Throwing Stones

Some of us struggle more than others in facing our demons.
Jack tells of how he faces his own.

The Glass is foggy. House is half full. Can’t type ‘cause I’m a little groggy. Need it at night so I drool. Not sure whether lying or right. Caught in the pipe. Dream above the clouds. Asleep to escape the night. Bare and weak I see myself. Bleak, a life, hell, shrieks. Got health. Quite wealthy. Still can’t stand my fucking self
So I bury myself, before I die and just wait out the time. Fade out the lines
Color the pages. No one else can see. But, it is what it is. So it’ll be
Rainbows sparked in flames hope to erase the shame. No. They change only the same flow 

”Don’t fool yourself, foolish self. This hell is your prison cell.
Intoxicated, you ain’t well
This isn’t what you wanted is it?
You brought it. Miss it? Listen
You had it. Dissed it. Dip-ship
Put this outfit on. Cluck like a chicken ‘till you get whats going on
Take these feathers if they’re better at getting you to see the point
Lost when you picked up the joint” 

Focus is lost. I know this. The cost is the slowness. I brought, so I’ll own it
I hone my flaws when I show them. It’s hard but its worth it
Since birth I’ve been cursed with this lock filled with hurt
Yet I’m fueled by the worst, when fed up I fucking cuss. At the cusp of shaking off the rust
Blow off the dust. I must rush. This time is not enough. This weed is just a puff
The sweetest from the tough
Oh boy, what a joy to destroy the bars with green leafed scars when annoyed
Deploy the weapons, put me in a haze, it’s eleven, time to get shit faced
But make no mistake, with a pad and a pen, the match has begun
There’s no place to run, got a gun to the words just for fun
Hands up

“911, emergency response. How may I assist?”
Well if you insist. He’s been persistent. Eyes red
He’s got a gun and phone. One in each hand. Says I’ll be fed
Think soon I’ll be dead
”Who are you sir?”
Just words inside his head
Should have fled. But the weed was a trap. It was a seed that grew up
The vines wrapped around and dragged me down
He caught up while I was on the ground. He has me now
All it took was a toke, the process got broken
I’m choking, he’s hoping to get the key from me
Unlock the door. But he wins, I can’t take it anymore
The other words are on the table. I’m not able to help. They’re out of luck

I’ll fuck these words. Rape. Those too. Show up in the news
”Why’d you have to do it?”
Start a movement to fucking prove it
To me these words are soothing. Smooth while I’m choosing what they’ll be doing
Fluid is the fluency I’m spitting. The truest me is still waiting patiently,
Sitting, willing to let me see what’s missing inside me
But first I must meet him if I plan to beat me
Gonna fucking eat
Become one. The me in control with the me that’s gone wrong