Reaching Out
/Simple Sue's thought of the day: reaching out
This morning I'm thinking about depression and people who don't really have any experience with it. I don't think we really necessarily need you to understand what its like. We just need you to understand that what we feel and think is real and it's valid and we're not wrong in how we feel.
I Use to not be able to grasp that but I do now. Depression lies to you. It tries to take away every reason you've got to get out of bed, to smile, to exist. Depression will tell you that you're not important, you don't belong, you're all alone. it'll tell you these things and more in whatever way you'll listen.
You always hear people say, reach out, talk to someone, I'm here, I'll listen. Okay, but what's that look like? How's it go? Let's be real for a minute because I think this is important! If I (or anyone) called you today and said hey, I need to talk, I'm struggling, I'm having thoughts. I feel like I'm not important to anybody and nobody needs me..... What is gonna be the first thing you say to that?
You're more than likely gonna start telling me that I am important, I don't need to talk that way, think that way, feel that way. You're gonna tell me my kids love me and need me. Maybe you'll point out some good I've done or got going on in life. Right? That's how we learn to suffer in silence and not reach out....
The last thing we need is to share our feelings just be told our feelings are wrong and not to feel that way. Don't you think that if we could just not feel that way, we would? I mean really, come on, if we saw that option on the table, don't you think we would choose that? I promise you nobody chooses to feel unloved, unimportant, unwanted. Telling someone not to feel what they feel never changes how they feel.
No, that doesn't mean that you should agree with us. It doesn't mean you should say we're right, we're not important and not loved or needed. It's not about being right or wrong. See that's where people get it all fucked up. We think we've gotta prove that what we feel or what someone else feels is right or wrong, but we don't. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they're just feelings and they can be whatever they are.
So if I (or anyone), calls and says I'm not okay, I feel like I'm not important, maybe you can think back to some time in your life when you didn't feel important. Because with or without depression, haven't we all felt unimportant,unappreciated or overlooked at some point? Maybe you could remind me that we all feel like that sometimes and it's understandable and it's okay and I'm not alone. Ask me if I want to talk about why I feel that way. Sometimes just talking about it, saying the words out loud will subside those feelings. Or if you really want to help, think of a way to make us feel important. Come up with something you need help with, even if you don't need help. Get us out of our environment, out of our own head for a little while, doing something to feel the opposite of how our depression tells us to feel.
But most the time we're not gonna reach out that way because we've already learned not to. Most the time when we reach out it's gonna be a small bid for connection. It's gonna come in the form of a text that says, hey wyd wanna come hang out? or are you busy? I was hoping to see you. And yes, I know that you shouldn't have to try and figure out if that means they are bored and wanna hang out or if it means they are terribly depressed and really need a friend to talk em of the edge. It's not even fair that any one would suggest that. I'm just telling you what most people don't. This is how depression and reaching out looks in real life. Real life isn't fair. Depression isn't fair. Losing a friend to depression isn't fair.
By Simple Sue
From: United States