The Plagiarism Club
/The narrator confesses to plagiarism at a self-help group.
————
The monthly meeting of The Plagiarism Club was about to start. Everyone had either piles of paper neatly assembled on the table or a laptop that was on and chugging away. I was a new member of the group. I had nothing with me except what was stored in my head. The leader of the group cleared her throat and opened the meeting.
“Good evening, everyone. I see that we have a new member tonight. Please introduce yourself.”
“Hi, everyone. I’m Annika, and I’m a plagiarist. Is that what I’m supposed to say?”
“Well, yes. That is, if you are in fact a plagiarist.”
“I have committed plagiarism more than once.”
“Good. Tell us what happened.”
“The first time I just copied a whole lot of stuff for a research paper. My professor caught me, unfortunately. I told her I just forgot the quotation marks, but she didn’t believe me.”
“Bummer. It’s not much fun if you can’t get away with it.”
“The next time I bought a paper on the internet. It was for a history class. The subject was the French Revolution. I thought it was a great paper: lots of blood, lots of guillotine.”
“So, did you get away with that one?”
“No. My professor received two other papers that were exactly the same as mine. I should have known that there was something not right when the paper cost me only $3.99.”
“So have you had any successes?”
“In a way, yes. One time I actually wrote a paper for someone else. It was all about the Russo-Japanese War. I was a history major. I had a lot of fun writing the paper. Since I was getting paid $100, I made sure my quotes were accurate and enclosed with quotation marks and footnoted, you know, just like you’re supposed to do. I made sure my paraphrases were good solid renditions of the original, but in my own words. I didn’t just change a word here and there. No, I made the word choice and word order my own, and I footnoted the paraphrases too, just like you’re supposed to. I was so good at writing this paper that I considered starting my own plagiarism business.”
“So why didn’t you?” The leader of the group seemed intrigued.
I hesitated and then decided to tell the truth, even though plagiarism is all about lying.
“The thing is, I did get my $100, and my paper was great, but it was too great. The guy I sold it to was an F student in his history class, and then he turned in an A paper.”
“So the professor was suspicious?”
“Yes, very. I wasn’t caught, since my friend didn’t snitch on me. But the professor kept asking the guy all about the Russo-Japanese War, and my friend kept saying “Duh” or something equally clever.”
“So the professor didn’t have to find the author. All he had to do was discover that the purported writer knew nothing about the topic.”
“That’s right. At least my effort didn’t go to waste. I mean, I still made my $100.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a hand go up. The leader said, “Yes, Betsy; do you have a comment?”
Betsy looked at me. “You said your name was Annika?” I nodded. “Well, Annika, since you did such a good job writing the paper for someone else, why didn’t you just write your own papers? Why risk an F in a class or getting kicked out of college when you pretty much know how to produce a good paper? Is it just for kicks? I mean, I plagiarize because I can’t write papers. But you can.”
I thought for a moment. “You know you’re right. I guess I started plagiarizing because my friends were doing it. When I wrote that paper for someone else, I did it for the money.” I thought some more. “Hey, thanks for the advice. I think I’ll go to grad school.”
The leader nodded with approval. “And study history?”
I returned the nod. “It’s what I know. And if I can’t get a job with an M.A. in history, maybe I can write someone’s master’s thesis. Or Ph.D. dissertation.”
The group seemed in awe of my grandiose plans. “Wow! You’d do that?” It was Betsy again. "But that’s the hardest part of getting a doctorate. At least that’s what they tell me. I may be repeating myself, but why write someone else’s dissertation? Why not write your own, get a doctorate, and then teach college? It seems like something you could do. And it’s all legal. And do you really think someone would pay you enough for taking maybe two or more years of your life to compose a dissertation ? I mean, how much could they possibly give you to make it worthwhile?”
I thought about what Betsy had said. "You know, you're right. I don't need to plagiarize. It's kind of risky. Thanks." I got up to wave goodbye.
The leader smiled. “Well, anytime you find yourself falling back into that old plagiarism habit, you know where to find us.”
By Anita G. Gorman
From: United States
Website: https://anitaggorman.com
Instagram: anitagorman1
Twitter: aggorman