What kind of Psychological diagnosis is that for a Psychologist to lay on a client? It's not like I don't have enough shit to deal with. Now I'll have this to think about and haunt me.

"You don't use drugs to kill the pain Santiago you use drugs to feel the pain. It's a self-destructive mechanism that you employ to suppress traumatic experiences from your past.

Your addiction isn't actually to drugs, you use them as a way to punish yourself."

I wanted to tell her the diagnosis was a complete fable fabricated by her imagination but then a lengthy lecture would ensue.

I use (at times maybe abuse) drugs because I like getting high. There's no underlying cause to what she considers as deviant or psychobabble behavior.

"Santiago have you heard anything I've said? Do you have any comments or questions?"

"I do have a question. Where do you think a one legged person goes shopping for shoes? I mean are there shoe stores that sell a single shoe? Or do they have to purchase a pair and then they're stuck with a shoe that's useless? Possibly there's a support group that introduces them to another one legged person missing the opposite leg and they shop for shoes together. Which brings up another question concerning their taste in fashion. They would have to......"

"Santiago stop the nonsense! Do you think this is humorous? We're dealing with a serious situation here and I need you to participate and accept responsibility for your BiPolar Disorder and your addiction. Your mental illness must be controlled instead of succumbing to it's symptoms when it manifests. Do you understand? Have you enrolled in the court ordered Anger Management Class?"

"I went to register for the class but they informed me that I'd have to pay $250 to enroll. And that pissed me off and I became angry. Then on top of that crap the classes were scheduled on Saturday Nights for eight weeks and are four hours long. That just added to my anger and I figured that if just registering for the class caused me to become angry the class would prove to be ineffective. I said forget it and left before I turned into the Incredible Hulk. Don't you think it would constitute a conflict of interest for me to receive counseling from someone else? It could possibly result in a complete anxiety disorder. I thought that I might receive your expert psychotherapy during my sessions here to deal with my anger."

"You completely exhaust me, drain my energy. Have you always been a Vampire sucking the life out of everyone that attempts to assist and support you? So I'm afraid to ask but are you attending your NA and AA meetings? And they're free so don't use cost as an excuse."

"That's not very professional to degrade me and refer to me as a Vampire. If I wanted that kind of abuse I'd call my ex-wife, she calls me names that are much worse. And she doesn't charge me $75 an hour. It's free!"

"Your meetings Santiago?"

"I'm going to meetings but I've been asked not to return to two NA meetings because I ask members to go to the bar for a beer after. And AA doesn't appeal to me, I'm not a drunk. Getting inebriated on alcohol has never appealed to me. It's not what I consider an enjoyable high. I do appreciate a cold beer, a Scotch neat or the occasional glass of wine but drinking myself into a stupor isn't an activity to my liking. How about you? Do you like to drink?"

"I'll make you a deal Santi. You answer my questions seriously and honestly, then I'll let you ask me a question. How do you feel about that arrangement?"

"That's a deal. Come on pinky swear."

I hold out my pinky finger waiting for her to do the same. She interlocks her finger in mine looking somewhat embarrassed.

We release our holds and she looks down at her folder.

"That's enough for today the session is over. Let's schedule our next meeting for next Wednesday at 2:00 and I'll expect you to participate. Is that feasible to you? It's not on Saturday and it's only for an hour.

"Wonderful. You just asked me a question, now it's my turn."

"Next session we'll implement the tit for tat agreement. Let me write you a prescription for some more Klonopin and Depakote. Remember to go to the Lab for your blood work to check your Depakote level. Take care of yourself Santiago. Looking forward to seeing you next week."

"Actually tit for tat refers. .."

"Keep it clean Santiago!"

"It is. "Tit for Tat" means blow for blow or punch for punch. It's inception has been traced back to Charles Duke of Orleans, a Frenchman captured and held prisoner by the English. The definition somehow was changed to mean "this for that". So boxing gloves or question and answer session next week?"

"You're a library of knowledge, you never cease to amaze and astound me. Okay then this for that it is! Keep yourself safe and well. I worry about you at times."

She confides.

I wasn't convinced of her sincerity. Reached my car and did a large line of Cocaine. Ah now everything is back to normal.

By Judge Burdon

From: Costa Rica