To Dream A Life Part 2 The Voices Within

A poetic piece of a nonfiction poem dealing with psychological/mental trauma.

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What are these voices I hear that are always in my head? Voices that never go away, voices that are here to stay... They are not figments of imagination. I have heard them before, but only in my sleep. As the years progressed, I would hear them more even while I was awake. The Voices are real, but not really in my head. I hear them all the time now no matter where I go or what I am doing. They are never silent. They are always talking. They used to be good like in all my dreams,  only hearing them while I sleep.

Everything changed throughout the years, like a twist of fate tormenting me with living nightmares while awake. The voices I would hear even throughout the day. There is no escape and nowhere to run. No matter where I go they always follow, never ceasing their torment, always making me suffer. Distance doesn't matter, nor time or space. There is nowhere to hide in this desolate world. There is no peace from this invisible force.

My life is haunted by past memories good and bad. One mistake they will not forgive, wanting me to change, but from what exactly do they want? I spent years trying to get over the past, but the voices just won't let go. I have moved on to try and better my life, but that in their eyes is still not good enough. I know in my heart of what I felt, but obviously it was a mistake with a price paid well. Even then, the voices still won't let go.

Day after day, year after year goes by with the same old tiring broken record type talk. Always accusing me of things done or not, disrespecting me in any way they can. Always watching everything I do and talking about it to one another like I am not there. They are always criticizing and putting me down. They hardly have anything nice to say. I always get blamed whether something is my fault or not. They never own up to their wrong-doings and try to fix their ways. I'm just their scape goat, their little toy all because they have nothing better to do with their lives except to make mine a living hell. They think it's fun and get their kicks by ruining someone, even if it is only me.

I am tired of all the lies and the mind games they play. I have been nothing but honest with them and they throw everything back in my face. Threatening me and my family if I don't take someone back only pushes me away further because I won't take someone like that. They always tell me mean and hurtful things, but I will not give in to their meager, cruel ways. No matter how much they throw against me, I will not yield, I will not tolerate any more pain. My heart and soul has been torn to shreds with no more love to ever give. 

I am at the point of giving up completely, but then again, why should I let them win? They would just do to others what they have done to me. I couldn't bear the thought of someone else getting hurt because I was too selfish to prevent someone else's pain. I will always have to deal with the voices within.

By Traci L. Ford

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