189/365

How do I show her that I love her when I’ve got the pistol pressed against the back of her throat, safety off while I choke her holding her coughs back.

The gasps for breath narrate horror and fears of death. I just want her to know how she makes me feel regret bringing shit up that I did back then. I’m not that guy anymore and she doesn’t get it.

I’ve changed.

I’ve changed.

She needs to understand I’m not this deranged monster she’s imagined all along. Her thoughts, opinions and perspective are all wrong.

She wants to leave. She’s not even giving me the chance to explain why I am this way. It’s not fair for her to throw this all away because of claims that I’m crazy and have been for days. This makes me seem out of mind and out of place. I’m dismissed as though my words make no sense, its insolence and disrespectful since I think I’ve earned enough points to be listened to.

I just need her to hear me long enough to see my point and believe it. I’m not trying to deceive her. She keeps trying to leave and I need her here to see the honesty inside of me. I honestly want us to be.

So I’ll make her stay and later when she’s on board, we’ll laugh about it, and make up sex, and much more.

We’ll live happily ever after. Just like we did before. We’ve dealt with this hump, I see it in the review mirror.

It worked then, it’ll work once more.