Lost Dreams

Alexander wiped his wet face and tried to smile. Tried to hide the regret and hopelessness that came with seeing his dream get away. He knew this would be his only chance and he wasn’t good enough. He felt the moment of his sadness was unescapable. Like it stretched, and stretched, and stretched, but never snapped. It’d only get thinner and stringier the more stretched it became. Eventually indistinguishable from a fishing line.

Back at home, Alexander told Lisa how it went. She held his hand with watered eyes, sympathetic to his lost cause. Alex told Lisa, “It’s not important. I still get to come home to you. That’s what matters.”

Lisa’s lips fluff up against his. “It’ll be okay,” she says, tightly hugging Alex’s head on her chest. “There’ll be other opportunities,” she says. She doesn’t know how wrong she is, but Alex keeps it to himself. He knows she’s just trying to cheer him up.

Lisa’s warmth was familiar to Alex. Comparable to a mother who wants her child to believe in hopeful dreams of a better future, or a sister consoling her sibling. Even that of a lover worried for their partner was acceptable. The familiarity was of a concerned loved one wanting to take all the pain away.

At that moment, Alex became aware of Lisa’s heartbeat, rapidly pumping blood through her body, excited and frustrated with Alex. She was sharing his misery. His dead dream was her dead dream. This was enough to make Alex completely forget his missed opportunity. Lisa’s erratic heartbeat was too much of a curiosity to ignore.

He wondered if she felt for him the way he felt for her. He’d kept it a secret for years without mentioning it once. And Lisa never gave Alex a single hint at anything other than the love of a best friend being present, but this moment, this version of here and now tells a different story. Her heartbeat ached at his misery. It cried sympathetic tears and took empathetic breaths just to share his struggle. To experience his suffering with him so he wouldn’t have to alone.

His forgotten failed dream, now, gets replaced with a new growing goal, a new stronger and better dream involving Lisa. He’d never expected to physically feel the embodiment of her hidden love for him. And this certainty pushed him forward to say, “I love you,” still pressed tightly against her chest.

Alex could feel Lisa’s body sweat ice and her heartbeat race, pumping and slushing blood through her body, gently pulsing and emanating off of her. She hadn’t expected to ever hear those words, never the less this suddenly. Alex pulled himself off of Lisa and stared deep into her eyes to tell her his new, clearer vision of, “I love you!”

Lisa watches back in fear, excitement, terror, confusion; caught in the moment, now more than ever. She responds with, “I love you, too!” and the smile devours her face. Somehow, just being together was enough to assure him his dying dream was only the birth of something greater. Of a more purposeful dream, one with Lisa by his side, confirmed by her returned words of affection and confirmation.

By Matthew Strobe