I pray because I love lying to God and as humans we all love free things. On the off chance something happens, I’ll have already been in line for the profit.
Somehow this relates to when I was hanging out at a #MeToo roofie bar the other night and met this chick who’s date had been too boring and thus she joined the movement. Spent the night together. She already forgot who I am.
I told her she needs God in her life when I crossed paths with her in the Supermarket. “You’re a sinner, bitch!”
“So are you!” She says.
“Only God judges me, bitch!” I respond.
Later a pray God saves her because she is broken, but I’m fine so I just ask for a new car and weed money.
Sunday church, Sexy nuns save my soul. One in the confessional and amen.