Rambling 162: Bad Relationship Advice 4
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What is love? Is it babies hurting people? Is it begging to not be hurt anymore? With Valentine’s Day around the corner, the duo take a break from saving the world and decide to save the hearts of listeners instead. On this 4th installment of relationship advice they’re challenged by the most difficult heartbreak questions submitted to date. Prepare to feel the love!
+Episode Details
Topics Discussed
- 41% of all marriages end in divorce
- Why does my ex text me? 5:21
- Partner is weirdly close with mom! 7:18
- Is my partner keeping their options open? 10:37
- Wife says she wants kids but secretly takes birth control! 13:55
- Partner wants me to abandon my hobbies and friends for hers! 18:56
- Is a 15 year age gap too much? 23:48
- Partner doesn’t want marriage or a family, but I do! 31:05
- My son is dating an older man. What should I do? 34:46
- Advice on taking my partner’s virginity? 41:30
- My ex stalks me online! 47:30
- My partner left me after we lost our pregnancy. 51:41
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+Transcript
Cristina: Warning. This program contains strong themes meant for a mature audience. Discretion is advised.
Jack: Going live in five, four.
Cristina: What does live mean?
Jack: Welcome to the Rambling Podcast. Well, as in well, water and c**. As in what you j***. The show where we ground humanity's most absurd and baffling ideas in childish ways. I'm your host, Jack.
Cristina: Your host, Christina.
Jack: And if you haven't yet, remember to hit that subscribe button to get notified the second new episodes are released.
Cristina: Also, this show is most enjoyable with a listening partner to share opinions and ideas on topics we discuss.
Jack: Yes. More so since this episode is about water and c**.
Cristina: I don't think so.
Jack: Oh, no. Well, whatever. You need a partner anyway. Especially because this episode is not about water and c**, but about love.
Cristina: It might have some c** in it.
Jack: It might have water, too. Is c**'s technically water?
Cristina: I guess water is like the tears that most people will be crying about when they write.
Jack: Yes. Y. Yes, there's both. Some people are jizzing all over the place, and some people are crying, and.
Cristina: Some people are doing both, and some.
Jack: People are crying while jizzing. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad. Sometimes it's a really powerful o***** and yay. But sometimes somebody just got raped. So in both instances, happy and sad come and tears. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. You can also tell somebody, like, I hope you come very well. Welcome.
Cristina: I hope you come.
Jack: Hey, man, I'm about to get laid. Welcome.
Cristina: That's great.
Jack: Anyways, it's that time of the year, people. That fantastic time of the year.
Cristina: It's almost that time.
Jack: What's in, like, two, three days? Something like that.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You know, whatever they'll listen to. They don't know day, and they'll be like, it's a day away. I know. Monday, right?
Cristina: It's Monday. Monday, Tuesday, Monday, Monday, Monday.
Jack: Oh, yes. It's two days away.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And, yeah, so once a year, around Valentine's Day, we land right back at an episode where we use our expertise as psychologists, sociologists, masters of the mind and the heart. You know, we spend an entire year telling you guys about love and how to treat each other. And once a year, we let you guys tell us or ask us questions so we can personally address. Instead of telling you about my giant cockroach wife that I fell in love with.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: You know, instead of telling you about how Wet Judge loves another wetchudge, which we do every episode that has ever aired.
Cristina: Our show has been about romance this whole time.
Jack: Yes. It's not a religious podcast. It is a podcast about love. It's always Been a podcast about love.
Cristina: It has been.
Jack: It has been. Why did I destroy the entire cockroach people's planet? Because I love humanity. It's always been about love. We've always done everything for love. And we will continue to do everything for love. And so today we got questions from our listeners. We posted on Instagram and had an absurd flood all the other times on Instagram. So we entirely stopped posting on Twitter because it is problematic. There are too many people who are just trolling on Twitter. Instagram people have actual heartache for some reason. I don't know why all the sad boy tears and sad girl tears are on Instagram, but they are.
Cristina: I guess it's because all the trolls are on Twitter.
Jack: Well, not really. It's because all the Karens and Kyles are on Twitter just raging at each other. They don't have the capacity to cry because they could only feel rage.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And they don't feel love. All they feel is cancel and rage.
Cristina: Cancel and rage.
Jack: Yes. Those are the only two emotions that exist on Twitter. So we stopped that and now we get nice amount. No longer excessive as f*** the way it was on Twitter.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: But more loving and more honest. So that we can s*** on your questions. Yes, yes, so we can s*** on your questions because they're probably stupid and easy to solve and you need somebody as rational as usual to help you through the things that should be common sense in your life but aren't because you are not common or you are common, which means you got no common sense because common sense isn't that common.
Cristina: Whoa, whoa. Okay, I'll ask. I'll read the first question.
Jack: No, no, no. Let's begin by giving everybody a quick statistic as to why we do this.
Cristina: Oh, okay.
Jack: Yes. Because I know we've done this at random. Well, not really random. Same time every year. Anyways. Point being, yes, we do this because love does fall apart sometimes and people have hard times. In fact, the global divorce rate for 2021 was 41% of Earth's married population got divorced.
Cristina: What Was that percentage?
Jack: 41%.
Cristina: 41.
Jack: Yes. So most relationships are gonna fail. And if you sent us a question, that means you're probably in a relationship. If you are married, you are probably getting divorced. Facts. That's some facts. Yeah, your relationship is probably gonna fall into shambles shortly after you sent us this question. Yeah, but it's alright. We're gonna try to save you from that. Luckily, you did send us a you not divorce for sure.
Cristina: Yeah, you'll be in that 41% who.
Jack: Doesn'T send us questions.
Cristina: Yep.
Jack: Oh, you'd be in that. 41% who doesn't send us questions. But you know what? You're in that. What is it, 69? No, it's 59% that does. Wow, beautiful.
Cristina: Yes. So now the first question is, what are my ex's motives when she texts me after seven months of breaking up with me.
Jack: Assuming that they ended things on good terms? Maybe she's just a good human and because you were somebody important in her.
Cristina: Life, she wants to be friends.
Jack: She's not even be friends. Maybe she's just checking up. Hey, it's been seven months since we broke up. How are you dealing? You coping? You doing well?
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Now, if it ended on bad terms, maybe s***'s hitting the fan for her and she's like, oh, I saw the other side of the f****** fence was not actually greener grass, and I'm coming back. In which case, f*** that b****. But if that isn't the case, and she's being incredibly nice. Maybe she's being incredibly nice.
Cristina: How do you tell? I guess you gotta find out. Well, you gotta text him back.
Jack: He would know if they ended on good terms.
Cristina: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would know that.
Jack: Yeah. If he doesn't know that, then.
Cristina: Oh, like, I meant, like, of what she was going through right now.
Jack: Oh, no, it doesn't matter because either they ended on good terms and she's just checking up, or it was on good terms, which means maybe being without you allowed her. Her to realize things and she's coming back to. Maybe she wants to talk about and be like, what did go wrong? And let's have that discussion, because maybe it's something that was not as bad as we thought it was. Could we move past that and fix this? Or is it just what it is now? Yeah, there's a million reasons she could be getting. Maybe she's just a kind person. Maybe she's just social, you don't give a f*** about you. Somebody to talk to or that, like, who knows?
Cristina: She'd be bored.
Jack: She could be bored. Yeah. Or maybe because you were somebody important in her life. Maybe she's not even trying to get back with you. Maybe it's not the grasses. Maybe she's going through other trouble and she already trusts you. Yeah, she already trusts you. She's been with you. So maybe she just wants some different perspective on something.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And she wants to come to you. And like, maybe it's not weird at all.
Cristina: It's probably not weird I guess my boyfriend is too physically affectionate with his mother and it makes me uncomfortable. How could I bring it up to him without sounding like a b****?
Jack: How physically affectionate how? That's the question, right? Because there's degrees here. If it's like he hugs her a lot and kisses her on the cheek, maybe you're being paranoid. Like that's his mom, Whatever.
Cristina: Somebody they cat kiss on the lips, is that too far?
Jack: Okay, now you would need some background. That's a background type of scenario. Was he raised in a circumstance where that is weird? Like if he did that with his aunt, is that weird? Do they see it as a sexual thing? And if it is, why are you doing it with your mom?
Cristina: I think that's the most important thing. Is, is it obviously sexual?
Jack: Yeah, yeah, but because we, if she had the question answered, you know, so the idea would be if she can get a reference point so she can find out like if she could weigh that to something else. If you just mentioned to him, hey man, why don't you kiss your aunt like that? And he was like, that's weird. Then like, why is it okay to do it with your mom though? But it could be different. Maybe it's not a tap kiss, which is so odd. But like it's. Some people do that. Some people do that. Yeah, it's weird to some of. But like kind of almost half depending on where you were raised in the United States and actually globally depends where you land, where a kiss is weird and where it's not. Yeah, it's just a kiss.
Cristina: I guess like tongue kiss would be too far.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: Tongue kiss would be too far.
Jack: Yes, yes. But like if it's just a tap kiss and it doesn't come across weird. Okay, but like maybe she doesn't mean kiss. It's physical. How physical do we mean? Well, no, cuz I literally have family who does that. They'll like slap their mom's b*** as a joke.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And it's non sexual. Yeah, but I know it is weird to other people. I'm fully aware that some people find it weird, but in this particular part of my family it's not. This is like, okay, we, we desexualize that very young. So you don't have sexual attraction to your family because it's weird?
Cristina: Yeah. So he could be doing things that might look to some people as sexual, but it might not.
Jack: But it might not be. It might totally be innocent, but there's, there's a line there. Like does he sit at the couch and his mom sits next to him and then she's rubbing his inner thigh. Okay, Weird.
Cristina: That's weird.
Jack: Ask questions.
Cristina: Is he sitting on her lap?
Jack: Is it? Well, that's not necessarily weird.
Cristina: Okay, I don't know where the line is.
Jack: This is my point. It has to be things that come across weird no matter what, and then you gotta ask. Okay, but if it's like vague, I mean. No, that's when you ask. If it's vague, that's when you ask. But if it's obvious, you're right. If it's obvious, then you got a problem. So you look for those obvious things and if there aren't any, this could just be in your head. Yes, and then you ask.
Cristina: And then you ask.
Jack: But if there are obvious signs.
Cristina: Mmm.
Jack: S***. Like there's no culture where rubbing the inner thigh of your son's leg close to his d*** is alright? No, that's never happened in all of time. Except, I guess, the cultures that focus on incest.
Cristina: Well, what if he says that that's part of his culture?
Jack: Then she has learned that, yes, it was entirely sexual.
Cristina: Ah. Oh, that's such an awkward situation. That's just normal for him. Next question. My girlfriend, who I've been seeing for four months, asked me not to kiss her in front of her guy friends. How would you proceed? Is there any other reason why? Then she. Then she. Keeping her options open.
Jack: take English, bro. But listen, he. The way he wrote that confused the h*** out of me. I get what he's saying, but it's like the. The she. He lost me there. Okay? No, there's no other reason. It is entirely because she's keeping her options open. Dude, you said four months. Yes, you said four months. Four months, bro. I hope, I pray you did not tell her you love her because you're in an infatuation stage. This is the honeymoon stage where everything looks rosy and great and maybe she's just being the mature one out of you two. And considering that this is the honeymoon phase, this could die out pretty quickly after this phase ends. And like, I'm gonna announce us.
Cristina: He thinks it's way more serious than it probably is.
Jack: He probably thinks it's way more serious than it is. It's not serious. Well, four months. No, just the tit of boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't immediately make this the most serious thing in the world.
Cristina: Well, his eyes. It is his eyes.
Jack: It is. Like a lot of people struggle with that idea. Well, now we're boyfriend and girlfriend now. You don't talk to f****** anybody. And you're not into anybody. And it's like, are you f****** crazy? That's so ridiculous.
Cristina: That is.
Jack: It's so absurd. Like, no f****** way. Obviously, she's keeping her options open in case after the honeymoon phase, you turn out to be a piece of s***, which apparently very clingy already.
Cristina: Very. I mean, like, those are her friends.
Jack: Those are her friends. She. What do you think she wants to just flat out, like, they're also her options, you know? Like, if you turn out to be totally whack, then it looks like she's playing the field and she's not. You just happen to suck suddenly. And so she breaks up with you and decides, hey, let me go try one of these other guys who treat me better, which is why I'm going in that direction. That would suck. If she shows them a bunch of affection for you, then goes talks to them and they're suddenly like, wait, weren't you with that guy? Oh, you just trying to f*** everybody? Like, no, obviously she wants to be with you as of now, but she doesn't want to remove the possibility that. And apparently it's pretty high possibility that you. There's something wrong with you and she isn't into whatever that might be.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Not to say that there's something wrong with you that she can't be into. Like, there are flaws that we can deal with, but she wants.
Cristina: Too early into the relationship.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: Gotta wait a little, man, before stressing out.
Jack: Yeah. Give it time.
Cristina: Give it a year. I don't know if that's too much. I don't know.
Jack: There's no. There's not a real amount of time. But what she said tells her what she thinks about it so far.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Did you get my point? He literally addressed it. Is she keeping her options open? Yes. You detected what the point is.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: So even if you feel it really deeply, you know, she doesn't feel it really deeply. Wait it out. Maybe she'll get there. Or maybe you'll fizzle out.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Or maybe you'll get too weird. Maybe she gets weird when the honeymoon phase is over. You'll get a lot of answers.
Cristina: Yes. You just gotta wait for that.
Jack: You just gotta wait for that.
Cristina: You know when that is. Yeah.
Jack: It's too early and she gets it.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You're kind of the problem here.
Cristina: Yeah. Four months, man.
Jack: Four months, dude.
Cristina: Yeah. I don't know. Next question. My wife and I have been trying to conceive, but now I've accidentally found out she's taking birth control. I'd like, to confront her about this, but I don't know how to do that without making her feel like I'm trying to push her. I don't know if I should even confront her about this. Do I? Just wait until she tells me herself? I mean, how long will she try to hide this from me?
Jack: Okay, this is a f***** question, because your wife has said she wants children.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And you want children, and you guys have agreed to have children, but then she's over here being sneaky, sneaky sabotaging it. So there's a couple of possibilities here. One, she's not actually ready, but she doesn't want to tell you that.
Cristina: She doesn't want to crush your goals or dreams or whatever.
Jack: Not his dreams. She just might not be ready to be a parent and take that weight.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: She might not be confident in her abilities. She, alternatively, where you were going with that, might not think he's ready, but does want to tell him. I don't think you'd make a good father right now because maybe that hurt your emotions.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And you're souped about this, and she wants you to be excited. She's. Maybe she's. Maybe it's a little white lie to make you feel good. Like, yeah, you'd be the best father. Oh, I guess it didn't happen this time.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Again, it could be her. It could be that she's not ready. Maybe she's not ready to give up freedom in that way. Maybe she just wants to get f***** a lot. And like, oh, yeah, let's have all the babies. And she could suppress the s*** out of that because maybe you're not the most sexual person. It's possible if he reflects a little and saying, I guess I do. I'm not the most sexual person. Maybe she is and she found the loophole, which is she knows you want to be a dad and she wants to get f*****, but if she gets pregnant, that stops for a long, long time.
Cristina: Mm. What a crazy twist that that was.
Jack: So all of those are possibilities. Alternatively, some trauma that she's not dealt with could make it that she does want children. She's ready, you're ready. Everybody's ready. You guys are doing it. But there's something horrifying her that she hasn't coped with, and so she does this sabotaging activity in return.
Cristina: That is interesting. I feel like either case, he should probably wait then, until she talks to him about it. Like, when she's ready. Like, who knows how sensitive a topic it is?
Jack: That's the shaky Area.
Cristina: Right.
Jack: If it is trauma, if it. But how do you know? Right?
Cristina: How do you know?
Jack: Because what if it's just that she wants to get laid more? But on the flip side, like, if the idea of having kids makes you excited enough to want to have sex and she wants to have sex even if the child doesn't happen, as long as you're not getting frustrated or sad by the fact you found this out.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: By snooping or something. And now it's bothering you, but beforehand you were just having fun trying to build a family.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Maybe she was also having fun with the trying part, not the building.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And it's like, maybe there's a middle ground here that you guys found where the idea of. Well, yeah. I mean, look, bring it up to her, I guess, would be the idea. Because you don't know. Bring it up there. And you gotta pose this in a certain way. Right. You have to ask her if she says this is the way. Like, yeah, I. It was about sex. I want sex. I don't want a family just yet. But you want a family and that turned you on and you got excited.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You can play roulette, which is you're always gonna finish inside, no exception. But she's not going to tell you when she stops taking birth control. So she will eventually. So you've always got the excitement of maybe this is the time. Roulette. You're playing roulette. She has one round and her. I guess she's emptying out the f****** chamber. If anything, she's gonna throw away the one bullet. That's what you want.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: You know, and so you could play it that way. That way you stay excited and you never know.
Cristina: Never know.
Jack: And look after long enough, you get the answer. Maybe she doesn't want children. And if that's the case and what you're looking for is a family, you had a lot of sex and a lot of fun. And you also came to a good conclusion without having to argue about it. You figured it out. She doesn't want a family. If it's a year in, two years in, and you're still like, f***, well, I really want a family. And she's not done her part of just suddenly stopping. So in that moment. Yeah, in that moment, move on. Is family above anything else? And yes, you've got in the answer. And you didn't have to. Nothing bad needed to happen. You just found that you guys have grown apart.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: You got super late imagining a family. You know how ready you are if you still Want it this far down.
Cristina: Know how ready you are. So I guess that's.
Jack: And if she ever becomes ready, you'll be there for it.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And if she doesn't long enough will go by that you'll come to the realization that she doesn't want it.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Play roulette solves everybody's problem.
Cristina: That sounds like a great solution.
Jack: Plus a lot of sex.
Cristina: Yes. Everyone wins.
Jack: Everyone wins in every possible way.
Cristina: Yeah. Wow. The next question is, my girlfriend wants me to go out with her and her friends. She gets mad at me when I say no because I had plans to play video games with my friends. Is there any way we can meet halfway? I can't think of anything to prevent her from seeing this as me just wanting to play video games instead of seeing her.
Jack: Your girlfriend's needy as f*** and insecure as s*** and cares too much what other people think. And if she's going out with her friends, she's worried that what she's gonna tell her friends of when she's with them. That's really the idea here. Because otherwise I'm sure that in any other instance, she doesn't care. It's you specifically pointed out. It's when she's going with her friends, which means she already cares more about how her friends see her than she cares about your own joy and you spending time with your friends. That does not matter to her.
Cristina: That's already lost her friends over.
Jack: She's choosing her friends over him over him.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: And will, I guess the word of the decade. I guess she's in some degree trying to gaslight you into thinking you're the one who's ditching her for friends.
Cristina: Oh, my gosh.
Jack: But, like, you have no problem. You're like, go f****** hang out, whatever. Yeah, but she's the one who's like, no, you're f****** just staying home playing video games. So she's making you feel guilty about something that she's doing.
Cristina: Yes. Because she just wants to be with her friends.
Jack: Yes. And she wants you to be with her friends, but she's not cool with you being with your friends if she's with her friends.
Cristina: That makes no sense.
Jack: Yeah, so she's. There's a visual aspect here. She cares how it looks to somebody else more than she cares about your happiness and you and your friends.
Cristina: Yeah, go hang out with your friends.
Jack: Go hang out. Your friends. Dump her. Yeah, well, don't dump her. But if she gets dramatic and takes it there, let it happen, because that wasn't for you anyways.
Cristina: Yeah. Do you think there is a halfway, though?
Jack: No. Because it's already bad. The problem is a lot of people try to compromise stupid s***.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And it's like, you know, well, my girlfriend likes gang bangs, and I don't. But can we meet halfway? Because I love her.
Cristina: I would love to know what's the way.
Jack: Are you okay with gang bangs? You're not, right. You don't want her to f*** other people? No. No, I don't, but I love her. Then you probably shouldn't be with. Love isn't good enough.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Sometimes loving somebody isn't enough because. And that's another problem. People are confused about what love is.
Cristina: That could be a big problem because.
Jack: Like, I have emotions, and it bothers me when she's not around me, but it's like, yeah, it must mean something. But it's like, do you want her to f*** eight other guys simultaneously all the time? I was like, not really. I think that's the worst situation.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Then you don't love her as much as you think, because if you undoubtedly loved her unquestioned, you'd sacrifice whatever. You'd let her f*** those eight guys.
Cristina: Every time, and you wouldn't care.
Jack: And you wouldn't care because you love her. That comes first.
Cristina: Okay?
Jack: But right now, the. She doesn't. She doesn't give a f***. He doesn't love you.
Cristina: Okay? What?
Jack: Because she doesn't give a f*** what you love.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: She just wants the visual of her boyfriend with her and, like, f*** what you want. F*** what you want, bro.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Didn't give a f*** about you. Not even the slightest bit. But you do, because you're trying to compromise right now. You're like, how do I sacrifice what I love and meet in the middle or something?
Cristina: Don't do it.
Jack: And it's like, she doesn't love you, dude.
Cristina: No, Not.
Jack: She might think she does. I'm not saying that's wrong. Yeah, she definitely thinks she does. He thinks she does. But her actions say she doesn't. Your actions do say you do. You're trying to figure it out.
Cristina: Yeah, you want to be with your friends, but you want to be with your girlfriend.
Jack: Exactly. Her response is, f*** your games, f*** your friends. Come hang out with me.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: It's like, but I do hang out with you. Yeah, well, I want more of you.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: It's like, she doesn't care about you, per se. She just cares about the product that you are.
Cristina: Well, then I guess you have to decide whether you want to be that product.
Jack: Do you Love her more than you love what you want to do.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: In that case, if it's truly love, then this isn't a question you sacrifice for true love. If it's overwhelming that you have to.
Cristina: Be with her, that you have to.
Jack: Be with her, then. Yeah, dude. Because it should make you happy. To do things that make her happy.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: That should bring you joy.
Cristina: Mmm. But this clearly does not bring you joy.
Jack: No. Because it's making him just. So he loves her enough to even consider the alteration that she didn't even. He loves. Fair enough. He loves her more than she loves him.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: That's a fact.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Whether he objectively loves her or she objectively loves him. Different question. But if we measure whatever fictional concept against each other, you're winning.
Cristina: You're winning. Yeah.
Jack: She's nowhere near how much you love her, that's for sure.
Cristina: I hope that helps. Yeah. Next question. I had a great first date recently, but didn't realize her age until during the date. We are 15 years apart. I really like her and she wants to go out again, but I'm worried about being judged. I'm just looking for some advice and opinions.
Jack: Interesting. I like how Vaggie was about which direction the age gap goes. So, like, he could be older or she could be older.
Cristina: Would it matter in this?
Jack: Yes. Yes, it would. A lot.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: If she is younger, it will be way more acceptable socially because an older guy, a younger girl, very accepted socially, they'll assume you have money. You are the. Many chicks are gonna start lining up simply because he has money. Right.
Cristina: That's why he has something.
Jack: Something's there that we're missing out on.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: If it's the other way around. The first question is, when did this start? Did she cradle Rob? This m***********. Is he conditioned to be here? Is she a cougar? Like, she caught him young, but she was old, and he wasn't, like, too young, but he was just the first date, though.
Cristina: Like, I don't think anyone's trying to manipulate anyone into.
Jack: Well, no, he's worried about the judgment of continuously dating the person. Is that not what the question was?
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: So, yeah, the question is the long term visual.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: How is. Which again, comes back to the visual. A lot of people are less worried about the romantic aspect and how they connect with somebody. Because if you actually like her, who gives a s***?
Cristina: Yeah. Whether they're old or younger.
Jack: Exactly. Who cares? The fact that he poses question at all, him, like the previous guy's girlfriend, is worried more about what others Think what others think about it.
Cristina: Oh, I see.
Jack: A lot of love. Quite often a lot of people do not give a s*** about who they're with. They care about what other people think about the person they're with. This routes all the way back to high school and grade school. Well, do you like that girl? No. Even if you do.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Because. Well, I don't want them to judge me. And most of us never get out of high school, even if we leave the building.
Cristina: Yeah. So then what's your advice?
Jack: My advice is if you actually like her, this shouldn't be a problem. Who cares?
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Unless you're talking about a minor, in which case, no. Leave the country with her to somewhere it's legal.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Which is hard because she's a minor. You need her parents approval. But if her parents are this crooked, maybe saving her and getting the f*** out of this country is the right move. If you can con her parents into doing this. They weren't suited to be parents.
Cristina: What if he's a young boy?
Jack: If he's young. If you can con dude at this point. Because here's the problem, right. Whether he's young or not.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: If he is young, saying he's young, and he has the clarity and he has the maturity to approach this, then it's fine. Whether the reality of the matter is we made up the concept of children in the first place, that did not exist. 1860. Something. You guys can look it up. This does not exist. It was proposed maybe a hundred years early. And there wasn't a single law protecting the idea of children until it was pushed into the public sight so hard in 1960. Something, something, one thing or another. So the illusion of adult and child is something we constructed quite recently. Not to say that our brains are not still developing, they are. But to say it stops at some point is also wrong. Because we always learn. We learn something new every day.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Our brain's always growing and always learning. We just pick the random f****** point and said here, this is the right place. But then why does every country disagree on where that point is?
Cristina: They do, they do.
Jack: Some people in just the United States.
Cristina: Yeah, that's true. And like state to state. Yeah, yeah.
Jack: You could be 17, 16, some places, 15. Outside of our country, 12 is adult. It varies quite heavily. Okay, so let's go to the minimum. Right? It's probably like 12 or something where you're like, oh, you're no longer a kid, you f****** man. Or whatever the f*** they tell each other.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So that's bare minimum. Right. Assuming you've passed that mark. If you're like 10, dude. No, no, no. Like, dude, even the worst of scientists didn't say that number. You know, like, even the guy who failed and is just pretending to be a scientist couldn't do with this one. So, like, assume it's wrong. Go online, Google the bare minimum age in whatever country to be an adult. If it's 12, 13, whatever. Actually, I think it's 13. In Israel, they literally have a celebration to commemorate manhood for a 13 year old. And sometimes they get you somebody to f***.
Cristina: Whoa.
Jack: So, yeah, 13. I believe the Jews have the youngest. I could be wrong. I hope I'm not. But I could be whatever. And my hope is entirely rooted in my own belief systems, which again, I said is made up, so whatever. But it's still f***** in my head at least. Anyways, point being, assuming you're at least the bare minimum requirements to be considered a man, and you are really into this idea and whoever this, assuming you're under the age of 18, is pedophile. Who is. If they're not just a pedophile and they're also really into you, then whatever. But also, flipping that over, I hope the girl's age that's worrying you isn't like, well, she's 13 and I went on a date with her and I'm like 45. Maybe. Maybe. Even if you were to look online and it says the youngest age before you're a woman is when you get your first period and she got a period at nine years old. Listen to me, bro.
Cristina: Don't do it.
Jack: I get what technically those words mean, but assume that a little bit of judgment should be added.
Cristina: Yeah. Like if you know everyone's gonna be worried about it. I think it's good enough to assume. Don't do it.
Jack: No, no, no. Because people are idiots too. If he is 25 and she's 60, they're gonna be looks people gonna judge.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: But also, who the f*** are they to say, you know?
Cristina: Yes. But if you're already someone who would.
Jack: Worry about that, that's another problem. The fact that you're worrying about this means you're concerned about something at all.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: This shouldn't be a concern.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So I guess, yeah, basic, basically under that light, don't do this.
Cristina: Because it's just. You're gonna have a str. You're gonna struggle, Brooke. Yeah.
Jack: You're always gonna. You already worried. You're always gonna worry.
Cristina: Yeah. So it might just be easier to skip out on yeah.
Jack: Date somebody your age. You clearly.
Cristina: Or you're not ready.
Jack: More appropriate than whatever you're doing. Yeah, because you didn't specify. I don't know if it's she's older or younger or where he stands relative to her. Regardless of what's happening, my assumption is she's actually older or he's a f****** pedophile. One or the other.
Cristina: Those are the two.
Jack: There's two options. Because if she's like, she's 25 and I'm 40. Like, nobody cares, dude. That happens every day. Yeah, but if it's like, she's 15 and I'm 30. Questionable.
Cristina: Yeah. Yes.
Jack: But if it's like, he's 25 and she's like, 90. Dude, whatever, dude. Stick your d*** in the Crypt Keeper. Who cares? It is what it is. But, like, the fact that you're worried, that's the problem.
Cristina: That is a problem.
Jack: So don't do it. Regardless of how this is playing out, your word, don't do it.
Cristina: Good advice. Next question. My ex and I broke up last night because she doesn't want marriage or kids. She wants to talk more. Should I. Should I talk to her or do you have any. Any suggestions?
Jack: 1. The way he wrote this question, he was clearly. But should I. Should I talk to her?
Cristina: Like, I really wanna.
Jack: Not even. It's like, should I. Should I even bother? Oh, you know, that's the tone I got from it.
Cristina: Oh.
Jack: It's like, should I even. Should I talk to her? Should I even bother wasting my time? And it's like. Okay, look, first, she doesn't want marriage or kids.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Wait, his wife.
Cristina: Girlfriend.
Jack: Oh, okay. She doesn't want marriage or kids. And the problem is you do, which is why she broke up with you.
Cristina: Mm. But she still wants to talk.
Jack: Well, she is in love with him.
Cristina: Okay? She still wants to make the relationship work.
Jack: In love enough to want to stay with him if what he wants is marriage and kids. The question again comes down to what do you care about and want? Do you love.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Do you love her more than you love the idea of marriage and children? Or do you want marriage and children?
Cristina: Yes. Interesting. Because, like, she knows she doesn't. You don't want those things, but she still wants to talk to you. Like, what does she think?
Jack: Yes, she wants to be with him. She is hoping that she can swayed him in her favor.
Cristina: Okay?
Jack: But before you have a conversation with her, I say have a conversation so that you end on good terms. If what you land on before you talk to her is that you do want children and family and marriage more.
Cristina: Yeah. You're clearly, you know, you want this like the relationship is done.
Jack: So. Yeah, you. You don't force somebody to have something they don't want.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And this goes both ways. She can't force you to not. That's why I'm saying, figure it out before you talk to her. Don't let her, because if she's in love with you, she's gonna try to have you no matter what. We are greedy as people. But again, she's also. Which comes back to the. Oh, God. Love is complicated. Right. Because the idea is, how much does she love you? Enough to do whatever to make you happy. In which case, yeah, I'll give you children because I love you. Which she clearly loves not having children and not being married more than she loves you. So that answer is provided. Now, that doesn't mean she does not love you. It's just if she were to put those things on a scale, she hates the idea of marriage and children more than she loves you. But also, compared to anything else in the world, these might be her largest hate in the universe and her greatest love in the universe.
Cristina: You don't know, because love and hate are two different things.
Jack: Yeah, they could totally be like she loves you more than anything in the universe, but also she hates that thing more than she loves you. So it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. It means that when she weighed the two things, you do not measure up to her hate for the other thing.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Now the question is, where do you stand? Do you love her more than you love the idea of wanting a wife and children? If the answer is yes, then you agree that you love her more and that you're down to give her what she wants, which is not being a wife and not having children.
Cristina: Yes. But the important thing is you decide this before you go back to her. Because then you're just. Either one of you are compromising or something, and that's just going to be the worst.
Jack: Yes. You want to know before you have this conversation?
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Whether it be to end on good terms or to tell her the good news. But regardless of which way it goes, figure it out on your own. You don't need anybody else to figure out your thoughts and emotions. Figure that out and then go in.
Cristina: Yes. That's great advice. Next question. My son is dating an older man. I don't know what to do about this. What should I do?
Jack: Plot twist. My son is dating an older man. The doctor was a Woman. so why the f*** should you do anything about it? Unless your son is a minor, in which case call the cops. But yes, easy solution. But. Well, it depends, right? Like really? Yeah, it does depend. It does depend. We have quite strict rules with little margin forever. And that's not fair. Right. Let's say you're 15 and you date a 20 year old.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: 20 year old's going to jail. But like, is that really right?
Cristina: Okay, so you think it should matter that.
Jack: Yeah, they're psychologically quite close and maturity wise quite close. We just picked random numbers and said you're f***** forever even if you're still a f****** kid yourself.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So you know, like I'm one of those people who believes in. Yes. Child before a certain point and adult after a certain point. Because we can measure where the core of your brain's development stops and the incremental learning and development begins. We can measure that. That's why we decide. Most places decide anywhere between 15. I guess the Jews don't even care about science. But 15 to about 25, that's the gap. That 10 year period is like the solidification of your brain. It's no longer squishy and dumb, that area. Right. And I believe we need to pick like. Yeah, I understand that you shoot for the middle. 15, 25, you say 20 is the middle.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Some people go a little lower. 18, totally wrong. Because we take their rights away, but only allow them to sign up and go die stupid. But whatever. Some people say 21, I say 20 is the center of those two points. Makes perfect sense to me.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And then from there you choose a margin that includes error. Say four years to not say five because people will get b*** hurt quick. 15 and 20, and so horrible. Although they're the f****** same psychologically. Whatever. But you say 15 and 19, way less weird.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: 16, 20, way less weird. 17 and 21, not weird. You see how it works? So that you pick a number, say four year gap.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And this applies regardless of where on the scale it lands, you know?
Cristina: Yeah. If this is the case though, like you could just. I mean, if you don't like it, that's fine. You can let your child know.
Jack: Well, this is my point of when you call the cops, if it's within that bracket. Don't be a b****.
Cristina: No, just like shut the f*** up.
Jack: And let them do whatever, you know.
Cristina: Well, you can let them know how you feel about it.
Jack: Yes. You shouldn't, you shouldn't go the extra mile just because you're f****** Karen. Yeah, don't be a Karen. Don't be a Karen. Do anything but be a Karen. Don't do that. If that's the case, you sit down and talk. I'm uncomfortable with it, but I understand.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: If you're talking about a minor and somebody significantly older, 30 and 15 worry. Yeah. If it's like 19, whatever, dude. The legal number. I don't. Depends on the state you live in, I guess. I don't f****** know.
Cristina: Shouldn't ruin a young adult, young teen.
Jack: Like, if they're an adult, it doesn't matter what you believe. If they're legally an adult, you can't do s***. I know it sucks, but, like, this is. You're not gonna get to choose who the f*** they love. That's not fair.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Like, how old were you when you got together with us? You f****** AM at 12 or some s***. You got pregnant. Your son is only like, f****** 13 years apart from you. Like, come on. Maybe. F****** maybe. Think about how you were when you were young. When you were young. And understand that s*** happens.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And you can't try to control in. In fact, if you did try to control, all you do is push him away and he would rebel and do whatever. Harder.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Assuming. Assuming your son is particularly young. So if we're talking before that 25 year period, you got somebody arrogant who swears they already figured it out.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: The moment you try to tell them, no, this is bad, they're like, oh, proves you why it's not. And now you f***** up. You made it worse because you wanted to meddle.
Cristina: Yeah. So you gotta be careful.
Jack: Sit back and watch. Unless it's absolutely, brutally illegal.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And brutally means outside of the gap of reason. Be reasonable. You think about it. Well, they're kind of close in age. I understand. Even if he's legally an adult and she's not. Or I guess they're both guys, so he's legally a minor and that guy is legally an adult. But, like, how far apart are they? Really worry about that more than about the legality of anything. Although, if there is no legal problem because they're both adults here. Shut the f*** up and sit down.
Cristina: Yeah. Just don't do anything.
Jack: Yeah. It's not your business.
Cristina: Don't freak out.
Jack: It's like that Louis CK joke where the guy's like, oh, man, I'm stressing out. My daughter's about to have sex. I know it's gonna happen any day now. What am I gonna do? To which he responds, nothing. What the f*** are you Gonna do like she's.
Cristina: What?
Jack: What are you gonna do about your daughter's sex life? What? Maybe get over it. Just let it happen. Unless he's getting raped. Unless it seems forced, which I doubt.
Cristina: Yeah, I doubt. You know, just. Just calm down.
Jack: Yeah, don't overthink it. You're way into your head.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: The f*** would be the difference of him dating somebody older and dating somebody younger? Oh, they're closer in age. What does that mean? If you yourself are bothered about this, it proves that none of us are mature.
Cristina: No.
Jack: Means you, however much older than your child, is as immature as, maybe even more because your child looked beyond the age barrier.
Cristina: Ooh.
Jack: Should he be giving you advice?
Cristina: Yes. No, don't do that. I don't know. That'd be interesting.
Jack: Well, it depends. If it's illegal, I get her worry.
Cristina: Yes, but you know what to do.
Jack: Come on. His worry. I'm a thinking mother, but I have an idea that wasn't specified at all.
Cristina: I'm thinking, mother, why would a father care less?
Jack: Probably he's like, I don't get gay. I don't understand it. Let them be gay. Whatever.
Cristina: Oh, okay.
Jack: Yeah. Even if the father's gay, he's like, I get how this is, but no, the problem is that in gay culture, it's actually pretty common because of.
Cristina: For a younger and older guy.
Jack: Yes. It's very difficult to find compatibility when a lot of people hide it. So it is actually really common. We had that whole conversation on an episode of Just Conversation with Anthony.
Cristina: Oh, yeah.
Jack: And he explained that. Yeah, this is actually really common. So I don't know. Get informed before you make a decision.
Cristina: Get informed. Although we've informed you a lot too. So. Yeah, there you go.
Jack: Ask your child for dating advice.
Cristina: And the next question is, I'll be taking my boyfriend's virginity. Any advice?
Jack: Don't, don't, don't.
Cristina: Why?
Jack: Don't be the first.
Cristina: Don't be the first.
Jack: Do not under any circumstances, be the first. It creates obsession.
Cristina: What?
Jack: Yes, it becomes. It creates obsession. His first o***** with a human present is going to be associated with her.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Throw him on somebody else and pick him up afterwards, then f*** him.
Cristina: That's not what I was imagining.
Jack: Unless she plans to die with this guy or at least have him as a really close friend for all of eternity. It creates attachment. He might be traumatized. People cling on to their first like it's f****** life and death. You want to be far away from that so that he's clear minded and with enough distance from it, he stabilizes and becomes a normal human. But if he's always for a prolonged period of time, I guess around the person who took his virginity, not only take his virginity, but consistent attachment, more and more and more and more and more confirming the. Oh, no, she's the one. I gave her the thing that mattered. And, like, he will slowly, gradually get obsessed. This happens so f****** often. Which is why a lot of people are like, don't do it. Let somebody else do it. And then you hop in. So the idea could be you throw him the thing, the card of. Right. Are you into the idea of being with somebody else for a brief moment? I'm not gonna be with anybody. I just want you to experience lie bad before you experience good.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: So that, you know, if we stay together forever or whatever, you at least can say you know what it was like.
Cristina: Ah. Okay.
Jack: Logic. Logic. If you're the one who takes it and you don't plan to be with him forever, I assure you he does.
Cristina: That always happens. Or that most often.
Jack: Most often happens. It becomes difficult to create a wedge if you get over him. You're not touching me. Wasn't your first.
Cristina: Yeah. Interesting. Yes.
Jack: Heavy psychology that falls into that. People do get obsessed.
Cristina: I was expecting some simple advice. I don't know what I was expecting. Like, wear a condom. I don't know.
Jack: She might be on birth control. I don't f****** know.
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: I guess wear a condom if you're not on birth control. He will finish quickly.
Cristina: That's something to remember, I guess, if that happens.
Jack: Jerk it, suck it, Lick it. Tickle it, tickle it. Try to time it so he doesn't finish inside you. If there is no condom, and if you are particularly a horrible human and get a kick out of trolling, try to time it so that he finishes in your mouth. And then kiss him.
Cristina: Beautiful.
Jack: Yeah. So you could ruin his day a little.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Be like, you just this to me. Now we're both gonna find out what it tastes like.
Cristina: Mmm.
Jack: F*** his day up. Maybe his life. Actually. Actually, all things considered, maybe that will create that wedge in his mind of, this is f***** up.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: If he just finishes in your mouth and then the first thing you do is push it into his. And then he's like, oh.
Cristina: Oh.
Jack: And then on the flip side, you might totally scar him out of sex.
Cristina: Yes. Or maybe he's confused.
Jack: Yeah. Maybe now he thinks he's gay. And maybe he's like, this wasn't as bad as I thought. It would be. Oh, yeah. You could totally end up losing him that way. Interesting. I think you should. You should roll this dice and find out.
Cristina: Yes, yes.
Jack: And report back. I'm kind of curious now.
Cristina: That is a crazy first one, but yeah, let's find out.
Jack: Maybe he just turns into a f****** kink master and he's not even gay or anything. He just wants all the s***. Ye, b****. F****** spit it in my mouth. Oh, s***. Oh, he's kind of cool now. Wow. He went through all the stages already.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Do you. F*** it. F*** him. Now I'm curious. F*** him and push his sperm into his own mouth. I want to know what this does to people.
Cristina: This is. Yes. This is for science.
Jack: Yes, for science. As his first time. What an interesting psychological observation.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: S***. If she does this, we might have to just make her a member of the Illuminati, because God knows the information she'll have to disclose.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Holy f***.
Cristina: I wonder. This hasn't been done before, right?
Jack: That's the first time. I wonder who was the unfortunate f***** or the lucky f*****, depending how he took it.
Cristina: Yes. That's really what's important.
Jack: Yeah. He was like, mmm. This turned out different. Nice and bitter. Tastes salty.
Cristina: This is great.
Jack: This is great. I want more. Maybe he's just jizzing into a cup and drinking it after this moment. Well, no, that guy who's already experienced it. Oh, it's like he just collects his j*** and has a fridge filled with it. Like a sperm bank. Except he spends all day jerking off just so he could fill whole jars and put him in the fridge and just drink it passively.
Cristina: Oh, that's.
Jack: But he ain't gay. He doesn't like guys. He just loves sperm.
Cristina: He just loves sperm.
Jack: He just goes and shops at sperm banks.
Cristina: I wonder if you could just do that. You can't do that. You can't just walk into the sperm bank and.
Jack: But the same way pedophiles become priests, he can become a sperm bank worker.
Cristina: Oh, that's all he's doing.
Jack: Oh, and just casually drink some. Yeah, you can put it back and it'll still be there. He just tasted it. His tastes kind of nice.
Cristina: Oh, yeah.
Jack: Oh, that one was a little bitter. Maybe he has wine glass and he compares them. This one's a little more bitter. That one's a little more sweet.
Cristina: When he's running out, he calls them back. Can you do that?
Jack: He works there. Oh, you mean the people.
Cristina: Yeah. Like if he really likes one. Sperm or whatever.
Jack: Hey, your gist Is gone everywhere. Would you like to.
Cristina: Some accident happened. It was ruined. We need another.
Jack: Yeah, no, no. Your. Your sperm is going very quick. The genetics we have described people love. And we would like it if you came for more. Yeah, I would like it if you came. I mean, they would like it if you came for more.
Cristina: Whoa.
Jack: Good times. I don't know, man. Tell us. I want to know. Do this.
Cristina: Do it, do it.
Jack: And then report back.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: Next.
Cristina: I am being stalked by my ex. I broke up with them two years ago. I have already blocked three accounts on Instagram and my account is private. I don't know what to do. I'm really tired of blocking accounts. Is there any way to prevent this guarantee you?
Jack: She took his virginity.
Cristina: What? She took his virginity?
Jack: Yeah. This is the future of the other person.
Cristina: This is a girl and she is being stalked by the boyfriend.
Jack: Yeah. Assuming that f****** hole is causing such anomalies that are episodes. Episodes are distributed and releasing at random intervals throughout time.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: She just got a hold of this, somehow, replied to it, and it arrived to us today from the future.
Cristina: You think she did what we told her to do? She didn't even let us know?
Jack: No. Well, we wouldn't know it's happening.
Cristina: Maybe it worked out because he is stalking her.
Jack: Well, I'm thinking she just had sex with him as expected, and he got obsessed, as I said. But all jokes aside, why do you have social media?
Cristina: What?
Jack: Just delete it if it's that serious. Either expect this to happen. He's not the only guy who's stalking you. I guarantee you there's quite a plethora of others who are just doing it more discreetly because they feel they don't know you and can't approach you as directly through the socials. But I'm sure there's like quite a couple of guys just beating off your pictures at random. Guys are f****** weird. So, like, yeah, guys are weird. Especially on the Internet. There's many d*** pics as you probably normally get. Assume there's like a clean half equal to that number. So, like, that's half of them that showed you their d***. The other half weren't that brave or are much smarter and are just watching you. Well, so like, at least you know and understand his level of danger or safety. But if being stalked is a problem.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: Then get off of social media.
Cristina: Yeah, because like, he's not stalking her as. He's not stalking her, like following her home or anything. This is just Instagram.
Jack: Yeah, he's just following you online. Wants to know how your life is.
Cristina: Going up the request and then ignore him.
Jack: Yeah, Just live a really good life and then post all of the awesome.
Cristina: Yes. He's not interacting with you.
Jack: Yeah, it's fine.
Cristina: I don't know.
Jack: You're overthinking it. Everybody's overthinking.
Cristina: Ah, that could be. Yeah.
Jack: Doesn't really sound like an issue. It just sounds like.
Cristina: Or just ignore the request. It's not, like, scary, is it? I don't know. It's just a request. I don't know.
Jack: Yeah.
Cristina: You don't like looking at that request. I guess deleting it would be the easiest way.
Jack: Yeah, but it's gonna show up again.
Cristina: If you delete the Instagram.
Jack: No. If you delete the Instagram. No. If you want to keep your socials, like, let's say it's Instagram.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Send his acceptance request, then send his message to General and then mute it.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And now he's the f*** out of your hair. And he got what he wanted. You got what you wanted. You'll never hear. Make sure when you mute him, also go into his profile and mute his story and his posts.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: He ceases to exist to you and manages to stalk you all he wants.
Cristina: Yeah. Could you do the same with comments? Like, you can't see if he comments your pictures.
Jack: Yes. You can make it so he specifically can't comment on anything.
Cristina: Ooh. Okay.
Jack: I block many people.
Cristina: Block many people.
Jack: I block many people.
Cristina: Doing what on Instagram? Oh, you just block them.
Jack: I block many people.
Cristina: Oh, okay.
Jack: Or not block. I do that to them so they can see how awesome my life is and hate their lives. And they can't talk to me because I don't see their messages, I don't see their comments, I never see their stories, and I never see their posts.
Cristina: Wow.
Jack: So they get to see how awesome my life is and envy my awesome life and not be able to tell me how envious or jealous or tell me how awesome their life is if they think I care.
Cristina: So it worked out.
Jack: Definitely. And I've done it a lot. I love doing it.
Cristina: Okay, then. Yeah, you should do it. Yeah, it works.
Jack: Simple.
Cristina: Simple.
Jack: Accept request. Send message to General. Mute message. Enter profile and mute story. Also mute posts. They're invisible.
Cristina: Booyah.
Jack: Booyah.
Cristina: Next question. My husband left me during a miscarriage. He can no longer be married to me. After eight months of marriage, I don't know how to feel about this relationship. I still haven't fully grieved the pregnancy loss, and I'm Just looking for any support, advice, or feelings on this situation.
Jack: Wow. Okay. So he associates the death of the hope he had for a child with you. This happens kind of often. Miscarriage, which is almost a completed pregnancy or something that's been really, really hyped up. Kind of like a video game that gets super hyped up and then it's not as good and everybody's like, oh, well. Didn't match up to the hype. F*** this. We're over this company. They ruined it. And in reality, it's like, well, you over hyped it.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So that could be happening. This happens quite often with miscarriages. Couples fall apart. They go their separate ways. Kind of usually associated marriage, which is why marriage is stupid, because it doesn't really hold anybody together. Stop getting married.
Cristina: This relationship just started. Well, this marriage just begun.
Jack: The marriage just started. Who knows how long they've been together? But I don't know. It sucks because he clearly felt some way about it. There are two things triggering him as the male emotionally. The miscarriage. If he was souped about this, if he was excited. He associates you now with. With the death of the child. And it's just an experience he hates because he already loved this kid before he was born. Hyping it up. I'm gonna do this with my kid, and I'll do that with my kid. It's gonna be f****** awesome. Yeah. And this and that. And I could. Oh, we don't have a kid.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So that association, because you're the only part left. There's not even a grave they can go to. You know, so you're all. You're encompassing all those emotions. That's hard for a lot of people to deal with. Biologically, the miscarriage informs the other animal that you are not suited to mate. That doesn't necessarily mean factually. Maybe it was just something went wrong this one time and the next time it's perfectly fine.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: But biologically, that's the red flag it raises in the male's mind because the instinct and drive is to reproduce.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And if you don't have a suitable companion, then you don't get to pass on your genetics. So there are two factors. And sure, the trauma is f***** and that happens. But is way harder to compensate for nature, do you think?
Cristina: It's a lot to do with nature.
Jack: Usually it's really hard to compensate for nature's hand in something. Instinct. Holy f***. Is that a m***********? That's why the society today is so tribal, because instinct.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: We Got scared, and we just huddled into teams because instinct. It's hard to fight that in every regard. Instinct is a f****** nightmare.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So assuming you cannot. He already left you. I don't know. Oh, I loved my husband. It doesn't matter. You cannot force somebody to do something either. You can't force him to be with you if he doesn't want that anymore. So you have to deal with this on your own. You have to handle this on your own. So then everything else. Ignore everything else. Advice. What advice is there for you specifically?
Cristina: Just handle this like the marriage is over.
Jack: Yes.
Cristina: He said it's over.
Jack: He said it's over, so it's over.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: You can't force somebody to stay with you because you love him. Well, what if he stopped loving you?
Cristina: What if he's just talking because emotions and stuff like.
Jack: Well, then give it time. But again, the advice is the case. You can't force him to do anything.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So lean on the advice part. To which one of the options is wait.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: It could take a long time. It could be years, it could be days. It depends on the person and how long you're willing to deal with it, how long you're willing to wait on.
Cristina: Him because you're also going through something. Okay, but if you have to do this by yourself, then what if you.
Jack: Have to do this by yourself? 1. You weigh how you think of him relative to that. Well, I'm going through it, too. You're so selfish that you just go it alone and leave me alone when I also need. Okay, that's already a bad move on his part because there's two of you.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And you literally lost a part of you for him to be like, well, the focus is on me. I'm so hurt. It's like, get over yourself.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: I get this. Traumatic. But it's nowhere near as traumatic for him as it is for her.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: A part of her body that she somehow figured out to turn into a separate living being. A f****** miracle. What? Magic.
Cristina: Magic.
Jack: And then it dies. And then he's like, oh, but I'm hurt. You might be, but shut the f*** up. Yeah, he's already the guy who does that. Maybe.
Cristina: Yeah, I guess you should just forget about him. Like, if he apologize, he apologizes. But you don't worry about him.
Jack: Yeah, you don't worry about him.
Cristina: You worry about you.
Jack: You worry about you.
Cristina: You.
Jack: Exactly. Because he's already starting on the wrong foot. I get why he's reacting the way he is.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: I can tell you exactly the Two most likely possibilities. That does not put him in the right.
Cristina: Yeah, but he could always, like, later on, say something. But you just. You have to wait around, though, for that.
Jack: Exactly. Because right now he's just being emotional. Yeah, and, like, emotions are rational. Later, he'll be like, well, I guess I was being kind of selfish, and he'll show up. And if that's the case, waiting got. Got him there.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Don't. Don't. Because if you respond, you're also reacting emotionally. You're responding to his reaction. Emotionally problematic. So wait.
Cristina: Okay.
Jack: Give it time. If he comes to his senses, fine. If he doesn't, then you found out who he really is.
Cristina: Yes. Just take care of yourself. And that's it?
Jack: You force nobody to do anything. Yeah, you take care of you now, how do you take care of you after something like that? Surround yourself with friends. Talk to people who've experienced miscarriages of different scales. Early people who've experienced miscarriages, late. That's way more traumatic. If yours was late, then you relate to that. If yours is somewhere in the middle, then you'll see what really bad looks like and understand that it could have been worse. Get perspective. Go to the doctor. Find out what. What caused it. If nothing, then it was just a roll of the dice. It just wasn't meant to happen. Do you believe in God? Then? God tried to save you from something. You know, there's routes you can take to soothe yourself.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Try them all. Something's gotta work.
Cristina: Try all of them. Try them all. Yes.
Jack: All else fails, and this doesn't go away. Heroin is always there.
Cristina: That's crazy.
Jack: You can just pick it up and ignore life forever. Oh, I had a miscarriage. Right into the vans. What miscarriage? Oh, I stopped giving a about miss. I'll have every miscarriage for money now just so I can go get more heroin. You're gonna pay me to have a miscarriage? I'll do it right now.
Cristina: I hope there's not people like that. I just want the heroin. Who are pain. What?
Jack: Depends how bad the pain is.
Cristina: That's. That's intense.
Jack: I'm amazed every parent who's ever lost a kid didn't immediately go to heroin. Like, not even a miscarriage. Like, you raised them for five years and then a bus took them away. It's like, why didn't you, like, default to heroin?
Cristina: That should be everyone's solution.
Jack: Yeah. You got three other children. They'll be fine. Just do heroin.
Cristina: What? You have three other children.
Jack: One of them is two years Old. But look, it's totally fine. Just do the heroin.
Cristina: Nah, nah.
Jack: You never know the. You never know the peace of mind. It'll give you.
Cristina: I don't know. I don't know. Isn't there something safer?
Jack: I don't know. Is there.
Cristina: Is there something that they don't have to give up?
Jack: I guess, like therapy or some.
Cristina: Yeah, I think there.
Jack: If you want to be lame.
Cristina: Yes, I want to be lame.
Jack: You want to be a cool kid and do all the heroin?
Cristina: Yeah. There's your options. Be the cool kid and do heroin.
Jack: Be the cool kid and do heroin. Or be a lame O and go to therapy like you're supposed to. Yeah, whatever. Anyways, I hope we have enlightened you guys and taught you how to fix your relationships and do heroin. Heroin, like we said, not taught them.
Cristina: How to do heroin.
Jack: I mean, I can if they want to. If you want to learn how to do heroin, just tell me.
Cristina: Just send us a message.
Jack: Yeah, I'll do all the homework. I will. I will bring. I will write a pamphlet and guide for you and your future heroin addiction. But like I said, some of this as well. There was a lot to come. A lot of people were planning to come. There were tears.
Cristina: Oh, there were tears.
Jack: There was a little. So, you know. Welcome to the Rambling podcast.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: Yeah. Where we give you relationship advice on this show where we. Every. Every episode, we only talk about relationships.
Cristina: Yes. Nothing has changed.
Jack: Nothing changed.
Cristina: Questions.
Jack: Yeah. Except this time, we've opened the gates for you to talk to us. But everything we've ever done is for love. We always do it for love.
Cristina: Yes, we always.
Jack: We enter the shadow realm for what? We want to be familiar. We want to learn how to love them.
Cristina: You want to love them.
Jack: It's always we want to. We don't love everybody. It's about love. We're trying to meet the cat people because we're scared to come in to kill us. It's for love that we're gonna kill the cat people. You know, for love. We do things for love. Anyways, so if you guys like these conversations of which it's not the first time we open the gates for you guys to have conversations with us. There are three other episodes that we've done through the years about relationship advice that we give you so that you can be the best you in your relationship, so that you can come complete ly. And you can be. Well, water or something. You get the point.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: So you can come. Well, anyways, you can find those episodes, specifically episode 6178 and 119.
Cristina: Yeah, go listen to those.
Jack: Yes. And you will get highly super duper, mega, ultra informed. On love. On love.
Cristina: Best advice. Yes, I'm sure.
Jack: 100%. So you can find those episodes on the official website, greatthoughts.info or anywhere you get your podcasts, like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or Whenever the Rain Cast. Or like, go ask somebody who heard it and they'll memorize the episode and they'll tell you word by word of the episode.
Cristina: Tell them the episode.
Jack: They memorize it.
Cristina: Well, yeah, you got to get that.
Jack: Person the super fans.
Cristina: That's too much. We need people to listen to our podcast. We don't need a person to recite the podcast.
Jack: Well, no, this person's gonna go back and confirm that what they said wasn't wrong. And they're gonna give us another lesson since it's.
Cristina: Oh, okay, that's good. And you can reach us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. UsConvopod.
Jack: Yes. And remember to subscribe to get notified once new episodes are released. And also give us a rate, whatever amount of stars you think we deserve. But above all else, obviously subscribe. But above the rate part and the following review part. Leave us a review. Tell us what you think. Tell us how we have affected your relationship.
Cristina: Give us some heart emojis.
Jack: Heart emojis for days. Because this is a love podcast and we love you.
Cristina: And let someone who might like this show know about it.
Jack: Yes. Word of mouth is really powerful. And there are people struggling out there in their love lives, and they need to know that we're here for them. We're here to help them. We're here to teach them, to guide them through not being pedophiles and not being completely ignorant when approaching relationship. And also not being shallow and stupid and ignorant. And considering the other person also lives and loves.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: And doing copious amounts of heroin. Yes, you're right.
Cristina: This has been the Rambling podcast. Take nothing personal and thanks for listening. Bye.
Jack: Cheat on her.
Cristina: What?
Jack: 100%. She doesn't give you sex because she's tight. Is this regular? Is this happening all the time? Your wife's not into you physically. Find somebody who is into you physically. She doesn't want to come out front with it. Then you also do something that isn't out front until she does come out front. Then you come clean or she's gonna communicate, in which case you're gonna communicate. I'm assuming you're asking this question because you already Communicated.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: The want to. Which she answered. She's tired, but does that all the time.
Cristina: Yes.
Jack: So you love your wife, but you are still human. So talk with her about going and f****** someone else. Maybe that will spark her. Oh, well, you don't want me. Well, no, I do. You just don't want me.
Cristina: Mm.
Jack: And if that conversation just lands in the same place, go do it anyways because you were clear and she is still rejecting you. Or leave her. But if you love her, that's problematic. You gotta find your way into a sex works and you love your wife scenario.
Cristina: Yes. So cheat on her, find out what she's stressing about and help with that. Maybe. I don't know.
Jack: She said work.
Cristina: Oh.
Jack: She answered the question. He asked her. At some point. He already brought this up.
Cristina: Yeah.
Jack: And she was like, no, it's gotta be something else. I don't know if this is happening where you're like, every f****** day you want to have sex? This is on you. Not everybody has a monstrous daily, like, libido, bro. But if it's like, every couple of weeks, you ask and the same answer happens if she. If you bring it up about having sex with somebody else and she's like, nah. Okay, then we got two options. Either I go f*** somebody else regardless, or we can get divorced because you're clearly not into me.
Cristina: But he doesn't want the divorce.
Jack: He doesn't want the divorce so he could cheat on her or ask for an open relationship in which he can get that apartment.
Cristina: Whoa. Okay.
Jack: So cheat on your wife.
Cristina: What? Harsh advice, but okay.
Jack: Wubba dubba dub dub loba dub.
Cristina: Good morning. Good morning. The podcast is hosted by Christina Collazo and Jack Thomas, produced by Lynn Taylor and published by greatthoughts.info art by Zero Lupo and logo by Seth McCallister with social media managed by Amber Black.