What Do I Want You To Know?

The relationship between a mother and a daughter is complicated. The death of a daughter's mother, even more so.

————

If I could be there with you what would I say?

Is there one thing I’d want you to know?

From all of the words which the language provides

Which ones would express it just so?

After all of these years, and the dances we’ve done

Have we found any healing truth?

Which steps have we changed, what tunes have we learned

Since the two stepping days of my youth?

When I was a child, you were my hero;

The perfection after which I longed.

When that mask finally slipped, I was amazed.

And somehow felt terribly wronged.

I had tried to be you, now even you were not you,

So who in the world could I be?

I was never forewarned and never prepared

For the disappointment that ambushed me.

In the middle years I felt responsible for you.

For blocking and diverting your pain.

I thought the sadness you had endured

Was much more than you could sustain.

Life never seemed to hold promise for you.

It seemed broken and pointless and bare.

Murky with secrets and demons and pain,

With unfulfilled needs you couldn’t declare.

The last several years I've searched for myself

And my identity wrapped up in you.

Pushing and poking, pleading and prodding

Through the mystery of half revealed clues.

And now, at the end, as I think of your life

And would give anything to just hold your hand,

As I feel you slip slowly away from this world

Amid pain I can just barely stand,

What would I say if I were there with you?

What’s the one thing I want you to know?

That I love you wholly, I honor you completely, 

And I understand that you must go.

By Linda Troxell

From: United States

Website: https://www.humblyseekingthelordblog.wordpress.com

Instagram: humblyseekingthelord