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My Disease

A quote a friend told me, we're all suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids suicide isn't the answer

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It started with scrapes,

Just little things,

No one noticed not even I,

A little scratch here and there,

It started with sleepless nights,

It started with nightmares of my own demise,

Soon I fall under the knife,

Soon I forgot how to live,

One cut, just to see,

Was the pain truly that bad?

Do I regret it?

Was my dreams telling me to love the Scarlet within,

Blood is thicker than ink after all,

So I drew road mabs along my legs,

With a knife I paved the way,

Now I walk with mabs to the stars buried deep into my skin,

Silver stars aren't meant to shine,

Numb inside, an emotionless pain,

Sleep is all I need but nightmares shake me til I wake,

horror stories fill my pen,

Secret voices holding control,

We all have this darkness inside us,

After all,

But sometimes it breaks our lights and we fade,

Silver stars aren't meant to shine.

Like an addict I walk back,

I'm hooked on the up and all I need is one last cut,

That sting of a razor through my flesh,

The slow drip of blood,

Like an addict I know the harm but the sweet relief of darkness is all I need,

Just one more cut to scratch the itch on my old scars,

Just one last cut to set free the demons inside,

Like an addict,

Hooked on pain,

Hooked on darkness,

The numb pain of darkness,

The sweet sting of the knife,

It started without warning,

Now I'm fighting to survive my own mind,

It started again, and again,

This isn't the first time,

Nor the second,

Like an addict hooked on pain,

I've begged and pleaded,

I've cried and been defeated,

But I'll rise,

And rise again,

Bloodshed never broke me before,

So I'll wear my scars and take the pain,

Like a warrior on the battle ground,

Baring sword and shield,

Because the demons within are never what they seem,

Like an addict hooked on the up,

Someone say something,

Because days are dark and writing is hard,

Like an addict hooked on blood,

The only way out,

Is yet to be found,

So like a warrior on the battle ground,

I'll bare sword and shield,

And fight with everything I am,

Because scars aren't a weakness,

For God's sake its my Armer,

My shield,

My wall between bullet holes,

It started easy,

I never knew the cost,

Like a warrior I'm not backing down,

But like an addict hooked on pain,

I'll do it all again to feel the Up,

But never the downs,

The downs are tiering,

It eats at you,

Whispering the only way,

Telling you to cut,

It'll be ok,

Just cut deeper,

Cut longer,

Cut away the darkness,

Leaving road mabs to the stars,

But silver stars aren't meant to shine.