Bladder Up

By Karenza King

"A true horror story about the aging process that will never be told anywhere else."

A few years ago I was working in a career that is highly physical, requiring heavy lifting and a lot of walking and standing. During this time I was also enjoying regular Brazilian Waxes. Ahhhhhhh..They are fantastic and worth the reasonable, quick pain, and embarrassment. I got busy and missed one or two, therefore, I was shaving what I could reach and attempted to shave "down under" if you know what I mean.

With one foot on the toilet, a mirror in one hand, the razor in the other, I began to attempt this difficult task. Honing the mirror into the correct position, my hoo haw "down under" was in full, plain view. We have all looked at our hoo haws before (don't you deny it) so I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. I took a closer look and gasped out loud. I may even have cussed. What I saw put me in mild shock. There was a creamy white, pink veined, "ball" right inside my vagina. Between horror and curiosity, the curiosity won and I touched it. Nothing. No feeling at all. Knowing that I gave up my uterus at age 28, I knew this was not it. I put the mirror down and abandoned the shaving project.

I hurried into the bedroom and cried out loud to my husband, "My bladder is falling out! Look, LOOK!" This got his attention and he said, "What?"....... I laid on the bed, opened my legs and demanded he look. "Look! It is right there. Right inside my hoo haw peeking out. Like a baby crowning, but it's not a baby!"

Detecting the panic in my voice, he looked. "Closer!" I demanded. He got closer, looked intently, and peeked out from between my legs and said, "I'm sorry I don't see anything". "Get the mirror! Let me see!" He got the mirror and gave it to me. We did my best to position the mirror so I could see my hoo haw while laying down. He was right. It was gone.

Confused, I went back to the bathroom, mirror in hand, and looked while standing up, again. Being more aware of the feeling inside my hoo haw, I did feel a sort of a "shift" of something I had never felt before. It was very subtle, but definitely movement. Taking another look, I already knew what I was going to see. And as sure as the sky is blue, there it was, my bladder, hanging just inside my hoo haw.

At this point I began racking my brain about what I had been feeling to ascertain if I had any symptoms of my bladder falling. The only thing I could remember, is that for about a year, sex had become a little painful. I giggled at the hilarity of it. My husband had been banging my bladder all this time. Tough little body part!

Sitting in the doctor’s office I knew this meant surgery. The doctor examined me and asked me questions. "Have you had any breakthrough peeing"? "Do you smoke"? I shook my head "no" to both of these. "Do you do heavy lifting"? BINGO! I nodded. "Have you or are you in menopause"? Again, I nodded. The doctor wrote some things down and told me he is very surprised that I have not been peeing my pants. Apparently, his examination determined my bladder had fallen 85% out of place. "You should be peeing your pants" he stated. This was concerning to him so he insisted I see the urologist. He was going to have to have the urologist in on the surgery to put my bladder back where it goes anyway.

The urologist found out why I had not been peeing my pants. My bladder had fallen into my hoo haw and the ureter (the hose that go from the kidneys to the bladder) had kinked, preventing the urine flow into bladder. SCARY. No wonder my urine stream had been lessened. Hmmmm........

Surgery was scheduled a couple weeks away. One night during this time, I began to vomit violently. I could not stop vomiting. After sitting by the toilet for several hours we decided I should go to the emergency room. They gave me meds to stop vomiting and one of them was Phenergan. Little did I know, this caused severe Restless Leg Syndrome. By this time I was very familiar with the feeling of my bladder retreating up when I laid down and my bladder falling into my hoo haw when I sat or stood up. It was sickening.

Needless to say it was a rough night. My restless legs wanted to go jogging. My body and head wanted to sleep. My legs won. I laid there trying to resist the urge to do bicycle movements with my legs. I couldn't......I began a series of laying down and doing bicycle movements, then sitting up to look at my legs, willing them to be still. This up and down series lasted hours. Unfortunately, every time I laid down I felt my bladder retreat, and sitting up my bladder falling in. Up, down, in, out. Up, down, in, out. Up, down, in, out, ALL NIGHT LONG. Inside myself I realized the hilarity of this situation if I was not so miserable. I vowed to someday tell this story because you will never hear it anywhere else.