My Sweetest What’ll, my dearest angel,

 I wish the rain would come down smooth and slow, instead it’s just these buckets of sorrow. I refuse to edit myself as my tears fall and I say goodbye. You know more than anyone what the enslavement of my “Baggage” left me with. As I left the hospital I struggled to breath and speak with nothing more than a backpack and a plane ticket. I tried to play cool and I tried to avoid being seen.

Believe it or not I was once innocent, full of life and love. We were in the beginning happy and full of romance. When the walls were so thin and the world could hear us fucking and singing and strumming away! The Mexican landscape where we once danced in what was our crowded room that was full of art, instruments and full of you! My heart did love you but my big heart was beaten and torn to shame and ripped out of my chest and you left me at the worst time! Then again what better time than then? No matter how hard I tried and you know I tried many times but my Monster was right there. I put that Evil Spirit before everything! You, my son, my family, my friends! My deepest regrets are within that 3 year time span of my life.

I was so scared and worried because I knew this time I couldn’t stop the bleeding. No prayer, poem, or song would set our bones in place for a proper mending. No more kisses on your forehead before bed. My Spiritual Void was lacking God and so on that plane I let go of my monsters once and for all! Could this be it? Is this really over now? If I decide yes then yes it will be! I have rewrote this letter and have taken out the thing’s that make me cry every time I read it! I have decided to focus on the rose rather than the thorns! We both know what happened and we remember what we chose to in the times when idle had the best of me. I was so scared I’d be dead and gone before we mended. For through my recovery I have repaired and bettered many of those thing’s that I charred and scorched, nearly all of them except one. I just figured I’d “Let it be” until the end of times. What proper way to diagnose this remedy by fleeting, forgetting and running away! Life though doesn’t always work the way we wish it did. When we parted the words “I’m sorry” would never fulfill me of the void I left. Instead I figured to leave you alone and let you move on and grow just like I did. 

Year’s have gone by as I am still making my change and the pain has settled and the voids have lessened. The Angels watching over me are soaring close to me. This is a place where I feel at home and this is a place where I don’t feel lost. I keep the velvet slack tied back and the flower in your hair, P.E class as we laughed to rid the numbness, laying in a bed of ants in the yard. I hold the fantasy and the fire and the connection in the deepest parts of my heart. Passion and fire and burn. For where we once planted the tree is still instilled with green. The branches have taken root and are now as tall as me. That is where it will stay forever and ever until I lay! I haven’t seen that tree in a long time when I come back I am going to climb to the top and see the world! I hope you understand and accept my letter of apology and know that I was just simply in a bad place at the time but that is exactly how it was suppose to go! I truly meant it when I said that all I wanted was for you to be happy, with me or without me and I will love you forever my dearest What’ll!

So as I mend my past that is shattered glass and as I look to find the pieces to my puzzle fit just right. My void has lessened and I have found God and his Grace. I do know one thing though the year’s we had together through my addiction when I woke up sick and went into the bathroom and shoved substances in my veins as I was slowly killing myself. I remember I’d go back into the room and watch you sleep. For you were my only light in my darkness, I would probably be dead if you wasn’t there to hold my hand and pray for me cause for some reason seeing you there asleep just gave me comfort in my mess. I do not know what else to say I am in tears as my pen hits the paper. I love you, I do.

“For towards the end In my final bout, I finally found what life was about, through my scar’s I climbed to the top to see the world! I know I have done my best and I’ll leave my poems for when I rest”

By Michael Vegas Gialketsis

From: United States

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