Death at 30: Update 2021

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I didn’t do it.

You would literally not believe what I will tell you, like a fucking miracle, shortly after the last update things got interesting and I got sidetracked. And for the first time in my life, I literally forgot I was doing this at all.

And I won’t go into great detail because who the fuck are you and why do I care what you know?

But it was exciting. It was thrilling. And it was sad and happy…

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Traumatic Hypocrite

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…just to be able to avoid acknowledging the hurt of others, to in return have a built-in excuse that allows me to ignore my own. A clever little trick that makes it appear as though the reason I’d be a hypocrite is because of talking about it, but in reality, I’m a hypocrite for pretending we aren’t all scarred and broken. Scared and chokin’ on the thoughts unspoken.

I tell people to open up, speak their truths, acknowledge their pain and work through it by exposing themselves to the trauma head-on. Meanwhile, I speak to no one about the demons I face. Quiet internal battles. I’m so well versed at the art of misdirection that I’ve trained myself to store backup smaller traumas to disclose the moment I’m questioned on the subject. Practical, tactical…

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Despair

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…life trying to piece together who I believe I am, all while pretending I have it figured out. I haven’t a shred of an idea.

Word vomit covers the floors and surfaces, splashing across in random directions. I seek patten in all the madness hoping to find organized chaos. Lingering shadows hover over my shoulder with twisted grins watching my every move.

Perpetual nausea in the pit of my stomach leaves a lasting unease to pair with the chest pressure restricting airflow. Only in deep breaths does…

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Dancing in the Rain

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She makes you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain.

But when we reviewed the footage, there was no one but you, sir.

We’ve got you in multiple camera talking to yourself in the rain naked.

The bodies were found nearby and the knife had your hand prints on it. All the evidence aims towards a premeditated murder. But based on your account, it seems you’ll likely plea insanity.

The interrogation room door swings open with one of the officers reviewing the footage in another room with a horrified look on his face. “Sir, I we need you to come…

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Death at 30: Update 2020

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So basic update, the apocalypse began early this year. It’s very boring and very slow. A mutant virus broke out of what could only be described as the real-world Umbrella Corporation and infected a large portion of the world’s population. But instead of creating mutants or zombies, it created sheep and bigots. So… Yeah, that was unexpected. I’m also not sure there is even…

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Direction

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A short poem expressing thoughts on life and making choices.

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Question marks in the air

Answers aren't abundant

Uncertainty is persistent

Aimless wander is built into the system

Aimless wonder is built into the system

Its not different destinations

Its different paths to the same destination

Not knowing where we step

A warn dirt roads

Paved streets

Or a jungle and a machete

Question marks in the air

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Insomnia

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Sleep isn’t easily accomplished in my life. I spend nights quite awake, tinkering and creating. When I attempt to force myself to rest, I merely lay there for hours on end. Quite often I can only find I’m sleepy during the day.

Interesting that our society is built to function during the day and be dormant at night, rather than consider there might be people who function best at night.

When the clock is ticking, but my eyes wont shut I find myself writing, thinking, processing the infinite possible paths life can take and has already taken. I’m a curious person, always excited to…

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Viral Karma

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Once every few hundred years two remarkable things happen.

One is always good. This time? The discovery of gravitational waves has revolutionized the world of science and answered a plethora of questions allowing science to move forward to knew questions based on the discoveries made and new hypothesis for previously unanswered questions based on the same discovery.

The second… I always bad. Usually catastrophic in some manner, shape or form. And more often than not is comes in the shape of a pandemic. In the previous hundred year we faced the H1N1 Flu outbreak. 1918. This was tragic and we were well under prepared for what came for us. This is usually the case. Now we encounter the Corona-virus, causing Covid19 the disease. And like before, we are well under prepared. It’s human nature to forget our past and repeat our mistakes. It’s miraculous that we can both obey the logic of science so precisely and detect gravitational waves and then completely ignore science so precisely we miss something that the numbers tell us is a statistic probability.

Human nature is quite fascinating. We seem to always loop back to where…

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