Another Fish Story

Story told by Irish Fisherman

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I was on holiday for a week and decided to visit Ireland and enjoy the quaint ambience of small  fishing towns dotting the coast. My first introduction was Kinsale in County Cork, a fishing village with the possibility of a magical encounter around every corner.

That afternoon I spent visiting local shops, shopping for nothing in particular. Then I visited the Kinsale Museum where the history of the village was well documented. 

Later that evening I had developed a taste to sample some seafood for dinner  along with a pint of Guinness.

 I found a pub restaurant advertising the "Catch of the Day" which appeared to be a popular spot. The place was filled with locals giving me an opportunity to meet and engage in conversation.  It was actually the name that first attracted me to patronize the pub.  "The Silent Banjo" which I discovered was  far from being silent. They served up a wonderful plate for dinner and it was moderately priced as well.

After finishing I retired to the tavern where a five piece band was playing traditional Irish music. Naturally I  searched the bar for a lovely lass to keep me company, unfortunately the opportunity never presented itself.   I started a conversation with a friendly and loud talking bloke sitting next to me. It didn't take long to notice there was something very peculiar about his appearance. After half an hour or so of talking about the village, his job as a fisherman and where I hailed from, I'd worked up the courage to ask him about how he acquired such a little head. 

" I don't usually discuss the circumstances surrounding my extremely little head with strangers. If you buy me a couple of Glenfiddich fifteen year along with some pints of Harp, I'd be more than happy to share my story."

I was hooked and he was reeling me in like a worn out Salmon. 

"It would be my pleasure to pay your bar tab as long as your explanation is nonfiction."

" I will tell you the God's honest truth,I swear on my mother's grave." He said in a convincing voice, his hand over his heart.

He slammed his Scotch and guzzled his beer yelling to the bartender for another of both.

"That day began in a strange manner before I even got out of bed. I dreamed a Leprechaun had gotten into my house and robbed me of my gold chain and cross as well as me pocket watch and all me available cash. I woke up in a cold sweat and immediately checked on the items discovering they were still there. Then my first mate called in sick so I would have to work the boat and nets on my own. Others warn against performing such a task alone because of the danger involved. There's a thousand things that could go wrong. But it was the height of Salmon season and missing one day could cost you thousands."

He took a short break to once again  chug his drinks and quickly ordered more.

," Could you please cut to the chase. I'm afraid this story may end up costing me my entire vacation budget." I pleaded to the expensive raconteur.

" I apologize, I thought you were interested in my unfortunate twist of fate. The story is close to its end."

" Great, I'll spring for one more round."

" That's very Christian of you.

Now where was I? Oh ya. It was a calm morning, hardly a breeze tickling the Oak leaves or Foxglove. I arrived at the dock and the Ocean was without a wave, a sea of glass, still and silent. I headed out past the jetty   and into the open sea that lay waiting for me. Then straight into the arms of my mistress, my lover, my mysterious lady, the unpredictable sea.

The morning still had an eerie

foreboding ambience hanging over me like a fog. I reached my favorite spot, I immediately dropped my nets  and baited

some  poles setting their lines as well. I made a wide circular pattern trawling with the nets set mid-level. After only an hour I could tell the nets were near full by the sound of the engine groaning from dragging the weight.

I began reeling in the nets noticing the size of the catch. Then the strangest thing I've ever witnessed was caught in my net."

" Don't stop now. What was in the net?,"

" You're not going to believe me when I tell you."

" Try me." I insisted.

" Splashing around inside the net, unable to escape, was a beautiful mermaid. She pleaded with me to release her back into the ocean after I got her on board the trawler. She was breathtaking with breasts firm and round.  She explained that she possessed the ability to grant wishes with magic. If I set her free she would grant me one wish and I couldn't wish for more wishes. I was getting worked up and hadn't been with a woman in a long while."

"No, don't tell me you wished for sex with her."

"That's exactly what I wished for. If you would've seen her you'd most likely wish for the same thing. Well she said it wasn't possible, although her top half was a human woman the bottom half of her was  fish."

"So what the hell did you do?"

" I thought about it for a short while,  I could wish for her to have an entire human woman body but I would use up my wish.  Then I found the answer to my conundrum. 

I suggested to her, if we were unable to fornicate then,  how about a 'little head''? She then granted me my wish and that's my story. Now you know how I got my little head. And that's the truth, so help me God."

The entire bar began laughing hysterically causing me a bit of embarrassment. I took the teasing and taunting in stride accepting the result as the consequence for my curiosity. 

" Malone drinks for free during the height of tourist season. Don't be feeling like a fool. There's been many before you that have ended up paying  more for his story. He was  easy on you." The bartender informed me.

A few bar patrons slapped me on the back or shook my hand, complimenting me on being a good sport.

"You're not pissed off are you Yank? It's all in good fun. Let me buy you a pint." Malone offered.

"Sure, I'd appreciate it. But can you do me a favor though?  Tell me really , how'd you get such a little head?"

The entire pub erupted in laughter.

By Judge Santiago Burdon

From: Costa Rica