Struggling seems pointless when ‘no’ doesn’t work. My wrists pinned over my head, “no, please, stop!”
He keeps going.
One of his knees pins one of my legs down. His body stands in the way of the other leg, heavy, sweaty, nasty.
And it hurts. It hurts so much. My voice screeches to scream but his hand is around my throat. I’m digging my nails into his arm hoping he lets go. He won’t.
I retreat into the back of my psyche. A moment playing with a Barbie when I was a young girl. Combing her hair gently and fair. Barbie the princess, the way every lady should be treated or whatever.
As if I wasn’t even there it appears as a foggy memory in the back of my mind.
He storms out of the room as if doing this was the punchline to a joke, the point sending an argument home.
There’s no way to know how to react right now.
We all know about the untested rape kits. Going to the police would be a waste. My family has been waiting for the smoking gun to tell me they were right about this asshole being an asshole all along. That’s a no go. No friends because work.
Well shit, who the fuck do I tell? Does it even matter? I suddenly realize I’m a piece of shit with no one to turn to. I’m sure I’m somehow responsible for that too.
I’ll pray god meant for this to happen in some way and go on with my day… I guess. What else can I do?