Love Is A Stolen Car

A day in the life of heroin addict Santiago and the search for his girlfriend.

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I'm drinking at Jeff's Pub with a guy who enjoys my company for some strange reason. My guess, he's entertained by my witty, sarcastic and what he considers humorous dialogue. This guy is obnoxious, poor hygiene , a bigot, a racist and a dedicated Catholic with a firm belief in God. He is also my Barber and owner of Rudy's (Rudolph) Herr Cuts . Every once in a while when he sees me out on the street he'll call me over and give me a free trim. I disagree with every opinion, belief and allegiance he advocates but he's buying the drinks so I temporarily ignore my objections to his convictions. Don't be so quick to judge me, read me out.

We all fly our flags of righteousness until something is taken away or they come looking for you. Then your flag of beliefs is quickly discarded and you fly their flag any flag that is offered.

I look at my watch... I don't own a fucking watch, I'm a junkie for Christ's sake. Jeff a great bartender and an almost likable person hollers disrupting the library like ambience.

"Hey Mexican it's almost closing time! Last call!"

"Are you referring only to me? Or does that include everyone? Because I would like to object to your honor."

"I'll get around to getting everyone else out but I thought it'd be better to tell you first. Jenk just called and asked if you were here."

"So, what did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth. I don't want to get mixed up in bullshit with you and your dealer. Thought I'd let'cha know, wetback."

"Hey Cracker did you spill beer on the back of my shirt? He said my back is all wet."

My drinking companion breaks into a hysterical laugh as well as the three other drunks in the bar.

"No Santi, he means you're a Mexican that crossed the river into the United States and you got all wet. Do you get it now, Wetback?" Cracker explains.

"So you didn't spill any beer on me?" Cracker shakes his head.

"Hey Jeff, Cracker said he didn't do it and my shirt feels dry. Thanks for the warning and I bid you all a fond farewell. And miles to go before I sleep and miles to go."

"Goodnight Santi is that snow outside?" Jeff asks.

"No my dear man it's Frost, Robert Frost." I reply.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Forget it you fucking head case."

"Goodnight Santi." Cracker offers.

I gave him the Nickname Cracker to reflect his racist White Power values as a derogatory moniker and yet he embraces the name. Everyone calls him Cracker now.

Just as I pull open the door to exit the bar the dark massive silhouette of Jenk graces the entrance accompanied by his two henchmen Darius and Thug. I owe him sixty five dollars for dope and now an interest payment of twenty more. He gave me my free walk two weeks ago when he cornered me at the Liquor store. I knew there was a beat down on the agenda for not paying him last Friday.

"Hey Jenk what a surprise it is to run into you. I was looking for you last week to let you know I won't have your money until next Wednesday. I'm experiencing a bit of a financial inconvenience at the moment. I know you've gotta make an example out of me. One small request, please take it easy on my handsome face it's the only attribute I have to get by on" I plead.

"I'm not lookin' for ya bout dat. I should beat the shit outta ya but dat can wait. Wez been lookin for ya because Jessica was working da Truck Stop and she OD'd. Ambulance took her to the hospital, I don't know if she made it or not. Do ya got a ride Santi?" Jenk says

"Fuck! My baby Jessica! No ride, my Porsche is in the shop. No money for a taxi. Son of a Bitch I knew this day would come. She's always so careless, buses aren't running. I don't know what to do. Damn it."

Cracker overhears the conversation.

"Come on Santi I'll give ya a ride. Let's go. Come on." He yells.

"Get outta here, we'll talk later. Let me know how she's doing. I'll be at the Fox Hole. " I thank Jenk and follow Cracker as he stumbles toward his car.

"Hey Santi you better have DAT cash next Wednesday or you won't be walking for a long while.“Jenk yells.

I wave back and give a thumbs up.

It's snowing like Angels with dandruff are all brushing their hair at the same time. We reach his car and he starts the search for his keys. He's pulling his pockets inside out swearing in German, change falling from his pockets, getting lost in the snow.

"I can't find my damn keys. I had 'em earlier. Where the hell are they?"

I know his question is rhetorical and I don't respond. I pull on the handle of the car door to get out of the heavy snowfall and "Voila" it opens and I take refuge inside. I look above the visors in the ashtray and there in the ignition are his keys.

"Cracker get in! Your keys are right here in the ignition, let's go."

He begins searching for the change that spilled out of his pockets into the snow.

"Cracker what the fuck you doin'? Come on cabron. We'll get that later." I scream.

"You go ahead. I lost my ex-wife’s diamond wedding ring that was in my pocket. Take my car and bring it to the Fox Hole later or my place early in the morning. Go on get outta here."

"Ok. Thanks Cracker. Appreciate your generosity man."

I fire up the "Beamer" and spin out of the parking lot into the empty city street. I ask myself why Cracker would be driving a foreign car instead of an American made automobile. Of course B.M.W. made in Germany allegiance to the Fatherland. I notice other keys on the key ring dangling from the ignition and realize I probably have the keys to his house and his Barber Shop. Hopefully he has duplicates and can get into his house.

Jenk never told me which hospital they took Jessica. There's four hospitals in this Goddamn city.

University Medical Center is closest to the Truck Stop, so I head toward its location driving carefully in the blizzard conditions.

I haven't had a valid driver's license in two years and have numerous warrants out for not appearing in court, driving on a suspended license and various other minor infractions.

Getting pulled over by the Cops would complete the third act of my Greek Tragedy. Sophocles never wrote anything close to the drama that has taken place in my perpetual Attic Tragedy. No,no,even better my story is Telegony the lost third book of The Odyssey. I think of it like a good thing, how sad.

I'm starting to feel the withdrawals from not having a fix in about ten hours. I was waiting for Jessica to get back with some money to score. It hardly seems to be important at the moment.

I enter the Emergency entrance and abandon the car in the circular driveway only to be scolded by a Rent a Cop to move the car to the parking area. I comply with his request and repark in Doctor Rosenberg’s designated space so says the sign.

I start running to the entrance slipping on an ice patch in the sidewalk near the doors. My face slams into a bench where an old woman is smoking a cigarette. Blood gushes from my nose which I know is broken from the crack I heard upon impact.

"Are you ok dear? That was some fall." The woman asks.

"Ya just fine, thanks."

I cup my hands over my nose spewing blood and there's a laceration above my right eye causing blood to cascade over my face and eyes making it difficult to see.

"I don't think so, dear you're bleeding pretty bad. Do you need some help?" She offers.

"Can you walk me to the desk inside? I'm trying to find my girlfriend. I need to know if she's alive. Please?"

The woman grabs my arm and leads me to the Triage Desk where two nurses immediately attend to me. I'm seated in a wheelchair and rolled into an examination room where they begin to care for my injury.

"How did this happen hon? Were you involved in an automobile accident?" The attractive nurse questions.

A towel that is being applied to my wounds is quickly soaked in blood, dripping on my pants.

"No, I had an unfortunate meeting with your concrete bench outside after slipping on the ice covered sidewalk. You should have someone take care of the ice or you may have a few more patients before the night is over. Can you get the name of the woman that walked me in? She witnessed the accident and I may need her testimony."

"Certainly, first we need your personal information. Before we can begin dealing with your injury." She asks

"Of course but first please could you check your records for this evening and see if my girlfriend was brought in by ambulance tonight for a Heroin overdose?"

"What's her name? I'll check for you. We just came on duty an hour or so ago."

"Jessica uh Jessica."

Damn I can't remember her last name. In fact I 'm not sure she ever told me and I don't recall ever asking.

"I'm embarrassed to say but it seems I can't remember her last name. I'm sorry."

"It's fine don't get upset, you obviously whacked your head hard on the bench. What's your name, can you tell me?" The pretty nurse inquires.

The other nurse leaves to check if Jessica was treated at this facility. There it is, boom! The opportunity to take full advantage of the incident in case possible legal action is warranted.

"Of course, my name..my name is ah..wait I know my own name! I remember coming here to investigate if Jessica was treated here. Then I..."

"Do you have any identification with you?" Nurse pretty face asks.

"I'm not sure, I think so."

I begin to search my pockets knowing for certain I don't have a wallet or any type of ID.

"I must have lost my wallet in the fall. Could you have someone check outside?"

"Ok relax the Doctor will be in shortly. It looks like you're going to need some stitches and your nose quite possibly is broken. Just calm down we'll take good care of you. Ok?"

The other nurse enters smiling.

"I've got good news for you! Your girlfriend Jessica was admitted earlier and is resting comfortably. She'll recover from her incident just fine."

"Can I see her please? I want her to know I'm here for her. I need to see for myself she's ok. Do you understand?"

"You aren't going anywhere! You're still bleeding and I'm sure the Doctor is going to want X-rays."

I'm relieved to find out she's not dead. It's not as though I'm in love with her, just concerned. Am I in love with her? Maybe my memory has been affected by the fall.

"I'll see if she's awake and let her know. Who should I say is here for her? What's your name?"

"He's experiencing some temporary amnesia. Just let her know her boyfriend is here."

The Doctor enters all chipper with a big smile. I can tell it's going to be 'how we feeling?'

"So how we feeling tonight fella?" the young Doctor sings.

"Fella" that's a nice touch. Is this guy out of some 1950's movie? He begins examining my injuries.

"My name is Doctor Rosenberg. I'll be your attending Physician. Looks as though you're going to need some stitches for that nasty laceration and unless your nose has always pointed to your left, I think it's broken. we're going to need to take some pictures. Your face is beginning to swell so we're going to apply some ice to the area. Are you experiencing pain or discomfort anywhere else?" The Doctor without a parking space asks.

"My entire body is sore and my head and nose are causing excruciating pain. Also my car is parked in your space. I apologize but I was in such a hurry to find out if my girlfriend was here I became discourteous. Again I'm sorry."

"Janice tell security to cancel the Tow Truck." He orders the Goddess Nurse. "Good thing you mentioned it. On a scale from one to ten, ten being extreme, how much pain are you in?"

" Eleven!” I tell him.

"It says here in your chart you're experiencing some amnesia as well. You remembered where you parked your car though. Long term memory may be temporarily effected. Ok we'll address it later. Let's get you some Morphine for pain and some Xylocaine in that wound to numb it for stitches. Are you allergic to anything big guy?"

"Only angry women, ex-husbands and Cops. I break out in a cold sweat and dry mouth whenever I encounter them." I answer.

"You're a comedian, funny guy. Do you remember when you had your last Tetanus shot? I guess probably not. We'll get you a Tetanus injection as well. Ok sit tight, we're going to get you stitched up. Waiting on the Plastic Surgeon Doctor Thompson, you didn't obstruct his parking place with anything?"

"Can I get something for pain Doc? My face is killing me."

"Your face is killing me too! Damn that was funny.

The nurse will be in soon with your injection. I'll be back in a jiffy. Sit tight big guy ."

"You're a real jokester. Thanks Doc."

He leaves me alone holding the towel against my injury. In a "jiffy "he said, the Doc watched a lot of classic movies I guess?

I'm filled with anticipation waiting on the Morphine

The pretty nurse enters” I have got something for the pain and I'm going to introduce it through the catheter we put in earlier. Now you might get nauseous after the injection. If you feel like you are going to vomit, use this pan.?"

"How many milligrams is in it?" I inquire.

Want to make sure I am going to get off.

" Fifteen, it's a strong dosage, you should feel the effects. I know you've built up a tolerance from your drug addiction. We took that into consideration. " She reveals.

"How did you come to such a conclusion? I never sssaaaiddd IIII ..."

I'm so high I'm unable to speak. Slurring my words, experiencing double vision and feeling absolutely euphoric. There's a mild nausea but I'm certain that I won't vomit. Next she begins to stick the other syringe multiple times in around the laceration above my right eye. I'm taking an opportunity to peek down the front of her uniform at firm breasts cradled in a soft pink bra.

"Did you find what you're looking for down there mister? How are you feeling? Has your pain subsided?" She whispers.

I shake my head in an affirmative manner, my only available way of communication at the moment.

"Hello sir, I am Doctor Thompson the Surgeon that's going to stitch up that nasty gash. Are you feeling any sensation here?"

I can feel him touching the cut but trust me, there is no feeling except a righteous high rushing through my body.

"Not ta ting Doxter.” I slur.

"Ok then, let me get started here and we'll try not to leave a noticeable scar. Lie down while I get the suture."

He begins calling out numbers to the Angel disguised as a nurse. I'm lying back staring into the bright light above until it blinds me with it's intensity. Someone throws a towel over my face and I drift off into a realm of peacefulness.

I can feel some pulling and tugging at my cut but there's no pain. And then the Doctor starts quietly but audibly singing a Rodgers and Hammerstein tune from South Pacific.

"We've got mangoes and bananas we can pick right off the trees. We've got volleyball and ping pong."

"Hey Doc! Doc what year is this? Seriously I feel as though I'm in a Twilight Zone episode."

"Stay still. Hard to understand your speech. I believe you said Twilight Zone, now that's a great Television Show. My singings not bothering you is it? We are putting on a production of South Pacific at the Country Club and as you can probably tell I need the practice." He informs me.

"Ya that's just swell." I just said swell? What the hell is happening here? Ok Santiago get control of yourself, it's just the drugs.

"You meant Twilight Zone was a great show. What year is this?"

"You don't know what year it is? Relax a Neurologist is on hand to evaluate your memory loss. Almost done here. Then we have you scheduled for an X-ray. We need to get some pictures of your cranium, see what type of damage the fall may have caused."

I've gotten myself in a situation with this amnesia ploy. Maybe it's actually happening and it's not an act at all. This is a perfect scenario for a storyline, bump on the head, memory loss, princess nurse, time warp with everything in black and white. I'm embellishing the black and white.

"Ok Buddy there we go, that's some of my best work. Four stitches inside and I used seven on the outside, small and close together so the scar will be less noticeable. I decided to stitch up the laceration on the bridge of your nose. I'm sure it's going to have to be reset. It definitely appears to be broken but we'll get an X-ray just to be sure." The Tailor Surgeon tells me.

"How are we getting along, Skipper? You're looking better than I assume you feel. We need some X-rays so they're coming for you shortly. Are you regaining any memory? Also I notice your pupils are still dilated, so you most likely sustained a concussion." Doctor without a parking space comments.

"I'm a bit confused and uncomfortable at the moment. I can't seem to collect my thoughts or grasp answers to all the questions you're asking. I need to see Jessica so I know she's alright . I don't believe you're telling me the truth. Please indulge my concern and allow me to at least see her. When I'm absolutely sure of her well being, I'll be able to relax and address my injury. " I demand.

"What year is this? "

"Seriously? Wait for the Neurologist. "

" X-ray transportation looking for Mr. Jessica! Need to get you to X-ray. ``announces a long haired guy with a pocked face and tattoos.

He looks at the plastic bracelet on my arm. I notice my name identifies me as Mr. Jessica. How the hell did they decide on that name? I'm not particularly fond of it but it's not important enough to complain.

"Mr. Jessica, that's cute. Who came up with that? Was it you nurse beauty queen?"

She doesn't answer and gives me a smile.

"See you when you return Mr. Jessica." She giggles.

The wheelchair driver moves me along at a brisk pace, passing by others in the hallway like a NASCAR driver on speed.

"I'm Brandon, your designated driver.”

"Comin through! Move outta the way! Comin through!" He hollers

"So what happened to you guy? Did somebody beat you up? Car accident? What's your story?" He asks persistently.

"There I was minding my own business. Not bothering anyone and this woman at the bar asks if I could score her some Cocaine. Well I figured it was possible to score her dope, pinch a little for myself and make a few bucks on top of it. She wanted a teener ( 1\16th of an ounce) and gave me $150.00. So it takes me ten minutes to score the shit. It cost $120. I pocket $30 and I head back. What I didn't know is that she's an undercover Cop."

"No shit man what happened? "

"I get back to the bar and hand her the dope and she flashes her badge. Two other guys come after me and I hit one in the head with a beer bottle I grabbed from the bar spilling beer all over. The other Cop slips on the spilled beer. I start running and she fires off a warning shot. "Freeze, don't move!" She shouts. So I pull my piece and point at her.

"What the hell did you do? What happened next? Come on man!"

"She fired her gun and the Bitch killed me. Right there! Shot me in the head and I died instantly. "

"Ha ha you're really funny, had me going. Real funny. So you don't want to tell me what really happened? "

"Slipped on some ice outside and kissed a concrete bench."

"Ouch! Your other story was much more entertaining. Ok here we are. If you need anything else just ask. The X-Ray Tech. should be here soon Mr. Jessica. Don't wanna hear the story about how you got that name. "

"I'll tell you if you could do me a favor?"

He bites and after relating the story I ask him to find her room and bring her to me. No one will question him seeing he's hospital transportation. I relate my reason and he leaves grabbing an empty wheelchair. I notice my clothes are soaked with blood and it draws the attention of other patients questioning stares.

After what I estimate is an hour (actually ten minutes) a Latina Nurse walks by and tells me in Spanish the X-ray Tech is on his way. She also asks if I'm an illegal because they'll call "La Migra" if so. I tell her I am not sure because I have amnesia. She pats me on the shoulder then gives me a wink.

"Bueno historia. Suerte"(good story, luck) She offers before leaving.

Then I hear her voice echoing through the hallway like a bird singing at dawn. A rush of anticipation causes a chill and I'm smiling before she appears. She materializes from around the corner looking as though nothing happened to result in her admission here.

"Oh baby you made it. I knew you would...."

As she draws closer .. "What the hell happened to you Santi? Jenk found you, didn't he. I saw him at the Truck Stop earlier and he asked if I knew where you were. That Bastard can't wait a couple days for his money? Baby look at your beautiful face all swollen with stitches."

"Guess I found the right person, Huh?" Brandon mentions.

Jessica caresses the left side of my face and stretches to kiss me exposing her tits in the hospital gown. I reach for her and my fingers become entangled in her hair.

I try to start to answer but she interrupts.

"Are you high? Your eyes are like pin heads. Are you holding? Answer me Santi!"

"Hey Brandon, can we have some privacy? What do ya think?"

He walks away and takes a seat near the vending machines. Searching his pockets for change..

"Ya only got ten minutes gotta get her back before they notice she’s gone." He yells.

"Jess they shot me up with some Morphine, yes I'm high, no I'm not holding. Jenk didn't do this. I slipped on ice running here to find you and fell into a bench. Are you Ok? You scared the shit out of me baby. Ya never listen to me about scoring from assholes you don't know. It was Jenk that found me and told about your O.D."

"Are you Mr. Jessica? We need some pictures of your head." The X-ray lady asks.

"Mr. Jessica? That's cute, how did you come up with that?" Jess snickers.

"I'm having some memory issues couldn't remember my name or your last name."

The Tech begins to wheel me away.

"My last name is Jameson. I'm in room 714. Come see me when you're finished. In case you can't remember we got married last Saturday and I still haven't had my Honeymoon. Love you Santiago, that's your name. “Jessica announces.

Damn I hope she’s joking. She must be, I was ... what was I doing last Saturday?

Fuck I don't remember.

My memory has been compromised. Oh please don't let me be married. Not again.

I finish with the X-rays, which confirms my broken nose with no skull fractures but they diagnose me with a concussion. My nose gets pushed back in place then finally they clean the blood off my face and body.

"It looks as though you'll be spending the night with us. We've got a room right next to Jessica. And don't worry about the pain the Doctor has ordered two more morphine injections then pills . You'll be here for twenty four hours for observation. How’s that sound? " Nurse Beauty Queen sings.

"Do I have a choice? I would prefer being released because I'm not sure I have insurance to cover the cost. Also I borrowed a car to get here and need to return it with his keys."

"No need to worry about the cost, your stay is on us. Security reviewed the video and your description of the incident checks out. And the woman who witnessed the event gave a statement. So you are in the clear. "

'Will you be keeping me company? "

"Now Mr. Jessica, what would your girlfriend say?"

"Oh ya."

Brandon enters with a wheelchair and a huge grin, ready to take me to my room.

"Are you ready Santiago? Lets get you tucked in."

"Santiago? How did you find out his name?"

"His girlfriend told me."

"She refused to tell Hospital Staff anything when we asked her for information. "

That’s my girl. She's got my back. She wouldn't tell them anything. Makes me proud of her streetwise savvy. A shrewd and loyal friend.

I get situated in my room with pajamas, the TV remote in hand and a bowl of Jell-O.

Jessica walks in looking like an absolute vision of loveliness. She crawls up onto the bed and snuggles with her head on my chest leg draped over mine.

"You came for me. You searched to find out where they brought me. You care about me. You love me Santi. You love me."

A Nurse enters with two Policemen looking ominous and serious. I'm sure I am not going to like what is about to occur.

"Mr. Jessica these Policemen are here to arrest you. We had the license plates on the car checked by police to find out your name and the car came back as stolen."

The Cops handcuff me to the bed and tell me they will be outside waiting on a Detective. The detectives are consulting with the doctor to determine if I can be released.

"Hey Officers, Rudolph ...? Last name? He lent me his car. I think I'm not sure ..his name? I borrowed it to get to the hospital." I plead.

"His name is Rudolf Heller. He owns Herr Cuts by Rudy on 6th Ave." Jessica adds

"Handcuffs how sexy!"

"Jess stop. I can't think about sex at a time like this."

"What a shame I'm not wearing anything under this hospital gown. Look."

She lifts the gown and proves her statement.

"Excuse me mister." A cop interrupts.

"That is not the name of the owner registered to the vehicle. I suggest you not say anything more."

The Cop tells me. "We're having the car towed. Did you know you're parked in a Doctor's space?" He adds.

"The patient took an extremely violent blow to the head and is suffering from amnesia. I suggest you wait for the doctor's prognosis prior to interrogating him." Nurse slash lawyer boldly states.

Cracker is either pissed off I haven't returned his car or he's so drunk he doesn't remember he lent it to me.

The car isn't registered in his name? Is that what the Cop said? He let me borrow a stolen car and said abso-fucking-lutley nothing to me? It's a stolen car! Now I'll most likely go down for this God Damn it. He's driving a stolen car?

How many more rocks are going to be put in my pocket to weigh me down until I'm unable to tread the sludge in the cesspool of a life, sink and drown?

"Oh Santi you stole a car to find me! How romantic. You do love me!" Jessica screams.

"Please Jess! Nurse, nurse! Morphine please!"

By Judge Santiago Burdon