This what it feels like when I'm overwhelmed and filled with anxiety

————

I know I’m running in circles,

But the circles still beckon me.

The motion seems to calm the fear

Of the dangers that I can't see.

I heard insanity defined one time

As repeating behaviors that fail.

Like repeatedly trying to sail a ship,

When there is no wind in the sails.

The illusion that I can control my life,

When control is clearly gone.

Is the only thing that numbs the fear

And allows me to carry on.

I believe that if I step out of the way,

Let the world turn as it might,

The results would simply destroy my life.

Exposing the ruin and blight.

I wake each day to the feeling

Of disaster breathing on me.

Knowing my life holds land mines

And traps I’m unable to see.

I dream, too often, of running away.

And sometimes I break down and cry.

For I can never say for certain

That I would rather live than die.

But with so many people depending on me,

I’ll continue to do what’s right.

I’ll claw through this endless tunnel

And pray someday to see light.

As I keep searching to find a way

To end this insanity

And finally escape from the circles

The circles that beckon me.

By Linda Troxell

From: United States

Website: https://humblyseekingthelordblog.wordpress.com