physics.
Cristina: Yeah, he is.
Jack: He really Is entropy still affects everything that Jehovah does. That's crazy, because Adam and Eve were not pure. Neither was Lucifer. Even if the. Even if for infinite number of years he was following orders and doing it right, eventually he wasn't. It was not perfect. It just took an infinity to happen. But it happened.
Cristina: But it happened.
Jack: But it happened. Jehovah has never created anything perfect. There's no proof of it.
Cristina: No, I guess not.
Jack: Not even within the Bible. The only argued perfection was Adam and Eve before the apple. But why don't we ever consider that the angels should have been perfect. They should have all been perfect. Except some of them just were. Just like what? Did they also not know what the h*** God was?
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: Why would they just be like, nah, we could take him, bro. The fact that they thought that is something crazy. If he's all powerful and you know it's. Then no way you're f****** with.
Cristina: They know him. Like they know. No, in a way we don't know.
Jack: And they're still like, no. We could probably win the war.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: D***. There's something not right there.
Cristina: Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
Jack: Interesting. Crazy.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Somehow Jesus is gonna be useful if he turns out to not be a guy. If he's not a guy. Well no, he's not a guy. We know that. Crap. He's useless again. He's just. He's just a vampire. And so were the apostles. Those are just the first people he bit after he drank a bunch of blood. D*** place.
Cristina: We'll still have Santa. That's important, right?
Jack: Yeah. And there's a lot of power there. Which is another kind of God.
Cristina: Yeah, he's the real guy.
Jack: He's a real God. Yeah, he is. Jehovah's two small potatoes, bro.
Cristina: Yeah, he's.
Jack: He can't even make even Santa's freaking plan to get fears perfect. All knowing really is overpowered. Yeah, he just has some in place. That works, bro. And it just keeps working.
Cristina: Yeah, he. He won. I don't know.
Jack: Literally Jehovah couldn't figure it out. You cannot. You have to just be a demigod, bro. I mean, some random dude Saint Nick just passed you. If it's ain't there, which you're gonna find out anyways. Anyways. Anyways. Too much crap. All at the same time.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: We're running out of time here. Yep. So basically the conclusion is this plan could work. The whole point of this episode was for me to tell you to explain to you that yes, your dream come true. Of having. But it won't be in a nice block. So I guess it's not your dream come true, but it's some variance of this.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And then we'll catch Santa because we'll just make it happen. Or at least get to interact with him. Your dream, my dream, or not even a dream. It's a wish really. But it allows us to get Santa.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: We don't have to capture him. We just need to find him, which is hard to do. And we'll talk to him. And in talking, the him will find out all the secrets. And we'll also have Jesus because he'll bring them to us. Even if we'll find Jesus, which will also answer a bunch of questions.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Yeah. The hardest part is also the most irrelevant one, which is getting Jesus out of the cryostasis in the first place, which just involves a whole bunch of traveling to the future, finding the right intersection of events.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And then getting it done. And then coming back in time with Jesus out of the cryostasis. So we have potential. Just guy or potential. Some form of a deity.
Cristina: We should probably tie him up or something.
Jack: I know. Because the possibilities that he's just a bad guy are really high.
Cristina: Yeah. If he's just a vampire, it's not going to be safe.
Jack: Waking him up probably definitely a vampire.
Cristina: And like putting him to sleep. Because we gotta put him to sleep first.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: That's step number one. We gotta find him alive.
Jack: Well, we. We know.
Cristina: Well, he'll be weak if we get him. At the moment he's being on the cross, he's gonna be super weak there.
Jack: This whole plan is really stupid.
Cristina: Why?
Jack: Because he's probably just in a hole somewhere. Because he already can't die at this moment. Because he's immortal. Because he had adrenochrome.
Cristina: Well, we're not going after that Jesus. That's in our present. We're going to get the one that's in the past that we know is weak, that we can catch.
Jack: The one now is probably weak because he was a vampire then.
Cristina: He still wouldn't he still be a vampire.
Jack: Yeah, but he was a vampire then. When he was closer to the last time he had adrenochrome than now when they threw him in a hole somewhere. And that's why we haven't heard of him.
Cristina: But he's way more vicious now. He's been in the hole this whole time.
Jack: Yeah, but way weaker.
Cristina: Craving blood.
Jack: He's a zombie.
Cristina: Yes. Zombies are not good.
Jack: He's a single zombie. We can definitely tank a single zombie.
Cristina: Okay, but then how are we gonna get Santa involved?
Jack: Well, now we just have to totally wish for him to just bring a zombie Jesus. That's actually way easier.
Cristina: Dangerous. Okay, I guess if we put zombie Jesus in our island of zombies, we.
Jack: Could have zombie Jesus in our island.
Cristina: But like, how is that gonna help be helpful if he's a zombie?
Jack: I don't know. Look, you can find more information on stuff at our socials, usconvopod, everywhere, Twitter, Instagram and. And TikTok and stuff.
Cristina: Facebook.
Jack: Facebook.
Cristina: Yes, you can remember to subscribe, rain review the show.
Jack: Send us emojis and stars.
Cristina: And stars. And the people who might like this show know about it.
Jack: Yes. Word of mouth talk. Scream at them, yell at all the people, tell them. And then you're gonna be like, oh yeah, that show.
Cristina: And then lick them.
Jack: That's how it works.
Cristina: This has been the Rambling podcast. Take nothing personal. Thanks for listening. Bye.
Jack: That's society for you. That's exactly how the it works though. And nothing's gonna happen to these guys. Nothing. Me too. Movement goes. Came up. Too many liars hopped on board. Movement died the f*** down. There was a great movement there. At some point. Guys were getting outed, but some people needed f****** attention. Jumped on and dissolved it.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: The amount of liars overcame the amount of truth tellers to the point that the people who were lying were lying about people who already wised up to the fact that this movement was rising and saved proof. Holy f***. How long and how many of you were just bullshitting that you told people to just start recording your interactions just in case You're a sleazy weasel.
Cristina: If Kevin Spacey is alright, is he still alive?
Jack: Probably.
Cristina: I hope so. Good morning. Good morning, whoever Debate. The podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by great dots.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McCallister with social media managed by Amber Black.