My Disease

A quote a friend told me, we're all suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids suicide isn't the answer


It started with scrapes,

Just little things,

No one noticed not even I,

A little scratch here and there,

It started with sleepless nights,

It started with nightmares of my own demise,

Soon I fall under the knife,

Soon I forgot how to live,

One cut, just to see,

Was the pain truly that bad?

Do I regret it?

Was my dreams telling me to love the Scarlet within,

Blood is thicker than ink after all,

So I drew road mabs along my legs,

With a knife I paved the way,

Now I walk with mabs to the stars buried deep into my skin,

Silver stars aren't meant to shine,

Numb inside, an emotionless pain,

Sleep is all I need but nightmares shake me til I wake,

horror stories fill my pen,

Secret voices holding control,

We all have this darkness inside us,

After all,

But sometimes it breaks our lights and we fade,

Silver stars aren't meant to shine.

Like an addict I walk back,

I'm hooked on the up and all I need is one last cut,

That sting of a razor through my flesh,

The slow drip of blood,

Like an addict I know the harm but the sweet relief of darkness is all I need,

Just one more cut to scratch the itch on my old scars,

Just one last cut to set free the demons inside,

Like an addict,

Hooked on pain,

Hooked on darkness,

The numb pain of darkness,

The sweet sting of the knife,

It started without warning,

Now I'm fighting to survive my own mind,

It started again, and again,

This isn't the first time,

Nor the second,

Like an addict hooked on pain,

I've begged and pleaded,

I've cried and been defeated,

But I'll rise,

And rise again,

Bloodshed never broke me before,

So I'll wear my scars and take the pain,

Like a warrior on the battle ground,

Baring sword and shield,

Because the demons within are never what they seem,

Like an addict hooked on the up,

Someone say something,

Because days are dark and writing is hard,

Like an addict hooked on blood,

The only way out,

Is yet to be found,

So like a warrior on the battle ground,

I'll bare sword and shield,

And fight with everything I am,

Because scars aren't a weakness,

For God's sake its my Armer,

My shield,

My wall between bullet holes,

It started easy,

I never knew the cost,

Like a warrior I'm not backing down,

But like an addict hooked on pain,

I'll do it all again to feel the Up,

But never the downs,

The downs are tiering,

It eats at you,

Whispering the only way,

Telling you to cut,

It'll be ok,

Just cut deeper,

Cut longer,

Cut away the darkness,

Leaving road mabs to the stars,

But silver stars aren't meant to shine.

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Brown Eyed Girl

I'm a brown eyed girl, used and abused, 
used to the lies and used to the pain,
Crying inside because outside doesn't matter,
Smiling because no one needs to know,
Telling lies of perfect lives,
Hiding the truth behind my eyes,
I am a brown eyed girl,
Hurt and torn,
I'll keep fighting, 
Because I know the pain,
From not being heard,
I am a brown eyed girl who bleeds alone.

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Silken Touch

What would you do?


…will you do if I told you, I'm dieing under pressure,

I'm drowning on thine air,

Would you try and save me?

Or would you watch me go?

If I die tonight will you care?

Will you cry?

Or will my loss make your life better?



Would you save me

Save me

If I cut too deep,

If the blood poured out,

Would you try to help?

Or would you smile as I fade into shadows?

Would you save me?

Save me,

This time,

I'm walking out,

What would you do if I told you,

I'm dieing under…

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Scarlett Rivers

A smile can hide more than just anger


This emotional wall between my head and my heart is growing ever tall,
I can't breath anymore I've lost more than I bargained for,
I've been trying to out live my past but it's starting to out live me, I'm unable to see why I fight,
It's bloodshed and war all around me, Tears stream down my face,
With a foggy mirror and almost no light,
I watch the knife slip down my face tracing lines of Scarlett pain,
Blood red lines run down my chest,
Echoes of hope lost in vain,
Deeper and deeper the life cuts, But the pain still isn't enough,
The words they hurt more than my blood,
Spilled onto white porcelain floors,
Secret voices they speak of deadly truths, Masked by years of lies,
Deeper into my skin the Scarlett lines have thinned,
My eyes are open but my brain is fading, The light fades by words too, 
The Scarlett rivers run dry.

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Life with voices in your head can suck, but writing down their conversations bring poetry.

With sorrow and pain,
Her mind drifts away,
For she can't see the beauty of her nature,
With voices in her head unable to process, 
Those never ending fights with unseen sights,
She stands alone with darkness at her side,
Below the surface trembling like a dog,
Her fear is unspoken words,
Never leaving her side but oh how she wishes, 
With regrets and regards she lifts her hear head up, 
With pain and confusion she pulls back her shoulder,
With strength and courage she walks,
Always listening to the voices inside her head, 
Never would she stop singing the songs inside her mind,
With a tired soul she wonders off,
Maybe tonight she'll sleep,
Maybe tonight she'll fade,
Maybe tonight is the last time,
Maybe tomorrow will be empty,
Maybe she'll give up, 
Cut away her scars,
Leave behind this mortal skin,
And walk with her ancestors.
Maybe she's tired, 
From listening to everyone,
But being told to sit quiet and pretty,
Not a sound but the voices in her head.

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Sweet Pain

…slowly makes me weep,
It aches and pains,
With hollow breath,
It slowly seeks,
It slowly breaths,
It cuts with mirrors,
It cuts with glass,
It slowly holds on,
It slowly let's go,
It slowly cuts open wounds of memories,
It slowly sinks into the bottom,
It slowly seeps back to…

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If They Ask

…ask you about me,
tell them I'm the girl that held you on the cold nights,
Warmed you on the inside,
Stood by you on the long days,
Turned the grey to blue on the rainy days, 
I'm the girl who loved you with her soul,
Her body and her mind, 
But I'm the girl you never loved back,
I was the…

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Personal Spaces

Personal places,
Mental spaces,
Forgotten nights,
And wide awake days,
It's a personal war,
With the voices in your head,
It's a mental struggle to free your pen,
Personal places,
Mental spaces,
Shadows bound by unforgotten rights,
Sweet stardust child take flight,
Shoot across the stars,
the across the sky,
Make the light,
Show your world that everything you are,
You are because of fate,
Sweet stardust child,
Rise beyond your dreams,
Bring back the world from the dark,
It's a personal war with hidden intentions,
It's a mental struggle with the hollow faces,
Personal places,
Mental spaces,
But these nights are all but forgotten.

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Just ramblings of a tired mind and philosophy.


Somedays I wonder why I can't let the words inside my 
Head onto paper, 
It's like there's a physical block that won't let my hand move,
Weird thing is,
I still have poem in my head, 
They just don't want to move,
They don't want to be seen,
Maybe they're afraid of the dark,
Or maybe they're just not ready yet,
Somedays I wonder why I got so quiet,
So stuck in my head,
So used to being alone and
So used to thinking rather than speaking,
If only I could write half the things I think God I would've been rich by now,
But I'm still just the girl writing words in her black leather book,
Words forever unseen but that's ok,
I don't need the money or the faim,
I just need some peace and time,
Just my books and some sleep,
God it's weird thinking about how much I've changed from the start to now.

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Masked Faces

A piece to remind you, not every one shows how tired they are, be it from sleep deprivation or mental illness.


Sleep deprived,
A tired soul,
Always speaking of her shadows,
Some how nothing helps release the tension,
Sleep deprived but still alive,
She slips from word to word,
A writer at heart,
Sinking into her mind she lays there,
On hard white paper,
Drowning in the ink as it spreads,
Midnight thoughts flow deeply,
Sinking to the bottom of her coffee cup,
Unlaced shoes sitting ready,
Ready for the run,
Ready for the day,
Masked faces all say,
What a beautiful day,
But none mean what their hallow words say,
Sleep deprived,
But ready and here to stay.

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Tired Child

Something I wrote when I was struggling with depression and anxiety, it's a darker piece if the meaning of it is clear.


She's tired,
She's always tired,
Somehow no one sees,
The battle inside her head,
She needs time but she can't control it,
Slowly it feels like her soul is slipping through the cracks and her mind is turning to ash,
Something so simple, so beautiful,
Yet her mind cannot find peace to except it,
Something her soul can't control and her mind can't expell,
It's clutches grab at her heart slowly turning it to black,
She's tired,
She's always so tired,
Looking for a way to slip away,
To slip from the darkness around her heart,
Because she can't take it anymore,
She's tired,
She's always so tired.

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Drugged Dreams

…whole week feels like a dream,

Like I'm stuck in some waking dream,

So many emotions and so many chances,

A fantasy of futures,

Many footsteps I've walked,

Along path walked at night,

Watching monsters run in the dark,

Seeing true colors shine through cracks in their masks,

Hollow crown sits tilted on their head,

Maybe now they'll see,

A dark path is a teaching path,

This week feels like a drug,

I'm high on hopes,

Unsure if I'll make it in this world,

Drowning in my head trying to escape the pain,

Fantasy trees ripe with fruit all right…

By Marina Vos

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…paths through my soul,

Voices of unknown people,

They all sound like hollow echoes,

Echoes from our haunted past and its mistakes,

I watch the darkness lay its paths out into my world and now,

Now I am afraid because this darkness belongs to those unseen,

Oh that sweet sound,

It's deep voice,

That calming embrace,

Slowing sinking into my blood,

Heating me up slowly bringing me to life,

I watched that darkness wash from my soul,

And sink down the drain,

A black liquid thick with pain,

It warms my heart,

My heart it almost beats,

Because this darkness…

By Marina Vos

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Dead Inside

…by the Eyes of the others,

Our mind devoirs our souls,

Slowly sinking,



No more light it fades away,

No more love it falls away,

No more time it ticks away,

No more blood it drains away,

Dead inside but with a smile,

Slowly bleeding words of beauty,

Slowly bleeding poetry,

From a hidden shadow deep within,

Pain courses through my veins,

Killing me slowly,

Killing me inside,

Slowly slinking from the path,

Normality nothing but a robot,

Normality nothing but a plan,

Normality a white sheet with the same marks…

By Marina Vos

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Sad Air

…in the air can you feel it?

Calling your name

Holding your hand

In the night

Waking you up then

Breaking you down

Taking your world

Turning it upside down.

All this depression in the air can you feel it?

Darkness in your mind

No one wants to see

Monsters in the night

Only you can touch

Numbness in your

Heart only you can feel

Broken tears on the inside

Screams running down

Your hollow soul.

All this depression in the air can you feel it?

Pulling at you

Holding the strings?

Slowly breaking apart

Your heart like

Blue flames…

By Marina Vos

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Hands of Fate

…light starts to fade,
My final words about to slip and I say,
Hold me now hands of Fate, guide me into the unknown,
Show me your grace,
Tell the ones I love that I'm always near,
Show them the peace of the unknown,
Laying here as the light begins to fade,
Holding on till my last breath won't someone see I'll be happy now,
I'll be at peace,
In the end, isn't it that, that makes sense?
Hold me now hands of Fate as my soul starts to
Depart from this earthly hell we call life,
Oh hold me…

By Marina Vos

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A Movie

…many words but so much pain,
Maybe some day it'll fade away,
This PTSD your words still ring,
This movie I'm watching holding deep within,
Oh sweet child let it go,
Watch it burn and watch it flow,
Out of hand,
Out of touch,
Your words still cut,
Like a movie on replay,
The tears and fears all still sting,
Maybe some day soon it'll end,
This PTSD from your hands,
The marks remain long after the bruise,
Long after the cut,
From your mouth I watched it flow,
A black liquid poison sinking in,
Your words promised love but…

By Marina Vos

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The Same Ghosts

…her heart be broken a thousand times by the same ghosts?

Because through the pain she bleeds words cut from stone,

Carved into the broken walls of her veins,

Her blood seeps through her pen,

Magical words hide a past,

More then just a shadow lay behind her,

But no one sees,

The knife that cuts is the words of the dead,

Hidden by there emptiness they act as if though they're sweet nothings,

Pain deep inside but she doesn't speak,

Because who will believe the words of the dead,

So few see the patterns and paintings carved slowly through…

By Marina Vos

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Halo and Horns

…and those pretty eyes never saw the real monster hidden behind those blonde curls, you saw a perfect women a perfect mother but never the one who let her children wonder, wonder if they'll survive another day alone from the one who used to hurt them so, a broken angel fallen so far found her true colors in the darkest days found her horns when she was needed most,

A father broken by years of work turns slowly into a baby girl’s worst nightmare as she tries, tries to protect her baby brother from the ones who she thought loved…

By Marina Vos

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Day Dream

…hours spent

Trying to fix the past

And its regrets.

Heartaches and headaches

From sleepless nights and

caffeine fuelled daydreams.

Broken. Shattered.

Pain from split memory's

Laying like shards on the ground.

Casting beautiful colors on the

Dark walls of a nighttime room.

Broken. Shattered.

Diamonds of the past

Ruby's of the future.

Ashes of forgotten pain

And fire of the present.

Broken. Shattered.

This child gave in

To the sleepless nights

And caffeine fuelled…

By Marina Vos

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