Always Get Talking

Phil and Sue had been counting down to their holiday to Majorca for weeks. Phil had started to wonder if they’d ever actually get there, if the day would ever come. But, at last, there they were, stepping off the plane and into the oven-blast heat of Majorca.

Phil felt himself relax already. Once they’d run the final gauntlet of the baggage carousel, passport control and the coach trip to the hotel, they would be free to enjoy their holiday. As the coach entered the small, lesser-known resort of El Perro Negro, he smiled, giving Sue a nudge. They had finally made it. 

The hotel was lovely and they ocean view from their balcony made it seem like they were on a ship out at sea, rather than on the fifth floor of a hotel. They leaned on the balcony, mesmerised by the wonderful view. 

‘I could spend all week just looking out at the vista.’ Sue said.

Phil nodded, not taking his eyes from the bay. 

They were in their early thirties and had been married for almost four years. This wasn’t their first holiday together, but Phil sensed, it was the one they would really enjoy.

They decided it was a bit late in the day to start exploring, and that it would be better to get their bearings in the morning, after a good night’s sleep. Today they would unpack and chill, then tonight they would have a few well-earned beers in the hotel bar.

The bar was a large open corner of the ground floor, crammed with white plastic tables and chairs. Latin jazz music played over the speakers. The barman smiled as they approached. 

‘Hola.’ 

‘Hiya, mate.’ Phil said and asked for two large beers.

They found a table towards the front of the bar, with a view of the promenade out front. Phil took a swig of the cold beer. This was the life. The two of them, drinking the local beer, watching the world go by. Sue had that relaxed smile on her face that she only seemed to have on holiday. They clinked glasses, to us. 

‘Hi, guys. Have you just arrived?’ called a guy from the next table. 

Phil explained that they’d just landed and unpacked, before hitting the bar.

‘Good for you.’ said the woman next to him. ‘I’m Brenda and this is Tony.’

Phil and Sue nodded politely. Tony took a gulp of his British Bitter before asking how long they were here for. 

‘A week.’ Sue said.

‘We’re here for two weeks.’ replied Brenda, as though she’d won a competition against them. ‘We’ve been here a week already.’

‘Very nice.’ Phil said.

Phil shot his wife a glance that said he really didn’t want to get stuck with these two all evening. She gave him a wink that told him not to be so anti-social. When you’d been married for a certain amount of time, you could tell so much from a smile or a raise of the eyebrow. You just seem to connect in ways you can’t explain. Phil even had a funny line about it. He would say that he and Sue finish each other’s… and where Sue would say sentences, he would say sandwiches, usually only to his own amusement. 

‘This is our second holiday this year.’ Tony said, a boastful tone to his voice.

‘We were in Thailand in July. It’s a beautiful country.’ Brenda added.

Phil noticed that after the initial introduction, the conversation had turned completely to Brenda and Tony. 

‘We’d only ever go long-haul these days.’ said Tony.

Phil nodded, giving Sue a glance. She had also picked up on the fact that they were sitting in a hotel bar in Majorca, which, when they’d booked the holiday, hadn’t been classed as long-haul. Maybe they’d moved the island, he thought, stifling a chuckle. 

‘You always get talking to people on holiday, don’t you?’ said Brenda.

Without giving Phil and Sue a chance to respond, Tony spoke.

‘It’s part of your holiday, meeting new people.’

Phil smiled politely, despite disagreeing completely. For him and Sue, part of their holiday was getting away from it all, and not getting lumbered with a couple of strangers. 

Once they’d finished their drinks, Phil and Sue made their excuses and said they were off to bed.

As they closed their bedroom door behind them, Phil and Sue burst into laughter.

‘Geez,’ Phil said. ‘how annoying were they?’

‘They didn’t let us get a word in. I don’t know why they like meeting people, all they’ve done is talk over us all evening.’ Sue said.

‘We’ll avoid the hotel bar tomorrow night. Hopefully they’ll find other people to get chatting to.’ 

‘I do feel bad slating them, but-’

‘But you don’t want to spend your holiday with them?’ 

‘Exactly.’ she sighed.

The next evening, having had a lovely morning mooching around the resort, before chilling by the pool in the afternoon, Phil and Sue hurried by the hotel bar on the way out of the revolving door. They sighed in relief as they got to the street outside. The sun had set but the night air was still hot. That first pint of lager would go down a treat tonight. 

They settled on a lovely little café bar up the road. The Mint Café was on the front, overlooking the bay. As they sipped their beer, they stared out into the darkness, listening to the waves lapping against the shore.

A short while later, they were discussing what they would do the next day, whether it would be a boat trip or a bus ride up the coast, when they heard a voice they recognised.

‘Hello, you two.’

They turned to see Brenda and Tony waving at them. They hurried over, dragging two more chairs to the table. Tony clicked his fingers at a waitress. She forced a smile on her face and asked what they’d like. Tony ordered a pint of British Bitter for himself and she’ll have a vodka and Coke.  

Phil smiled at the waitress and thanked her, an apologetic tone to his voice. Why did people treat waiters and bar staff so rudely? It was just beyond him. It cost nothing to say please and thank you. It wasn’t hard to be polite. He always found that if you asked nicely, you usually ended up with better service too. 

‘Are you having a nice time?’ Brenda asked. 

‘We’ve booked again for next year.’ Tony interrupted. ‘It was an absolute bargain.’

Once again, Phil and Sue found themselves smiling politely as the frankly odd couple spoke mostly about themselves.

‘Have you got any other holidays lined up?’ Brenda asked. 

 ‘Nothing booked but we’re hoping to get to Tenerife early next year.’ Sue said.

‘There’s a whole wide world out there, love.’ Brenda said. ‘You should go long-haul.’

For Phil and Sue the thoughts of spending hours and hours on a plane sounded horrific, but they said nothing, just smiled and nodded.

‘I want to go to Venezuela.’ Tony said.

‘It’s supposed to be lovely.’ added Brenda. ‘We want to go soon, though, before it gets too commercialised. And you can get a five star hotel for next to nothing right now.’

The next evening Phil and Sue headed in the opposite direction, walking south, down along the bay. Was a night on their own too much to ask? They just wanted to have a few drinks and to unwind, by themselves, that was all. They found a pirate themed bar and decided to stop for a drink. As they were deciding where to sit, Phil saw them. Brenda and Tony were sitting there. Before they could duck out, Tony spotted them. He raised his pint of bitter.

‘Hey up, you guys. Come and join us.’

Brenda waved enthusiastically, slurping her vodka and Coke through a straw. Phil cursed under his breath but found himself pulling up a chair and joining the older couple. 

‘Have you had a nice day?’ Brenda asked.

‘It’s been lovely. We went on a boat trip. It was so nice. I just love being on the ocean.’ Sue replied.

‘There was cocktail making by the pool this afternoon. I bet there wasn’t cocktails on your boat trip.’ Tony said.

‘Then we went for tapas.’ said Brenda.

The way she pronounced tapas, it took Phil a moment to realise what she was talking about. She said tapas like tappers. 

‘The food was wonderful, wasn’t it, Bren?’

‘Wonderful.’ she agreed.

And so, instead of a quiet chilled night, Phil and Sue ended up listening to the random thoughts and opinions of Brenda and Tony. The couple would have actually been okay in small doses, or if they stopped and listened to you, but there was no chance of either with these two this week. 

At the end of the evening, as Phil and Sue headed for the hotel, Brenda and Tony called out, see you tomorrow. Hopefully not, thought Phil, as he responded, goodnight. 

While they were strolling along the beach the next afternoon, Phil asked Sue if she fancied going for a curry that night. There was something really nice about dining on Indian or Chinese food on holiday. Sitting out under the stars, eating their favourite cuisine, was just delightful. 

That evening they headed to an Indian restaurant. The Taj had indoor seating but most of the tables were outside, on the promenade, right by the ocean. With sickening inevitability, as they were being shown to a lovely table facing the beach, they saw Brenda and Tony, and unfortunately for them, they saw Phil and Sue. 

Before Phil and Sue could speak, Brenda and Tony were pulling up chairs at the table. If they hadn’t been sitting there, in the restaurant, Phil may have insisted that they wanted to be alone, but he really didn’t want to cause a scene.

Sue caught his eye and shook her head in disgust. She had also had enough of the constant intrusion. In the past they’d been on holiday with friends and family and had dined out every night with them. That was one thing, having complete strangers hijack their holiday was something else. While they listened to Brenda bang on about the wonderful steak she’d had at a restaurant in Worsley six months ago, Phil decided he’d had enough. They only got away on holiday a few weeks on the year, to have these two take over just wasn’t fair. 

‘I don’t like steak. I prefer a burger.’ Phil said.

‘I had the sirloin steak. It was out of this world.’ Tony replied.

And there you have it, Phil thought. It was as though they couldn’t hear Phil and Sue. He shook his head and tried to enjoy his Chicken Madras regardless of the company they were in.

‘Brenda’s been doing her family tree.’ Tony said.

Phil and Sue said nothing. If Phil had said he couldn’t care less, they’d still ramble on about Brenda’s family history for the next forty minutes. So Phil and his wife ate in more or less silence, while Brenda and Tony explained how she’d been looking into her family tree. 

A few minute later something Brenda said caught Phil’s attention.

‘Sorry, what was that?’ he said.

‘That’s when I found out I am related to Marlon Brando.’ Brenda repeated.

‘Really? That’s so cool. How did you find that out?’

‘I did my family tree.’

‘Yes, and what did you discover?’

Phil was expecting to hear how they found out that their great-great grandmother had moved to America and that her uncle had been one M. Brando of Hollywood or something, how after a bit of digging, they’d found photographs of their relatives with Brando himself. If you were related to the acting great, you’d know exactly how you were related and have the story of how you found out. That was the part Phil was interested in. It sounded like something from one of those television programmes, where a celebrity finds out they’re related to Royalty.

‘I found out I’m related to Brando.’

‘But how are you related?’

‘I’m related to Marlon Brando.’ 

‘How did you find out?’

‘I did my family tree.’

‘Yes, and?’

‘I found out I’m related to Brando.’

Phil just laughed and shook his head. He gave up. There was clearly no way this woman was related to Brando. He could say he was related to Al Pacino but it wouldn’t make it true. 

As he and Sue lay in bed, the cool of the air-conditioning soothing them, Phil told Sue that’d he had had enough. It just wasn’t fair. It was so strange, so intense. Why would you latch on to a couple you’d never met before just because you have the misfortune of staying in the same hotel? Maybe he and Sue were the odd ones, maybe they were unusual, maybe they were just anti-social. Did other people go away for two weeks in the hope of spending all their time with other people?

‘We’ll tell them tomorrow night.’ Phil said. ‘I’ll just say, we want a bit of time on our own. I’ll be nice.’

‘I agree. Mind you, that was funny tonight, though.’ Sue said.

‘What was?’

‘You and her, Brenda Brando!’

The two of them laughed so hard the bed shook.

The next evening they were having a drink in at the Cheers bar when Brenda and Tony approached. As they’d been rehearsing all day, Phil and Sue finished their drinks and got to their feet. 

‘Hello, you two.’ said Brenda.

‘Hiya,’ Phil said. ‘We’re gonna have a walk up to the music bar in Cala Bona tonight, so we’ll leave you to it.’

‘We’ll come with you.’ Tony said.

‘We’d rather go alone, if you don’t mind. We just want to spend a bit of time on our own.’ Phil explained. 

‘There’s no need to be like that.’ Brenda said.

‘We’re not being like anything, Brenda. We’d just like to have a walk and a drink, just the two of us, if you don’t mind.’ Sue said.

‘If that’s the way you want it then fine, suit yourselves. We were just being sociable. Come on, Brenda.’ Tony said.

Tony turned and marched from the bar, with Brenda following behind. 

Phil and Sue sank into the pub chairs. Now that the couple had left, they didn’t need to head to another bar. Phil ordered another round of drinks. Phil did feel awkward and guilty about having to duck out of another evening with Brenda and Tony. He’d explained as politely as he could that they would just like a bit of time to themselves, but Tony had taken it completely the wrong way. Still, it was done now. And with a bit of luck, they wouldn’t see much of the couple at all now they’d explained how they felt.

‘We had to say something.’ Sue said. ‘It was getting ridiculous. We could barely have go for a drink without them popping up.’

Thankfully, Phil and Sue didn’t see Brenda and Tony for the rest of the holiday. It was as though a spell had been broken. Each time they stopped at a bar or restaurant, they’d scan the place to see if the couple were there. It would have just been awkward. Phil wondered if Brenda and Tony had been doing the same and avoiding them. Still, as awkward as it had been, it was done now. 

They managed to enjoy the rest of their week in the sun, finally able to fully relax and unwind. They had some lovely days, went on a horse and carriage ride along the coast, and had some delicious meals, dining under the stars. By the time it came to leave, the thing with Brenda and Tony seemed weeks ago. 

The coach was picking them up around seven thirty in the morning. By seven fifteen Phil and Sue were waiting outside with their suitcases. As they waited the sun rose over the bay, the sky turning lighter blue. Other holiday-makers joined them with their cases, waiting for the return coach. 

Phil swore under his breath and nudged Sue. She followed his gaze. Oh, please, no. Brenda and Tony were heading their way, dragging their suitcases with them. 

Phil and Sue said hiya to the other couple. Brenda and Tony replied with a curt good morning. The silence between the two couples was so tense and awkward. Phil didn’t know whether to start making small-talk or to move further along the line of people. Brenda and Tony simply stared past them, up the road, looking for the coach that was due in just over five minutes. 

The silent tension was broken when Brenda tripped. Phil wasn’t sure how it happened. Maybe she’d tripped over her case, but one moment she was standing there, and the next she was on the pavement. She cried out in pain, clutching her ankle. Tony dropped to her side, tending to her. 

He turned to Phil and Sue.

‘Will you two go and get help from reception?’ he pleaded.

Phil and Sue dashed back through the revolving doors and explained to the guy on the reception desk that one of their party had fallen and hurt themselves. The guy grabbed the first aid box and followed them outside. He examined the ankle, poking and prodding. Finally he seemed satisfied that nothing was broken, and helped her to her feet. Brenda winced but did manage to put some weight on the sprained ankle. 

‘Are you okay?’ Sue asked.

‘Yes,’ Brenda said. ‘I think so.’

Moments later the coach turned into the street. Phil helped Tony load their suitcases onto the coach, while Sue assisted the limping Brenda up the steps. 

When the coach arrived at the airport, the passengers left the bus. Brenda was really struggling, hobbling and limping along. She had real difficulty making it down the coach steps. Phil suggested she go to the doctors when she gets back home. Brenda promised him she would get her ankle checked out. Maybe things happened for a reason. Brenda’s injury and the way Phil and Sue had helped had built some bridges between the two of them. Perhaps Phil and Sue could treat them to breakfast once they’d got through check-in and security, not so much as way of apology, but just to say no hard feelings.

Phil and Sue joined the throng of passengers flying out from the airport that morning. They filed along the queue to the check-in desks. They checked in their cases and headed to the security check. The queue for security snaked up and down like the line for a theme park ride. As they approached the security, Phil pointed.

‘Are they our suitcases?’ he asked.

Sue nodded, unsure why their cases were on a desk with the security desk and not on the way to the aircraft. A man in a uniform approached them. He eyed them with suspicion.

‘Did you two pack these cases yourselves?’

‘Yes, we did.’

‘And did you leave these cases unattended at any time?’

‘No, we didn’t.’

‘Come with me please.’

As they were being taken away to the interview rooms, Phil saw Brenda and Tony breezing through the airport security, heading for the Duty Free shops. They were smiling and holding hands. Something occurred to Phil as the officer closed the door behind him, Brenda’s limp had gone.

By Chris Platt