Guardian

Zack figured this would be an easy gig. Just one of the several guys providing security for the concert. Different story if this had been a band favored by a rowdy crowd – like Metallica or the Rolling Stones. No, this one featured the pop duo Dawn and Divo, teenage heart throbs. Still, the qualification to serve as security was to be imposing. At 6’3” and 230 pounds with combat experience, Zack fit the bill. He’d been out of the Marines for three years, but his service in Afghanistan still haunted him.

“This sure beats walking, Zack,” Marcos had said. They were seated on top of the MATV, manning its guns, but expecting no trouble on a routine assignment in Kandahar. “I forget,” he uttered sarcastically, “what the fuck are we doing in this godawful place?”

“Because we were ordered here. That’s the short answer, isn’t it? Marcos, I never told you why I became a Marine, did I? It was my conviction for aggravated assault! The judge showed some sympathy. Offered me the alternative of joining the military instead of jail time.”

“Damn, that’s a surprise. Who did you beat up? And why?”

“If we survive this tour, I’ll tell you the rest. It’s hard to talk about. As for the government’s explanation of why we’re here… it’s because we’re fighting the bad guys, right?” His voice was bitter.

That’s when the IUD exploded, ripping the vehicle and rolling it over and over. Zack was thrown clear and just bruised up. Marcos’ legs were crushed. Zack held his hand as he died.

Mourning his friend’s death, he felt a surging urge for vengeance. The opportunity presented itself after Scout Sniper training. That enabled him to kill the enemy from up to a mile away… and he did so… repeatedly.

So, what was the crime leading to his Marine service? A family friend had molested his beloved ten-year-old sister Jenny. Zack had tracked him down and beaten the bastard mercilessly, leaving him broken and impaired. Anyone sexually abusing a child deserved no less. Unfortunately, his sister proved too traumatized to testify against the violator. Charges were dropped. Zack, however, was convicted for his act of revenge. Years later Jenny finally found solace and peace as a nun with the Sisters of Kindness convent in California.

These two crushing events in his early life left him with a reservoir of bitterness and a taste for violence.

Now Zack was in his third year of college. His penchant for aggression had served him well as a first-string linebacker. A shattered ankle ended any aspirations for an NFL career. That had been a long shot anyway.

The warmup act for the concert was a girl introduced as Mina. Young… maybe mid-teens? Many members of the crowd were rustling about, waiting for the featured stars. But when the demurely dressed blonde began singing in a smooth, lilting, distinctive voice, with such sensitive phrasing of the lyrics, the audience quieted and began listening intently. She didn’t try to sell her song, just let it flow as she swayed rhythmically with her large eyes sometimes closed.

The audience was drawn into this girl’s performance. She lacked the calculated look of a professional vocalist. In its place was something vulnerable and, Zack thought, even angelic.

Mina finished her set, modestly accepting the genuine applause. When the entire performance ended, Zack headed to the stage door. He needed to make sure the performers could leave without difficulty. Mina was standing alone, looking a little lost. Soon she was approached by a cocky older guy who began hustling her. Clearly annoyed, she tried to brush him off – without success. Security protection to the rescue. Grabbing the man’s shoulder, Zack said, “Hey buddy, I believe she has finished the conversation.”

Looking annoyed, the guy seemed to consider resistance until he sized Zack up. “I just wanted to compliment the young lady. No offense intended.”

He left and Zack said, “Sorry for interfering. I thought the guy was bothering you.”

“He was. You were a welcome knight to my rescue.” She smiled.

“You’re waiting for your ride?”

“I was. Dawn and Divo had offered me a ride home in their limo. I thought, sure. Fellow artists and all that. I told my mom not to wait around with the car. But the stars left without me. Lesson learned.”

“Don’t like seeing you out here alone. Looking so vulnerable. My job here is to protect all the artists. Driving you home safely would certainly qualify. Would you be okay with that? My name is Zack, by the way.”

“Mina, here, but you already know that. It’ll be the second time you’ve saved me tonight.”

On the drive to her home he asked, “How did you land that stage appearance, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“The scheduled intro act fell sick at the last minute. An agent had seen me singing online and thought I might be an O.K. fit for the program. Almost didn’t accept. It was scary to face a real audience. My singing had been mostly to faceless viewers on YouTube and TikTok.”

“So that’s how you started. You and Justin Bieber, right? Mina, I’m not a particular music fan. But I thought your performance was terrific. The audience clearly thought so too. Your parents must be so proud.”

“Well, my real dad died from cancer five years ago. I live with my mom and stepdad now. She would like to believe in me. He says my music is a waste of time.”

“I can’t understand discouraging someone’s dreams. Especially when they have the talent to maybe make them come true.”

“You’re sweet, Zack. Could you tell me something about yourself!”

Zack filled her in. Explained that he was twenty-five, living with his divorced older sister Diana and her six-year-old daughter Kim. His other sister Jenny was a nun with a convent that discouraged family contacts. Zack’s house, just a mile from Mina’s, had been inherited from his deceased parents. “Listen, Mina, if you ever need a ready audience for your music, count me in. My sister as well. She plays the piano and is still up to speed on the music scene. “

“Thanks, I might take you up on that.”

Mina did call a few weeks later. She had written a new song and wondered if he’d care to hear it.

“Sure thing. Come on over. Diana is here too. We’d love to be entertained.”

After the call ended, Zack asked his sister, “You won’t mind if my friend visits us, will you?”

“Hmmm. Which girlfriend will it be this time, Casanova? Can’t you manage some longer-term relationship? I just get to know one gal, then poof, they’ve been replaced. I wish you could find a true love.”

“This is different, Sis. Mina is a kid. A teenage singer I met working security at a concert. A sweet girl with unsupportive parents. I invited her over to practice her music with us as an audience.”

During Mina’s first of many visits to follow, she and Diana hit it off. Little Kim enjoyed Mina’s company too, as a fun friend just a generation removed.

Zack asked if her parents minded her spending so much time at their house.

“No. My stepdad considers me a distraction for my mother. He demands all of her attention.”

Next year would be Mina’s last at high school, where she was a top student. She’d been asked to be the commencement speaker at graduation but declined. “See, I’m not popular. I’m not a member of any group, but that’s okay. Would much rather be alone anyway… working on my music.”

Zack’s sister could readily empathize with Mina’s striving. For five years she had been a member of the band The Upstarts, playing piano and sharing in vocals. The group had become locally popular. Their future looked somewhat promising, but a rash early marriage with her ex and pregnancy ended any prospect for a musical career.

With Diana collaborating and accompanying on the piano, Mina tried out song ideas. This usually meant converting her poetic musings to melody.

Reaching out to be held. By someone. No one there.

An empty pitiable gesture.

Let time heal that psychic wound.

Try again.

Please someone touch me back.

The lonely void will sometime

be full brimmed with despair.

Mina was not a silly girl. The feelings she held were deep-seated, not of the adolescent feel-sorry-for me sort. Her voice was exquisite… particularly effective for the rather mournful songs she created and favored.

Diana provided some needed guidance. “Mina, I’d suggest you broaden your repertoire to keep in step with your youthful audience. Consider adding a song that is up-tempo. Another one more playful. And include some songs that are romantic. After all, your fans will mostly be teenagers. Many will be preoccupied with the pleasures and miseries of relationships – boy/girl, girl/girl… whatever.”

Mina understood and quickly agreed with these remarks. As to romance and relationships, she was aware of these happening around her, but confided that she lacked any such feelings herself. A dilemma. How could Mina voice emotions that she didn’t really feel?

Zack provided a practical answer. Until she might have such experiences, her many songs about feeling alone, isolated and despairing would do the trick. The audience would simply assume that the sorrowful words referred to affairs of the heart. Problem solved.

“Like this one maybe?” She offered:

My heart was shattered

by careless treatment.

The pieces reassembled

to become a different me.

Needing nothing.

And no one else.

“Exactly!” he said.

Diana observed that her brother seldom invited girlfriends over to the house anymore. He insisted that his bachelor social life remained active. However, the truth was that Mina now monopolized his attention. Also, he didn’t relish the idea of her meeting any of his transitory romantic friends. He preferred she think of him as a stable and serious person.

Mina always felt uplifted after visiting her substitute family. They were so encouraging to her and it seemed such a loving place. She enjoyed the frequent task of babysitting little Kim too. They insisted on paying her for this and some other chores. When walking back to her real home, the thought of returning there soured her outlook.

Her mom caught her coming in. “Glad you’re back so early. You can help me prepare dinner. We’re having lamb chops, one of Stan’s favorites.”

“Mom, you know I’m a vegetarian. No problem. I’ll just find something else for myself.”

“Why must you always be so contrary? Stan says that vegetarians don’t receive the necessary amount of protein. You’re all bound to be less healthy and live shorter lives.”

“Is he as misinformed about everything?”

“You mustn’t speak that way about your father…”

“He’s not… absolutely not my father!”

Later at the dinner table, Stan did all the talking as usual. “Yes, I surpassed my car sales quota for the third straight month. Had to change my sales pitch around for the different models of Fords. Does the customer want a gas-powered car or one of those electric kinds?”

Mina inquired politely, “Are you selling more of those environmentally friendly cars now?”

“Yep, and it looks like the sale of only these battery cars will be required in coming years. That will leave combustion engine vehicles to just rust away. Damned government! Why can’t they leave things the way they used to be. Foreigners flooding our borders. Every deadbeat taken care of. The libs are destroying our country. Don’t you agree?”

Her mom concurred of course. “You’re probably right, Stan. You know so much more about the world than I do.”

Mina replied, “My opinion doesn’t matter.”

Stan huffily answered. “That’s just as well. Outspoken women are another symptom of America’s decline. Just like our public-school teachers mouthing socialist propaganda. I suppose it’s affected you, Mina.”

“It hasn’t been apparent in my calculus and home econ classes.”

Her mother tried to interject. “I’m so proud that you are an honors student.”

Stan offered, “Maybe that’ll help you get a sensible job next year. I couldn’t help noticing too that you’ve developed into a decent-looking girl. That can influence a boss. By the way, haven’t heard you singing around here recently. Does that mean you’ve given up that foolish dream of a career?”

“I keep all dreams to myself.”

As the months rolled by, Mina increasingly spent her free time with Zack and his family. She was performing regularly now. Zack made sure that these venues were safe and appropriate. He took his bodyguard role perhaps too seriously. Staying close and keeping her safe were of overwhelming importance.

Mina had become a much better performer. Due both to experience and Diana’s guidance. Zack was convinced that his charge was a star in the making. Beyond that, he was captivated by her sweetness and innocence. She needed his protection for these very reasons, just as Jenny had needed it. This time he must be vigilant. And Mina’s pure qualities were a striking contrast to the ugliness and malice he had encountered in life. Jenny’s attack. Marcos’s battlefield death.

The need for Mina to project a distinctive image was obvious. Diana told her, “You have an angelic voice. I see the essential you as smart, rather shy, and I dare say… virginal. Singularly focused on your music. Unconcerned about fashion – hair, clothes, other superficial things. But my dear, these things really matter for a star.”

Zack added, “I second that. Your professional persona should be shaped around your natural appealing qualities. No stone should be left unturned in preparing you to reach the pinnacle of success. And you shall. Do you believe this too?”

“Oh, yes. Dear Zack and Diana, please keep on helping me to be my best.”

So, Mina changed her appearance. Girl cosmetic tricks. Her first hair styling. Clothes that were flattering for everyday and special ones for performances. Mission soon accomplished. When turned out, even Mina could admit to herself that she was in fact quite a pretty girl. Still, what about her stage presence? For this, she watched how other popular singers presented themselves to an audience. From them she borrowed some of the mannerisms and audience connections that suited her.

A mini recording studio was set up in the spare room. This provided Mina with the equipment needed for creativity and feedback.

An awkward question was how to deal with sex appeal. It seemed that the young Hannah Montana character might be a good model. Sexiness could be subtly shown without detraction from the virginal persona. An in-between status that could be accepted and understood by her teen fans.

Zack was intent upon advancing Mina’s career. He was also aware of his complex feelings for her – as another little sister, his ward, an admirer, and a friend – all of those.

Diana took great satisfaction in steering Mina toward her best performing self. The frustration at her own abandoned musical career had long ago faded. Vicariously now, she was sharing in Mina’s success.

Mina received a new kind of attention at school. She found herself enjoying the admiring glances and exuded a new confidence. Opportunities seemed suddenly open to enter a welcoming circle of girlfriends, or to date guys, if she had wanted to.

She was receiving some serious attention in the music world. Deemed an up-and-coming star by music magazines. Now being well-paid for appearances. Zack was always there for her. His interests and time were merged with hers. Mina’s own parents paid little attention, though Stan did perk up upon hearing that she was earning money as a performer.

Mina continued to live at home, but most of her days and often evenings were spent with Zack and Diana. She and Kim had become fond sisters in every way except blood match.

One night upon returning home she sensed an air of unpleasantness. Her mother rushed to hug her. “Oh, something terrible has happened. For God’s sake, don’t do anything to annoy Stan.”

Before she could respond, Stan appeared looking disheveled. He slurred, “Fucking libs got to me. Got fired. Just made a few joking remarks about some colored folks on the lot. Hell, they were just gawkers anyway.” He’d been drinking to quell his anger and was wobbly. “And you! Miss prim, flaunting a new wardrobe. Secretly earning money. You’ve gotten pretty close with that brother and sister, haven’t you? Are you fucking him? Her too? That’s over. Now! Your Jew Father is long gone. Time for you to give this dad some affection.”

He reached out to hold her for the first time ever, but Mina shoved him away. He stumbled and fell. He looked up from the floor in surprise, then with fuming hostility. Mina gazed down at him with contempt. “Mom? I am so out of here. I hope you’ll be okay.”

She went straight to her room. Made a critical call. Ten minutes later her belongings were packed in two suitcases. She fled from the house for the Uber outside, leaving her life there for good.

Mina’s joining a new family was now complete. The studio room became her bedroom. She felt routinely happy for the first time in memory. Soon she graduated from high school, having accepted the role of commencement speaker. Zack, Diana, and Kim were all there.

Mina’s mother had called with congratulations, regretting that she couldn’t attend the ceremonies. Her daughter understood why.

Her celebrity mounted quickly. She became the featured performer at concerts now. Her image was established as the hottest young talent around. The speculation was constant from her fans about relationships she might be having. Was she or was she not a virgin? At her record label’s urging she did go on dates with other celebrities. Zack made sure that these were platonic.

Many media photos showed him at Mina’s side, described as her rugged constant friend and bodyguard.

The awards kept coming. First it was the Teen Choice Awards, then American Music Awards. Her very first album went gold. A movie producer was anxious to reprise the Gidget movies so popular in the late 50’s. A perfect lead role for her as the cute, sexy, but innocent girl in the surfing scene.

Having studied the careers of other teen idols as they aged, Zack, Diana, and Mina talked about the approaching need for a change of her image. The trick would be to hold on to her younger fans while presenting herself as an adult performer reaching an expanded audience. It was decided that this conversion would occur on her twentieth birthday. The release of another album and some TV appearances on that day would herald the event. Mina would lean on Diana for the careful appearance changes, revisiting her wardrobe, makeup, hair. Some of her songs could reflect more adult themes.

The change was pulled off beautifully. Her total number of fans boomed for this newly adult pop star persona. In every respect, however, Mina remained a virgin. Let her admirers guess otherwise all they wanted.

During her twentieth year, Mina accomplished everything else a pop star might dream of. There was the Grammy Award; the best song written in the year; an Academy Award nomination for best supporting actress. She had reached the sought-after peak of success.

There had been some troubling moments in her performances. She had stumbled a number of times when making dance moves to punctuate her songs. One time she fell to her hands and knees. Zack had rushed on stage to help her up. She joked to the concerned fans about sometimes acting the ditzy blonde. This had never been true. Also, on some occasions Mina seemed disoriented. She dismissed Zack’s concerns about these incidents.

Mina and Diana had been going off together at times, informing Zack that it was a shopping trip, or together time for girls. He accepted this as just part of female bonding mystery.

Zack’s feelings for Mina took a dramatic and unexpected turn when, in a flash, he recognized her as fully grown up. He had not before harbored any romantic impulses. Had they been sublimated before in recognition of her age and vulnerability? Or was this just a natural reaction to the appealing young woman she had become?

Mina’s twenty-first birthday occurred on a weekend. Diana took Kim to the movies, leaving Zack and Mina alone in the house. They were silent together, comfortable as usual in each other’s company. Zack was reflecting on whether he had perhaps discouraged her intimacy with anyone else for his own selfish reasons. Anyway, he could no longer repress his feelings. “I love you Mina… in every possible way,” he admitted hesitantly.

“I love you too, Zack. You and only you, ever.”

Emboldened by that response, Zack had a sudden awareness that all aspects of his attachments to Mina had merged. She was everything to him. He was still her protector, her mentor, a kind of big brother. Now he wanted her as his life partner… as his ultimate love. He wanted to hold her in this way.

The time was right. The opportunity was there. The bed awaited in the next room. Zack was struck speechless as Mina now offered herself with abandon. Her lips, her eyes, her movements reflected this – then her words. “Take me now Zack, please.”

Wouldn’t this be the ultimate expression of their love? The intimacy would occur between them as consenting adults. They were not related by blood or compelled by anything other than mutual affection, now elevated to desire. And yet… and yet… he withheld any advances for the moment with a suddenly troubled mind. Zack felt temporarily immobilized.

“Zack, are you lost? I want you!”

He thought of the media attention given to a certain celebrity who had taken up with an adopted daughter. The man was publicly condemned as a dirty old man, a sort of pervert, even though he wasn’t her real father. In neither that case, or for Zack, could the relationships be defined as incestuous. But, had Zack created a similar paternal kind of trust with Mina? Was he taking advantage of a girl who had become dependent on him? If so, sexual fulfillment with Mina would be wrong now and ever.

“Zack?”

“Mina, my beloved, we can’t do this. I want to make love with you urgently, but it must not happen.” He explained his concerns that such intimacy could be considered immoral.

She weighed his words before replying, “Zack, dear Zack, your worries are misguided. You represent so many things to me… but never a father figure. You didn’t raise me, or ever seek to control me. I had a wonderful father in my early years. So, discard these fears. There is nothing to prevent us from being fully in love. And besides,” she added in a serious voice, “I have a compelling reason for this to happen.”

“Oh, I’m so relieved to hear that. It was a struggle pitting my passion against my strained righteousness. But I think you’re teasing me. What could this compelling reason be for our being together? As if any other incentive would be needed.”

Mina answered solemnly. “This is a secret I’d planned to tell you later, but it must be now. Stated bluntly, the number of days that we can share will be limited.”

“What? I want lifetimes together.”

“Me too, but fate will be intervening. I told you that my real father died quite young. The cause was Tay-Sachs disease – a genetic disorder which destroys the nervous system. It primarily effects children of Eastern European descent. I assumed it had passed me by. Bad surprise. The unsteadiness you’ve seen. The memory lapses. Some fading vision. Diana accompanied me to the Doctor to check this out. Shocker! The disease is incurable, and the symptoms will just get worse. It’s only a question of how many months I’ll have.”

“My God, Mina, why didn’t… how could this…”

“Zack, shhh. I’ve come to terms with this. I don’t feel sad about it. Just determined to make the most of my remaining healthy time on this earth… with you. I need your love above all. Can you give me this gift?”

“Oh, Mina. Oh, my sweet girl. You say that this would be my gift to you. It’s far more your gift to me. If you can accept this outcome without remorse, I’ll try hard to do the same.

So then Zack took Mina, his fading flower, to bed. For they had a lot of living to do before she died. And for the first time they held each other romantically. Their bodies engaged tenderly then rapturously. That sweetest of life’s joys overcame all thoughts of premature death.

When their embrace relaxed, Zack chuckled ironically and sadly. “Consider this dark perk to the tragedy. You are guaranteed of becoming an icon – posthumously that is. At the very peak of your success and popularity. You’ll be remembered as a fucking flawless and perfect star, dying pitiably at such a young age.”

“Flawless and perfect? I think not. I mess up and often have mean thoughts. Am vain about my celebrity… just try not to show it. Oh, yeah, and that perfect virgin thing? I daresay you’ve eliminated that pure condition.”

“Guilty as charged. Seriously, though, I know how you value the fans. It would seem only honest and respectful if you informed them of the illness. Then, if you feel like having a few more concerts, or cutting a record, go to it. This could raise awareness and funding of research for Tay-Sachs.”

The months passed with the couple living joyfully together. Mina enjoyed having a record number of Facebook followers, now made aware of her health condition. She gave a few performances with an even more welcoming audience. She finished a new album too, with allusions to her impending demise in some songs.

But symptoms were catching up with her. She became unstable on her feet and was more frequently distracted. One final goodbye concert was a monster success. Afterwards Mina retired as a performer at the age of just twenty-one.

The love between Zack and Mina deepened, if that was possible, even with her physical decline and associated distress. Mina always displayed high spirits, even when they weren’t warranted. But the day came when she faced Zack with the most serious question. “My darling, I would choose not to continue my remaining days in this condition. I wish to… need to… end my life. With you beside me. Can you do that?”

Choking back the tears, Zack paused before responding. “Of course, I will. If there is an afterlife, I’ll be there for you, too.”

On the chosen day, Mina gave especially fond hugs and words to unknowing Diana and Kim, who then left on an excursion. Mina lay comfortably on her bed with Zack on a chair beside her. “I have this whole bottle of these pills. Ten of them are required to… umm… put me to sleep.”

Zack exclaimed, “Wait, please wait. I don’t want to live without you. Let’s end our lives together. Give me that bottle.”

Mina raised her voice to speak decisively. “No, Zack. You can’t do that. We’re not Romeo and Juliet. There is much life for you yet to live. Much good that you can do. My dying wish is that you move on by giving aid and safety to others who need it. It is your nature to be a savior and protector. Will you promise me that?”

“I’ll honor that, Mina. Anything else?”

“Please give parting thanks to my fans for their support and affection.”

He rose from the chair to lay beside her. She placed the pills on her tongue, with only an instant’s hesitation, before swallowing. Zack tearfully touched her cheek. They knew it would take a few minutes for the drug to take effect. There was too much to say…so they did not speak. Only when she felt consciousness slipping away, did she sleepily murmur, “So now, goodbye, my lover. If anyone can meet in the hereafter, we will.”

He gave her a prolonged kiss as she made the fateful transition and was gone. Zack continued to hold her for quite some time.

Not long thereafter, Zack proceeded to act upon his promise. He contacted the Children’s Protection Group. Its mission was to save children who were the subject of sex trafficking or otherwise exploited or abused. Joining its staff, he took part in search and negotiation efforts for over a year. Then a mother in Nicaragua, whose young son and daughter had been taken by the local drug lord, implored the Group to recover her children. Its passive efforts proved unsuccessful so, motivated by Mina’s wishes for him to protect the vulnerable, Zack reluctantly left the firm. He would do whatever was necessary to recover these children.

Zack traveled to Nicaragua, met with the mother, then embarked on his mission. He was ultimately successful in recovering the missing children but had to inflict much mayhem to accomplish this. The gang’s leader and several of its members were killed by this lone warrior. Zack was grievously wounded.

Details of these grisly encounters needn’t be recited further in this love story.

In his final delusion, Zack whispered to the attending nurse. “Mina, my love, I meant to honor you by this mission. My use of violence was not what you had in mind. But it was the only way to save the victims, using the skills I possess. Death holds no fear for me. My reason for living ended long before when we had to part.”

And though it was the nurse murmuring, “there, there,” to her dying patient, in Zack’s mind’s eye his precious Mina was welcoming him to the afterlife. Crooning in her sweet angelic voice, “here, here. You belong with me here, here.”

By John Baldwin

From: United States