My name is Suzanne and I grew up in Islington during the 1970s. when most parents would spend their time in the pub, dragging their kids along and sitting them outside with a bottle of coke and a bag of crisps. They would tell you to behave, then they would emerge five hours later and you had to try and drag them home. I was also no stranger to mental abuse and domestic violence. In fact, I had forty odd years of it.

My Father never attended anything I ever did, be it a school gala or sports day. He always did his best to put me down and make me feel completely and utterly worthless. This continued in to adulthood. But it‘s only after forty plus years and the fact that he’s now dead that I’m able to talk about it.

I had a really good relationship with my Mother. She was my best friend and supported everything I did. She even helped out in my local school and assisted children with their reading. I remember, years later, how proud she was when I became an air-hostess. She couldn’t wait to tell the neighbours; the dog was pleased; he had never had so many walks in his life.

As I got older, I attended a well-known drama class in Islington called the Anna Scher Theatre, where I was told I had to write and perform a play. I called it A Fool’s Circle. It went down really well and I enjoyed the moment, but after that, I threw it in a drawer in my bedroom and forgot about it.

It wasn’t until several years later that I found it again, and thought it would make a good short film, so I began writing a script! This turned into a feature film script, - as I started adding more characters along the way. I could see them coming to life every time I opened my laptop.

Excited, I was desperate to get a film trailer made, which I knew was going to be difficult. I mean, I had never done anything like this before. I was a single mother of an eight-year-old daughter and in-between that, I was a part-time carer for my Mother. I was also bloody skint!

Determined, I contacted a few actor friends of mine. I managed to get a sound crew and a cameraman and even had my local supermarket supply all the food for the shoot. Also, my local council got involved, lending me their offices for the internal police scenes. It was like a dream come true. My mother—being my biggest supporter—helped me so much, until everything came crashing down.

My mother went into hospital for an operation. She remained there for the next two years and then died before she saw the finished trailer. I was absolutely devastated when she passed away. My health took a really bad hit; I got severe arthritis in both knees and in the spine, and was diagnosed with hemiplegic migraines along with PTSD. All my emotions seemed to rise to the surface. On top of everything else I was broke and on the verge of losing my home as I was unable to pay the rent- I even had to take my daughter with me to food banks. It was horrendous. That Christmas was awful, as I was unable to buy my daughter any presents. I felt like such a terrible mother. The guilt really gets to you!

I knew then that; I wouldn’t be able to go ahead and make a full-length feature film. I was deflated, broke and unwell. I spent the next six months going to one hospital appointment or another and had no support network at all. I didn’t even know my neighbours - not through lack of trying but because they are pretty much professional people, with good jobs and no kids or pets.

All I kept seeing was my mother’s face when she took her last breath - kept me up night after night. Sometimes I would remember her sitting in the living room, in a chair, with another one of Catherine Cookson’s bestsellers in her lap. She lived Catherine Cookson. In fact, I think she read everyone of her books. She then moved on to Martina Cole, who she absolutely adored! She had always told me that she wanted to write a book and that, it was her dream. That’s when it hit me!

It was there and then, through my grief, that I knew I was going to turn my script into a book as a tribute to my mother. Determined, I contacted an author I had befriended on Facebook:-Ken Scott. I sent him a copy of my script and he told me it was great, but that writing a book wasn’t going to be easy. I listened to his advice and spoke to him loads via Skype. In fact, I probably drove him around the twist! It took me two years to write the book and I’m so glad I did as now I’ve got it published. I had never written a book before. If I can do it, so can anyone! If only my English teacher could see me now and not outside the school gates, choking on a cigarette!

My mum never got to achieve her lifelong wish to write a book. But I’m so happy I could do that one last thing, for her. I dedicated the book to my mother and my lovely daughter Poppy.

By Suzanne Seddon

From: United Kingdom

Website: https://www.wallacepublishing.co.uk/suzanne-seddon.html

Instagram: @suzseddon

Twitter: @suzseddon

Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/afoolscircle