I Failed?

I truly believe that I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. 

Daddy needed a perfect daughter so he turned up to my sister. 

Good for mother she always wanted a son. 

Failed being a better sister too, I was never enough. I thought love was enough but it isn’t. Love should be accompanied by materialistic things to make the other person feel it. 

It’s ridiculous how we once believed in the idea of “friendships forever”.  I remember how my friends stomped at my heart when I needed them because i was failing my daddy, my mother, my sister and most of all myself. 

I fail as a person. 

I lost a person who loved and cared and cherished and dared to a person who’s just as insignificant as a wilted rose. 

I failed my younger self, the one who thought to be a doctor maybe, or a superstar?

“O, please don’t cry silly me, it’s soon going to better, it’s going to be over”

Over? the immense pain? Ah! 

I hate how people fear death.. I am starting to feel it’s the most joyous thing. 

I don’t want to be rescued or healed or duct taped. I want to be free. I want to be free of this suffering which is killing me. 

Why would I want to fear death, when it’s residing in me? 

Why would I fear death when it’s the only thing that’s accepting me? 

I know that I failed. I failed! I failed! I failed!

By Mizol Dhiman

From: India