Heartbreak, mending, heroin and recovering

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“To my loving mother, everything I have been through and the battles I have fought, for every tribulation and all of my triumphs. There are really no words to express to you Mom how grateful I am that you always believed in me. It really is quite simple Mom, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I am so proud to be your son, I Love You Mom!”

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“The most precious things in life aren’t tangible, the day I realized that I was truly in awe.”

Michael “Vegas” Gialketsis

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-Intro

“I still am not sure exactly when I became so disappointed with my life and the world in which I lived in. At what point did I collect all this dust, pain and loss? When did I lose my presence? Maybe it was when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the ripe age of 9. Maybe it was at the innocent age of 13 when I hit my first crack pipe. Was it was when I lost my first love or when I did my first shot of heroin? I will never know when I became so vexed and cracked but for as long as I can remember I have always felt this way. Until…

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I suffered from a Heroin and Methamphetamine addiction for nearly 15 years. I put it before anything and everything. I will talk of profound moments in my life and all the thing’s substances did to me. I have come very far in the last 2 years and am very blessed to be able to share these distraught stories with the world today! 

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#1- My God Given Talent…

It seems unfair my life was blighted by substance

and the memories are difficult,

though I still notice all the anguish and injustice?

So if I was to accept this “God given talent”

and let my creativity flow,

I think I’ll push this envelope and make this unpleasant.

Joyce, Poe, Gialketsis and Tennyson

add mine to my favorites,

impacting the inspiration of the English language.

These kinetic adversaries that just seemed to spew

tsk tsk,

for my family and friends and that substance you!

I won’t be cowardice and I will speak strictly

my spirit is shaking,

up to the day we parted, up to the day you left me. 

I will write of this wolf and all his sharp teeth

all the victims you left awry,

I will weep as I write because I am finally free.

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#2- Down At The Gallows

Looking back I know what you did,

innocence really raped me when I was a kid.

In my life’s labyrinth and the trails I took,

just led to dead end roads and construction cones.

You left me with no heart to hold but my own

I wonder, cause I’m not full.

These last year’s I’ve been down at the gallows,

unfitting that all my friends are shadows

The monster that I see in the mirror,

is just a man who’s full of tears.

I may be the archangel who was cast out,

aggression and pride now that's profound.

I’m a mangled man I’m bent and spent,

the monster’s at work once again.

I swear in my deepest bones once I was young,

I used to be so full of life and so full of love.

Funny, now I beg God to make me whole,

begging my mom when I can come home.

No one would wish to grow up like this,

the good and bad my war is betwixt.

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#3- The Abhorrent Reaper

You’ve come in many forms for my pupils to see,

always so unexpected,

your wicked wrath is beckoning me!

You pummeled me you fucking freak

more of nature’s mother,

The color of my eyes you stole from me.

We called you “Casper” the pipe and the crack

these memories are tragedies,

As you wreaked your havoc and took all my laughs

You took away my mood and you took away my food

I was just a kid and,

your bliss your sweets! Fuck You! 

You could see all of my bones all through my skin

so rude of you to intrude,

a skeleton kid, look what you did you Reaper I’m thin!

You were so keen with your sleet and all of your base

breaking my binding,

but you were so powerful and your beautiful taste!

You tore me mentally and physically and spiritually

the sin on my skin,

I knew I’d give in eventually.

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#4- The Broken Gift

So here is a gift and I’ll blow you a kiss

you were my love and we both dug this pit

Hellish your ways but you grew in my veins

and everything I lost I can’t begin to explain.

I’m sitting again, crying alone, I am so alone

where are my right’s in my million wrong’s.

What is a heart that’s smashed and broken in half?

What’s the use of a necklace with a broken latch?

What use is a mind with a spiritual malady

I can’t do anything right I am a fucking tragedy!

where is my aid? I can’t stop departing

I feel I’ve been broken down to ashes and nothing

I can’t sing anymore and my fingers don’t work

So unfitting the thing’s my corrupt brain thinks.

I am now an empty vessel of pain and death

at what point did I lose my soul and breathe

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#5- Psychosis

It all bear’s down as I run this course

cause in my final bouts,

I’ll fight until my salvation bursts.

I couldn’t distinguish what was real

and those scary shadows,

they tortured me, those silhouetted figurines. 

What a psychosis and when will it stop?

Until the very last motion,

my sweetest foe this is a darkness I didn’t know.

Curled in the corner, curled into a ball

and my lite brite is a frowning face,

his deceiving grin with crooked teeth!

I waled my arms into the air

pushing my way out,

then a knock on my door and I collapsed to the floor.

My little sister came in and she started to cry

she said “there’s nothing in here bro”

I just wept and she held me for hours until the demons left.

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#6- My First Shot Of Heroin

The grace on my couch as I look at the mantle

trying to climb with my crux,

But the first time I used the needle in fuck I fell in love.

I pushed the plunger and Satan came down

and he softly kissed my cheek!

Just like when the waves ravish the shore!

My thoughts just were instantaneous of

where have you been? And what have I done?

The substance in a needle, yeah I fell in love!

I became so feeble because this took my sense

fearing this “Compassion”,

as I sailed off into the abyss.

Our veins in our body are a delicate thing

blood rushing and pumping your heart,

but if you cut them just know they will bleed.

To venture this and fill them with heroin

the beautiful cruelty is pressed,

to live this way will surely take me to my grave!

I stooped down to heaven or so I thought

Satan’s gift wrapped in a bow,

his gorgeous darkness and his delicious chocolate!

I knew it when it hit, it would take my will this

euphoria way will take away my “Good”,

now my heart doesn’t beat how it should. 

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#7- I’ve Never Been That Sad Before

I have no honor and I am so heartsick

with my life of hesitations,

I felt so blank with no emotions to rank.

Slowly you packed your stuff and

your entire family helped,

I was so scared for my life I couldn’t even cry.

I can remember it like it was yesterday 

you picked up this box and looked at me,

you didn’t say anything cause your eyes were spoken for.

You looked so dejected that it came to this

this petal on the flower, this animal lover,

You had to do it I was euthanized. Fuck.

It was troubling cause I knew I was your succubi

And my void was so thick,

and slowly our house dwindled down to empty.

My lover, my angel, my light… April.

As you know I was “troubled”.

You’ve seen me at my best and my worst.

Our door left open but I heard it slammed shut

Our empty home and your trailer was full,

As you left I was choked and morose!

From what I remember I blew all or money

on drugs and sin and I was left with no power,

I sat there that night in a chair.

I’ve never been that sad and broken before

addictions spite and I lit a candle to burn my spoon.

I cried to a black T.V. for the next 6 days! 

Until my Mom came again, to gather my thing’s and help my find my way again to a treatment center to find my way!

By Vegas Gialketsis

From: United States

Twitter: https://twitter.com/VegasGialketsis?s=03

Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/Michael-Vegas-Gialketsis-258207161451450/