Neon Sea

Eyes and teeth, faintly visible reflecting jumping neon glow sticks and glow paint in a nearly pitch black room. The bass in the music vibrates alongside heartbeats and dancing colors. Intoxication fills everyone’s veins regardless of the form taken. Smoke clouds, dilated eyes, downers, uppers, injections, pills, tabs and drinks all show up to the party. The purple pills roll across my tongue and slide down my throat before a stranger’s hand grabs my own and we find ourselves in an intoxicated pretzel in a grey lifeless bathroom. No regrets exist when neon colored red cherry condoms come into play. Lights off, clothes off, wrists, ankles and neck wrapped in glow tubes so this faceless stranger can find what he searches for.

With a plan to fuck away all my insecurities, a tingling sensation overcomes my body during climax. I abandoned my unfinished stranger and proceed to drown my body in paint, to show myself in the darkness, to be someone new after a relieving release. A cold rush consumes my body, the pills are kicking in and I can’t control my movements. Rhythm consumes motion and dance leads my bones and muscles. Eyes closed as I jump, wiggle and dance on an invisible floor, levitating with the strangers around me. Enjoying the solitude of company. Enjoying the rush of the purple, the look of the neon and the feel of yet another stranger’s hands wrapped around my waist as they join my unguided dance.

They get closer, so I get closer. I feel their stomach rub against my back and I press harder against them. The warmth of their body over the cold of my own raises my heat and adrenaline. The way the hands migrate around my waist and down to my pelvic bone before pulling me in even closer comes off familiar. It comes off tasteful and calm. Nowhere near forceful, guidance comes into play and I feel safe, in control, no longer reckless. No longer am I in the thoughtless state the colorless, lifeless, regretless bathroom had.

My body in drowned and synced with this familiar touch, with the familiar lips that brush against, but do not kiss my neck. This stranger in complete control of their mind and body now has taken and given me control of my own. There’s excitement in my heart. All the neon lit nonsense fades with the exception of one red glow tube on his wrist, gently guiding me along our invisible floor.

Before I know it, I find myself outside, in the cold, but not cold, not alone. The single street light over us lights his tan face and dreads tied back and out of the way. Eyes like the abyss glance right to my soul. No words, just a kind careless smile at me. I can’t help but smile back. He knows what I did in the neon sea, and he has no judgement. He’s there, he’s always there, regardless of what I do, always there.

The ball drops, the years ends, and I hold his hand between both of us as we hear the collective screams of “Happy New Years!” from every home around us. From every party around us.

Four tires over a white frame remote start and we’re sheltered from the cold, not alone. Only the street matters now. Only he and I matter now. Faceless strangers are fun, but fun ends. Loving gentle hands without judgement last.

I plan to keep these hands.

By Amber Black