I regret to inform the masses protesting that nothing can be done about their president being Donald Trump. This is just some weird moment in history. Years from now we’ll say our president was once the star of reality television. I have good news though! You don’t have to worry about him. He can’t really do anything he’s said he would. He’d go broke much too quickly if he fired all his workers, kept them away with a giant wall and cut off our country, therefore, his own businesses from the rest of the world. At worst, he’ll annoy us for a couple of years and we’ll get over it. At best though, he could be a guy smarter than we expected and do some real good. It’s a long shot, but give the guy a chance. If he blows it, well fuck, fool me once.
By Jack Thomas