Trepidation

A spiritual journey from addiction to withdraws to recovery

————

Thy storm raged o’er weeks, lightening spent a’ore some malevolent ancient God landed its burning plasmatic tendrils deep unto his body yet remained he there in defiance! It challenged all that made who he was, seizing the moment…he could not fail now!

“Hurt thee where thy wilt, tis naught pain I fear, d'oeth thou, truly imagine thine own heart so pure? Nay, thusly so thine own actions mov'th heavens o’er whilst banning happiness below? D’oeth thou believe I’ve no recourse? Truly unto thee say I thy foul beast…leav'th thee…mine vivacity shall remain...spite thee, mine last breath spent far from those shores seek’th I O’ through this age!”

O’er heavens, o’er earth, thusly the battle ensued, devoid O’ remorse, quarter given not d’oeth thee ‘spite such cries…b‘low gloomiest night, fulminated O’ thou ancient fiend! His body writhed, twisted contortions t’winged as foul sweat poured forth, his brow drawn tightly so, looking t’wards darkening skies o’er!

Thusly t’was some deity threw thine iron born cage, a ’wrapped him tightly so, his entire body struck, surrounded in haste! Trapped t’was he now…t’ fight seemed lost…yet with nerve a'new dawn just beyond that ominous purple deep therein t’was hope saw he...clung'th with all his might, spoke'th he a ’loud…

“Say’th thee gods o’ old, what d’oeth shriek so? A ‘lay thou so unjustly at mine feet!?”

“O’ thine eyes see not, thou tis thine worst enemy justly written eons ago, O’r t’was not I who’th flung thee deep unto abysmal ways, thou I say, look to thine past and stare down thy wretched bygone deaths a’fore thee to lay such culpabilities O’ mine eye’s, mine very ears hear thee now…what troubles thy wrought, thine actions bereft of humility, depravity tis thy right! Yet, lay no misgivings O’ mine stars, the heavens shall not suffer thee, justly cast down thee O’r earth below, sit thee silent, look no more, O’r starless eve!”

“Hear I gods, thy misgivings a ‘told my soul for I lay upon this earthly plane, surrounded beauty with no restraints….O’ mine mind sought those shallow endeavors mine soul rebelled so! Tis true, yet…when I sought solace in thee t’was you who’th hast maliciously…nay lavishnessly thrown ‘bout mine life expected thou to behave so righteously? O’ slump d’oeth I on mine knees seeking hope…Ere pleasures of the flesh! Tis O’ place to reach that land of wisdom bore at mine young age… suffer I t’wence light, darkness whore I….t'ween lands where greyness blinds all ‘fore weak’nd moments? Am I to suffer so?”

“Suffer thou must, thy journey to the land ere acumen’s is fraught with peril! Deeply thine own soul discerns thusly so…tis true!”

“O’ heavens! Mine own forefathers taught me, admit freely I, is there any hope for I am lost in the dark'st lore, weary born stroke I struggle, ragged age pounding mine gunnels, every wave crashing with contention especially so; a reminder as mine body cries out mercy t’was silent echoes, abyss O’ sorrowful sowed I, a’fore mine darkness…I am blind!”

“Nay, thou see’th truth lucidly, so close art thou, success thine fingers reach out now, clutching tightly a’fore thou art rowing, a precipice far tis now where thine reality exists. Tis what thou sought, not mine quest, d’oeth thee see?”

“Yet that everlasting veil set upon mine eyes…how d’oeth I recall that which denied mine wit, mine soul on this very plane!? O’ t’was thine own quest, ask not that thy mission would fall a ’foul each journey see thy not!”

Sitting heavily a'top gnarled wood plank, he looked out t’wards a distant shore he sought. Each failure come'th a realization, a dreary recognition he would fight to recall lessons long learned, fight he must, for age and wisdom were rarely parted if one survived each gift, one might grow old,

O’ grey tresses fallen, thinning…to reach ashore a‘far…so vague, fastidious…a'far off place to only excepted thee dead! “O’ what of those a’ore me gods, what they’ve wrought to be in thy presence? T’was who’ve died so young…so innocently torn from a mother’s arms? What did the addict do to reach thy shores O’ wisdom be damned!?”

“Thou art blind! These thou speak of sought, to induce thee say we, thine own path easier made O’ previous sacrifices…tis a gift O’ each an inspiration, for shooting stars ignite hopes, dreams…so fleeting, yet these acts remain in thine mind, burned there forever until the heavens shone forth and fall upon thee to end of all things lay born O’r all to see.”

As this final answer rolled across the skies, it rippled through his very soul…vibrating with a final fury he was struck a‘back! T’was he truly challenged to seek answers like this?

"How could I find peace, mine soul crying for affairs a’far now this body could no longer endure? Mine hope lost, set upon by those things…tis not this mediocre life now sustained t‘wit my body rebels! I’ve traveled so far…denied entry to a land born O’ fruit, deprivation mine food tis ash, eaten till mine own bulk is buried deep ‘mognst worms, rich earth embracing, a slumberous abode, dark despair; shrouded thine very covering a’born I these past sixty years! A’las, mine culmination fear I, tis empty of earthly accomplishments that bare any semblance to mine soul. T’was not mine body but my soul I wanted others to see a’fore I fell ‘low the horizon lost to a generation or three, will not mine name remain for all to see?”

A zephyr whispered…”Which is more important the book or the lesson? In right action, your example lights a’way for all to see ‘cross these darkest nights upon this endless sea.”

Rarely women, child, nor man shall fully understand until they reach that forgotten land far off the setting sun. Thou might seek them through prayers and thought, tis thine own actions that wrought each path all must take to the shores of that distant place.

Blessed thee art O’ final rest therein upon that distant place of light O’ warmth…O’r those sands glowing ‘mognst firelight, each soul hast passed through err’ eternal realm mornings light capture mine eyes o’gaze shooting yonder horizons from thy sight….

Finis…

By A. T. Hirsch

From: United States

Website: https://www.echoesfromtheabysswix.org/

Instagram: @AT HIrsch

Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/pg/DasHirschenhofer