150/365

Over your head on drugs
Don’t know whether they’re helping or hurting or whatever the fuck
Is it worth it ‘cause I’m an addict or they’re working? Or what?
Not an addict
Quit every day
This time it’s for real
Clean I’ll stay
I’m not struggling
Life is smooth
I’m not hungry
I just can’t find my groove
But nothing’ll please me
I’m a hopelessly miserable dude
Empty inside and kind of stuck in a rut I can’t cut aside and I’m losing my mind trying to hide the fact that I’m dying
But that’s alright
The clock tocs by
Maybe no one will notice I’m here wasting my time

Woke up in a cloud to not fall out of the sky
Instead of facing another morning depressed I didn’t die in bed
I confess to feeling trapped inside my head and chest
An internal disconnect
The prison ribcage
Cranium solitary confinement

What’s this plagued I’ve been struck with?
It’s been here for day, what the fuck, man?
Will I ever ease these screams my mind seems to think are pleasing?
Should I be fleeing these fleeting feeling and let the numbness consume me and start grieving at leaving dreams instead of seizing the moment?
When I could be on it, writing this piece, making these keys spell my pain out for me and paint it on the page away on display for someone other person to see
I’ll finally be free of the ones I manage to see and capture and write and splatter across just right when I type
They matter if they get me out of this slump
Another bump on the road
Another moment to go

I’ll light up another cloud where I’ll sit until I’ve had enough
I’m not proud
But shit, I’ve had a rough day in my head
Fighting the regret I’m not dead yet
And there’s a lot ahead
It’s a long road to go
So I better pack up and know
That these drugs aren’t home
I’ll let go to let grow and I’ll know when
At least I hope I will then