The Lonely Extrovert


It’s difficult for me to internalize that others don’t necessarily think the way I do. And I’m not referring to their opinions or beliefs, but rather, their thought process in general. How in a discussion I will lead my current knowledge on the topic at hand to the most logical conclusion my mind is capable of and I attempt to proceed and dig for more reason and information from there. But others take their current information’s base conclusion and require no further investigation. They’re fine with stopping there.

As an “adult” I should be able to accept this is just how they’re brain works, but I struggle with it. I find great difficulty on settling at any level of information when I know I don’t have all the parts. There is more to acquire. Even if further reasoning on the same information is the only thing that can be done from my place and time, I’m okay with exploring that, but I’m alone in this.

Comprehension of different minds I fully understand. We don’t all think the same, but in the middle of conversation it escapes me as I’m enjoying myself. As a result, it always feels to me like I’m being abandoned in the middle of a discussion. Because I see more places it can go, but this doesn’t mean they do or if they do that they even want to go there. Reasoning is abstract and that isn’t the most appealing to most. I’d rather just be told they don’t want to be in the conversation anymore, that they’re done, so I can let it go. But they quit, lose interest, worry about how I feel and don’t voice their boredom or dislike of direction. And I notice.

Then the battle becomes internal on my end as I attempt to talk myself out of thinking it’s my fault they’ve lost interest. That Maybe I’ve pushed too hard for information. Maybe I wanted to know too much. When surrounded by introverts as an extrovert, it begins crossing the line into invading their personal space which happens to be their private internal headspace. The awareness that I make those around me uncomfortable through my persistent eager want to know never leaves me. I’m a prisoner to my ways and my thoughts.

I force myself to stop, ask “What is wrong with me?” and “Why am I so strange? So weird?” then wonder how long I’ll hate myself thereafter.

Rinse, Repeat Tomorrow.