Grey Thoughts

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Auld Lang Syne

A woman faces a terrible tragedy on Christmas Eve but within two hours she makes a decision that not only changes her life but thousands more.

————

The snow was falling hard and fast when Peter left work a few minutes early. Although he knew for days about the coming winter storm, it had completely slipped his mind when he rushed out the house late that morning. Having failed to wear a heavier jacket or bring any gloves, he found himself totally unprepared for the bitterly cold, gusting wind as he hurried across the parking lot to his car with key in hand.

Slipping in behind the wheel as quickly as possible, he immediately closed the door and started the engine. Huddling up tight to stay warm, Peter cupped his hands over his mouth and breathed into them to warm his fingers.

Glancing around the parking lot as his car rocked in the wind, he was thankful that there hadn't been much accumulation of snow on his vehicle or he would've been stuck outside cleaning it off in the freezing cold.

As he waited for the engine to heat up, he ran through his head the timeline of his journey home. Considering it was Christmas Eve, he hoped he might make it back before sunset, but between the approaching storm, heavy traffic and the extra stop he had to make along the way to pick up his four year old son from the babysitter, he was quite certain that wouldn't be the case.

Pressing a button on the dashboard, he turned on a small LCD screen which displayed a handful of options. Choosing to make a phone call, the options page then switched over to a contacts list. Pressing a microphone icon on the screen, he spoke one word loudly.

"Babysitter."

Suddenly the stereo lit up and the digital sound of a phone number being entered by the computer sounded over the speakers. As he waited for the phone to ring, Peter turned on the car's heater and bathed his hands in the soothing warm air which began to blow out of the vent.

"Hello?" Came a female voice.

"Hey, Michelle. It's Peter Danfield. Merry Christmas."

"Oh hey, Mr. Danfield. Merry Christmas to you too. Are you coming to pick up, Luke?"

"I'm in the car now. I should be at your house in about fifteen minutes. Can you have Luke ready to go by then? Because the weather's getting really bad out here and I'd like to get home before dark."

"Absolutely," Michelle assured. "Not a problem."

"I really appreciate that," he said as he turned the windshield wipers on. "Thank you."

"Be careful," she warned him. "I'll see you when you get here. Bye."

"Ok. Bye."

Mentally prepared for the adventure ahead, Peter strapped the seatbelt over him, turned the radio on and carefully drove away as the Christmas song,"Tender Tennessee Christmas" by Steve Wariner began to play.

---

Miles away, in a snow covered neighborhood of beautiful homes proudly decorated for the holidays, Mary Danfield was hard at work in the kitchen, happily singing Christmas tunes as she carefully iced a cake for their dessert. With dinner prepared for her family, gifts all wrapped and holiday music playing loudly throughout the house, she was in an especially good mood and in the Christmas spirit.

After circling around the house, double

checking her work, she decided to stop and take a moment to run upstairs and look in on the baby while waiting for her husband and son to return home. Leaning over the railing of the crib, she gazed down at Madison sound asleep on her back, sucking on a pacifier.

"Tomorrow's your first Christmas," she whispered to Maddy, cherishing the moment. Then with a smile, she pulled the blanky up to her daughter's shoulders, gently rubbed her head and added. "I love you, sweetheart."

Stepping out into the hallway, she took her cellphone from her back pocket and dialed up her husband as she started back down the stairs. Rounding the steps at the bottom, she walked through the living room, listening to the phone as it rang.

---

Across town, Peter was trying desperately to get home, but the storm was proving to be a formidable obstacle. With high winds creating damn near blizzard conditions and emergency crews unable to keep up with the rapid accumulation, the highway had become a frozen passageway with no discernible lanes, turning the otherwise short commute into one hell of a whiteknuckled, treacherous ride.

Having picked up his son a half hour earlier, the trip home from the babysitter normally took just twelve minutes, but as he made his way along I-18 at a top speed of 30mph, he came to the conclusion that all of his efforts up to now had been nothing more than an exercise in futility.

Now that it was dark outside and the weather had taken a turn for the worse, Peter had resigned himself to listening to Christmas music. Not only to ease his anxiety, but to entertain his four year old son as well. As he held on tight to the steering wheel, cautiously glancing around at his surroundings, Luke was in the back, oblivious to it all, happily belting out the holiday songs playing over the car's radio.

Just then, the music cut out and a ringing phone blasted over the speakers, momentarily startling Peter. Jerking on the wheel while in the middle of a turn, the car fishtailed for a few seconds before he finally wrest it back under control with a gasp. Pressing a button on the steering wheel, he answered the phone, then just as quickly, he lowered the volume with another button.

"Hello?"

"Babe," his wife answered. "Is everything alright?"

"Mommy!" Luke yelled out excitedly from the backseat.

---

Standing by the picture window, staring at the blizzard outside, Mary was visibly concerned, but the sound of her family's voices lifted her spirit.

"Hi, my angel!" She exclaimed to her son. "Mommy misses you."

Peter interrupted her.

"We're ok, babe," he assured her, "but it's an absolute a nightmare out here."

---

Peering through the slapping wipers, Peter struggled to keep his eyes on the road as the snow suddenly changed direction and fell into his windshield.

"At this rate," he spoke slowly..., trying hard to concentrate,"Luke and I won't be home for at least another twenty-five minutes."

Just then, Luke yelled out,"Daddy! Daddy!"

Glancing over his right shoulder to check on his son, Peter shouted,"What, son?! What is it?!"

Luke pointed at the windshield, kicking with excitement. "Truck!"

Snapping his head around, Peter turned just in time to see the oncoming headlights of a semi seconds before smashing head-on into their car.

---

Over her phone the horrific sounds of warping metal and shattering glass, mingled with the screams of her husband and son came through with crystal clarity. Ripping right through her until everything suddenly went silent.

As the song, 'A Holly Jolly Christmas' by Burl Ives began playing over the radio, the realization of what she'd just heard suddenly hit her, stealing her breath away. In that split second, as the phone slipped from her fingers, her blood turned to ice. Unable to stand, she fell to her knees, wailing in agony as her world disappeared around her.

---

Nearly ninety minutes later, Mary came stumbling in through the emergency room doors of the local hospital, virtually propped up by her father as he escorted her in from the blizzard raging outside. Still sobbing and barely able to breathe, her father led her over to the front counter, instantly catching the attention of both receptionists.

"Can I help you?" Asked the nearest woman to them.

"This is my daughter," he explained with tears in his eyes. "I'm her father. My son-in-law and grandson where in an accident on interstate I-18 about an hour and a half ago." He paused to wipe his eyes and sniffle. "We were told they were being brought here."

While attending to his daughter who could barely stand, he failed to notice the change on the women's faces as they silently glanced at one another. Without saying a word, the one at the other end of the counter picked up a phone and pressed a button.

Trying to buy herself some time, the woman in front of the older man started typing on a keyboard.

"Name?" She asked.

"Peter Danfield and their four year old son, Luke."

Taking her time putting in the information, she tried to prolong the inevitable, praying for the doors behind her to open up. After what seemed like an eternity, the doors finally opened and a surgeon came out from the back to meet the man and woman.

"Mrs. Danfield?" The doctor called out to them as he rounded the side of the counter. Mary and her father turned to face him.

"Yes."

He hesitated for a moment. What he had to say was never easy, especially with tonight being Christmas Eve. But this was his job and even now, lives hung in the balance.

"Mrs. Danfield," he began..., taking a deep breath. "I regret to inform you that your husband came in dead on arrival."

Following his words came an ear splitting scream from Mary as she slid down her father's legs, collapsing to the floor. Her father barely holding it together himself.

Still the doctor continued.

"And we did everything we could to save your son, Luke."

The wailing of a mother in excruciating pain was heart wrenching to all who beared witness to it in that room. And the sight of her father brought to his knees beside her, still trying to comfort his baby girl even as the news destroyed him too was no less moving.

Stepping closer to both of them, the doctor knelt down. What he had to do next was just as difficult as telling a family member that a loved one had died, but this time it was because it made him sound cold and uncaring, when in truth, time was of the upmost importance.

Bending his head down low, he softly said to the woman, "Mrs. Danfield..., I need to know your feeling concerning organ donation."

Sitting motionless on the hospital floor, with hair hanging in her face and tears falling from her eyes, time began to slow for Mary. Soon after, a mysterious darkness settled in around her, causing everything to slowly fade from view. As an unexplainable numbness crept over her, taking away all her pain, it brought with it a weightlessness that gently lifted her from what little she could still see and remember and the higher she got, the more distant that weeping woman became. Over time, the dream of what could have been, eventually melded with the reality of what never was, until all that was left, was the memory of another life from a long time ago.

---

As Mary awoke from her sleep, so did her sensations of perpetual pain and fatigue. The act of just simply waking up to her reality was something that she dreaded anymore. Day after day, for the last five months, she had been stuck in the Intensive Care Ward, waiting for a heart transplant. Totally bedridden and completely depended upon someone to feed her, bath her and change her diaper. Attached to monitors that endlessly beeped and connected to hoses to help her breath. Her only joy now was in knowing that very soon she would be seeing her husband and son again.

And she was ready to go.

Upon opening her eyes, Mary was greeted by the pleasant sight of her daughter, Maddy sleeping in a recliner chair beside her bed, just off to her left. The last remaining connection she had on this Earth to her husband and son was this beautiful girl right here and beneath the oxygen mask she was forced to wear, she smiled to herself.

Slowly. Weakly. She struggled to stretch out her left hand and touch her daughter on the shoulder. The tips of her fingers had barely touched Maddy when she suddenly opened her eyes and smiled. Getting right up, she stood and faced her mother.

"Are you ok, mom?"

Mary nodded. "Yes."

Helping her mother put her left arm back on the bed, Maddy was careful not to pull on any of the wires connected to her. "Do you want me to get a nurse?"

Her mother shook her head. Then she labored to ask, "How long?"

"How long?" Maddy repeated, trying to figure out what her mom was referring to, until it finally hit her. "How long have I been here? About two hours."

Mary shook her head. "Why?"

"Why...?" Maddy laughed. "Because there's no one else I'd rather spend Christmas Eve with than you."

With her right hand, Mary pulled her mask down below her chin and gulped. "Hun...," she spoke between deep, difficult breaths, "You're a fine, young... beautiful woman. ...With you're whole life... ahead of you. ...I want you... to go out... live your life. ...Find a boyfriend. ...Hang with... your friends. ...You don't need to... be here... hours a day... six days a week."

Maddy repositioned the chair and sat down on the edge of it so that she could face her mother and hold her hand. Gently placing the mask back on her face, she looked her in the eye.

"I don't know why you talk like this, mom," she sighed. "No one is more deserving of unconditional love than you." She kissed her mother's hand. "I know what today is. What it's the anniversary of. And I want you to know that I am thankful for all the sacrifices you've made to make Christmas a beautiful experience for me growing up. Even when I know it must've been killing you inside."

Mary smiled beneath her mask as tears welled up in her eyes and ran sideways down her face. For Maddy, the sight of her mom crying made her cry too and she kissed her mother on the hand again.

"You know, gram and pop will be here shortly to see you."

Just then two nurses entered the room, speaking to each other in a manner that sounded extremely important. As one nurse took care of everything on the right side of the bed, the other came around to the left side to do the same.

"Excuse me, honey," she politely ordered Maddy, " I need to get over there."

Maddy immediately jumped up and slid the chair directly back away from her mother, then stood and watched as both nurses went to work on getting her mom prepared to go mobile.

"What's going on?" Maddy nervously asked. Concerned by the fact that neither nurse was saying a word to her as they tucked her mother's hoses and wires to the sides of the bed.

"Today's the day," the same nurse told her. "We just got notified by Central that a matching doner heart is already airborne."

"Oh my God!" Maddy blurted out with excitement as she held one hand over her mouth to fight back her tears. "Can I kiss her goodbye?"

After pulling Mary's bed away from the wall and spinning it ninety degrees to the right to face the door, the lead nurse stopped. "Certainly," she told her. Maddy rushed over to her mother's side and leaned in close. Holding her hand, she looked her in eye and whispered, "Don't be scared mom."

Her mother smiled. "I'm not scared," she assured her daughter. "I'm ready for whatever the Lord has planned for me." Maddy kissed her mother on the hand.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you more."

Stepping back from the bed, Maddy held her breath. Crossing her arms to comfort herself, she pressed her right fist against her mouth, doing everything in her mortal power to hold back her tears. Standing helplessly in the doorway, she watched as the nurses wheeled her mother down the hall towards her unknown destiny.

---

Staring up at the ceiling panels on her way to the operating room, Mary counted the florescent lights as they went speeding by. Smiling beneath her mask, she rejoiced in the comfort of having absolutely no fear of what was about to happen. If dying was meant to be, she was ready to go.

As light and shadow repeatedly swept over her face, time once again began to slow down for her. Soon after, images of her husband and son started flashing through her mind. Memories of kissing her husband on their wedding day. Memories of giving birth to her son with her husband by her side. Memories of a life before everything changed.

The last thing she remembered before succumbing to the anesthesia was a mask being placed over her face as the surgical team prepared to put her under. When she finally awoke, she found herself no longer in the operating room, but walking alone in an endless sea of white for as far as the eye could see. Wading waist high in a heavy, swirling mist, Mary couldn't even feel anything beneath her feet. Just where she was or how she got there, she didn't know, only that there was something rather familiar about it that felt like home.

Standing motionless, not sure what to do next, a fatherly, disembodied voice softly called out her name from everywhere.

"Mary."

Having never heard a voice like that before, Mary thought she had imagined it. Until it called out to her again.

"Mary."

Realizing that it wasn't her imagination, she looked around, but saw no one.

"Hello!" She meekly answered.

The voice called out to her a third time, this time directly behind her. Spinning around, Mary was startled to see a long haired, bearded man dressed in robes standing right behind her. Instantly recognizing that she was standing in the presence of the SON OF GOD, she immediately dropped to her knees and bowed before HIM.

"My Lord," Mary humbly addressed HIM.

JESUS looked down upon her with HIS soft blue eyes, then without speaking a word, HE knelt down in front of her and rested HIS right hand on the back of her head. Comforting her spirit.

"Mary," HE softly said to her.

"My LORD," she replied, barely audible.

Removing HIS hand, HE answered her, ”Rise and see with your own eyes."

Rising up to her knees, she cautiously gazed upon HIS face. "Forgive me LORD," Mary begged.

"You were forgiven a long time ago," HE told her.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I want you to know that your tears and prayers have not gone unheard."

She began to cry as HE continued to administer to her. "I know you have been suffering for a very long time. But the mystery of all that you do not understand is just how much one life touches on another, and so too the cross that you carry. Everyone is a part of a larger picture. One that spans across space and time."

Although Mary listened, JESUS knew it was beyond her understanding.

"I know you are ready to leave this world, but there is still so much more that is required of you. In the end, your story will inspire millions, helping them to find their way back onto the path of righteousness."

Mary bowed her head.

Humbled.

Again JESUS placed HIS hand on her head and whispered to her, "Look and see."

Suddenly a child's laughter caught her attention. A sound she hadn't heard in twenty long years. Glancing to her left, she thought she was seeing things when she saw both her husband and son come walking out of the light and mist, hand in hand, still wearing the same clothes they wore on the day she last saw them.

"Look daddy!" Luke exclaimed. "It's mommy!"

Breaking free from his father's hand, Luke ran into his mother's arms and jumped on her. Grabbing him in the tightest bear hug, Mary screamed out in both delight and utter sadness as tears flowed from her eyes like they did the day it happened.

"I miss you!" She wailed as she kissed him all over his face.. "I miss you so very much!"

Luke struggled playfully in his mother's arms as his dad came walking up to them. As he neared, Mary stood up, holding her son in her arms. Wrapping his arms around her and Luke, he sniffed her hair and confessed, "Oh babe, I think about you all time."

"I love you, Peter," she fought to tell him through her tears.

"I love you, babe."

"It's been so lonely without you, both."

Trying to make his mother feel better, Luke shouted, "We watch you all the time mommy! Tell her daddy!"

Mary laughed while still crying, "You can still see me?"

"Every minute of the day, Luke and I are always with you," Peter told her. "You're never alone. You've never been."

"Sometimes it seems like I can still feel you both around me."

"Up here, babe, it's all about love. And the stronger that love is that you with another person while you're alive, the stronger that connection you will have with them after they've passed away."

Mary wrapped her free arm around her husband, gave him a kiss and then her son. Pulling them close to her, she rested her head on his right shoulder and closed her eyes..., lost in the moment.

"Well I love you both," she told them through many, many tears. "I love you both so very much." As she held them tight, a breeze gently blew across her face and through her hair. Miraculously drying her tears away.

"Mary."

Upon hearing the LORD calling her name,

Mary opened her eyes. It was then she realized that JESUS was standing before her and her family gone.

"It's time for you to go back now, Mary," HE told her. "Today your story begins to spread outward, changing the final destination of many around the world. For your sacrifice, you will no longer feel the heartache of having lost your family. Their love will now live on inside you..."

Pointing to her heart, he added,"Right here."

---

When Mary awoke, she found herself back in her room at the ICU. Although her vision was blurred, she could easily recognize the little sounds all around her and it was this sudden change in her surroundings that made her wonder if meeting JESUS had only been a dream.

For a moment, she wanted to cry, but this time something was different. Not only in her spirit, but also in her physical being. The pain that she had been suffering with on a daily basis was now gone and so too was her shortness of breath. Feeling better than she had in a very long time, she reached up with her right hand and removed the oxygen mask from her face. The loud whooshing of air from her mask immediately attracted the attention of Maddy and her parents.

In an instant, she found herself surrounded by the three most important people in her life,

crying hysterically and extremely happy to see her. Overwhelmed with emotion, Mary broke down into tears with them. By now, the blurry shadows moving around her had finally become the faces she knew and loved.

After several minutes, when everyone had finally calmed down, Dr. Bennett, the man who had performed her operation, walked into the room. Glancing at everyone as he passed them by with a smile, he stepped up to Mary's bed and asked, "Have you told her yet?"

"No," her father answered.

"Tell me what?" She asked.

Everyone quieted down to listen to the doctor tell Mary the unbelievable news. After

clearing his throat, he gently held Mary's left hand and preceded to tell the tale.

"Mary," he started, "in the rush to get you into the operating room, some information failed to transmit from the hospital that sent us your doner heart. We had assurances that it was a perfect match for you, so there were no concerns on our end, but when we ran our standard tests following a surgery like yours, we found your new heart just a little too perfect."

"So that's a good thing, right?" She asked.

"Yes," he sighed. "The better the match, the more successful the recovery. However, when we got the results back from your test, we found your doner heart to be a near genetic match to you."

A look of dumbfoundness crossed Mary's face, causing the doctor to continue. "About an hour ago, we finally got a hold of that delayed info from the other hospital and we immediately discovered that the doner of your heart had themselves been a recipient of a heart transplant twenty years ago as a child. Upon confirming this information with the other hospital, I can tell you with absolute certainty..., your new heart..., is that of your son, Luke."

Mary gasped in disbelief as her parents and daughter started crying again. Overcome with raw emotion, she struggled to speak.

"I... Have... Luke's... Heart?"

The doctor nodded.

"Your gift of life to a total stranger, on the day your son died..., has become a gift of life to you now."

Looking at the stethoscope hanging around the doctor's neck, she asked, "May I listen?"

"Certainly," he replied.

Taking it from him, she placed the tubes in her ears as the doctor carefully placed the bell near her incision. Catching her breath,

Mary closed her eyes and tuned out the world. As she listened to the beautiful thumping of her son's heart now beating in her chest, a distant memory surfaced.

Mary smiled.

By Michael Fright

From: United States

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