The moments I find myself alone, my mind wanders far away from the confines of my unenlightened reality and into an expansive and more conscious existence.

This is about death.

It’s difficult to explain, but the concept makes no sense to me. I don’t understand what is meant when someone suggests death has occurred. My best interpretation is through the association of the word ‘Life’ and ‘Existence’. If they are synonymous in the mind of the speaker, I can safely assume death translates into nonexistence. And that’s all well and great. Except, that doesn’t make any more sense.

What is not existing?

So your heart stops beating, you get buried. Worms eat you. Their bodies use you as nutrients to maintain itself, thus you become many. You’ve become, a bunch of worms.

Okay, so the worms will eventually cease themselves, get eaten by birds, fish or rot away. Then you’ve become the soil or ocean bacteria. You’re still around. Where did the nonexistence part occur?

Maybe I’m being too literal. What if it’s meant in spirit? In that case you either go to hell or heaven right? Reincarnation? Aliens take your life energy back to their universe? You stay in limbo? But you continue to exist in this form.

What of consciousness? You move to the next dimension? The previous dimension? A higher plain of awareness? The all? Back to the unification of the global consciousness before collapsing down to a different perspective? This is all still happening, it’s not nonexistence. If it all plunges into darkness, then you exist in darkness. And whatever consciousness exists to perceive this darkness, or lack of the all, will project a universe within itself because perception still occurs.

So… Then am I to assume death as a whole and the entire concept of nonexistence is bullshit? Death cannot occur? Only change can? Well, then what the fuck does that mean? What’s most fucked about this is that filtered through the concept of infinity, death has to be possible, because everything has to be possible. Somehow, under infinity, there must be the ability to not perceive the law of infinity, and as an extension of that not exist.

Crap like this drives me mad.

See, just because death has to be possible doesn’t mean it has to occur to me. But there is no way to tell right?

How do I know I’m not part of the reality where death is impossible subjectively, but possible objectively? So from our point of view they’ve died and from theirs they’ve gone on? Should I be scared of death? I’m mostly confused. I actually don’t think I have any other two sensations related to the concepts of Existence and Nonexistence than curiosity and crippling confusion.

What I do find funny about the entire thing is that in all probability both the theists and atheists would both be right and wrong, because everything is right and wrong. Infinity is complex.

I like to think that because of infinity I am able to both make fun of the lunatics that think lizard people are real, because they’re not, but also be terrified about the lizard people, because they are real and that is something to worry about. But they’re not, so I don’t…

I’m rambling now. Death confuses me. It’s a shapeless blob of thoughts always squishing around in the back of my mind.

With all hopes, strolling down a sidewalk one day and I’ll see the sky momentarily glitch out, revealing the hole in the matrix, and I’ll be happy knowing none of this is real.

Can’t die if I never lived.

(Unrelated Note: The Pegataco is a mythical Chihuahua like creature with wings. Formerly existed in South Africa. Declared extinct in the early 1700s by the Guinness book of world records.)

By Jack Thomas