…stand trapped between the person I once was, and the person I am to become. I hold on tightly, as she slowly fades, soon to vanish entirely. I cherish every last bit that remains, already mourning her…

By Tracey Koehler

…no hope for return

To feel the tremble of its power

To gaze upon the heavenly glint of its beauty

To fill my ears with the rushing of its…

By Tracey Koehler

…life, bound by belief, held captive by ideals, imprisoned by guilt and fear; invariably trying to rectify the past, inevitably failing and bankrupting my future.

Longing for freedom, I let go of my self-bound chains. I breathe and see the present for the first time. the present, stagnant up to this point, vibrant, whirling, whispering to me, and I feel the quickening. I am overcome with a lust to be part of the brilliant matrix surrounding me, and, I let go...

By Tracey Koehler

A girls night out, interrupted

---

…will never forget the look on his face as my husband, Ted, stared at me from the other side of a smudged plate of plexiglass. It was a mix of comical bewilderment and admiration. I wiped the tears from my mascara smeared eyes, picked up the phone, and started at the beginning.

It was Soccer Club Night. No, I didn’t play soccer, I was part of a group of women who fit the “Soccer Mom” profile to a tee. Dedicated mothers, members of the PTA, and tenaciously driven to raise the perfect family. We…

By Tracey Koehler

…is indefinite, a sequence of continuous events from the past, within the present, and of the future to come.

Society has become fixated with the measurement and the scheduling of time, instead of directing their attention and energy to the sequence of events that are, in essence, their livelihood.

How wonderful life would be if we concentrated on the events that need to occur, rather that the twirly cogs in the machine; to measure our…

By Tracey Koehler

…suppose I did have that “once upon a time” moment in my life, but I watched helplessly as I let it slip through my fingers; forever lost to me. I spend my days in darkness, regret, my only companion, slowly losing hope. I am the monster hiding under my bed, slowly snuffing out the last of my dreams. I have but the dimmest spark left in my cold soul, and I wonder, as I sit in silence, will it be…

By Tracey Koehler

…they won’t leave me alone,

Voices from long past and still they roam.

They tell me my downfalls, my mistakes, and regrets,

All of this way to much to bear in one’s head.

I open my mouth and let them all out,

A pure primal scream, the echo rings throughout.

I through back my head, feeling empty inside.

I pushed them all out, left no place to hide.

When in the emptiness, a small voice arose.

It was hard to recognize the voice as my own.

As tears streamed down my cheeks, for the very first time.

My mind filled….

By Tracey Koehler

…slate-like under my bare feet; cold, slick, impenetrable. The air is stale and clammy. My hands blindly lunge into obscurity; nothing within grasp, only the vacuum of the dark barren. The cold emanates from within my soul and spreads through the fibers of my nerves, embracing every inch of my body. I call out; my voice falling flat, no walls to echo my shout. I shiver, not knowing if this is from the chilling dankness or my own fear and fall to the ground.

Sobbing, I crawl through the misty darkness for hours. The floor is slick from the dewy…

By Tracey Koehler

…heart races as I toss, turn, and kick away another night. If I do manage to fall asleep, the nightmare begins.

An invisible demon, throws me about. The pain so real, I think I may die. I know it is a dream, but I cannot wake. I try to run, every muscle straining as if I am weighed down. I try to scream; silent breath only escaping my lips. I think I wake, only to feel the invisible demon attack again, and I realize I am still dreaming.

So scared.

What if I never wake?

Repeating over and over until…

By Tracey Koehler

…flinched as I heard a thud, followed by mad fluttering. I cautiously approached the kitchen window, and peered through the murkiness outdoors. A massive black bird lay on the ground, flapping his wings, but unable to right himself. The poor thing must have lost his bearings in this weather and flew into the the large picture window. His fluttering became erratic, then slowed, and finally stopped.

The weather outside was dank and the ground covered in thick fog; not a day to spend outdoors by any means. It was, however, perfect for an evening inside with a good book and…

By Tracey Koehler

…had felt it building within her for several nights past. A fire pulsing through her veins with wondrous intensity, awakening her dulled senses. Every nerve, titillating with an electrifying arousal, yet she felt an inner tranquility, with such clarity, in a most strange and harmonious circumstance of coexistence. As the sun set in the West and the moon began to rise, she felt her yearning come alive, the most arousing, exquisite ache of her life. Feverish with passion and pleasures inside, she threw back her head in her ravishing frenzy and howled at the moon above, welcoming her new…

By Tracey Koehler

…must take the first step,

dead calm surrounding me.

My heart is beating fast inside,

my terror running free.

To step into the unknown,

with no safety net to catch.

A stagnant life of caution,

or live with some regrets?

The choice lies here before me.

Which path fate chose I met.

One thing is though, quite certain.

We must each decide ourselves,

for your path isn’t for me,

and mine for no one…

By Tracey Koehler

My experiences living with a man suffering from drug induced psychosis

—————

I love you

Don’t leave

I promise I’ll change

I’m sorry

You bitch

No one will ever love you

Everyone thinks you’re a whore

Don’t go

I didn’t mean it

I can’t live without you

I’ll blow my brains out

You’re my soulmate

Why are you doing this to me?

How could you be so heartless

I need you

Stupid bitch

I’ll burn…

By Tracey Koehler

…glimpse inside my soul reveals a new path, lined with fireflies to guide my way. The path is smooth and soft beneath my toes like fresh sand. I can feel it give way beneath my step as the flight of the fireflies outline each footstep in its soft glow. My mind is filled with childlike curiosity as I follow along, the sweet scent of blooming hyacinths riding the warm breeze beside me. I can hear the lulling sound of waves rolling to an undiscovered beach in the distance, and the far-off cry of a seagull…

By Tracey Koehler

…bore his soul on his journey to redemption. So many regrets, so much guilt. He had traveled a great distance, and had many miles ahead of him still. Along the way, He wrote farewell to bits of his youth in the notebook he carried in his back pocket. 62 pages of broken promises, self indulgence and deceit. The notebook still contained another 38 pages to fully diverge from his former self. When he completes this cleansing journey, he will open a new notebook to fill with memories of compassion, loyalty, and love; and he will begin…

By Tracey Koehler

…had been caged far too long.

Bound by her sorrows and fears.

Secluded in the dim room with the old, creaky wooden floors.

Stale air that turned magical in the intruding beam of sun, dust motes dancing round her head.

The comforting hiss of the radiator in the corner, releasing heat to warm her bones.

Her sanctity, her security.

And one day she wanted more.

She opened the door cautiously and stepped into the world, bewildered and amazed.

Clean air filled her lungs, sun warmed her face, a kaleidoscope of colors and movement in her eyes.

She broke free, knowing…

By Tracey Koehler

…found her frozen body on the path he took to prowl. Drawn to her sheer beauty, he dropped his kill and stood in awe.
Captivating. Alluring.
The sun shown on her diamond glinted face. frost covered and illuminating the dimming forest space.
His beastly heart softened and a tear slid down his cheek. His eyes, dark and warm, we’re filled with sympathy.
He picked her up quite gently and wrapped her in his cloak, mindful of her delicacy, she was completely froze. His big large, mitten hands held this captivating creature.
He made his trek quite quickly to get her …

By Tracey Koehler

Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/tkBloodStainedLips/

…of us are meant to be loved,
while others are to remain alone.
It’s hard. Who gets to decide the fate of our hearts?
Why do some deserve flowers while others tears?
Why do some have to remain strong,
while others are held and cherished?
And why, oh God, why, are the unloved
presented with hope?
Hope can be cruel in a world
meant for the unloved to remain…

By Tracey Koehler

Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/tkBloodStainedLips/