Neil

Neil was glad when Jay spoke to him in their home economics class at school. Neil was shy but wanted to be liked. As it happened, he was attracted to guys and liked to think Jay was too. Jay made him feel warm just by giving him a smile and sharing a few words. During class, Neil would look across the room at Jay. If he ever caught his eye, he looked away, anxious he was noticed. He would think, however, of Jay's dark hair and warm eyes for the rest of the day.

After they finished home economics class in early spring, Neil was in none of Jay's classes. In the free time between classes, Jay kept with his friends down the hall rather than Neil's own. Neither did he share the same lunch period with him, when they might have eaten together. Neil remained hopeful, however, that Jay would come by to talk. He could not have looked at and spoken to him for nothing, he felt. Neil began to stand by his own locker quietly with a friend and wait for Jay to pass him in the hall during breaks between classes. As people went by, Neil would lift his eyes quickly to check if any were him. But being shy, he never went to Jay. He was that sure Jay would come first and that he had only to wait. It felt a wonderful thing to do in a way, to trust another guy that much to like him. When two weeks then a month went by without Jay coming past, Neil began to wonder. Maybe he was troubled over something at home with his family. Maybe he was busy studying for a special test. He thought there might be many good reasons why Jay kept apart. Neil decided to wait however long it took for Jay to get through those troubles of his and feel it right to come over and say hello again.

Soon enough, Neil caught sight of Jay walking past once or twice with his own friends. Jay had no special light in his eye nor made any move to turn toward him. It disappointed Neil, but he put the event out of mind and reminded himself that Jay must like him. He did it despite the effort it took to keep up now.

Then, a few days before the school year was to end, Neil saw Jay walk down the hall holding hands with Dave, a guy from his own algebra class. A light shone in Jay's eye that Neil had never seen in home economics. The two had to be boyfriends, he realized. He thought of his long faith in Jay and saw that, the whole time Jay had kept apart with his own friends, he had, in fact, not been interested in him. Neil saw that if he had been more objective before now, he might have figured things were so. Hurt and sad, Neil watched the pair go around the corner. He really had believed that loving would get him liked. He just hadn't realized that love was blind.

By Norbert Kovacs

From: United States

Website: http://www.norbertkovacs.net