Why do we think passion more true than commitment?

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His hand reached out to hers. She takes his hand. They walk together in committed love for the rest of their lives - hand-in-hand - a double troth of two souls made one. Marriage as it ought to be but too seldom is.

Too often what ought to be fades into resigned neglect.

How often we fail because we don’t really try. Even those who do try may be doing it wrong. Passionate love is hot; life is long; cooling inevitable. The fire of passion sometimes lasts for years, but flame eventually ends in embers. The heat from those embers must be thoughtfully tended and coaxed into the controlled warmth of attentive loving devotion.

Mature love can last a lifetime.

Why do we think passion more true than commitment?

It wasn’t always so. For most of human existence passionate love was thought foolish. A disease of hot blood overcoming reason - with predictable tragic outcome. Better to wed someone who could most likely give you home, family, and security. Love would surely come with time. If it didn’t, then at least you were comfortably well off.

Such ideas are still around, but over the centuries they have been slowly supplanted by the glamour of romance. The word glamour originally meant bewitchment. What better word to explain True Love.

From Helen of Troy to Antony and Cleopatra to Lancelot and Guinevere to Tristan and Iseult to Romeo and Juliet, right up to the latest film of star-crossed lovers, we have been persuaded only passion defines True Love.

If it ends tragically; that’s the price that must be paid.

It may seem I’m opposed to romantic love. I’m not. It’s glorious when it happens, more glorious when it’s sustained. Rarity alone makes it wonderful. It’s like winning the lottery. Not too many people win the lottery. Chances are better at being hit by lightning. That doesn’t stop the dreamers. Time after time they fretter away their money trying. Oh well! Maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after.

Maybe time and effort, along with money, could be put to better use. Maybe think again about that really nice someone you like a lot but aren’t in love with. Are you sure? Desire is commonly mistaken for love. Affection is commonly mistaken as not-love, not the real thing.

No! No! I’m holding-out for my soul-mate, my one true love. The one I was meant to be with forever. I’ll know who it is when my heart beats faster. When my body thrills with longing. When I can think of no one else.

Well enough - that it is the ideal.

On the other hand . . .

I think of a very old couple I saw on TV. They were celebrating their eightieth wedding anniversary. They were sitting close, holding hands, smiling, and looking with obvious deep devotion into each other’s eyes.

They were in love.

The TV announcer revealed their marriage had been arranged when they were children.

It might have been otherwise. They might have had a sizzling love affair that led inexorably to star-destined marriage. That happens, too.

Either way, it should happen more often.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Je t’aime.

By K. L. Shipley

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