Grey Thoughts

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His Struggle

His struggle is a small insight to the mindset of a father in a custody battle.

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Dreams? Nightmares? How do I find the balance. What is the difference? How do I try and help myself at night time from having the same gut wrenching dream of the people who are sadly no longer living? My loved ones who I looked up to when I was just a energetic, enthusiastic loved filled little boy in the 90's.

My sweat filled sleepless nights. The ones that feel like sleep paralysis when you awaken from the carnage in your head. Then falling back in to the same dream, which rarely happens. You thought and hoped you would save yourself by wakening up.

I see them again. Not the ones that are not with us, the ones who are at the beginning of their little journey in life. The vital years. It's the ones who are part of me who I fight every day to get to see. I see them in my dreams. I cuddle them in my dreams. I will not give up.

Everyday the missing part of me is a heavy burden on my soul. Why does this process take so long? Why do they get to call all the shots? This is inequality and a dangerous game of life.

It's not only me feeling this right now, you are NOT Alone. It's devastated life's, shattered mental health. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Never give up.

Be patient in yourself. Believe in yourself. Be true to them and true to yourself.

By Jordan Howat

From: United Kingdom

Twitter: Jordanhowat