This is a true event that made me think about past and future from a young age.

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As I awake on the morning of an event filled day, I hear the birds sing their songs as the Sun rises. I open the window to breathe in the cold, fresh air. I am proud, I was never one for getting up early this time last year no! I would sleep all day if I could. I had no motivation no inner desire to live if I am most honest. I used alcohol which never helped my state of mind. My focus was taking away the thoughts that ran rapidly round my head, terrorising and tormenting me. How do I overcome these thoughts and feeling? I don’t want to become a burden on people, I can’t commit to being cooperative as my depressed state of mind would not allow me conversation with Intent and integrity. I would lie to myself...and others. Being good was hard to be, in all honesty. I have been through shit all my life like many others in the world though I am fortunate to live in a country where I can make my future better than my past.

‘The past makes you who you are’ I remember this being said to me when I was around thirteen on a family holiday many years ago at Garelochhead. The adults had booked a big cottage for one of my aunties birthdays so uncles, aunties and my cousins where there. One night the adults a got drunk, as per, and I will never forget the discussions they were having about their pasts. Being family it was about who had the worst past, me, me, me kind of conversation. Without sounding sexist and being factually, it was all my aunties I can remember having the ‘this is you’re life’ night. When my auntie Julie said the past makes you who you are, I do not know what my wee brain replied ‘but the future can make you a different person’. I honestly do not know where I got this philosophical answer from at thirteen though It has stuck with me near twenty years later.

I may have heard it somewhere. The statement is true though don’t you think? No matter what is behind us, it’s what is in front of us that will make the difference in our life. We need to set goals in life, if we constantly look behind us we lose focus on the road ahead. That’s the mystery of life. Who are we to become, what lies ahead. The ‘what if’ of life. If I was an asshole to someone yesterday and it wasn’t their fault naturally I would like to make amends to them today, to make myself feel better. Though if someone was an asshole to me yesterday and they didn’t make amends today then my energy would be holding on to that feeling tomorrow.

We are human beings. We have emotional needs. Our brains are delicate though powerful and complex. It can be hard not to dwell on the past that’s where our memories lie and if you are anything like me, my brain keeps most of the bad memories. If I work hard to shape my future with happiness, love and kindness then I would be aiming to have more good than bad memories in the near future. The past does make us who we are that is a true statement. One small splash In the pond of life will ripple throughout the water. We need to make a conscious choice in deciding what is good for us and what is bad. Consuming drugs can become an addiction, but not taking drugs prevents you being an addict.

I suppose what I’m getting at is....do not let what happened yesterday prevent you doing you today. You are the master of you’re mind. It will take time if you do not see that yet. If you are still in yesterday’s thoughts today that is ok. Make today better for yourself so tomorrow you can be in a better place of mind. LOVE.

By Jordan Howat

From: United Kingdom

Twitter: JordanHowat