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Suicidal Contemplation

213/365

Alone at home it feels cold and old
Bold statements told to hide but I’ve got no hold on my life
So I grip the knife, don’t even think about it twice
I’ve already made up my mind
Been wasting my time trying to understand why I’m still alive
Yet, while the clock tocs by I watch those around me die
Meanwhile I’m still along for the ride?
How the fuck is that alright?
How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing that I should have died?
Been dead inside
Desperate thoughts run my mind but I still answer with “No, I’m fine.”
Days roll and I’m dazed strolling to places I don’t know
Just looking for hope, maybe even my soul
I don’t know where to go
My home is no longer my home it’s just where my body stays
While I contemplate the ways I could end this last of day
It’s no longer a game, I’m not playing today
I’ve had it, I don’t want anymore
The taste is sour and I want a new flavor to savor
But I’m no savior and if I stay here I’m the villain
My presence breeds misery, its killin’ everyone around me
I feel it
The itch creeps in through the mind’s backdoor
And my mind is a fucking whore who shares room with anyone wanting the dance floor
I can’t have it anymore
I won’t tolerate cheating fate
No one should get to both have and eat their cake
It’s not fair and fate might have simply made a mistake
Juggling life isn’t fair with the suffering going on outside
And the one bubbling inside
Sound the sirens, it’s raining violent
Water to the tub cut the jugular while drownin’