A love lost is a lesson learned

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First off, I love you! I always have and always will. I realize I might love a memory, a shadow in my mind, that may no longer exist. All these years that have passed have not been kind to me, I hope they have been to you. I see you have kids, and it looks like your happy, but I know that I am only seeing the surface. You are, and always were, more then you appeared to be.

I’m sorry I was not good enough, I’m sorry I didn’t try enough, I’m sorry I never expressed how I felt. I think I’m just sorry, for everything. The things I put you through, the things I said, did, or didn’t do that have hurt you. I was young, and I was stupid, but that does not excuse them. I can say that, I can say this all, but I knew, and to this day know better.

Some people say, saying sorry is a sign of weakness, move forward not back, do not dwell. I will always tell you I am sorry because you deserve to hear it and I mean it. I know I would not be who I am if it wasn’t for the past, our past. Even though I try not to think about us too much, most of it, are beautiful memories in my mind. That I cherish, and that I don’t ever want to let go of.

The years have not been kind to me as I said, but I see that you are just as beautiful as you were back when we were younger. I do not envy you, but I am sad I could not share myself with you the way you wanted back then, the way I wish I had. I’m sure there is a man in your life, even though I do not see one in the pictures. If not, I doubt that it could be me. I can want to be there for you, but I’m simply looking through a spyglass at the far shore, of an ocean that cannot, and should not be crossed.

I hope you remember me and smile. I hope there is still a little sparkle in your eyes. I remember when it left them, I remember the pain of watching it go away. I hope that after all this time, maybe a little of it has returned and you think of me and smile. I hope this is not too much to read. I hope there are not tears in your eyes, even happy ones. I do not wish to make you cry. I hope that the tears that we have shed through the years over one another are enough.

I try to be a better man these days. I try not to say too much, overreact, or argue with the ones I love. I try to hold onto and cherish the little things, the smiles, the simple gestures, the love my friends, and family give me. I know it’s not enough, but I just wanted you to know, I have always thought of you, and it brings smile to my face. All of this is too much I’m sure, but I just wanted you to know. Once again, I love you, and I always will.

An open letter,

Wil R. P. McCarthy

By Wil R. P. McCarthy

From: United States

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