A Moment of Clarity

Lisa had no idea how she got there. She sat up and took in her surroundings. She was bed, in a bedroom, with morning sunlight spilling in through the gaps in the curtains. A man in his thirties entered the room.

‘Morning, love.’ He said, pulling open the curtains. 

‘Who are you?’ she asked.

‘I’m Billy.’

‘My husband?’ Lisa asked.

‘Yes, that’s right.’ Billy said.

‘I don’t remember.’

‘It’s oaky, you are always a bit fuzzy when you first wake up. Come on, I’ll put the kettle on. Everything will seem better after a brew.’ Billy said.

Billy helped her into her dressing gown and followed her downstairs.

Billy showed Lisa to the table in the kitchen. While she sipped her tea and Billy made the toast, the confusion in her head cleared, like storm clouds lifting. Yes, she remembered now. She had known Billy for years. They had started as friends in their teens. She recalled her wedding day, a scorching hot day at the end of July. Yes, she told herself, she was okay. Everything was okay. 

He placed the plate of toast in front of her. Lisa flinched as he came close. It was an automatic gesture. Something was wrong with this. She couldn’t focus her thoughts, but she knew she was in danger. 

‘Are you okay? Is there too much butter on your toast?’ Billy said.

Lisa replied it was fine, but her mind raced. Something really didn’t feel right about this whole set-up. Lisa just had this feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach. There was something amiss with this situation. She had to get to the bottom of things, had to find out what was going on. 

As they breakfasted on tea and toast, Billy made small-talk. His gaze went to the window and the bright sunlight.

‘Looks like it’s going to be a lovely day. We could go for a walk later, if you’re feeling up to it.’

‘Yes, that might help.’ Lisa agreed.

Hopefully a walk would help clear her head and make her feel better. 

After clearing the breakfast things, Billy placed a glass of tap water in front of Lisa and handed her some pills.

‘What are these?’ 

‘It’s your medication. It will make you feel better.’ 

She stared at the tablets in her palm.

‘What are they for exactly?’ 

Billy placed a hand on her shoulder. 

‘Just take the pills.’ He said. ‘Please.’ 

Lisa nodded, uncomfortable under his watchful gaze, and tipped the tablets into her mouth. His grip on her shoulder tightened, just for a second. His firm grip seemed to be telling her, he was in charge. Once she had swallowed the pills, Billy’s expression changed, brightening.

‘We better go and get ready them.’ He said with a gentle smile. 

By the time they left for their walk, Lisa felt better about everything. The feelings of anxiety from earlier, seemed like a bad dream. Maybe that’s what it was. Maybe she had been having a nightmare and woke feeling distressed. She had been bothered by something earlier, but she couldn’t quite recall exactly what had been troubling her. Never mind, she thought, Billy was here to look after her. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Would he? 

As they strolled along the tow-path that ran down the side of the canal, Billy gestured to the stretch of murky water, the barges moored up ahead.

‘We used to come down here before we were married. We would feed the ducks. Do you remember?’ He asked.

Lisa thought for a moment, then shook her head. 

Billy squeezed her hand. You’ll get there.

‘What happened to me?’ Lisa asked.

‘You had a breakdown. Everything got too much for you, but you’re on the mend. The library said they will take you back when you are feeling up to it.’ He said.

As they strolled back to the house, Lisa pointed to a side-street, off the main road. 

‘My parents live down there. Number twenty.’ She said.

‘Yes, that’s right.’ Billy said.

Later that afternoon, Lisa was watching television on the sofa. On screen a retired couple rummaged around an antiques store in search of a bargain, while the smarmy host hovered around. Where had Billy got to? She found him in the kitchen, talking quietly on his mobile phone. As she entered the room, Billy hurriedly said, I have to go, before hanging up the phone.

‘Who was that on the phone?’ She asked.

‘Nobody. It’s nothing. Hey, do you fancy lasagne for tea? I’ll pop and get some garlic bread to go with it.’ Lisa sensed the joviality in his tone was forced.

With her suspicions growing once more, Lisa simply nodded. 

‘I shouldn’t be too long.’ He said.

‘Can I come with you?’ She asked, knowing what the answer would be.

‘No. You are very tired, love. You stay here and rest. I’ll make you a brew. That quiz show is on in a minute.’ 

Billy settled Lisa in front of the television with a mug of tea and left the house. There was a sternness, a firmness, to the way he was positioning her, pushing her down in front of the TV. Lisa tried to make sense of what was happening. There was something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, something didn’t really add up. A feeling of unease washed over her once more. Something wasn’t right here. 

While the quiz show got under way on television, Lisa knew she had to do something. She placed her tea down on the coffee table and headed to the front door. Perhaps venturing outside, getting answers for herself, would help get things sorted out once and for all. Her parents lived nearby, just a twenty-minute walk away. They still lived in the house she grew up in, so Lisa would be able to find that, even in her confused state. Maybe she should head over to her parents’ place. She shrugged into her coat and headed for the front door. She turned the door handle.

It was locked. Lisa gasped. Billy had locked her in. She was being kept prisoner. She was trapped, caged. Lisa hung her coat up and went back through to the living room. She perched on the edge of the sofa, one word going round and round her head. Prisoner. 

Billy returned home over an hour and a half later. Lisa met him in the hallway.

‘Where have you been?’ She asked.

‘The supermarket was packed.’ He said, raising the carrier bag full of shopping.

‘Was it, really?’ Lisa asked, suspicion in her tone.

‘Anyway, I’m back, love. I’ll get cracking with that lasagne.’ 

That evening, she couldn’t get the thought from her mind. Billy was drugging her and keeping her locked inside. Once the realisation had hit home, there was no shifting it. She knew she was seeing things clearly for the first time in a very long time. 

Nothing added up about this whole situation. There were so many questions. Even the shopping trip earlier. Billy claimed to have popped to the shops for garlic bread and a few bits, and yet he’d been gone well over an hour. Where had he been? Did it have anything to do with the hushed telephone call? And why had he locked her in? Surely, if it was a security issue, he’d have asked her to lock up behind him. Billy hadn’t even told Lisa he was doing it. 

Just after ten o’clock that evening, they were getting ready for bed. Billy handed her a glass of water and her night-time pills. Lisa stared at the tablets for a long moment. 

‘What are you giving me, Billy?’ Lisa asked.

‘Take the tablets.’ he snapped. 

‘Not until you tell me what they are for.’ 

‘They are to help you get better. Now, just take the flaming things!’ He yelled.

Lisa said nothing, looking at her husband as if seeing him for the first time. An image came to her, a flashback from a recent event. Billy was red in the face and yelling at her, pushing her down into the chair. Lisa reeled from the image. A second later, she saw the two of them arguing in the kitchen, a plate of food being hurled at the wall. She knew then she was living with a monster. She had to do something, had to get away. She knew on thing, she wouldn’t be taking no more of his so-called medication. She hadn’t even seen the bottle they came in. Surely if he was giving her actual prescribed drugs, he would approach her with the little brown bottle, with the label showing her name. Instead, he came in with the pills already in hand. 

‘I’m sorry, love. Sorry I snapped at you. It’s been a long day.’ Billy said.

Lisa nodded and keeping the pills tucked in her palm, feigned taking the tablets. Before heading for bed, Lisa flushed the pills down the toilet.

When Lisa awoke the next morning, she knew exactly where she was. She felt much better than she had done the previous day. She knew where she was and what she had to do. She felt alive and knew that soon enough she would be free from this man. She had to escape from the man who was keeping her hostage. Maybe things hadn’t always been this way, maybe when they had started out, they had been like every other couple, but somewhere along the way, Billy had resorted to keeping her cooped up and drugged up. There was all sorts of ways to manipulate someone, wasn’t there? Lisa was sure she’d seen things online about coercive control. Lisa knew she was being controlled by this man. 

Lisa again pretended to take the offered medication over breakfast. She knew she was seeing things clearly for the first time in a very long time. 

‘I might go out for a little walk this morning. Just a nice stroll.’ She said.

‘Excellent. I can try out my new trainers.’ Billy said.

‘I would like to go on my own. I think it would be nice, a bit of space.’ Lisa said.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘I bet you don’t.’ Lisa said. 

‘Anything could happen to you out there.’ 

‘It’s happening to me in here.’ Lisa insisted. ‘I just want to pop down the road to the newsagents. You can’t deny me that, surely.’

‘I don’t think you’re up to it.’ Billy said, his tone firm and final. Lisa noticed he had shifted to stand in the doorway, blocking the exit.

She was tempted to demand that she could decide for herself. Had he ever asked her how she was feeling? Had he ever enquired what she felt she could manage? And the tone and mannerisms. He was more prison warder than husband these days.  

Over the next few days, Lisa watched her husband carefully. She sees things clearly now. Billy was controlling her. He was drugging her to keep her compliant. There were more long absences, with the door locked behind him. And when Billy was home, he was quiet and withdrawn, often going into the other room to make these hushed telephone calls. When Lisa asked about the calls, Billy would make some excuse, saying it was a wrong number, or somebody selling double-glazing. 

Lisa simply nodded, more to herself than to Billy. She was onto him. Each day that went by she felt stronger, more aware than ever.

One evening, as the storm raged outside, Billy and Lisa dined on takeaway pizza in front of the television. Billy had suggested getting the pizza sent in, as the weather was too bad for popping to the shops. The wind and rain battered the windows. 

As she reached for another slice of pizza an image suddenly came to her. A flashback, a scene so clear. It was of Lisa’s wedding day. Lisa, in her flowing white dress, the July sunshine spilling in through the church doors. And there was her husband. Except the man standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for his bride, wasn’t Billy. Lisa reeled. She turned to Billy.

‘You’re not my husband, are you?’ 

Billy tossed his pizza slice into the cardboard box. He was quiet for a long moment.

‘No.’ Billy sighed. ‘No, I’m not.’ 

‘I will not be lied to anymore. I know the truth.’ Lisa said.

She jumped to her feet and grabbed his house keys from the coffee table. 

‘I am leaving and you can’t stop me.’ She said, wielding the key as though it was a dagger.

‘I can’t let you go.’ Billy said. 

‘You can’t keep me here.’ Lisa screamed.

He shook his head.

‘You can’t go out in that weather. You’ll catch your death.’ He pointed to the window and the stormy conditions outside. 

‘I’m onto you, Billy. I know what you are doing. Every time I get close to the truth, you dope me up and lock me away. I remember now. I’m married to Adam, not you.’ she said. 

Before Billy could make up anymore of his lies, Lisa rushed out of the room. She ran down the narrow hallway and into the kitchen. She headed for the back door, looking, finally to make her escape. Billy hurried after her, panic on his face.

‘Look, it’s wicked out there. Wait until the morning. Then if you still feel the same, you can go. I’ll take you to your parents’ house. How does that sound? Come on, sit down. I’ll put the kettle on.’ Billy said. He had the calm, reasonable tone of a terrorist negotiator. 

Lisa shook her head. She had to go, and she had to go now. If she stayed in the house, she would be drugged. He would no doubt put something in her tea. She would once more wake up with no recollection of the lies that Billy was telling her. She sensed she had reached this very point before, only to be talked down by this man. Not this time. 

She grabbed a knife from the block on the worktop.

‘Billy, it’s over. I’m leaving. Don’t try and stop me.’ She said.

Billy stepped forward, arms raised, calming placating. Then he made a grab for the keys. Lisa plunged the blade into his chest. The knife went deep, with an awful gurgling sound. Billy stopped. He looked down, staring at the knife in his chest for a moment, before slumping to the floor. 

Blood seeped across the floor tiles. Billy’s lifeless eyes stared at the ceiling. That was it. It was over. She was free. With trembling hands, she unlocked the back door and headed out into the night.

Lisa banged frantically on the front door, heavy, urgent blows. Her mother opened the door and gasped. She ushered Lisa into the warmth of living room. Her father got to his feet when they entered, concern on his face. 

‘Lisa, what are you doing? It’s not the night to be out there.’ Her mother said.

Lisa said nothing. She was soaked to the skin, and her hair was windswept and sopping wet. Her mother placed a towel around her daughter’s shoulders. 

‘Whatever is the matter?’ Her father asked.

‘It’s Billy.’ 

‘What’s wrong with him? Is he okay?’

‘That monster has been keeping me drugged up. He’s been holding me prisoner. He’s keeping me there against my will. He locks me in like an animal! He pretends to be my husband and keeps me there. Just when I start to realise what has been going on, he pumps me full of pills. He gets me so drugged up I don’t even know my own name half the time.’ Lisa explained, her voice trembling with emotion.

She paused, waiting for the reaction from her parents. Rather than exclaim in horror they simply exchanged glances. 

‘Did you hear what I just said? Are you not worried?’ She asked.

‘We’re worried about you, but not in the way you mean, love.’ Her mother said.

‘Billy is an old friend of yours.’ Her mother went on. ‘You two have always been close.  After your husband Adam, died, you went to pieces. You were in a bad way. You had some kind of breakdown. There were these episodes, that’s what the doctors called them. Billy was there for you when you really needed him. You guys became a couple after that. 

‘He looks after you. He takes care of you. Makes sure you’re okay. He’s sacrificed so much. He cares for you full-time. He phones us every day to tell us how you’re doing. He whispers down the phone. He worries you’d think he was telling tales, by reporting your progress to us.’

‘He pumps me full of pills. He has been drugging me!’

‘That is all your meds. You were prescribed all those pills. Without the pills you get unstable, you get all these paranoid ideas that everyone is out to get you.’

‘What? You’re twisting things. That’s not how it is.’ Lisa insisted.

‘I’m afraid it is, love. You’re not well, and poor Billy has been so good with you.’ Her father said.

‘That can’t be right.’

‘You thought your mum was poisoning you at one point.’ Her dad said. ‘Billy helped talk you round on that occasion.’

Lisa said nothing, struggling to find the words. 

‘Billy is a good guy, hun. He’s a keeper. You should be a bit kinder to him.’

An image came to her. Her and Billy were arguing. She was screaming and shouting, her voice drowning out his. Billy was the voice of reason, trying to calm her down, as usual. In a fit of rage, she had launched a plate of food at the wall. 

Tears streamed down her face as the realisation hit home. Her parents were telling the truth. Billy had been a good man, who had cared for her. He may have become angry occasionally, but she was the antagonist, the aggressor in the altercations. She was sure that in Billy’s position she would have reacted the same way. 

‘I have done something terrible. I think we need to call somebody.’

By Chris Platt

From: United Kingdom