Daniel Thomas wiped the tears from his eyes, and followed the other mourners into the pub. At twenty-eight years old, he had been fortunate not to have been to many family funerals. He had gotten a bit choked up at the church service for his aunt and was now ready for drink and a catch up with the family and friends at the wake.

The function room in the back of the pub was packed. Clearly there were a lot of people who wanted to celebrate his aunt’s life and pay their respects. The place was full of family and friends, his parents and siblings and other relatives. He recognised a lot of the faces, people he knew, and others he knew of, from family stories. A few relations said hello as he passed, his mother hugging him. His wife Emma took hold of his hand, squeezing tight, the message clear, I’m here for you. They pushed their way through the mourners, all dressed in black, and headed for the bar. 

He was just deciding what beer to try when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to see a man somewhere in his fifties, smiling at him. 

‘It’s Daniel, isn’t it?’ the man asked, in a thick Irish accent. 

‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘I’m Billy, your mother’s cousin. Nice to meet you. Can I buy guys you a drink?’

Billy, like most of the mourners was dressed in black, a suit, with his tie hanging a little loose from his shirt collar. They ordered three pints of beer and clicked their glasses, cheers, before taking their drinks and trying to find a free table in the bustling room. They managed to squeeze around a table in a corner of the room. 

‘Did you fly over for the funeral?’ Daniel asked.

‘I’m originally from Dublin but I moved over here for work a few years back. I’ve been living over here ever since.’ Billy replied.

‘What do you do for work?’ Emma asked.

‘I’m an electrician. I started out on the building sites years ago, but these days, I’m a qualified sparky.’

When they heard of Billy’s trade, Emma, gave Daniel a nudge. He understood exactly what she was getting at. He took a swig of his beer and then spoke.

‘We’ve actually got a few bits that need doing around the house. Would mind having a look? I mean, we’d pay, of course.’ Daniel said.

‘It would be a pleasure. And it would be family rates, of course.’ Billy agreed.

‘Really? That would be fantastic.’ Emma said.

Daniel and Emma spent the rest of the afternoon, drinking and mingling with the family and friends gathered. It was a sad get-together but they gave his aunt a lovely send-off. As they were leaving, Daniel approached Billy. He asked if he could have his mobile number to get in touch about the electrical work.

A few weeks later, having been texting back and forth, Billy called around to their house. Daniel ushered his relative into the living room. He looked different than at the funeral, the dark suit being replaced by faded blue jeans and a check shirt, the sleeves pushed up to the elbow. They showed Billy around their house, explaining the rewiring and electrical work that was needed. Billy nodded and listened, tapping the wall occasionally with two fingers. 

When they were finished, they sat around the kitchen table. Over a pot of tea, Billy scratched his chin, and went through the sums in his head. The rate he quoted made them gasp. It was more than reasonable, it was half what it should have been.

‘The only thing,’ Billy said. ‘is that I have a lot of work at the moment. You’d have to wait until I can fit you in.’

‘Of course, we’re in no hurry, just whenever you can.’ Emma replied.

As they poured him another cup of tea, Emma asked where Billy was living at the moment.

‘I’m actually in-between addresses right now. My old landlord decided to sell-up and that was that. I’ve been sofa-surfing for the past few weeks. I’ll get something sorted out soon, I’m sure.’ Billy said. 

‘You can stay here until you get yourself sorted.’ Daniel offered.

‘You really don’t have to do that.’ Billy replied.

‘We don’t mind, do we love?’ Daniel glanced at his wife.

‘Of course not. Just until you get sorted.’

‘Thank you so much, guys. Your aunt would be so proud of you. Family first, that’s what she always used to say.’ Billy grinned.

Two days later, Billy moved in. When Daniel asked if he needed a hand with his luggage, Billy shook his head. He turned to show the dark green rucksack on his back. 

‘Sure, I’ve only got this.’ Billy said.

When he was settled in the small spare room, Billy thanked them.

‘That’s just grand.’ He said. ‘Thank you so much. I promise I won’t be any bother. You’ll hardly know I’m here.’

The following morning, as Daniel and Emma, rushed around getting ready for work, grabbing a quick cup of tea and slice of toast, Billy came trudging down the stairs in his dressing down and slippers, his greying hair sticking up in all directions.

As she sipped her mug of tea, Emma asked Billy how he’d slept.

‘Oh, like a log, thanks.’ Billy replied, flopping down onto the sofa.

Daniel shrugged into his coat and enquired what work Billy had lined up for the day.

Billy answered that he wasn’t sure yet and flicked the television set on. Daniel pecked his wife on the cheek, good-bye, and left for work. 

When he let himself in the front door that evening, Daniel was struck by an over-powering smell. Was that cigarette smoke? He went through to the living room to find Emma opening the windows to let some air in. Billy was sitting on the sofa, glued to the quiz show on television. The coffee table was full of empty beer cans. He helped his wife scoop the cans into a black bin-bag. 

In the kitchen, she whispered and gestured to the living room.

‘He’s been smoking in here. I’ve told him not to smoke inside again. And have you seen how many cans he’s downed?’

‘It shouldn’t be for long. It’s just until he sorts himself out.’ Daniel said. ‘Have you asked if he’s joining us for tea?’

Emma shook her head and continued clearing up.

Daniel poked his head through to the living room.

‘Will you be having tea with us, Billy?’

Without looking away from the television screen, Billy spoke.

‘No, I’m away for a pint shortly.’ 

Daniel said nothing, but it seemed the last thing his relative needed right then was more alcohol. 

While they were in the kitchen, they heard Billy slamming the front door slam shut behind him. Emma didn’t voice her concerns, but Daniel sensed she was worried about their new house-guest. That evening, as they flaked out on the sofa, in front of the television, neither of them mentioned Billy. Daniel just hoped Billy moved on sooner rather than later.

Just after midnight, Daniel woke to hear the front door slam shut. Emma sat up in bed next to him. They heard footsteps in the hallway, then the unmistakable sound of Billy singing, his voice loud and grating in the night-time dark.

And the auld triangle, went jingle-jangle, all along the baaaaaanks of the Royal Canal.

They listened as the living room door banged shut and then heard the muted sounds of the television set. As they lay back down in bed, Daniel rubbed Emma’s arm in an attempt to soothe and reassure her. Eventually, they drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, there was no signs of life from Billy. The spare-room door firmly shut. Daniel assumed his relative was sleeping off the excesses of the night before. On the coffee table was an empty whiskey bottle and a single glass. Daniel sensed that Billy had downed the entire bottle and then, having run out of booze, decided to head to bed. Before Emma came down the stairs, he stashed the empty bottle in the recycling and the glass in the sink. 

The following afternoon followed the same as the previous, as Daniel arrived home from work to Billy’s empty cans and cigarette smoke. Billy was tuned into the tea time quiz shows on television. Emma was raging in the kitchen once again. 

‘I told him again about the smoking in-doors. Do you know what he said?’ She said.

Daniel didn’t reply.

‘He told me to chill my beans. He said I need to loosen up. I couldn’t believe it.’

‘I’ll have a word with him. He just needs to get used to living in our house.’ Daniel said.

When he went through to the living room, Billy was putting his coat on.

‘Can I have a quick chat, Billy?’ 

‘We’ll talk later, so. I’m off for a jar.’ 

‘I really think we need to go through a few house rules.’ Daniel said.

‘And I really think I need a pint.’

Leaving Daniel standing there, Billy strolled from the room, heading for the pub.

Again, late that night, Billy returned, slurring and singing. As Daniel and his wife tried to sleep upstairs, Billy drank and sang a song about a Dublin street called Raglan Road.

The next few days followed in the same way. There was no sign of Billy doing any electrician work in theirs or any other premises. He continued to spend his days hanging around their house drinking and smoking, before heading for the pub when they returned home from work. Emma looked tired and upset all the time, just completely drained by it all. And Daniel understood exactly how she felt. He felt the same way. 

Around a week later, Billy started bringing his boozing buddies back from the pub. There would be talking, laughing and joking and singing late into the night. The living room would be a complete mess when Daniel and Emma came downstairs each morning, takeaway papers and pizza boxes littering the place. Neither of them would speak, they didn’t express their disgust or unhappiness. They simply set about cleaning up before heading for work. 

One morning, after a particularly heavy session, he and Emma entered the living room to find that Billy and his pal hadn’t bothered heading for bed. They were slumped asleep in the armchair and on the sofa. Daniel shook his head. This had gone on long enough. He yanked back the curtains, daylight spilling into the room, across the empty cans and bottles and takeaway papers that covered the floor. 

‘Right, come on, wake up!’ He yelled.

The two men opened their eyes, squinting in the harsh sunlight.

‘Morning, Daniel, Emma. Let me introduce you to Pete.’

‘You, get out.’ Daniel said to the stranger.

This Pete character, clearly used to this kind of situation, shuffled out of the room and made for the front door.

‘I can’t believe you, Billy.’ Daniel said. 

Billy got to his feet. He stumbled towards Daniel.

‘I suggest you watch your tone.’ Billy growled.

He was chest to chest with Daniel, like a boxer at a weigh-in, the stench of stale beer, cigarette smoke and junk food coming from him. He reminded Daniel of every pub drunk looking for a fight at closing time.

‘Oh grow up.’ Daniel waved a hand at the litter. ‘Things cannot go on like this.’ 

Billy simply rummaged in his jeans for a pack of cigarettes. He lit a cigarette, not taking his eyes from Daniel, outrage and venom in his gaze.

Emma left for work, Daniel assuring her he would sort things out. Billy was his family, he would take care of it. She actually looked a little relieved that things were moving one way or the other. Something was happening, this would finally get resolved, even if the police had to be involved. 

Daniel retreated upstairs to their bedroom and called his mother. He didn’t speak to his mother that often, maybe every couple of months or so for a catch-up. After they had exchanged pleasantries, Daniel enquiring about his father’s health, he got to the point. 

‘We’ve got Billy staying with us, but he’s outstayed his welcome and I was just wondering if you knew of anyone else he could stay with.’ Daniel asked.

‘You’ve got who staying?’ His mum replied.

‘Your cousin Billy.’

‘I don’t have a cousin Billy.’ She said. 

Daniel simply said he had to go and hung up the phone. 

Reeling and trying not to panic, Daniel went through to the living room, where Billy, despite the early hour, was cracking open a can of beer. He couldn’t believe the audacity of this character, a complete stranger, worming his way into their house. Of all the cheek, to make out he was a relation, at a packed family funeral, where nobody really knew anyone, apart from them all being kind of related. How dare this man take advantage of that?

‘I’ve just got off the phone from mum.’ Daniel said.

‘Oh yeah? Did you give her my love?’ Billy asked.

‘Mum has never heard of you.’

Billy sighed, lowering the can from his lips. He gave Daniel a long look, weighing up the chance of being able to bluff and blag his way out of it.

‘I don’t know who you are, but you need to go, now.’ Daniel said.

Billy got to his feet, checking his watch. 

‘Would you let me just get a quick change before throwing me out in the street?’ Billy asked.

Daniel felt like refusing but just shrugged.

‘You’ve got five minutes.’ Daniel said. 

Billy took a swig from his can of beer, before nodding and dashing upstairs. 

He appeared a few minutes later, rucksack over his shoulder, wearing the black suit.

‘I’ll be on my way, Daniel.’

‘Where will you go?’ Daniel asked.

‘There’s a funeral at St Thomas’s church at half-past nine. I’ll catch that if I’m lucky.’

As he was heading out the door, Billy turned and spoke, a playful smile on his face.

‘Sorry for your loss.’ He said.

By Chris Platt

From: United Kingdom