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Eating Lead Tonight

100/365

“You’re at one hundred, man! Congratulations!”

For what? I plan to hit 365! What significance does a hundred have at that point? And even after reaching 365, if I did a single day more than that why would 365 even matter? Is it because I accomplished a goal? Just doing something 365 times doesn’t seem like one. I’ve done that many times over with things as casual as a hobbies or mere chance… It’s just a thing I’m doing. A goal needs to have a sense of accomplishment and purpose. Neither of which are characteristics I associate with quantity, less I be materialistic too, but I don’t own much and don’t plan to. What do you mean, exactly?

“I just mean it’s impressive!”

I’m not sure what it is that you think is impressive. I said I’d do a thing and now I’m doing it… Is it impressive I’m actually doing the thing I said I’d do? In which case, do you walk around in awe all day long as you go about your day encountering people who are actively doing the thing they said they’d do? I’m confused. Okay, okay, let’s take a step back because this isn’t making sense to me! Let’s start at square one: is the congratulations about doing a hundred of something?

“I guess, man. What’s your problem?”

What? What do you mean what’s my problem? I’m literally trying to comprehend what you’re telling me! Don’t be angry that I want to understand, that doesn’t make sense. You should want me to understand what you are trying to tell me, otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to tell me, right? So, let’s try again!

“Whatever, yes it’s for the hundred!”

Okay, great. Good start, what about the hundred is it I’m getting congratulated for?

“REACHING IT! What the hell do you mean?”

Yes, yes, I get that! I get that! Why does it matter that I reached one hundred? The part I’m not getting is that you’re congratulating a seemingly pointless number based on the mere existence of said number. It’s like congratulating you for being yourself! Or rather, congratulations for having this thing many other people have, and that you have in many other instances. Hundred percent sure no one congratulated you on your hundredth day of life and you haven’t done that to anyone, and I know damn well you consider that your hundredth best day of all time, first place if it weren’t for the ninety-eight days you woke up, and the one you were born. For these reasons the two of us are more than certain the value of one hundred isn’t the interest point here, but I fear you don’t know, which means we need to get you to know so that you can tell me because I JUST WANT TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND! I SWEAR!

“Dude, fuck this, fuck you! I don’t know what your problem is, but I don’t have to take this shit! I’m out of here!”

Jesus fucking Christ! What the hell is wrong with people? He really just freaked out at me for trying to understand? What the hell! But then if he’s around someone who isn’t paying attention they don’t like that either. So damned if we don’t listen, but damned if we listen so well we have follow up questions? Goddamn it, I hate people.

“I don’t know, man. He’s an asshole, just started talking down to me and being aggressive for no reason. Tried to make me sound stupid or something. And I’m not Einstein, but I’m no idiot either!”

He stormed out. Dude was furious all of a sudden, I’ve tried talking to him, but he ignores me whenever we cross paths. I know it’s dumb but it really looks to me as if he’s pissed that I was trying to understand what he was telling me. But that’s too confusing, that can’t be right.

“I heard how you were treating him. That was uncalled for. He wasn’t doing anything, but congratulating you. You’ve changed, man. Stop talking to me…”

Whatever happens I shall not lose control. Deep breathing. Inhale, exhale. Don’t punish them for being stupid, that is not their fault. Deep breaths. Don’t punish their irrational emotion based thinking, it is not their fault. They are animals like the rest. Their emotional instinct will overpower all reason and it is not their fault.